Well, I originally had a cute post planned to tell you all about my trip I'm going on. However, I ran out of time and there is not time for cute right now. (Shocking, I know, me running out of time)
Anyways, in five hours I'm jumping in a limo for a three hour drive to the airport and then at 9:00 am myself and two of my girlfriends (who are widows as well) are jumping onto an airplane and heading for sunny and warm Mexico. Yes, we are aware of what has been going on down there and I promise you all we will be careful! I will be gone for 8 days, so I will not be doing any posting while I'm gone. So, then Monday after Easter be prepared for a long and big post all about my trip. I'm expecting that the three of us will have TONS and TONS of fun. I can't wait to get there. However, I have some last minute packing that I need to do so I have to run. I just wanted to let you all know that I will be gone for a week relaxing in the sun and sand. I will be back and will update you all soon.
Have a great Easter and I hope it is warm and sunny where you all are.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Oh How My Heart Melted !
I can't remember if I told you all this or not in my post where I briefly talked about Mr X, so I will tell you know because it's kind of an important part in today's post. Well, actually it is the main character in today's post. I knew even before our first date that Mr. X was divorced and that he had two young children. Just like he knew about Shawn and the baby. My cousin set us up and we both wanted to make sure that those two big pieces of information were out on the table from the get go. I think we were both thinking that we didn't even want to waste time with each other if we couldn't be understanding about each of our pasts. At first I really wasn't all that sure about dating a guy who was divorced let alone a divorced guy with kids. I just wasn't sure if I was ready for all the potential "drama" that would come along with that. However, after thinking a lot about it I realized it was unfair for me to judge someone because they had been divorced and or divorced with kids. I realized that I could possibly be throwing something or someone really good away based on those reasons. I also realized that my past also has the potential for another man to get used to. So I decided to throw caution to the wind and decided to go out with Mr. X knowing that he had a seven year old daughter and a three year old son.
Well, this past Sunday two things that have never happened before happened. As we were pulling in the driveway Mr. X's three year old son asks me to get out of the car and to come up to the door with them. I told him that this is a special time with Mommy and Daddy and that I will see him tomorrow at dinner. He practically insists that I get out of the car. I then reach over the front seat and am given a huge hug by him. So cute. Then I turned around to tell Mr. X's daughter good bye. When I turned to look at her she flashed me the biggest smile ever and her cute blue eyes just lit up. I told her that I had a great weekend with her and that I was glad that the two of us got to spend time together. She told me that she had fun too and was happy that we got to do girl things while daddy and her brother stayed home. Then she reached around the seat and gave me a hug. This is not all that uncommon as her and I have really started to bond and we usually give each other a hug when they leave. However, after the hug she sat down in the seat and all of a sudden she says, "I love you Jenny" I have to admit, I was a little in shock by this. In fact, for a few seconds I just kind of sat there stunned and didn't say anything. Then I told her that I loved her right back. She got out of the car and told me she would see me the next day. As Mr. X was saying good-bye to the kids I sat in the car with a giant lump in my throat and I have to admit a few tears in my eyes. I've had kids (mostly my friends kids) tell me that they love me and it is so special to hear that from them. However, for some reason hearing it from Mr. X's daughter felt different. I just kind of sat there wondering if this is really what it feels like to have your children tell you that they love you. I know it's totally different and I know they aren't my children either. However, I can tell you that myself and the kids are forming a really great bond and I think it's awesome.
I went home very happy on Sunday night. It was a great weekend with Mr. X and the kids, a great Sunday with his family and I was so happy when she told me that she loved me. I however thought that it might be a one time thing. Mr. X and I haven't even said the "L" word to each other, and we really watch what we say around the kids. This is another reason why I was in some what shock when she told me that. I figured I'd just tuck it away in my mind and be grateful in the fact that she said those great words to me. Then last night I was helping Mr. X get the kids ready to go back to their mom's and I was helping his daughter get her coat zipped up. Once again, she reached up, gave me a big hug and once again told me that she loved me. She also thanked me for becoming her daddies girlfriend and for being so nice to her and her brother. Once again, I melted. I told her the same things back. Hearing those words from a seven year old who you are starting to form a relationship with is just great.
I don't expect her to tell me that every night, but I will tell you that I love when she tells me that. I also know I am not her mom, nor will I ever be and I will never pretend to be. However, I think Mr. X's kids are young enough and if our relationship keeps progressing I will be able to be a huge part of his kids lives, and I think that is a pretty special thing. A while back Mr. X told me he was a little worried about getting into another relationship because of his kids. He wanted to make sure that whoever he dated got along well and treated his children how he felt they should be treated. I told him that he doesn't need to worry. I told him I understand the fact that I will never be their mom and I'm totally fine with that. I told him that I would help and support him every step of the way when it comes to his kids. I also told him that just like him I was already falling in love with his kids. He looked up and me and smiled and told me that he could already tell that and thanked me for being so amazing with his children.
Looking back at it now I'm so glad that I changed my mind and decided to date a man with children. Not only did a meet a great man and things are going crazy good, but I also now get to spend my time with two amazing children. Children that I choose to be around because I know how important they are to him. After finding out he had kids I could have easily walked away, not wanting to deal with all that comes with a divorced man who shares custody of his kids with his ex-wife. I'm so grateful to not only have Mr. X in my life, but his two amazing children as well. Every day my relationship gets better and stronger with the kids. Just like with Mr. X, I can't wait to see where it goes.
*****Okay, I'm thinking I need a new name on my blog for Mr. X. I also think I need nicknames for the kids. A seven year old girl and a three year old boy. Any suggestions...any ideas? I'm open for just about anything.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Uncertainty
Woah....stop the presses, a post on a Thursday night. Kind of uncommon for me lately, but I wrote the post out in my head and on paper first, so it was nice and quick for me to sit down at the computer. This post maybe a little all over the place so please forgive me. I tried hard to stick to the point, but I'm not sure how great of a job I did at that.
For the last few days I have been filled with so much doubt and uncertainty. There is no real reason for those thoughts and feelings, I just have them. Things I think are going great with Mr. X. My only wish is that he would communicate and open up with his feelings a little bit more. Then again, I'm a girl who speaks and talks about my feelings freely, probably a little too freely at times. Obviously, Mr. X is a guy and who all know that guys don't typically open up all that easily. Add onto it the fact that he was the one hurt in his marriage, and I think now he is afraid to have feelings again, let alone talk about them. I think that is where the doubt comes in. I know he "likes" me. I just don't know how much, I have an idea, but it's not like it has been expressed to me in words all that often. I mean after all I'm a girl and I need a little reassurance from time to time. It's also a little nerve wracking for be because I can feel myself falling in love with him more and more. I can feel myself for the first time in my entire life starting to fall in love with another man other than Shawn. Notice how I said "falling in love", not actual love as of yet. I'm going slow with these feelings, but I know they are starting to appear.
All of this and these emotions leave me filled with doubt and uncertainty. Even when everything seemed as though it was falling apart Shawn would hold me and make it feel like everything would all be okay. That is something I think only a husband can do for a wife, and a feeling I long to have again. My friends and family have been there every step of the way for me, and they have all told me that I and that everything will be okay once again. But somehow in my mind it is just different coming from your husband.
I know that life is filled with doubt and uncertainty. I also know that we all experience these feelings from time to time during our life. However, I think its different for me. My life has so much uncertainty in it, nothing in my life is the same as it was then. When Shawn was alive I at least knew that no matter what happened I would have him and we would always be there to love each other and to support each other. At the end of the day we had each other, and I can't say that now. When you are married you get to look forward to your future, you get to look forward to growing old together and facing all of life's challenges together. I think in a lot of aspects of this allows for comfort, security and certainty versus the uncertainty I'm facing. Again, I can say that because I no longer have it.
Before Shawn died I was a very scheduled, routine and almost rigid type of person. I hated change and anything that dealt with change. If something unexpected happened there was a good chance it would flip me out. I wasn't a big fan of change and figured if I could schedule or "control" things my life would be more certain and secure. Or at least that's what I thought, and would tell myself. But I still had Shawn, the security and certainty of our relationship and marriage, and at the end of the day that was all I needed to rest easier.
Then August 18, 2008 hit and the sense of security and certainty was ripped away from me in literally a heartbeat. The hopes, the dreams, my future, my security, my certainty, everything slipped away that day and I was literally scared to death. Now, 19 months later a lot has changed. I've learned to go with the flow a little bit more. I've learned not to schedule every aspect or moment of my life. A part of me feels there is no real use in planning too much, because things will more than likely change. Don't get me wrong, I still have a calender and I still plan things, I just try not to be so rigid in it.
I have come a long ways in the lat 19 months. I'm actually proud of myself for how far I've come, especially when I didn't know I even had it in me the day Shawn died. I can remember in the months after Shawn died it was a big deal if I took a shower. Now, I'm gone all the time and the fun and happiness has started to return. For that I'm grateful.
However, at the end of the day I'm still finding myself almost drowning in doubt and uncertainty. Not so much doubt, but rather uncertainty and I hate that feeling. I don't like the unknown, but unfortunately my life is full of unknowns for me right now. I really am looking forward to my future, but I'm also extremely uncertain what my future holds. Before I knew my future was being Shawn's wife, a pre-school teacher and a mom. Now my future is wide open and could be anything. Maybe I will never get married again, maybe I will. Maybe I won't ever have kids, maybe I will. I'm willing to wager I will more than likely have a different job, but even that I'm not totally sure of. At least when Shawn was alive I could go through all of this with him by my side. when he was alive I didn't really worry or think about it because I knew we would just face it and figure it out together. That is such an amazing, special and awesome feeling to have that great of a connection with your spouse and I miss that so much.
Things really are going great with Mr. X. I have no reason to doubt, feel insecure or uncertain about anything. Yet, I do. How and why does this happen? I really think it's because I can feel myself falling in love with him, and his kids. Our relationship has moved rather fast, but at the same time it has felt good, safe, great and very comfortable. Mr. X is so supportive of everything dealing with Shawn and for that I can not be happier. He has given me no reason to feel uncertain about anything. Yet, I do. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm scared that something is going to go wrong and I'm going to wind up hurt. I'm also pretty sure it's because I tend to over think and over analyze everything! I've always been that way, and I've always been a worry wart.
I know what I need to do. I need to stop worrying, stop over thinking and stop over analyzing. I know as well as anyone life is too short, you need to live and be happy like each moment is your last. I'm trying to make my own advice I really am, but it's hard. It's especially hard because Shawn and I had such a great relationship and marriage. Dating after 13 years and being in a new relationship is great and it's awesome and fun figuring out the "new" of the other person. However, it comes with a lot of uncertainty. there is nothing there "tying" us to each other. Either of us could "walk" at any given time. A new relationship breeds uncertainty that I'm must not used too. I don't think it's a bad thing, all new relationships take and need to to grow and become great.
There have been many times when I've thought it would be easier to just be alone and not date anyone or be with anyone again. I've learned a lot about myself since Shawn died. Maybe I would be okay alone, it would sure as hell beat getting hurt again. However, at the end of the day I know being "alone" is not for me. I need to feel the warmth, love and security from a man who loves me back and I also know I want that again.
For now I'm just chalking all of these feeling up to another stage of grief. Things are going good and I'm happy, but it's still not the same and it's still not what was, nor will it ever be the same again. I need to take my own advise and stop to enjoy the moment. I need to stop over thinking and over analyzing everything. I need to remember that just about every aspect of life is uncertain and there are risks in everything. I need to stop worrying about and thinking about tomorrow, next month, and next year and focus on living for today and for today only. I know all of this, but it's hard to stop looking ahead when that is what you do when you are married, but I'm going to try.
If you made it this far in this long rambling post, thank you. I'm still not sure if i got my thoughts or feelings out how I wanted them, but it helped to get it all out, so I guess that is what counts. Thanks for reading and for all of your continued support and prayers.
For the last few days I have been filled with so much doubt and uncertainty. There is no real reason for those thoughts and feelings, I just have them. Things I think are going great with Mr. X. My only wish is that he would communicate and open up with his feelings a little bit more. Then again, I'm a girl who speaks and talks about my feelings freely, probably a little too freely at times. Obviously, Mr. X is a guy and who all know that guys don't typically open up all that easily. Add onto it the fact that he was the one hurt in his marriage, and I think now he is afraid to have feelings again, let alone talk about them. I think that is where the doubt comes in. I know he "likes" me. I just don't know how much, I have an idea, but it's not like it has been expressed to me in words all that often. I mean after all I'm a girl and I need a little reassurance from time to time. It's also a little nerve wracking for be because I can feel myself falling in love with him more and more. I can feel myself for the first time in my entire life starting to fall in love with another man other than Shawn. Notice how I said "falling in love", not actual love as of yet. I'm going slow with these feelings, but I know they are starting to appear.
All of this and these emotions leave me filled with doubt and uncertainty. Even when everything seemed as though it was falling apart Shawn would hold me and make it feel like everything would all be okay. That is something I think only a husband can do for a wife, and a feeling I long to have again. My friends and family have been there every step of the way for me, and they have all told me that I and that everything will be okay once again. But somehow in my mind it is just different coming from your husband.
I know that life is filled with doubt and uncertainty. I also know that we all experience these feelings from time to time during our life. However, I think its different for me. My life has so much uncertainty in it, nothing in my life is the same as it was then. When Shawn was alive I at least knew that no matter what happened I would have him and we would always be there to love each other and to support each other. At the end of the day we had each other, and I can't say that now. When you are married you get to look forward to your future, you get to look forward to growing old together and facing all of life's challenges together. I think in a lot of aspects of this allows for comfort, security and certainty versus the uncertainty I'm facing. Again, I can say that because I no longer have it.
Before Shawn died I was a very scheduled, routine and almost rigid type of person. I hated change and anything that dealt with change. If something unexpected happened there was a good chance it would flip me out. I wasn't a big fan of change and figured if I could schedule or "control" things my life would be more certain and secure. Or at least that's what I thought, and would tell myself. But I still had Shawn, the security and certainty of our relationship and marriage, and at the end of the day that was all I needed to rest easier.
Then August 18, 2008 hit and the sense of security and certainty was ripped away from me in literally a heartbeat. The hopes, the dreams, my future, my security, my certainty, everything slipped away that day and I was literally scared to death. Now, 19 months later a lot has changed. I've learned to go with the flow a little bit more. I've learned not to schedule every aspect or moment of my life. A part of me feels there is no real use in planning too much, because things will more than likely change. Don't get me wrong, I still have a calender and I still plan things, I just try not to be so rigid in it.
I have come a long ways in the lat 19 months. I'm actually proud of myself for how far I've come, especially when I didn't know I even had it in me the day Shawn died. I can remember in the months after Shawn died it was a big deal if I took a shower. Now, I'm gone all the time and the fun and happiness has started to return. For that I'm grateful.
However, at the end of the day I'm still finding myself almost drowning in doubt and uncertainty. Not so much doubt, but rather uncertainty and I hate that feeling. I don't like the unknown, but unfortunately my life is full of unknowns for me right now. I really am looking forward to my future, but I'm also extremely uncertain what my future holds. Before I knew my future was being Shawn's wife, a pre-school teacher and a mom. Now my future is wide open and could be anything. Maybe I will never get married again, maybe I will. Maybe I won't ever have kids, maybe I will. I'm willing to wager I will more than likely have a different job, but even that I'm not totally sure of. At least when Shawn was alive I could go through all of this with him by my side. when he was alive I didn't really worry or think about it because I knew we would just face it and figure it out together. That is such an amazing, special and awesome feeling to have that great of a connection with your spouse and I miss that so much.
Things really are going great with Mr. X. I have no reason to doubt, feel insecure or uncertain about anything. Yet, I do. How and why does this happen? I really think it's because I can feel myself falling in love with him, and his kids. Our relationship has moved rather fast, but at the same time it has felt good, safe, great and very comfortable. Mr. X is so supportive of everything dealing with Shawn and for that I can not be happier. He has given me no reason to feel uncertain about anything. Yet, I do. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm scared that something is going to go wrong and I'm going to wind up hurt. I'm also pretty sure it's because I tend to over think and over analyze everything! I've always been that way, and I've always been a worry wart.
I know what I need to do. I need to stop worrying, stop over thinking and stop over analyzing. I know as well as anyone life is too short, you need to live and be happy like each moment is your last. I'm trying to make my own advice I really am, but it's hard. It's especially hard because Shawn and I had such a great relationship and marriage. Dating after 13 years and being in a new relationship is great and it's awesome and fun figuring out the "new" of the other person. However, it comes with a lot of uncertainty. there is nothing there "tying" us to each other. Either of us could "walk" at any given time. A new relationship breeds uncertainty that I'm must not used too. I don't think it's a bad thing, all new relationships take and need to to grow and become great.
There have been many times when I've thought it would be easier to just be alone and not date anyone or be with anyone again. I've learned a lot about myself since Shawn died. Maybe I would be okay alone, it would sure as hell beat getting hurt again. However, at the end of the day I know being "alone" is not for me. I need to feel the warmth, love and security from a man who loves me back and I also know I want that again.
For now I'm just chalking all of these feeling up to another stage of grief. Things are going good and I'm happy, but it's still not the same and it's still not what was, nor will it ever be the same again. I need to take my own advise and stop to enjoy the moment. I need to stop over thinking and over analyzing everything. I need to remember that just about every aspect of life is uncertain and there are risks in everything. I need to stop worrying about and thinking about tomorrow, next month, and next year and focus on living for today and for today only. I know all of this, but it's hard to stop looking ahead when that is what you do when you are married, but I'm going to try.
If you made it this far in this long rambling post, thank you. I'm still not sure if i got my thoughts or feelings out how I wanted them, but it helped to get it all out, so I guess that is what counts. Thanks for reading and for all of your continued support and prayers.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Angel In My Eyes
Today I was in my room trying to get stuff around and ready for my trip. I say trying because I really wasn't having much luck at it. For some reason my mind just kept on wandering around and I really didn't get anything accomplished. Instead I just kind of dabbled in a little of everything. Anyhow, while I was dabbling I was listening to and watching country music videos.
All of a sudden a song that I haven't heard in years came on along with it's video. It's a song by John Michael Montgomery and it is called "Angel In My Eyes". This is a really special song to me and it instantly took me back to a moment in time. A moment when things were really really good. A moment when there was no grief, grieving or sadness in my life. You see from the very first night Shawn told me he loved me he called me his Angel. I'm not lying when I say this, he would call me his angel every single day. He would usually wake up, roll over and say "good morning, Angel" He would also say that I was his angel at different times during the day. He always told me that he wished he was talented enough to write me a song about why I was his angel and how much I meant to him. He told me he tried, but the words just wouldn't turn into the song he wanted. Shawn didn't need to write me a song for me to know how he felt about me. Shawn made it known to me every single day how much he loved me. To me a song wasn't going to change anything. Then one day while the two of us were snuggling on the couch listening to music we heard this song and saw the video to "Angel In My Eyes" on the TV. I remember the day like it was yesterday and it was over 10 years ago! Shawn looked at me and with amazement in his eyes told me that the words to that song explained exactly how he felt about me. Even before hearing this song Shawn told me that I was his angel because sometimes when I wasn't with him he could still feel me there and would almost get a chill from the feeling. He said that I was always guiding him to be a better person even when we weren't together and that the two of us made one complete person. So, this song, a song that I haven't heard in a very long time today has special meaning to me. Every time we would hear this song on the radio or TV Shawn would always sing it to me. I don't mean sing it while walking around. I mean sing it to me, while holding me and looking at me in the eyes. Oh, what I would give to have Shawn sing to me again! I miss Shawn so much! I was unexpectedly happy today to hear this song, but at the same time it took me right back to that special moment in time that is now only memory etched in my mind forever.
I've posted the video for you in case you want to give it a listen. However it's not the video from John Michael Montgomery. It's a video that goes to a soap opera, but the song is what you need to pay attention to. For those of you who don't want to watch the video I will type out the lyrics for you under the video.
I watch her lyin' in bed asleep
And I thank my lucky stars
For every second she is here with me
I wanna hold her in my arms
She's my day, she's my night
She is the breath that gives me life
But sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry
Sometimes we fight and don't know why
But no matter what she believes in me
She's the closest thing to Heaven I'll ever see
She'll always be the angel in my eyes
Sometimes I feel her by my side
Like she's watchin' over me
I get a chill runnin' down my spine
And that's all the proof I need
That she fills my heart, she fills my soul
She is the half that makes me whole
But sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry
Sometimes we fight and don't know why
But no matter what she believes in me
She's the closest thing to Heaven I'll ever see
She'll always be the angel in my eyes
But sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry
Sometimes we fight and don't know why
But no matter what she believes in me
She's the closest thing to Heaven I'll ever see
She'll always be the angel in my eyes
Who would have thought all those years ago that life would turn out how it has. Who would have thought that Shawn would really become my angel instead of him just calling me his? Who would have thought all those years ago that now so many years later I would be the one getting chills every now and then running down my spine because I can feel him watching over me. I can still feel him, even though he is so far away from me. Who would have thought that Shawn singing this song to me would have such a different meaning today than it did then?
I miss Shawn more today than I did yesterday. I miss him more this month than I did last month. I miss him more every single day and there is nothing that I wouldn't do to hear Shawn sing this song to me once again. However, I'm also grateful that I have the best Angel watching over me and guiding me every single day. I'm so grateful that Shawn is the Angel in my eyes.
All of a sudden a song that I haven't heard in years came on along with it's video. It's a song by John Michael Montgomery and it is called "Angel In My Eyes". This is a really special song to me and it instantly took me back to a moment in time. A moment when things were really really good. A moment when there was no grief, grieving or sadness in my life. You see from the very first night Shawn told me he loved me he called me his Angel. I'm not lying when I say this, he would call me his angel every single day. He would usually wake up, roll over and say "good morning, Angel" He would also say that I was his angel at different times during the day. He always told me that he wished he was talented enough to write me a song about why I was his angel and how much I meant to him. He told me he tried, but the words just wouldn't turn into the song he wanted. Shawn didn't need to write me a song for me to know how he felt about me. Shawn made it known to me every single day how much he loved me. To me a song wasn't going to change anything. Then one day while the two of us were snuggling on the couch listening to music we heard this song and saw the video to "Angel In My Eyes" on the TV. I remember the day like it was yesterday and it was over 10 years ago! Shawn looked at me and with amazement in his eyes told me that the words to that song explained exactly how he felt about me. Even before hearing this song Shawn told me that I was his angel because sometimes when I wasn't with him he could still feel me there and would almost get a chill from the feeling. He said that I was always guiding him to be a better person even when we weren't together and that the two of us made one complete person. So, this song, a song that I haven't heard in a very long time today has special meaning to me. Every time we would hear this song on the radio or TV Shawn would always sing it to me. I don't mean sing it while walking around. I mean sing it to me, while holding me and looking at me in the eyes. Oh, what I would give to have Shawn sing to me again! I miss Shawn so much! I was unexpectedly happy today to hear this song, but at the same time it took me right back to that special moment in time that is now only memory etched in my mind forever.
I've posted the video for you in case you want to give it a listen. However it's not the video from John Michael Montgomery. It's a video that goes to a soap opera, but the song is what you need to pay attention to. For those of you who don't want to watch the video I will type out the lyrics for you under the video.
I watch her lyin' in bed asleep
And I thank my lucky stars
For every second she is here with me
I wanna hold her in my arms
She's my day, she's my night
She is the breath that gives me life
But sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry
Sometimes we fight and don't know why
But no matter what she believes in me
She's the closest thing to Heaven I'll ever see
She'll always be the angel in my eyes
Sometimes I feel her by my side
Like she's watchin' over me
I get a chill runnin' down my spine
And that's all the proof I need
That she fills my heart, she fills my soul
She is the half that makes me whole
But sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry
Sometimes we fight and don't know why
But no matter what she believes in me
She's the closest thing to Heaven I'll ever see
She'll always be the angel in my eyes
But sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry
Sometimes we fight and don't know why
But no matter what she believes in me
She's the closest thing to Heaven I'll ever see
She'll always be the angel in my eyes
Who would have thought all those years ago that life would turn out how it has. Who would have thought that Shawn would really become my angel instead of him just calling me his? Who would have thought all those years ago that now so many years later I would be the one getting chills every now and then running down my spine because I can feel him watching over me. I can still feel him, even though he is so far away from me. Who would have thought that Shawn singing this song to me would have such a different meaning today than it did then?
I miss Shawn more today than I did yesterday. I miss him more this month than I did last month. I miss him more every single day and there is nothing that I wouldn't do to hear Shawn sing this song to me once again. However, I'm also grateful that I have the best Angel watching over me and guiding me every single day. I'm so grateful that Shawn is the Angel in my eyes.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A Mouse the Size of a Tyrannasaurus Rex!!
Hey, how do you all like this?? Two posts in two days...I'm on a roll!!
First and foremost let me start off my saying that I absolutely one hundred and fifty percent HATE mice and rats!! I mean I seriously can not stand them. I really would not be the least bit upset if all the mice and rats in this world wound up dead tomorrow morning. I know they are one of God's creatures, but I want nothing to do with them. To be honest I would rather have a snake crawl a crossed my face then have a mouse or rat be within 10 feet of me. I have no idea or can even begin to fathom how or why people think mice are cute. There is nothing cute about them! I mean the thought of their stubby little tail, sharp little claws, and their beady little eyes is just too much for me. I mean I'm seriously breaking out into little hives on my chest just thinking about them. YUCK!!!
Now on to the post....Do you all remember the post from last year when I went to the cemetery to see Shawn and ended up waist deep in a pile of snow? Well, if not follow the link to the post, I'm about certain many of you will end up laughing at me.
http://taleoftwocoins.blogspot.com/2009/01/this-might-make-you-laugh.html
Well, it turns out I got myself into another winter related cemetery experience yesterday. I thought I'd share this with you all, because well I share everything with you all, and mainly I think once again you all are going to get a good laugh.
Okay, so yesterday it was in the mid 50's here. The sun was shining bright and it was a gorgeous day and all the snow was melting so I knew there was no way possible that I was going to get stuck in a pile of snow again this year. So as I was driving home from the gym I decided to go to the cemetery since I hadn't been there in a while. I used to go the cemetery every other day, then once a week, every other week, and then once a month. However, I haven't been out there since Christmas, so I figured it was time to go. Plus I got thinking to myself that it is about time to take the grave blanket off of Shawn's grave. I figured I would kill two mice, oops I mean two birds with one stone and go visit Shawn and take the grave blanket off at the same time. Instead of crawling through or over snow banks like I did last year I slipped and slided in massive amounts of mud from all the snow melting...but it was all good. I went to Shawn's grave and talked to him for a little bit. It actually felt kind of good to be there with him since it had been so long since I was last there.
Anyways, after I was there for a while I decided I should pick up the grave blanket and put it in my car. I stupidly thought that I would just be able to pick it up by the handle and be on my merry little way. I was wrong. Seemed to be it was actually frozen into the ground. Great! Well, me being me and being a little on the stubborn side I was bound and determined to wiggle the thing free from the frozen earth. I walked around all four sides and wiggled it from the ice and snow as I went. I got both the top and the bottom to lift up and figured I was doing good. Then I went to the left side and tried to wiggle that free. However, it just wasn't budging and I could see where the base was actually covered in about an inch of ice. I gave up on that side and walked around to the other. I kicked around the edge and realized that I was moving it. I tried to pick it up, but it was still stuck. At this point I was starting to get a little irritated, but like I said I'm stubborn and wanted to take the grave blanket off and I didn't want anyone to help me do it. After all in a year and a half I've learned to become pretty independent, and well, I wanted to un-stick this damn thing on my own! As I'm standing there I'm thinking to myself...."self, you go to the gym every single day, you just bench pressed 80 pounds today, you can surely pick up an 8 pound grave blanket that is stuck in a little ice." Yes, those were the exact thoughts going through my head.
Alright, so I finally get the top, the bottom and the one edge free from the ice. So I go over to the side that is still very firmly implanted in the ground. I tried everything, but the damn thing would not even budge. Pissed as all hell I walk around to the other edge and figure that if I squat down and just lift up I will be able to flip it over and un-stick it that way. Keep in mind the entire time I'm doing this I'm having a full fledged conversation with Shawn. So I assume the squat position and prepare to simply lift up. I pick up the one edge and all of a sudden I hear the smallest little squeak ever. For some reason unknown to me I think nothing of this little squeak. I actually just thought it was the wet soggy wood rubbing against the styrofoam on the platform that holds the grave blanket. So I get into the squatting position one more time and lift up totally expecting the grave blanket to come free. WRONG!!! As I lifted up the three free edges came up (as was planned) but also TWO mice came running out from underneath it as well. Did you read that correctly...TWO mice not one came running out at me! Once of them even crawled up onto my hand!!!! I swear to you one of them was the size of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and the other was the size of a small horse. They were the biggest mice I had ever seen!!! I instantly started screaming, yelling, jumping up and down and flailing my arms around. I mean a mouse...a large mouse had JUST CRAWLED ON MY HAND!!! God, it was just awful!! As I'm jumping around acting like a total lunatic I'm actually yelling and telling Shawn that it was not funny and that he had better not be laughing at me from Heaven.
With all that the damn fourth edge never did come free from the ice! At that moment I decided to cave and not be so stubborn! I figured my Dad or someone other than me...who is not deathly scared of mice could go and free up the other edge and bring the grave blanket back home. God only knows how many other mice are living under there. Seriously, the thought of that makes my skin crawl!!! Even worse...what would have happened had I got the grave blanket up and put it in my car....mice would be crawling around IN MY CAR!!! I just could not even begin to handle that!!! Okay, I need to stop talking about this because I'm starting to get all rashy again.
Okay, okay, I have a confession to make...the mice weren't really the size of a T-Rex and a small horse. I maybe exaggerating a tad. I would say they were more the size of a Grizzly Bear and a large dog. Seriously, the were the biggest mice I had EVER seen!!
First and foremost let me start off my saying that I absolutely one hundred and fifty percent HATE mice and rats!! I mean I seriously can not stand them. I really would not be the least bit upset if all the mice and rats in this world wound up dead tomorrow morning. I know they are one of God's creatures, but I want nothing to do with them. To be honest I would rather have a snake crawl a crossed my face then have a mouse or rat be within 10 feet of me. I have no idea or can even begin to fathom how or why people think mice are cute. There is nothing cute about them! I mean the thought of their stubby little tail, sharp little claws, and their beady little eyes is just too much for me. I mean I'm seriously breaking out into little hives on my chest just thinking about them. YUCK!!!
Now on to the post....Do you all remember the post from last year when I went to the cemetery to see Shawn and ended up waist deep in a pile of snow? Well, if not follow the link to the post, I'm about certain many of you will end up laughing at me.
http://taleoftwocoins.blogspot.com/2009/01/this-might-make-you-laugh.html
Well, it turns out I got myself into another winter related cemetery experience yesterday. I thought I'd share this with you all, because well I share everything with you all, and mainly I think once again you all are going to get a good laugh.
Okay, so yesterday it was in the mid 50's here. The sun was shining bright and it was a gorgeous day and all the snow was melting so I knew there was no way possible that I was going to get stuck in a pile of snow again this year. So as I was driving home from the gym I decided to go to the cemetery since I hadn't been there in a while. I used to go the cemetery every other day, then once a week, every other week, and then once a month. However, I haven't been out there since Christmas, so I figured it was time to go. Plus I got thinking to myself that it is about time to take the grave blanket off of Shawn's grave. I figured I would kill two mice, oops I mean two birds with one stone and go visit Shawn and take the grave blanket off at the same time. Instead of crawling through or over snow banks like I did last year I slipped and slided in massive amounts of mud from all the snow melting...but it was all good. I went to Shawn's grave and talked to him for a little bit. It actually felt kind of good to be there with him since it had been so long since I was last there.
Anyways, after I was there for a while I decided I should pick up the grave blanket and put it in my car. I stupidly thought that I would just be able to pick it up by the handle and be on my merry little way. I was wrong. Seemed to be it was actually frozen into the ground. Great! Well, me being me and being a little on the stubborn side I was bound and determined to wiggle the thing free from the frozen earth. I walked around all four sides and wiggled it from the ice and snow as I went. I got both the top and the bottom to lift up and figured I was doing good. Then I went to the left side and tried to wiggle that free. However, it just wasn't budging and I could see where the base was actually covered in about an inch of ice. I gave up on that side and walked around to the other. I kicked around the edge and realized that I was moving it. I tried to pick it up, but it was still stuck. At this point I was starting to get a little irritated, but like I said I'm stubborn and wanted to take the grave blanket off and I didn't want anyone to help me do it. After all in a year and a half I've learned to become pretty independent, and well, I wanted to un-stick this damn thing on my own! As I'm standing there I'm thinking to myself...."self, you go to the gym every single day, you just bench pressed 80 pounds today, you can surely pick up an 8 pound grave blanket that is stuck in a little ice." Yes, those were the exact thoughts going through my head.
Alright, so I finally get the top, the bottom and the one edge free from the ice. So I go over to the side that is still very firmly implanted in the ground. I tried everything, but the damn thing would not even budge. Pissed as all hell I walk around to the other edge and figure that if I squat down and just lift up I will be able to flip it over and un-stick it that way. Keep in mind the entire time I'm doing this I'm having a full fledged conversation with Shawn. So I assume the squat position and prepare to simply lift up. I pick up the one edge and all of a sudden I hear the smallest little squeak ever. For some reason unknown to me I think nothing of this little squeak. I actually just thought it was the wet soggy wood rubbing against the styrofoam on the platform that holds the grave blanket. So I get into the squatting position one more time and lift up totally expecting the grave blanket to come free. WRONG!!! As I lifted up the three free edges came up (as was planned) but also TWO mice came running out from underneath it as well. Did you read that correctly...TWO mice not one came running out at me! Once of them even crawled up onto my hand!!!! I swear to you one of them was the size of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and the other was the size of a small horse. They were the biggest mice I had ever seen!!! I instantly started screaming, yelling, jumping up and down and flailing my arms around. I mean a mouse...a large mouse had JUST CRAWLED ON MY HAND!!! God, it was just awful!! As I'm jumping around acting like a total lunatic I'm actually yelling and telling Shawn that it was not funny and that he had better not be laughing at me from Heaven.
With all that the damn fourth edge never did come free from the ice! At that moment I decided to cave and not be so stubborn! I figured my Dad or someone other than me...who is not deathly scared of mice could go and free up the other edge and bring the grave blanket back home. God only knows how many other mice are living under there. Seriously, the thought of that makes my skin crawl!!! Even worse...what would have happened had I got the grave blanket up and put it in my car....mice would be crawling around IN MY CAR!!! I just could not even begin to handle that!!! Okay, I need to stop talking about this because I'm starting to get all rashy again.
Okay, okay, I have a confession to make...the mice weren't really the size of a T-Rex and a small horse. I maybe exaggerating a tad. I would say they were more the size of a Grizzly Bear and a large dog. Seriously, the were the biggest mice I had EVER seen!!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
We Call it the YoYo Effect
Hi friends, so so sorry that it has been a week again since my last post. I have no real reason for my lack of posting other than I have been busy. I hope I haven't turned too many of you off to reading The Tale of Two Coins with my scattered posts. I guess I'm still trying to get the hang of this entire girlfriend, working more, and not sitting home as much thing down. Please forgive me...I need you all right now.
Well, yesterday I had a day, not a horrible day, but a pretty crappy day none the less. A kind of day that I used to have all of the time and was starting to worry that I was going to get used to having them, but a type of day I've been blessed enough not to have had in a long time. I could kind of feel it brewing inside of me, all the many different types of emotions being stirred around inside of me. Sadly, I've been at this grief thing long enough to feel when it's coming on but because things have been going so well for me the last few months I think I just tucked all the yucky feelings away and hoped that they would make an appearance. Well, I was wrong! Just like it always has since the day Shawn died, and probably always will the grief bug jumped out and bit me in the butt.
Late Sunday night I stood in Mr. X's drive way and we talked about the great weekend that we had. We kissed good night and told each other we would see each other tomorrow. I guess you all need some background information here. For the last month or so I have had a few sleep overs at Mr. X's house. I have never once felt any guilt at all about sleeping at his house, in his bed with him. Since the first night I stayed with him it has felt right, safe and very comfortable. That's how I figured our relationship was a good thing, because it felt right and there was no guilt. So on Sunday we stood talking and kissing in his driveway. We said our good nights and then I got into my car and started to drive home. All of a sudden it hit me, an overwhelming empty sad feeling. It just kind of washed over me. Well, at that moment I didn't feel like breaking down so I put a "happy" cd into the radio and jammed away, tucking the yucky stuff down just a bit more. (From day one I've been told that tucking your feelings away is a bad thing, and I agree with that and know that, but I'm stubborn and didn't want to deal with it then, so I tucked them away) When I got home I did a few things in my room and crawled into bed. Once again I felt sadness.
Then it hit me...I was feeling sad because I'm getting used to being with and sleeping next to Mr. X. I'm was getting used to falling asleep in his arms, waking up next to him, having him kiss me good bye in the morning, and getting used to telling him "see you later" At that moment I realized I was laying in and falling asleep in my big "empty" bed. A bed that Shawn and I shared for so many years, but now it was just my bed. It really over came me as a strange feeling. I went from sleeping in my bed with Shawn every night for 10 years, to hating being in my bed right after Shawn died, to learning to fall asleep and wake up alone every morning and night, to after a year almost getting used to sleeping alone, and now to all of a sudden not wanting to sleep alone because I want to sleep next to Mr. X. Explain to me how that happens! I'm not sure why but on Sunday night I was baffled by the whole idea of it. I mean how can I miss sleeping next to Shawn, get used to sleeping alone, and then wanting and feeling the need to sleep next to another man! Can we say confusing?! So, with that thought running around in my mind I tired to go to sleep. Boy, did I try, but sleep was just not happening for me on Sunday night. At one point I wasn't even thinking about anything, I was just laying there staring at the ceiling. The last time I looked at the clock was 5:00 a.m. I slept like a baby from 5:00 to 5:50 when my alarm went off. Go figure!
I knew as soon as I woke up Monday morning it was going to be a shitty day. I was sooo tired, which is never good for me, but then as I stepped out of bed I stepped on the plastic part of Bo's collar and it frickin' hurt. Great! At that moment I told myself that i knew it was going to be a shitty day, and to just let it happen, because in the end I knew I would feel better. And a shitty day it was. I think I felt about every human emotion known to man yesterday. I was happy, sad, excited, overwhelmed, angry, and depressed all at one time. Oh yeah, I also cried on and off for a good hour in the morning. Too make matters worse I was at work (I babysit a 5 and 3 year old) I was trying not to cry because I didn't want to upset the kids. The three year old little girl kept telling me, "Don't cry, you want me to kiss it?" Huh, that only made me cry harder.
As it turns out I wasn't the only one having a difficult day yesterday. Remember the post about my three friends who are young widows as well? Well, two of them had a crappy day yesterday too. So the three of us met for dinner and drinks. We talked about so many things last night, we talked about dating (each of us have started dating again), death, love, our futures, our husbands, and about grief. At the end of our conversation we came to this consensus about grief. Number one, it's like a disease that you have to get used to living with because it's never going away. At over a year and a half I like to say it doesn't get easier because it doesn't, but rather you just learn to live with it in a different way. Nothing about losing your husband or the grief that it brings is easy. The second thing we said is that grief is like a yoyo. It pulls you up and down by it's string when you least expect it. You can be going about your merry little business and all of a sudden the string is being pulled up, and there you are dangling in the air again, feeling a million emotions at the same time. The three of us also figure that it will be like that for some time to come. Yes, we are all living our lives again, we are all dating people, working our jobs again, learning and finding a new happiness, and even looking forward to our futures once again. We have all accepted what happened to us...our husbands died and our life and our future changed in an instant. Our future's are scary now because we have all lost that since of security that our husbands brought us. We have all accepted and dealt with that, however at the end of the day we each which that things could be "normal" again and that we could have what was instead of what is. Last night all three of us said that we have come worlds away from where we all were a year ago, but at the same time we also each said that we would give just about anything to have our husbands hold us and tell us everything was going to be ok again. The thought of Shawn holding me and telling me everything will be ok would be about the best thing right now. For now, I can still feel Shawn with me, I know he is helping me each and every day and for that I'm grateful.
Aside from the fact that I was just plain tired yesterday I think a lot of my issue yesterday was brought on by my relationship with Mr. X. Things are going GREAT!!! I'm actually amazed at how well things are going. I talk about Shawn with him and he gets it, he wants to be able to help me when I have crappy days. We spend lots and lots of time together and we get along so well and have a lot of the same interests. Like I've said before, I almost feel like in a way Shawn hand picked him for me. However, it's still a new relationship and all new relationships take time before they turn into a great relationship. For me it's kind of hard being the "girlfriend" instead of the "wife". I'm used to being the wife, it's who I am, it's what I know how to do, and being a wife is always what I've wanted to be. Being a girlfriend is totally different and i must admit it's taking some getting used too. I don't want to come a crossed too "wifey", but at the same time, I know I can offer more than your typical girlfriend. If that makes any sense at all. So for me it's kind of like a balancing act, like I'm trying to find a happy medium. Mr. X tells me all the time that I'm doing great so I'm going with that and trusting in the fact that it will all work out.
I also miss all those special moments you share with only your husband. Like the secret little jokes that only the two of you understand. The looks that you flash each other, that only the other knows about. Myself and Mr. X have started to have a few of those moments, but they still aren't the same as the moments I had with Shawn. I know they won't be, and I don't expect them to be, but at the same time..I miss those types of moments. I know as time goes on and as Mr. X and I develop our relationship more and more of those moments will happen for us. My relationship with Shawn developed over time and over years. I can only expect that my relationship with Mr. X will do the same.
So there you have it...why we call grief the yoyo effect. You can be happy one minute, and down the next. You feel so many emotions at one time it's hard to know which way is up from time to time. Grief is like a yoyo...pulling you by the string and leaving to to dangle for a while, then the string is released and everything is good. Until the next trigger and the string (grief) pulls you up again.
Well, yesterday I had a day, not a horrible day, but a pretty crappy day none the less. A kind of day that I used to have all of the time and was starting to worry that I was going to get used to having them, but a type of day I've been blessed enough not to have had in a long time. I could kind of feel it brewing inside of me, all the many different types of emotions being stirred around inside of me. Sadly, I've been at this grief thing long enough to feel when it's coming on but because things have been going so well for me the last few months I think I just tucked all the yucky feelings away and hoped that they would make an appearance. Well, I was wrong! Just like it always has since the day Shawn died, and probably always will the grief bug jumped out and bit me in the butt.
Late Sunday night I stood in Mr. X's drive way and we talked about the great weekend that we had. We kissed good night and told each other we would see each other tomorrow. I guess you all need some background information here. For the last month or so I have had a few sleep overs at Mr. X's house. I have never once felt any guilt at all about sleeping at his house, in his bed with him. Since the first night I stayed with him it has felt right, safe and very comfortable. That's how I figured our relationship was a good thing, because it felt right and there was no guilt. So on Sunday we stood talking and kissing in his driveway. We said our good nights and then I got into my car and started to drive home. All of a sudden it hit me, an overwhelming empty sad feeling. It just kind of washed over me. Well, at that moment I didn't feel like breaking down so I put a "happy" cd into the radio and jammed away, tucking the yucky stuff down just a bit more. (From day one I've been told that tucking your feelings away is a bad thing, and I agree with that and know that, but I'm stubborn and didn't want to deal with it then, so I tucked them away) When I got home I did a few things in my room and crawled into bed. Once again I felt sadness.
Then it hit me...I was feeling sad because I'm getting used to being with and sleeping next to Mr. X. I'm was getting used to falling asleep in his arms, waking up next to him, having him kiss me good bye in the morning, and getting used to telling him "see you later" At that moment I realized I was laying in and falling asleep in my big "empty" bed. A bed that Shawn and I shared for so many years, but now it was just my bed. It really over came me as a strange feeling. I went from sleeping in my bed with Shawn every night for 10 years, to hating being in my bed right after Shawn died, to learning to fall asleep and wake up alone every morning and night, to after a year almost getting used to sleeping alone, and now to all of a sudden not wanting to sleep alone because I want to sleep next to Mr. X. Explain to me how that happens! I'm not sure why but on Sunday night I was baffled by the whole idea of it. I mean how can I miss sleeping next to Shawn, get used to sleeping alone, and then wanting and feeling the need to sleep next to another man! Can we say confusing?! So, with that thought running around in my mind I tired to go to sleep. Boy, did I try, but sleep was just not happening for me on Sunday night. At one point I wasn't even thinking about anything, I was just laying there staring at the ceiling. The last time I looked at the clock was 5:00 a.m. I slept like a baby from 5:00 to 5:50 when my alarm went off. Go figure!
I knew as soon as I woke up Monday morning it was going to be a shitty day. I was sooo tired, which is never good for me, but then as I stepped out of bed I stepped on the plastic part of Bo's collar and it frickin' hurt. Great! At that moment I told myself that i knew it was going to be a shitty day, and to just let it happen, because in the end I knew I would feel better. And a shitty day it was. I think I felt about every human emotion known to man yesterday. I was happy, sad, excited, overwhelmed, angry, and depressed all at one time. Oh yeah, I also cried on and off for a good hour in the morning. Too make matters worse I was at work (I babysit a 5 and 3 year old) I was trying not to cry because I didn't want to upset the kids. The three year old little girl kept telling me, "Don't cry, you want me to kiss it?" Huh, that only made me cry harder.
As it turns out I wasn't the only one having a difficult day yesterday. Remember the post about my three friends who are young widows as well? Well, two of them had a crappy day yesterday too. So the three of us met for dinner and drinks. We talked about so many things last night, we talked about dating (each of us have started dating again), death, love, our futures, our husbands, and about grief. At the end of our conversation we came to this consensus about grief. Number one, it's like a disease that you have to get used to living with because it's never going away. At over a year and a half I like to say it doesn't get easier because it doesn't, but rather you just learn to live with it in a different way. Nothing about losing your husband or the grief that it brings is easy. The second thing we said is that grief is like a yoyo. It pulls you up and down by it's string when you least expect it. You can be going about your merry little business and all of a sudden the string is being pulled up, and there you are dangling in the air again, feeling a million emotions at the same time. The three of us also figure that it will be like that for some time to come. Yes, we are all living our lives again, we are all dating people, working our jobs again, learning and finding a new happiness, and even looking forward to our futures once again. We have all accepted what happened to us...our husbands died and our life and our future changed in an instant. Our future's are scary now because we have all lost that since of security that our husbands brought us. We have all accepted and dealt with that, however at the end of the day we each which that things could be "normal" again and that we could have what was instead of what is. Last night all three of us said that we have come worlds away from where we all were a year ago, but at the same time we also each said that we would give just about anything to have our husbands hold us and tell us everything was going to be ok again. The thought of Shawn holding me and telling me everything will be ok would be about the best thing right now. For now, I can still feel Shawn with me, I know he is helping me each and every day and for that I'm grateful.
Aside from the fact that I was just plain tired yesterday I think a lot of my issue yesterday was brought on by my relationship with Mr. X. Things are going GREAT!!! I'm actually amazed at how well things are going. I talk about Shawn with him and he gets it, he wants to be able to help me when I have crappy days. We spend lots and lots of time together and we get along so well and have a lot of the same interests. Like I've said before, I almost feel like in a way Shawn hand picked him for me. However, it's still a new relationship and all new relationships take time before they turn into a great relationship. For me it's kind of hard being the "girlfriend" instead of the "wife". I'm used to being the wife, it's who I am, it's what I know how to do, and being a wife is always what I've wanted to be. Being a girlfriend is totally different and i must admit it's taking some getting used too. I don't want to come a crossed too "wifey", but at the same time, I know I can offer more than your typical girlfriend. If that makes any sense at all. So for me it's kind of like a balancing act, like I'm trying to find a happy medium. Mr. X tells me all the time that I'm doing great so I'm going with that and trusting in the fact that it will all work out.
I also miss all those special moments you share with only your husband. Like the secret little jokes that only the two of you understand. The looks that you flash each other, that only the other knows about. Myself and Mr. X have started to have a few of those moments, but they still aren't the same as the moments I had with Shawn. I know they won't be, and I don't expect them to be, but at the same time..I miss those types of moments. I know as time goes on and as Mr. X and I develop our relationship more and more of those moments will happen for us. My relationship with Shawn developed over time and over years. I can only expect that my relationship with Mr. X will do the same.
So there you have it...why we call grief the yoyo effect. You can be happy one minute, and down the next. You feel so many emotions at one time it's hard to know which way is up from time to time. Grief is like a yoyo...pulling you by the string and leaving to to dangle for a while, then the string is released and everything is good. Until the next trigger and the string (grief) pulls you up again.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
A Survey of Me
Well here it is almost a week since my last post. I really need to work on being busy, but still finding time to post. How do you all do it? I do have a post in mind, but it's a little more serious in nature. For some reason the "meatier" (is that a word?) take me a while longer to write and I just don't have that amount of time today. I've been running non-stop since 8:00 this morning and have literally mounds of laundry to put away before I leave again at 5:00. What's a girl to do? Anyways, I got this email a few days ago and thought I would save it for a post on a day I was in a time crunch, plus I've gotten a few emails from some new readers asking more about me o this post will do double duty. I hope this doesn't bore those of you who have been reading for a while.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:45 a.m.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds usually, although I have been really starting to like pearls the last few months.3. What was the last film you saw at the movie Theater? Valentine's Day. Don't waster your money, wait for it to come out on video!
4. What is your favorite TV show? I hate to say it, but I'm a big trash tv junkey. I love Real Housewives of New York and Orange County, The Bachelore/Bachelorette (don't even get me started on last night), and Dancing With The Stars. In the non trash variety I love Criminal Minds, it's a great show, but I mainly watch for Shemare Moore...HOT!!5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Either half a bagel with butter or a small bowl of oat meal, or a protein shake.
6. What is your middle name? Ann7. What food do you dislike? Seafood and fish of just about every kind.
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I'm totally loving Lady Antebellum's new CD "Need You Now" Go out and buy it, it's a great!! 9. What kind of car do you drive? 2009 white Saturn Vue
10. Favorite sandwich? Hands down peanut butter and strawberry jelly11. What characteristic do you despise? People who will stab you in the back and then act like they are your friend.
12. Favorite item of clothing? Hands down...blue jeans and shoes, especially sandles!
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where? I would love to go to Australia sometime. 12. Favorite item of clothing? Hands down...blue jeans and shoes, especially sandles!
14. Favorite brand of clothing? I will wear anything that is on sale, but I have to saw I love BKE brand jeans. They fit me so great!
15. Where would you retire to? I would love to go someplace warm, but the more I think aobut it I just want to be near my friends and family.16. What was your most memorable birthday? Probably when I turned 30. Shawn gave me a great gift...my journy diamond necklace, which was my last gift from him. I also went out with all the football wives and we had a great time!
17. Favorite sport to watch? Uhmm can we say College Football??!! I do however love all sports, baseball, hockey, and basketball.18. Furthest place you are sending this? I have no idea. I know I have readers all over the place.
19. Person you expect to send it back first? Not sure, I guess who ever wants to use this as a blog post.20. When is your birthday? November 2
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? I guess it depends on how you want to look at it. I hate getting up in the morning, but I will if I have too. I also never used to stay up late, but now it seems like I see more and more late nights than I used to.
22. Favorite Color? Blue
23. Pets? A Boston Terrier named Bo. Hey, I should give you all a Bo update soon.
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Does I'm leaving for Mexico in 23 days sound exciting to you? Or how about when I get back myself, Mr. X, and a big group of his friends are going to opening day at Tigers Stadium!! Can't wait for either!!
25. What did you want to be when you were little? A Teacher
26. How are you today? Still missing Shawn so so much, still trying to figure out who I am, but also loving spending time with Mr. X and finding out where our relationship is going...nerve wracking but exciting all at the same time.
27. What is your favorite candy? That would be a tie between Reece's Peanut butter cups or Jelly Belly's.
28. What is your favorite flower? It's a tie between Hydrangea's and tulips. When I was married my bridesmaids carried hydrangea's for the bouquets.
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? March 27, that is when I leave for Mexico.
30. What's your full name? Jennifer Ann Coin
31. What are you listening to right now? The fan
32. What was the last thing you ate? The best grilled cheese sandwich ever!
33. Do you wish on stars? From time to time
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I don't know...maybe a shade of teal
35. How is the weather right now? Today was about 40 and sunny! Come on spring!!
36.The 1st person you spoke to on the phone today? My friend Shirley
37. Favorite soft drink? Diet Coke, without a doubt in my mind.
38 Favorite restaurants? Any place where they serve good Mexican food. Or the Olive Garden
39. Real hair color? Dark Brown
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? No idea about my first toy, I'm guessing some sort of a doll.
41. Summer or winter? SUMMER!!!!
42. Hugs or kisses? I like both
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Depends. I hate chocolate cake, love vanilla cake. Hate vanilla candy, but love chocolate candy.
44. Coffee or tea? Coffee
45. Do you want your friends to email you back? If you want to use this on your blog go right on a head.
46. When was the last time you cried? I hate this question. I cried last week.
47.What is under your bed? Random boxes from when I moved back home.
48. What did you do last night? Hung out with Mr. X-we watched The Bachelor together.
49. What are you afraid of? Losing another person that I love.
50. Salty or sweet? Salty
51. How many keys on your key ring? 4
52. How many years at your current job? I've worked with children since I have been 15 so I guess for 17 years
53. Favorite day of the week? Friday
54. How many Towns have you lived in? 5
55. Do you make friends easily? I would say yes
56. Favorite smell? I used to love when Shawn would come home from work. I would give him a big hug and smell his cologne on his skin. That was one of my favorite smells ever. If I had to pick something now it would be a baby, or baking bread.
I hope you enjoyed this. Feel free to use this on your blog, it's always fun to get to know each other a bit more.
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? I guess it depends on how you want to look at it. I hate getting up in the morning, but I will if I have too. I also never used to stay up late, but now it seems like I see more and more late nights than I used to.
22. Favorite Color? Blue
23. Pets? A Boston Terrier named Bo. Hey, I should give you all a Bo update soon.
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Does I'm leaving for Mexico in 23 days sound exciting to you? Or how about when I get back myself, Mr. X, and a big group of his friends are going to opening day at Tigers Stadium!! Can't wait for either!!
25. What did you want to be when you were little? A Teacher
26. How are you today? Still missing Shawn so so much, still trying to figure out who I am, but also loving spending time with Mr. X and finding out where our relationship is going...nerve wracking but exciting all at the same time.
27. What is your favorite candy? That would be a tie between Reece's Peanut butter cups or Jelly Belly's.
28. What is your favorite flower? It's a tie between Hydrangea's and tulips. When I was married my bridesmaids carried hydrangea's for the bouquets.
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? March 27, that is when I leave for Mexico.
30. What's your full name? Jennifer Ann Coin
31. What are you listening to right now? The fan
32. What was the last thing you ate? The best grilled cheese sandwich ever!
33. Do you wish on stars? From time to time
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I don't know...maybe a shade of teal
35. How is the weather right now? Today was about 40 and sunny! Come on spring!!
36.The 1st person you spoke to on the phone today? My friend Shirley
37. Favorite soft drink? Diet Coke, without a doubt in my mind.
38 Favorite restaurants? Any place where they serve good Mexican food. Or the Olive Garden
39. Real hair color? Dark Brown
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? No idea about my first toy, I'm guessing some sort of a doll.
41. Summer or winter? SUMMER!!!!
42. Hugs or kisses? I like both
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Depends. I hate chocolate cake, love vanilla cake. Hate vanilla candy, but love chocolate candy.
44. Coffee or tea? Coffee
45. Do you want your friends to email you back? If you want to use this on your blog go right on a head.
46. When was the last time you cried? I hate this question. I cried last week.
47.What is under your bed? Random boxes from when I moved back home.
48. What did you do last night? Hung out with Mr. X-we watched The Bachelor together.
49. What are you afraid of? Losing another person that I love.
50. Salty or sweet? Salty
51. How many keys on your key ring? 4
52. How many years at your current job? I've worked with children since I have been 15 so I guess for 17 years
53. Favorite day of the week? Friday
54. How many Towns have you lived in? 5
55. Do you make friends easily? I would say yes
56. Favorite smell? I used to love when Shawn would come home from work. I would give him a big hug and smell his cologne on his skin. That was one of my favorite smells ever. If I had to pick something now it would be a baby, or baking bread.
I hope you enjoyed this. Feel free to use this on your blog, it's always fun to get to know each other a bit more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
