Death and Dying

Heavy stuff . . . but it's been a topic at our house frequently in recent months.  Why?  Well, Jackson found a tiny frog this summer and took excellent care of him for about 3 weeks.  Then, we decided to take our frog with us to Granna and Poppo's.  Turns out that frogs don't travel so well.  We aren't sure exactly what happened, but he started acting really odd and then died.  We suspect brain injury during the drive, but it's really just speculation.  Jackson was bummed, he really had been working hard to take care of his frog and he was so excited about it, but he moved on pretty quickly.  However, since the passing of our frog (Jumpy), death has been on the tips of many tiny tongues around here.

The kids ask all the time if people are going to die for various reasons.  Sometimes it's because someone is sick, sometimes it is for the most random reason ever and sometimes they just ask because . . .well, because they really don't understand it.  I've even listened to them play babies/doctor and pronounce that the babies are going to die because they are throwing up.  The funniest death reference has probably been from Gage.  Gage asked Granna this summer if she was going to die and she told him no.  Then she followed it up by saying that she goes to the gym to stay healthy.  Of course he now equates the gym with NOT dying.  He will randomly come up to me and say things like, "people go to the gym so people don't die" or "some old people die, but some go to the gym" or the best was when he prayed for "all the old people to go to the gym so they don't die."

This obsession with all things death and dying was not helped by the fact that Jackson recently came home from school with a homework assignment to make a fire safety plan.  Don't get me wrong, I think this was an excellent assignment.  Jackson is old enough to understand a simple plan for getting out of the house, running to a neighbor's and calling 911, BUT it caused some distress too.  The kids all listened and started worrying about fires, and getting hurt and dying, even though I was VERY careful never to mention death during our discussion.  Jackson became very upset and burst into tears because he does not want anyone in our family to be hurt in a fire.  He was very worried that his brothers and sisters are not big enough to get out of the house in a fire.  I won't go into it here, but we discussed the plan in detail to assure Jackson that mommy and daddy's job was to keep everyone safe, his job was to get out and call 911 to help.  It was an intense evening to say the least.

This is the part of parenting no one tells you about.  The part where you have to answer the tough life questions, the questions that you really have no answers for.  This is the part, where as a mother or father, it is your job to reassure and make your kids feel safe, but at the same time, you don't want to make empty promises like "that will never happen" because frankly "it" could happen.  You join the parenting thing for the smiles, giggles and snuggles but these are just the perks of the job.  The real job is preparing your children for life, both the good and the bad . . . answering inquisitive minds and trying to teach them that there is no need to fear because Jesus will take care of us, even when life takes a "wrong" turn.

Being the oldest and the only one who really "gets it" yet, Jackson has had some very emotional moments where he worries about dying.  For him, this started about 2 years ago, though I think it has been more prevalent in the last year.  My last grandmother died 2 years ago.  While I really don't think Jackson has concrete memories of her, he does remember her and he does remember when she died.  This was his first real experience with a person dying at an age where he could remember it happening.  This was my mom's mom and she had chosen to go by the name "Big Mama" with her Great Grandkids (if you had known her, you would understand ;-)  Over the last year, Jackson has had quite a few nights when he becomes very emotional and sobs because he misses Big Mama.  He has a pillow and a quilt that she made for him in his room and he will lay in his bed, clutching the pillow to his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.  It is heartbreaking!  It doesn't happen too often, but it is hard to watch when it does.

While his tears are for Big Mama, they are also out of fear for everyone else in his life that might die and leave him.  He is scared of losing his grandparents, his siblings, his parents and of course dying himself.  He won't often directly verbalize this, but it is obvious through his actions and what he does say.  We had one of these nights tonight and I asked him if he was worried about someone else.  He said he didn't want to talk about it, but finally pointed his finger at me.  I know he also recently had a dream about "something really bad happening to daddy."  He didn't want to talk about that either, but again, I'm pretty sure it was death.  He was so upset tonight and then even started worrying again about a fire and what if his special pillow from Big Mama burned up.

What do you do when an (almost) 7 year old can't calm down because he is scared you are going to die?  It's tough.  I can't tell him I won't die because that is just a bold face lie.  I can't tell him I will die someday, because that just opens up a line of questioning that I'm not prepared for and most likely more sobbing.  Soooo, I went with an attempt to explain that our soul never dies and that Big Mama is not really dead, but waiting for us in Heaven and that Jesus does not want us to be afraid.  This does not really satisfy, because he immediately wants to see her "now", but it's the best I can do.  After the explanation, I prayed with him.  I prayed for the Holy Spirit to give him peace, for Jackson to feel the love of Jesus and for him to be able to rest without fear, because Jesus would always take care of us in good times and in bad.  By the time I finished praying, Jackson had calmed some, but was still crying pretty hard.  He asked me to take him to the living room and rock him, so we did.

This brings me to what really made me start writing this evening (I know, I took the long road to get here).  As I rocked him, I was transported back in time.  I remember going through this same thing as a child.  I don't know exactly how old I was, but pretty close to Jackson's age because it was when we still lived in Georgia so I was 3rd grade or younger.  I remember being terrified of dying.  I would start thinking about it while laying in my bed at night and I would become inconsolable.  I don't remember what brought it on, but I do remember repeating over and over, "I don't want to die."  I would go out to the living room in tears and tell my mom that I was scared of dying and do you know what she did every time. . . she rocked me.  I'm sure she talked to me, there is a vague sense of soothing words in my memory, I do not recall what the words were, but I do vividly remember being held close and rocking.

This is one of the only vivid memories that I have of being held by my mom.  Don't get me wrong, I know that she held me many, many other times, but these occasions are the ones that I REALLY remember.  I don't know about other people, but I have general memories of childhood that are almost dreamlike, except I know that they really did happen . . . and then I have these random very specific memories.  This is one of those specific memories.  What is the significance?  I don't really know, but I am glad I remember, because as I sat rocking my sweet little boy, it gave me comfort to know that even though his fear breaks my heart right now, one day he may look back and remember the peace, security and love of his mother as she rocked him and tried to reassure him that every thing really would be okay . . . even when it's not okay.  Thank you mom for this memory and for teaching me how to soothe a small person who depends on me to give him the answers to all of the world's toughest questions and problems.  I don't have all the answers, but I do have two arms to wrap around him and the perfect rocking chair.

The Candy Corn Caper

We have a mystery on our hands . . . there is a Candy Corn Bandit loose at Jackson's school!  Jackson came home a couple of weeks ago and told me that candy corns were stolen from every classroom in the school!  He was very excited!  He told me that they went on a hunt for the bandit, but much to his disappointment, the bandit eluded them.  I really can't do this story justice, except to just give a play by play of my conversation with Jackson, so . . .

Jackson: There is a Candy Corn Bandit taking candy from the classrooms.  He took ours today
Mommy: Really!  Wow!
Jackson: The teacher says we can build a trap and bring it to school if we want, but we don't have to.
Mommy:  So, she asked you guys to make a trap?
Jackson: No, we went on a hunt for the Candy Corn Bandit, but we didn't catch him, so I asked if I could make a trap and bring it to school.
Mommy: Soooo, this was your idea?! (With an amused smile on my lips)
Jackson: Yeah, I drew a picture of the trap today, see!  (As he proudly displays his blueprint) . . . I'm gonna need a box.

I took several pictures of him with his blueprint, but . . . well I don't think this choice needs explanation.

Mommy: Ok.  How big are we thinking this Candy Corn Bandit is?  Like, elf sized?
Jackson: No, I think it's a person.
Mommy: (with some hesitation) Sooooo, you need a man-sized box?!
Jackson: Yes.  Well, it might be a kid, but I'm going to need a big box.
Mommy: How about we clarify with your teacher how big she thinks this bandit is and then we'll build the trap this weekend.

I was cracking up on the inside during this entire conversation!  I love that he was so excited about this and I love that he planned it out.  We asked his teacher the next morning what her thoughts on the bandit's size were.  She agreed that the bandit was about elf-sized and she was just as enthused a I was to let Jackson follow through on his plan and set up his trap in the classroom on Monday morning.  I love that his teacher was supportive of this endeavor to allow my child to learn in a way that is meaningful to him!

So, after school on Friday, we headed for Hobby Lobby.  Jackson had planned a pretty basic trap.  He wanted a box to fall on the Bandit when triggered, but he needed help with some of the details, like how to hang it from the ceiling of the classroom.  I told him I would help him figure that part out.  His classroom has the ceiling tiles that will push up, so I suggested an over the door wreath hanger to hang from the ceiling and run the string through.

With supplies in hand, we started working on the trap.  I made Jackson figure out how to make the trap.  I helped, but he had to give me instructions and he had to help me figure out how to change things when they didn't work.  We went through a couple of different scenarios to find a way to weight the box and set the trap, but finally SUCCESS!  We caught Jackson in it a couple of times!

Jackson asked me to get in the box to see if a "big person" would fit.

It wouldn't capture a "big person," but Jackson fits!  . . . Then everyone had to try it

Gage

Kynlee

Jackson and Gage (this picture cracks me up every time)

Brooklyn

Westin

Now to start the trap making.  Jackson marked where he wanted his holes and how many he wanted.  He tried several tools to make holes, but ended up with a hammer and screw driver.  In my opinion, the hammer was overkill, but who am I to get between a boy and his tools!

Stringing twine through the holes

The box is ready and everyone is so excited!

Now to create a weight.  Candy corns were not heavy enough, so this was Jackson's second attempt.

We finished it off with candy corns as bait.

This did not work . . . still not heavy enough.

Next step, a bigger container and a hand weight.  We cover it with LOTS of candy corn.  Good think I bought the big bag!

Success!!  The trap is set . . . but will it catch a thief?

YES!  Yes it will!  Action shot of box falling on Jackson as he "steals" the candy corn!

With the trap ready, we got EVERYONE up early Monday morning so we could get to school before the first bell and set up the trap for the Candy Corn Bandit.

Trap is all set up in Jackson's classroom!

Did it work?  Well, the bandit tripped the trap, but he managed to get away, but not before he left some footprints, orange sparkles and scattered some Candy Corns making a mess in the classroom.  Jackson came home very excited, but his immediate response, "The footprints were very small.  I need to build a smaller trap!"

We didn't end up building a smaller trap, but Jackson did set some traps in his room at home and left a note for the bandit requesting a note in return.  He was thrilled when he received a note!

Do you see the string across the open door?  There is also some Candy Corn bait on the night stand.

Sweet boy sleeping soundly and waiting for a note from the Candy Corn Bandit!

The Candy Corn bandit gave us several days of fun and gave Jackson an opportunity to be creative and learn from the fun!  He is convinced that the Bandit is a large Candy Corn with arms and legs.  He still wants to catch him and eat him!  We enjoyed every second of this experiment!  We are so blessed to have such a fun teacher who encourages her students to get creative and test their ideas!

How It All Began

Today (Oct 7, 2014) I had one of those nostalgic moments where you look around and realize that life has come full circle in a wonderful way.  I took the kids to their favorite park.  It's not anything super special.  It's one of those big wooden parks that you see everywhere, really fun, but pretty typical, except that this particular park has played a huge roll in our life.

I was following Westin at his request as he weaved in and out of all the different structures.  He was having such a great time and the other kids had found some new friends to play hide and seek with.  As we walked into the park today I noticed the sign that said: EST 2002 and as I walked around, I was transported back in time.  Why is this park so important?  Well, this park was where Clint and I had our very first date almost exactly 12 years ago (Oct 12, 2002).  No, we didn't go to a park filled with kids and steal the swings . . . we helped build it.  You see, Clint and I met in 2002 and at the time, this park was under construction.  It's one of those parks that was built by the community with donations from the community and it has beams with names of donors everywhere.  I really wanted to go build it, so I invited Clint to come with me.  We went with several of my friends and worked for several hours, then went to dinner with another couple.  One year later, we returned for a picnic dinner date.  And then later, we returned with Jackson, we let him play, then we walked around looking at some of the names on the beams, this was when we came across the name Westin and said that if we ever had another son, that is what we would name him (everyone thought Jackson was named for me, which he is not, but we figured we should name a kid for Clint, whose middle name is Wes and we really liked Westin when we saw it).  And now  . . . 12 year later, here we are, married 10 years and bringing our 5 wonderful children to play at the park where it all started.

As I wandered around, I found myself smiling and reminiscing in that obnoxious sappy movie kind of way.  The playground hasn't changed much over time.  It's older and a little weathered, it has some areas that need to be worked on, but it is essentially the same . . . still fun, still strong and still filled with joy.  I think we are kind of like this playground where it all started.  We have definitely aged and weathered over the last twelve years and the five kids have surely contributed to this.  Like any married couple, we have some areas that we need to work on (there's always room for improvement) . . . but we are essentially the same.  We are strong, we are happy, joyful and still very much in love.  We chose well 12 years ago.  We were lucky to find in each other, someone to weather storms with, someone to share joy with and someone to celebrate life with.  I thank God for that park, it gave me a reason to spend some time with a man I wanted to get to know better and the courage to ask him (since he was not making any bold moves ;-)

Lost and Found

That moment of panic.  You realize you have lost something important, something vital, something that you cannot function without . . . your son's Blankee (yes, it is capitalized, it is that important)!  Don't laugh, if you have never had a child with a Blankee, you don't really understand.

I remember being one of you.  I saw kids with their Blankee or heard mom's talk about the attachment and all I could picture was Linus from Charlie Brown and I just never understood the draw to a piece of fabric.  I mean, I understood pacifiers, the sucking is soothing to a little person; bottles, they provide food; stuffed animals are snugly; thumbs, well those are like a pacifier you can't lose; but the Blankee.  What is with the Blankee?!  Then I had Gage.  Sweet, sweet Gage who is so VERY attached to his Blankee.

It turns out that the draw of the Blankee is in it's versatility.  Most are very soft which makes them quite snugly (Gage's has the most awesome fuzzy, soft fabric ever), if you are cold you can cover up with it, if you want to block the world out you just put it over your face (this function can be used to help you go to sleep or if you are generally mad at the world and want to pretend that no one else exists), you can throw it over your head and pretend to be a ghost, you can play with a corner or tag while you fall asleep (the way some kids play with their hair), it can be a cape . . . the list goes on.

These days, Gage primarily only needs his Blankee when he is tired or when he gets really mad/upset.  He taps the "big" corner of his Blankee against his upper lip or repeatedly taps the "big" corner with his index finger while sucking the two middle fingers of his left hand.  This can calm him down or help him go to sleep within seconds.  Now, I am aware that he needs to quit sucking his fingers, but it's just not a battle I can fight right now.  Spend just a few minutes in my home and you will know why.

Gage is awesome!  He is a great kid who is funny, silly, goofy and playful, but also very serious, very particular and very emotional.  Gage can go from laughing to crying in under a second.  It does not take much to set him off either, like the dent in his yogurt cup today (did I mention he was particular . . . maybe more like bordering on OCD).  It is getting better as he gets older and he becomes ever so slightly more reasonable, but it can still strike like lightening out of thin air and that's where the Blankee and the fingers come into play.  He may go off like a bomb, but he calms just as quickly as he explodes as long as he has his vices!  With preschool tempers flying left and right around here, we don't snub our nose at anything that helps calm a kid down quickly!

Today, Gage was fine without his Blankee and then 1:30 hit.  We were having lunch with Daddy and he was getting kind of emotional.  The kids don't take naps anymore, because they don't go to bed if they do, but they still have a little mid-afternoon period when I can tell that their body is not sure if it can go on without a nap.  This mid-afternoon mood is probably the most obvious in Gage, he is usually the first one asleep at night and he usually spends 30-45 minutes in the afternoon sitting quietly alone with his Blankee.  By the time we got home at 2:00 he was desperate to find his Blankee and sit on the recliner for a few minutes of quiet time.  Unfortunately, his Blankee was nowhere to be found.

When he first came to me and said he couldn't find his Blankee, I wasn't concerned.  I knew he had had it this morning and I knew it had not left the house, plus I was really doubting that he had made much effort to look for it.  I sent him on his way and told him to look harder.  Well, he did and he still came up empty handed . . . so I started looking.  I looked in all the usual spots, NO BLANKEE!  I started looking in some of the more creative hiding places the kids use, NO BLANKEE!  I even checked the car, despite the fact that I knew it had not been in the car, NO BLANKEE!  I was beginning to panic and Gage was in full blown crisis mode.  We had to leave to get Jackson from school and take him to a Lego Robotics class (sounds cool huh).  As we were leaving I told myself that I would probably find it as soon as we got home, it was probably somewhere obvious and I would laugh at myself for not looking there in the first place.

Mercifully, Gage fell asleep on the way to pick up Jackson.  He ended up sleeping for over an hour in the car while Jackson was at his class (actually they all fell asleep, we usually play at the park while Jackson is in class, but not today).  When we got home, Gage had gotten enough rest, that he was recharged and didn't need his Blankee, but I knew it was only a matter of time!  I also knew that Gage would accept no substitutes because just yesterday while I was washing his Blankee, he was constantly asking for it because he needed his quiet time.  He even went as far as to ask for Westin's Blankee (all my kids have one, Gage is just the only one with a significant attachment).  I dug out Westin's Blankee and Gage found a corner and put his fingers in his mouth.  About two seconds later, he threw the Blankee down and exclaimed, "This corner doesn't work, it doesn't feel right!"

I asked Jackson and the other kids to look for the Blankee . . . again, we came up empty handed.  I asked each of them if they had touched, played with or hidden the Blankee (they all know that touching the Blankee is the quickest way to get to Gage and they use it sometimes).  I was most interested in Brooklyn's answer to this line of questioning, afterall, she is typically at the top of the suspect list.  She actually confessed.  She said she had hidden it, but couldn't really tell us where.  (I should add that every time I asked Gage where he saw it last, he gave me different answer; the answers of 4 year olds are only so reliable.)  Upon further questioning Brooklyn told me, "I put it in the laundry room and then I put in the bathroom under the towel, but I moved it and put it under the frog towel."  With spirits lifting, I ran to the bathroom only to find my hopes dashed as I came up empty handed AGAIN.  I felt so certain that this was my answer, I mean, she was so specific.  I asked her to look me in the eye and tell me if she had hidden the blanket, to which she complied and told me "No, I didn't hide it."  The child cannot look me in the eye if she is lying, so I knew this was the truth.

At this point I was really starting to sweat.  I had looked in every logical place I could think of and even in some not so logical places.  I had searched many areas multiple times.  I started reciting the St Anthony prayer for lost items over and over:

St Anthony, St Anthony

Please look around

Something's been lost and must be found.

Jackson thought I was crazy.  All of a sudden, I turned around and saw a bucket in the playroom that I had not looked in.  As a matter of fact, it was the ONLY bucket that I had not looked in!  There was a puzzle box sticking out the top and I immediately knew that when I lifted up the puzzle I was going to find the elusive Blankee.  Sure enough, it was there in the bucket, sitting on the floor, in an obvious place, just as i originally suspected.  The bucket is the same navy blue color as the Blankee, so it was not noticeable as you walked past.  I have to admit to lifting the Blankee up in the air and shouting "YES!"  I was dreading bedtime without it, as a matter of fact I was doubtful that Gage would even go to sleep without it.  My over-exuberance drew the attention of my children who were playing a game on the floor.  When Westin saw it, he immediately smiled and said, "I put it in there.  It was so funny!" . . . All that worry, all that panic, and about 2 hours or more of searching and he knew where it was!  I probably should have been irritated, but I was so relieved that I actually laughed!

As my mom said: All's well that ends well!

My sweet boy, sleeping peacefully with his Blankee tonight!

Gage's Prayers Tonight:
Please help people not to lose or lost things
Don't let kids have too much toys, they should give them to kids who don't have any
And kids who have too much stuffed animals should give some to kids who don't have stuffed animals or mommies and daddies.
Thank you for helping my mommy find my Blankee
Amen

Slip 'N' Slide

The weather is getting a little too cool for your traditional slip 'n' slide fun, but that doesn't stop Jackson!  Jackson has found an alternative or two.  Typically this involves some slippery socks and my kitchen floor.  He takes off running at full speed and slides across the floor . . . think Tom Cruise from Risky Business, but with pants and no sunglasses.  He's not really concerned with the fact that I don't think this is the best plan, it's too fun to worry about getting hurt!

Wednesday night however, a unique sliding opportunity presented itself to Jackson in the form of a puddle on the kitchen floor. . . I'd like to preface this story by saying that I was not home.  I was watching Gone With the Wind on the big screen with some friends, so the story that follows took place on Daddy's watch.  Here is how the story was told to me . . .

It was Thursday morning, Jackson was getting ready for school and Kynlee came into the living room:

Mommy: You need a bath today.
Jackson: I took a bath last night.
Mommy: I was talking to Kynlee, the little kids need a bath today. (Pause) Why did you take a bath, you had one the night before, you didn't have to take one until tonight.
Jackson: Oh right.  Well, actually I needed a bath.
Mommy: Why?
Jackson: Well there was a puddle of water in the kitchen and I was sliding through it a bunch
Mommy: (Looking and feeling a little confused)
Jackson: I thought it was water, but really Westin had peed in his pants.  While I was sliding, Westin brought Daddy in to show him he had peed right there . . . and I fell down in it a few times while I was sliding.
Mommy: Good call on the bath, little man!

To say I was laughing would be an understatement.  I mean don't get me wrong, it's totally disgusting and gross, but A) I wasn't here to deal with it and B) let's face it, it's hysterical!!

I still can't believe that Clint did not tell me this story himself when I came home Wednesday night.  I came in and asked if the kids were good and all he said was, "Yeah, they were mostly good."  I would have been busting to tell Clint if it had been reversed.  I'm still laughing about it today!

Joy

I have never been to Europe, I have not seen the seven wonders of the world, heck, there are a lot of "must sees" right here in the U.S. that I have never seen and may never see, but  . . . I HAVE been witness to some of the most miraculous and amazing moments on earth.

As a mom, you get to be a part of things that you cannot understand until you experience them.  A baby's first smile, your baby crawling at what seems like lightening speed, your child's first steps, the first time they discover the beauty or wonder of a flower or the fun of splashing in a pool or the joy of swinging.  I know that these things may not seem all that exciting, but when you experience the world through the eyes of your child . . . well, that is when you begin to understand real joy.

As adults we become a little jaded.  A flower, is a flower, is a flower.  The clouds, well we all know they are up there.  A bicycle, it's just another reminder sitting in the garage to make us feel guilty as we wonder when the last time we used it was. . . but in the eyes of child, these things take on a magical quality.  That flower is alive with color and scent and beauty, it becomes the gift a child bestows proudly on his mother.  Sometimes that flower is really just grass, but to a child, this is just as beautiful as any rose as he hands it to you with a sparkle in his eye.  Those clouds . . . well can't you see the dragon eating an ice cream cone while laughing at the dancing tiger.  No . . . better take a child outside with you, they'll be able to point it out!  And that bicycle, that one is freedom and independence and accomplishment and fun all rolled into one!

I have come to the realization, that God gives us the gift of children so that we may experience real joy.  There are so many things that make us "happy", but when is the last time you experienced JOY, I mean real, unabridged, and uninhibited joy?  God knew that adults would get busy, would take things for granted and become numb to the beauties of the world, so he gave us kids!  As your kids grow you are given a second chance to discover the simple joys and the intricate beauty of the everyday through their eyes.  It is one of the things I have enjoyed most about motherhood:  seeing things the way my kids see them, watching them discover all the things I take for granted.

Just this past week, my kids gave me two opportunities to experience this kind of pure joy (actually they probably gave me many more opportunities, but I had my blinders on for the rest, you know the ones . . . we turn them on when we think the task at hand is super important and therefore trumps all other things including joy, but how important is it really?)

The first opportunity: Halloween decorations!  How exciting can Halloween decorations really be?  I mean, you get out the same decorations every year.  You smile as you pull out a favorite that you had forgotten about, then you put it in the same place you put it last year and look around, satisfied with your work and ready to take on the holiday season.  Or maybe, you grudgingly get the decorations out, thinking the whole time how much work it will be and wondering if it's really worth it.  Well, let me tell you that it is.

I got our decorations out last Friday night.  Clint and Jackson were at a high school football game and I had promised the little ones all day that we would put out the decorations that evening.  By the time we got to it, I was tired and was really wishing we could just put if off until the next day . . .but a promise is a promise!  So, I carried the boxes in and started opening them.  Brooklyn, Kynlee, Westin and Gage had most of it unpacked before I could even open the last box!  They were squealing with delight (and I literally mean squealing).  They oooohed and aaaaahed over everything, right down to the spider that goes on our light up spider web!  They threw questions at me from every side.  They asked where to put things.  They giggled, they arranged, they played and smiled!  Then they rearranged and played some more.  I feel pretty certain that those giggles could be the answer to world peace if we could just bottle them.  No one could hear that kind of joy and not instantly feel lighter, softer, happier and peaceful!  In this one simple act of putting out Halloween decorations, my kids reminded me that there is joy in every moment and in everyday!  They rediscovered Halloween decorations this year and they helped me to do the same.  When Jackson got home, he immediately broke into a HUGE grin and exclaimed, "Whoa, it looks like our house was taken over by a pumpkin fairy!"  Even in his "old age" the magic and joy still exist and that makes me so happy!

Gage the witch (or warlock)

My second opportunity: Storytime!  I will be the first to admit, that sometimes (okay a lot of times) bedtime stories and all the other details surrounding bedtime are something I dread.  By the time 8 p.m. rolls around, I just want to be able to wave a magic wand and find all of my kids neatly tucked into bed and fast asleep so I can enjoy a glass of wine, or a book or a show or just so I can sit in complete silence doing absolutely nothing!  I love my kids with my whole heart, but man do they take it out of me!  However, most nights, I go through the motions, read the story, pass out the snuggles and put them back in their beds 10 times before they finally stay and go to sleep.

On Sunday night, my kids gave me an opportunity to seize the joy of the bedtime story.  I had a sudden epiphany to ask Jackson (who is reading quite well these days and needed to read a book for school anyway) to read the story.  In all honesty, I figured this was a win-win . . . I got out of reading the story and Jackson got some school work done.  Turns out it was so much more than that.  He pulled out his book and started to request that everyone get in a line "so everyone can see the pictures."  Getting 4 four year olds to sit in a straight line and stay was a pretty lofty goal my little man, but nice try.  Inevitably the line forming failed, but storytime was a success.  Jackson read the book to a captivated audience of his siblings (they all kind of adore him) and he even turned the book around after every page and moved it back and forth to make sure everyone could see the pictures.  You could see the pride on his face the whole time, not only did he read the book, but he was being asked to help with a task usually reserved for "big people"!  This simple moment revitalized me.  It warmed my heart and helped me recapture the joy of reading.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to read, but I like to read for me, not for others (it's selfish, but it's true).  I read to my kids, but I like to pick my favorite stories, not theirs.  As I watched Jackson's pride and joy at doing something for his brothers and sisters, I felt a joy that I cannot describe.  I have such amazing kids and I cannot even begin to deserve the blessing of being their mother!  When Jackson was finished, they all asked if I would read one more story and I agreed without hesitation.

Jackson's Storytime

Who wants to see the picture?

I can't thank my kids enough for the joy they bring to my life.  Not just the joy of having them, but also the joy of taking me along on the ride as they discover the world.  Next time you need a pick me up, take a child outside and discover things with them!  And if you hear me sounding grumpy or a little jaded, march me home and sit me down with one of my kids, it is sure to lighten my mood . . . if only I can remember to take the blinders off more often!

Stockpiling for the Winter

I am always calling my crew monsters, or munchkins or little people . . . they respond to lots of things.  Believe it or not, one the best responses I get is when I request "good listeners."  When I need everyone to come to me or to pay attention, I simply say, "I need 5 good listeners right here" and then I count them as they come and miracle of miracles it pretty much always works.  I have NO idea why or how, but some things you simply do not question!

Tonight I am thinking I may have to amend their calling card to Squirrels . . . or maybe Chipmunks.  Hmmm, yes I think I prefer Chipmunks.  In all fairness, I really only have one Chipmunk, but this little critter was putting up quite the stockpile.

Today as I passed a new end table we have in our living room, I noticed there was something under it.  I assumed a toy and went on my way as I was on a mission to clean the bathrooms!  Mission complete!! (I have to pat myself on the back for the small victories some days.  Though Clint did just inform me that our bathroom toilet stall still smells like pee so maybe the victory is still out of reach.  With 3 boys (and honestly the girls contribute too), there is inevitably pee around the toilet in our bathrooms.  The master bathroom smell is the worst because the toilet is in a very small, closed off area.  I am open to suggestions on how to get rid of the smell because I have tried cleaners and I have even tried a 50/50 bleach/water solution.  I don't smell it after cleaning, so maybe it's all in Clint's head . . . . anyway, I think I'm going to go in there with vinegar and baking soda in a minute.  If THAT doesn't work I'm out of ideas, so bring them on!)  Now that I have veered WAY off topic . . .after finishing my semi-successful bathroom cleaning, I again noticed something under the end table.  This time I stopped to fish out the assumed toys so I could put them away.  What I found instead was FOOD!

Okay, so all moms of small kids find a wayward fruit snack under the couch cushion and a lonely goldfish or five under the chair . . . maybe even a few petrified marshmallows, 2 batteries, a couple of glow sticks and some velcro teeth that go with a build your own monster puppet under the oven (these items may or may not have been found when I pulled out the oven to clean last night), but this is not what I am talking about folks.  I found: 3 crackers, half of a peanut butter/nutella sandwich, a fourth of a hot dog with bun, a piece of bread and part of a homemade waffle!!  My little chipmunk means business!  In retrospect I wish I would have thought to take a picture of the loot.  This find made me laugh, I mean really, why?!

I had two suspects.  At the top of my list was Westin.  Westin is a terrible eater, so you might think that I assumed him because I thought he was trying to get out of eating meals.  WRONG!  All of the foods I found are among his favorites, so that theory is out the window.  I honestly don't know exactly why I suspected Westin, I just did.  For some reason it seemed like something he might do.  Next on my list was Brooklyn, because . . .well, because she's Brooklyn and as unfair as it might be, anytime I discover some totally random mess, she's my go to girl.  Brooklyn is the queen of random acts of mischief, so she's pretty much always on the suspect list.  Plus, these are my only two that eat peanut butter/nutella sandwiches . . . so that narrows it down too.

After asking several times, Westin finally admitted to his chipmunk-like escapade.  I still have no idea why he did it and he really couldn't give me any reason either.  Just something random to do I guess.  Maybe he overhead Granna talking about how the news says this is going to be a brutal winter with lots of snow and ice . . .and how they are recommending making preparations by freezing food and stocking up on water and non-perishables.  See, he was just trying to be prepared, though he missed the mark on non-perishables!  I will never know why he did this, but it will always make me laugh!  I don't really know exactly how long this has been going on.  Today is Tuesday and I made waffles on Sunday, so at least that long, maybe even a few days longer.  The end table has only been in our house for about week, so that narrows it down considerably, but still even 2 or 3 days worth of food is pretty hilarious!  I'm so glad I found it before a family of bugs moved in!

Until the next adventure . . .

Kynlee

Kynlee continues to be my sweet little pleaser.  She likes for people to be listening and she likes to know that she did the right thing, but lately we are starting to see a little more fiesty attitude from our former people pleaser.  While this does make life a little more difficult at times (because this child's stubbornness is second only to Westin's) it also makes me happy to see her coming into her own a little and not just trying to make others happy.  Don't get me wrong, overall she is still my peacemaker and boy am I grateful for that role, but I also like knowing that she will be able to stand up for herself when she needs to.  

One of my favorite memories of Kynlee this year has to do with her favorite color.  For most of this past year her favorite was purple, but she couldn't quite say it, so whenever she asked for something purple, she would say, "I want the people one".  I was so sad the day she learned to say purple!!  She has now moved on and is obsessed with orange, she must be a girl after her Aunt Jessica's heart because that was Jessica's favorite at about this age!

Kynlee really is a peacemaker.  When there is a conflict between two siblings, she is usually the one trying to fix it.  And when someone has changed their mind, she will usually make a sacrifice to allow the other to be happy.  For example, at the grocery store the other day, I let everyone pick out one piece of candy (they had been excellent the entire time).  When it was all said and done, Gage changed his mind about what candy he wanted and became upset.  Kynlee came to the rescue and quickly swapped candy with him to make him happy!  She does stuff like this all the time!  I think she is going to have one heck of a giving and nurturing spirit as she gets older and it makes my heart happy to be able to watch it develop.

Kynlee's pictures in her Texas Tech Shirt.  The series shows a small glimpse into her silly side if you've never gotten to witness it yourself.

Kynlee: staying inside the lines . . . this pretty much describes her personality!  I have a picture of Brooklyn during the same painting session with color all outside the lines and giving her brush a big flourish in the air after every stroke.  I wish I could put both pictures because it's a pretty funny comparison, but Brooklyn is baring a little to much skin for internet purposes!

True to her nurturing personality, when the kids play pretend, Kynlee is always the "mom."  Not "mommy, " but "mom."  This is how I know who the kids are talking to because I am always "mommy" or "momma" and Kynlee is always "mom."  It is hysterical to listen to their pretend games.  I hear Kynlee say things like, "You can have candy after you eat your food" or " you can play with your friend after your nap, sweetheart." (Brooklyn is usually "sweetheart"  not baby or sister, they always call her "sweetheart").   The other day, they had Gage pretending the be the family dog and I heard Kynlee say, "Dog I am going to put you in your cage!" and then she started wrestling Gage into the "cage" which was really just a spot behind a basket in her room.  I started to intervene because it looked like it was getting a little rough, but they both informed me that they didn't need any help, they were just playing.

While I mentioned that Kynlee is a peacemaker .  . . she has recently been demonstrating the makings of a pretty strong temper herself.  While she likes for things to be happy and peaceful, if you push her far enough she can be down right mean!  However, I have to admit that the girl gives fair warning.  While I shouldn't laugh, it really is pretty funny when you hear sweet, tiny little Kynlee tell someone, "If you do that again, I'm going to come over there and hit you."  At least they were warned right?!  Even funnier is when she comes up with ridiculous consequences for your actions if you do not side with her.  The most recent that comes to mind was when she got mad at Granna last weekend.  I'm actually not sure she was mad at Granna, I think someone else made her angry and then somehow the anger got placed on Granna (because Kynlee does this, once she is mad, she is mad at the whole room if not the whole world).  Anyway, she ended up telling Granna, "I am never going to come to your house again and I am going to tell other people not to come to your house anymore!"  It still makes me laugh to think about it!

Around anyone that is not family, Kynlee is reserved and shy, often not even willing to leave my side.  However, if you get her in her comfort zone, she is super silly, crazy and fun.  She loves to show me "tricks" and her hiney wiggle rivals Westin's.  The two of them crack me up!  Kynlee used to get shy about being silly even around her family, but she is finally letting loose a little and I love this!

We are so blessed by this serious, silly, sweet, loving, tempered and mothering girl!  

Westin

My Westin is such a silly boy and oh so sweet!  I'm going to be honest, he went through a major whiny phase while he was three, but it seems to be on it's way out and is being replaced by the sweet disposition I vaguely recall from that pre-three period!  Westin is the most likely to come up to me and give me a hug and kiss for no reason at all and tell me, "I love you mommy."  Obviously this is the absolute best way to butter up a mommy!

I absolutely adore kisses from Westin.  I'm not sure I can quite describe it, but when he gives me a kiss, he makes this exaggerated fishy face with a dramatic smack post kiss.  He even gives me a kiss that we have named the "favorite kiss" (don't ask me how this name came to be, it just did).  It starts with the same fishy face, follows through with the same big smack, but finishes up with a wide open mouth post smack as he pulls his lips away from mine.  Okay, so in writing it sounds weird, but when I look back on this years from now, I think this description will help me remember this very special and very silly kiss from a little boy that I adore!

Westin continues to have the best giggle, the biggest dimples and the most expressive face!  It doesn't matter if he is smiling or pouting, he can work it!  His smile can light up a room, but when he pouts, I swear his bottom lip extends 6 inches!  His personality matches his expressive face.  Whatever his mood, he does it big.  He can be the absolute happiest kid, but oh boy when he is mad!!  He has a temper that his brothers and sisters try to steer clear of and I think it is magnified by general preschool aged unreasonableness!

One of my favorite things about this incredible kid, is how easy it is to cheer him up.  Unless he is really mad, you can usually get him to break into a smile just by smiling at him!  It is really awesome and that grin is definitely a pick me up for me!

Westin in his Texas Tech shirt with the smile I love!

Silly face!

This might not look like a picture of Westin, BUT I had to include it because I see this expression on his face ALL the time!

Westin loves to play pretend with his brother and sisters.  He usually gets assigned the role of dad.  He also loves cars and most recently pokemon cards (an obsession for both of my little guys that was sparked by Jackson's interest . . . have I mentioned that Jackson is their idol).  Westin's other favorite past time is dance parties.  Remember that I said he and Brooklyn love to proclaim "Party time!"  For Westin this usually means turning on the music and gettin' down!  He has the best little hiney wiggle ever.  I can usually just ask him to show me is wiggle and he will shake it for all he's worth!    

While he has a big, silly personality at home, he is very quiet and shy in public.  You can often find him hiding behind my leg if someone tries to talk to him.  He is almost a different kid in public.  At home, he is LOUD, but when we are out and about, he goes mute.  He has recently started playing soccer on a team with Gage and while he loves practice, he hasn't played in a game yet (there have only been two and in his defense, he missed the second one because he was sick).  I think he feels a little more shy when there are more people watching at a game.

Westin has such sweet little personality, but running deep is a stubborn streak a mile wide.  I have never in my life met a kid who can stand his ground like Westin.  Once he has made up his mind, there is nothing that can sway him.  I have seen this kid go to bed at 6:30 just keep from having to taste a single bite of food that he claims to dislike.  I have seen him remain in his bed for more than an hour because he adamantly refuses to use his manners or apologize or whatever the current sticking point may be.  This, my friends, makes parenting challenging . . . but I figure if I can help him harness that strong-willed, stubbornness into perseverance, then who knows what he might accomplish!!  I see great things in his future!

When we pray at night, Westin always has to "Gob-less" all of his family.  I absolutely love the sweetness of this and the way he says "Gob-less" instead of God Bless.  Clint and I are constantly exchanging our own huge smiles over the things this sweet little boy says and does.  Westin is probably usually second in line for the big hug when I walk in the door with a very loud exclamation of, " Mommy!  You're home!"

I am so blessed to be Westin's mommy.  I look forward to continuing to watch this amazing young man grow and mature!  He is an amazing part of our family!

Gage

My sweet, sweet Gagers!  Oh, how much I love you and your sweet spirit.  Gage is definitely all boy, but he has these moments (they have to be his idea) where he will just come sit next to you or on your lap and wants to do nothing but snuggle!  It is the best!  When this mood strikes him, he will just sit completely quietly and sweetly.  One of his favorite spots on earth right now is my lap and that is just fine with me.  Every night when we say prayers as a family, he claims my lap before anyone else can and recently he has started asking me, "can we play a game, just you and me?"  Melts my heart.  I wish there were more time so I could accommodate this request more often (let's face it, it's hard for little people to get good one on one around here, they see you get out a game and they are suddenly swarming.)

He still loves his "blankee" and his "corner"  (a specific corner of his blankee that he can identify by touch alone).  I love the sweet innocence of his love for his blankee, but I'm open to suggestions on how to stop the finger sucking which inevitably accompanies the snuggling of the blankee.  When Gage is tired, upset, or just needs a little break from the chaos, you usually find him sitting in the recliner, left 2 middle fingers in his mouth and right hand holding his favorite blankee corner up by his mouth.  He has offered me one of the "little corners" of his blankee on multiple occasions when we are snuggling (he refers to HIS corner as the "big corner").  Just the other day when I was putting him to bed, he whispered to me, "momma, sometimes when I am going to sleep, I give my little corners to my stuffed animals."  Can you say sweet or what!  I wish I could freeze this sweet, innocence in time.  It doesn't get much better than that.

The series of pictures of Gage in his Texas Tech shirt!  The many faces of Gage and I love every single one!

While I would like to think that I am Gage's favorite person on earth, I'm lying to myself . . . Jackson replaced me quite some time ago as the top dog on Gage's list.  Gage would follow Jackson to the moon and back.  Most of the time Jackson if very tolerant of this (he's a pretty great big brother), but once in a while, it causes a typical sibling World War III.  Jackson and Gage have been spending a lot of time lately building with Legos.  It warms my heart to see these relationships blossoming.  Though I know they don't get it yet, I am trying to help them understand what an amazing gift the friendship of a sibling is!

I wish I could say that all of Jackson and Gage's interactions were calm, quiet lego building endeavors, BUT remember when I said Gage was all boy . . . well, we have some serious wrestling going on in my house lately.  With three boys, I knew it would be inevitable (and if I'm being honest, the girls get in on the action too).  Gage and Jackson are definitely the most aggressive wrestlers.  There are a lot of wrestling injuries at my house these days, but mostly you can find Gage and Jackson laughing while they attack each other in whatever game they are currently playing.  Gage is always in for a good time!

Gage continues to be my most OCD child.  He is constantly arranging something (usually cars) into very specific patterns or lines.  He actually will come home from soccer and put his shoes, shin guards, socks and ball away and they have to be lined up just so.  He will adjust and shift them until they are just right!  I actually hate the spot in his room that he has chosen for his soccer gear, but I know better than to mess with his system and he keeps it neat which is more than I can say for the others, so I can't really complain!  Probably one the funniest habits he has right now is during soccer games or practices.  I mentioned that Gage likes for things to be just so, well this applies even while in the middle of an athletic event.  While playing soccer, if Gage gets knocked down, he immediately stands up and brushes off every single pieces of grass he can find on his soccer socks.  He doesn't worry about falling down, just the grass that is on his socks as a result!  I think this is hilarious . . . Clint says we have to break him of this because . . . well I think it's obvious why this bugs his sports-obsessed father.  I personally think that this particular quirk will work itself out as he gets more competitive and "gets it."

Gage is also my resident "correcter" i.e. he corrects everyone about everything . . . grammar, pronunciation, accurate story-telling, etc.  It can be quite funny, but if it continues as he gets older, he may drive his siblings crazy!  The other night when I was passing out gummy vitamins, Gage heard Kynlee tell someone that her gummy was "Uriel".  Gage promptly corrected her and said, " It's not Uriel, it's ARIEL!"  To which Kynlee replied, "That's what I said, Ariel."  Gage's smarta** response, "THAT time you said Ariel."  Said just as condescending as you can imagine it sounding.  I'm not raising 4 year olds people, I am raising teenagers in four year old bodies!  These stories could go on and on!

Gage is such an amazing little boy.  He is smart, sweet, snuggly, sensitive, super silly, rough and tumble and independent.  We love him with all our hearts!

Brooklyn

Brooklyn on her 4th Birthday.   I love this picture.  Notice the missing tooth . . . after she put her teeth through her lip in March of 2012, they never were quite stable again.  In March of this year, Westin hit her in the mouth with a toy and the tooth was loose enough that it came out, so my sweet little girl is toothless for the next 3-4 years!!  Also, notice the mark next to her left eye, she hit it on the granite counter tops running through the kitchen on her birthday.  It turned into quite the shiner!!

Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Brooklyn . . . what can I say, she is still our spunky redhead through and through.  You know how people always say that stereotypes are born of truth, well Brooklyn is the epitome of the redhead stereotype.  Whenever people say, "Look at that red hair!"  (and I hear this often), I typically respond with, "And she has the personality to go with it!"  This is evidenced by her self-imposed nickname, "Brookie-the-kid."  No, this is not a joke.  For months, anytime someone asked her name, she would promptly reply, " I am Brookie-the-kid."  There was even a brief time when she insisted on being called this and would not answer to Brooklyn, Brookie or Brookie Bear, which had all previously been acceptable.  She has finally returned to responding to her actual name, but I think "Brookie-the-Kid" will always lurk under the surface.

Lounging on her birthday.  It's hard work turning 4!

Brooklyn is the splatter paint in our world of coloring in the lines.  In a house full of type A, OCD people, she is our breath of fresh air.  She marches to her own drum ALL the time and she reminds me that life does not have to be orderly all the time.  She shows me how refreshing a little chaos and spontaneity can be (yes, I did actually just say that, as shocking as it may be).  I feel certain that Brooklyn is God's way of telling me not to take life so seriously!  I love the life she brings to every party, and in her world . . . everyday, every hour and every minute has the potential to be a party (she, and Westin come to think of it, have been known to randomly yell out "It's Party time" with absolutely no provocation).  Yes, this does give me some pause as I think of the future teenage Brooklyn, but for now, I just want to soak in her love of life, her beautiful and sometimes wild imagination and her constant crazy antics.

Brooklyn has a joy that I cannot even describe.  She gets excited about everything.  I can't tell you how often I hear her exclaim things like, "Perfect" or "It's fab-oo-lus" or "I look gorgeous" . . . the list goes on and on.  She gets excited about gifts, hand-me-down clothes, items I have purchased at the grocery store, etc.  She is a real confidence booster too.  I can always count on Brooklyn to tell me how beautiful I look, all I have to do is put on a dress or do anything with my hair ;-)  But, even with all this fun enthusiasm, I think I would have to say that my favorite thing that Miss Brookie says right now is the way she refers to people.  Most young children will say "people" or "that person" or maybe even something like "that boy/girl", not Brooklyn, she refers to people as "who-mans".  Again, I am totally serious.  It makes me laugh.  We can be watching something on t.v. and she will say something like, "What is that who-man doing?"  or "Is that who-man a boy or a girl?"  whatever the situation may call for.  I have never before heard a small child refer to people as humans!  It's awesome!

Yearly picture in her adult size Texas Tech shirt to document growth.  I could not pry the princess dress off of her!

Brooklyn is joyful and fun, but let's be honest, if she is the redhead stereotype, there has to be a wild streak in there somewhere too, right?!  Well, there most certainly is.  You never know where you are going to find Brooklyn or what she is going to be doing.  She continues to be naughty and not all that affected by consequences (though I am starting to find a few that matter to her).  Most of the time when she gets caught doing something she should not be doing, she just quickly says, "Oh, sorry momma, sorry!" and smiles and goes on about her business.  I never know what is coming next with this little critter.  The other day she even came to me and told me, " I have pee in my hair.  I looked in the potty."  Yes, this happened and yes she got a bath immediately.  I still have not figured out what she was looking at or why she needed to get close enough that her hair dipped in the water, but some questions are best left unanswered!

Some other fun memories I don't want to forget:  Brooklyn has become quite the momma's girl.  She does not like for me to leave and frequently says, " I want my momma."  When I come home from work, she is usually the first one to run up and wrap me in a hug and Brooklyn hugs continue to be some of the greatest hugs around.  She wraps her arms around you and just squeezes!  She has gone through a phase in the last few months where she gets scared of loud or new noises.  For a while she refused to go in the backyard because it terrified her when she would hear big trucks start up.  She would actually run into the house screaming.  It didn't phase her in the front yard, just in the backyard and it was awful.  Now when she hears a vehicle start from the backyard, she just says, " It's a car, not a truck right?!"  Brooklyn loves anything dress up.  I am pretty sure she actually believes she is a princess which explains why a couple months ago, she started calling me "Your majesty" and bowing to me.  Again, totally serious.  This child has an imagination to rival all imaginations.  She is always playing pretend and she sucks everyone into it.  It is quite magical to witness!

Practicing her curtsy in her new dress!

We love this sweet, spunky, wild, imaginative child.  Our family would not be complete without her!