my current desktop background. makes me feel like i can rule the world.

thanks hyperbole and a half..

I love holidays

And this one is particularly interesting. An entire holiday supposedly, supposed to be.. for giving thanks. Whether or not people actually consider that. Whether or not there is more focus on the hours of prep of the tons of food that one group could not hope to consume... Oy.. so much food.

But! This whole month at church, the sacrament meeting talks have been on.... wait for iiiiiit...

gratitude. 

And while I listened to these talks, of course my mind drifts to what I am grateful for, and I started a list one sunday on my program, filling up every small white spot that was available with what I was thankful for. Some were silly things.. a good pen, thunder... the click click click of a keyboard.. There were other things; family and friends.. and at this moment, the safe arrival of my beautiful niece into the world... for faith and understanding of truth. For my Savior and his willing sacrifice. There are so many things. There is a reason that it covered my program.

And... I had a moment realizing how grateful I was that Thanksgiving fell before Christmas. At this time of year we can, if we so choose, return our thoughts to all we have to be thankful for and then go into a season that promotes peace on earth, good will towards men. (minus the retail garbage that encompasses.) 

one of my favorite christmas songs

Today I filled the morning with helping my mom make food, and realized in a flurry that there was something missing and ran and retrieved! The Carpenters Christmas album. So I sat there, with a contented expression on my face, peeling potatoes and listening to my childhood, memories past... and the love that surrounded it.

Happy Thanksgiving

Half-Fast & The Classic Crime (maybe books and tunes as well)

As you might be aware, there is this band that I kinda like... They're called The Classic Crime...

Oh, I have mentioned this? 

And why oh why am I mentioning it again? 

Umm. Because they're GREAT! (seriously what kind of hair-brained question...) 

Oh.. And because I saw them last a couple weeks ago.. Again.. Yea, that's 3 times this year, 5 times total. o.O

I have been thinking that this is abnormal Amanda behavior, to like a band so much that I would feel so inclined to see them every-time-they-play. Every time. (Thankfully they have really cheap shows that I can almost justify my actions..) Obviously the venues change, as does the crowd... From their 4 albums they have the varied songs they play and a couple standard faves. Seattle being one of them. But three times this year? I don't even know what to say. I'm still hoping something will suddenly click to explain my behavior. 

There has never been a band that I follow so avidly. 

And then to add to the crazy, I insist on talking to Matt every time. And getting a picture. How many does one person need!? Apparently 4. I just get so excited I can't contain myself. At the last one a few weeks ago I thought, 'nope.. not this time. I'm going to leave this poor man alone.' Obviously I failed. 

Although it might be easier if he wasn't so freaking cool... 

Then after the success of conversation, I was determined to find Robbie, Alan, & Skip. Found Robbie, (gah! alarming!) with the fandom of females surrounding. Ugh, I'm one of those.. I sicken myself. (and bolted soon after) 

But guess what.. When I was there jamming along, slightly annoyed with the gaggle of teens, they announced that there would be another show on the 16th at the Showbox in Seattle. A switch flipped in my brain and I knew I would be there and that whatever plans might arise for Christmas will happen after the 16th of December.

I might have a problem...

However, while discussing my problem with Kjirst, she made a comment that in all actuality this might not be so abnormal.. That I don't do things "half-fast. (hence the title-and there is a story behind the 'half fast but that is for another day) When I'm in, I'm all in. My friends could attest to this, I'm sure. Now that I think about it, it might be true. Like my move to Washington. 

Madness I tell you.

And what that, I segue into a new topic.

The other day I was driving in my personal boom box, Evey, (my car) and a song popped on that was a familiar little ditty that I loved. A grin covered my face and while jamming to said tune, I realized that lately I keep a lot of company surrounded by books and music. I could try to blame my current island hermit status, but that was something engrained but has now been heightened. So in this moment of familiarity with this song, I thought of previous adventures I have had when this song was present. And the songs that run through my head when I desperately need a distraction, to get me through the day or a sense that someone else had some type of understanding with what I was dealing with. The songs that are on constant repeat. I appreciate that people have a certain way with words and instruments that I don't have and express it so readily. 

Although I am reminded that not all is of good report, while the guy in front of me at the library has some kind of obnoxious sound emanating from his headphones while he flips through the "Glamour" magazine. Oy. 

and BOOKS! I luf books. 

I had some time to kill and I found a used bookstore that I didn't exit for a good hour-hour & half. I sat in the middle of their "classics" section looking at the various forms and publications of the same works. I pulled out the older hard back copies and noted the yellowing pages that made me, for what reason I'm not sure, want them more. A familiar and distinct smell emanated from the pages that gave me a remembrance of childhood. I would look through just to feel the pages, touch the script. Whether for information or adventure, I knew what came from these pages. The possibility was enough. I couldn't even read when the fascination began. But the adventures I have had with them since are significant to my very core. I pick up these old volumes and it's like seeing a friend from childhood or adventures past. I am familiar with their stories and their pains, desires, weaknesses and triumphs. And I don't mind reliving it with them. 

damn my pride

i am a crazy plotter and schemer.. 

did you know? 

i create a million scenarios just to appease whatever possibly situation i might get into. 

things don't always work out exactly as i see them. 

truthfully, they rarely do, but i find comfort in the small wins 

and move on from there.. 

as long as i have thought of it..

(and i usually do)

all my plotting and scheming has lead me astray because i have reached points that i have never considered. 

never. 

and because of this.. 

because of this mixup in the plans/alignment of the stars i have started doubting myself.. 

it's turned into a 

WHY IN THE HELL AM I HERE!?!?!?!

why have i turned into this current pit of woe? 

i've been attempting to commute from island -> mainland for a temp job that is right now only 4 hours a day..

is it worth it? i'm not sure.. 

the problem IS 

me trying to save some money by NOT driving back and forth from the island

(driving onto the ferry really adds up $$)

the problem IS

if i lived off island, i would be able to get to my job in 10-20 minutes tops and not have to: 

take bus to ferry

wait for ferry

wait on ferry

wait for bus on other side of ferry

bus

wait for bus

bus

walk to car

(this is what i did today) 

ah, i'm glad you brought that up.. because they don't actually WANT people parking at the ferry.. at least not overnight. all is find and good until 230-430 in the morning. 

so i found a place in everett to park my car.. but it also means it takes forever to get there.. 

the problem IS

my pride.

i've got aunt patty/ileah down in seattle..

i've got ivy/rosa in everett/lake stevens

i've made friends from church

but for some reason, and this is VERY new to me 

(new within the last few 6 months) 

i hate asking for help. 

i hate asking for favors. 

i hate being an inconvenience. 

(that one isn't new) 

i was thinking about it today.. i could go back to the island and just pay to go back and forth 

($15 round trip which you must consider would be daily) 

or 

i could ask one of the friends i made to see if i could crash on their couch/floor/corner for the evening..

my brain goes to: 

i'd rather sleep in my car. 

(but see, that's illogical.. because where would i park my car to do so and it's starting to get really cold.) 

yea.. that's where my logic takes me. 

yea i've got a problem...

i need to regain some footing and take a breath.

a little v

the only verdict is vengeance. a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous

it means that i, like God, do not play with dice and i don't believe in coincidences

i didn't get to watch V today.. that's ok.. sometime soon. i luf that movie.. love. to the point that christine and becky sat me down to watch it and i immediately went out after finishing and purchased it. (or.. i could just tell you that my cars name is evey.. (e-v?) and i have a guy fawkes mask sitting in the back of my car that occasionally freaks out my passengers. love-it..)


stories & pictures come at a later date.

in conclusion, the end.