May 19, 2001 a day that will always have special meaning to me. It will also always be one of the best days of my life. Ten years ago today I married on of the greatest men I had ever known!
It kind of blows my mind to think about being married for ten years. It seems like such a long time, I guess it is a long time, a really long time, especially when you think about how long marriages seem to last these days or rather don't last. Was my marriage with Shawn perfect? No, not at all, we had a fair share of "issues" but we always worked through them, we chose to work through them and we communicated with each other. Did we fight? No, hardly at all but of course we did, and when we did they were usually HUGE fights. Every marriage has it's fights and it's ups and downs, but we always worked through our issues. More important that anything we loved each other with all of our hearts. We would do anything for each other and we were always there for each other. We grew up together, helped each other grow and change. I would like to think I helped in in areas of his life and I know he helped me in areas of mine. A huge part of my personality is because of him. A huge part of the strength that I have is because of him and the strength he instilled in me. Maybe in some weird way he knew something was going to happen and was preparing me to live without him. Either way, without him I know I would not be who I am today, and I'm so grateful and blessed for how Shawn impacted my life. How he still impacts my life. There are many situations that I think to myself, "How would Shawn handle this?" Or " What would Shawn think of this?"
I remember most details of my wedding day. It was a beautiful spring day, deep blue sky, warm and lots of sun. I stayed the night at my parents house and Shawn called me in the morning and told me how excited he was to have me finally be his wife and how anxious he was to start our life together. The rest of the day I went about my business, hair, make-up, and getting into my dress. The whole day just felt "right". Just before I walked down the aisle my Dad looked at me and asked if I was nervous. I told him only because everyone was staring at me but not because I was getting married. It felt right, it felt really right and there was no reason to be nervous.
I caught Shawn's eye standing up at the alter waiting for me. I saw his smile and totally forgot about everyone and everything else. I was going to be his wife and that was all that mattered. Of course I cried when I said my vows to him. We were really young when we got married 23 and 24 I remember laughing at the line "in sickness and in health" and "till death us do part", nothing was going to happen to us. We were young and had our entire lives in front of us and it was going to be a great life. I'm telling you the two of us had some big, big plans! The rest of the night went off without a hitch. Our reception was while a little on the quiet side but was right for us at the time, nothing wild or crazy. We went to sleep that night as husband and wife and it felt amazing. Little did we know that only seven years later things would drastically change.
Today, at ten years after our wedding I look at life in a totally different way. I have learned to live life to the fullest and love more than ever because you never know what tomorrow will bring. My tomorrow changed in a heartbeat. I have also learned to love in a different way than I did before Shawn died. If it makes any sense I think I love "more" and "harder" because I know for a fact how quickly it all can end. I now say "I love you" to everyone, my family, and my friends and I never used to do that before. I always thought I would have tomorrow to tell them, and well, that's just not the case.
I got up this morning and of course remembered it was the ten year anniversary of our marriage. However, unlike the last two years I wasn't really sad. I took some time and remembered the day and the many memories that Shawn and I made for ourselves. I took a bouquet of yellow roses out to the cemetery and stayed out there for a while. I thanked Shawn for loving me, for letting me be his wife and for helping to make me who I am today. I also thanked him for teaching me how to love someone with all of my heart and soul. Of course I told him that I loved, will always love and miss him. And I did it all without crying or cracking into a million little pieces. I got into the car, turned the radio station and wouldn't you know it our wedding song, "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait was on the radio. I'm not even kidding, the second I got in the car from visiting his grave the song came on. A sign from Shawn, or just an odd coincidence? I have no idea but it gave me goose bumps and made me smile.
A marriage with love and respect of two people, what more could I ask for? Not a whole lot more. Even though my life and marriage with Shawn was cut short I will be forever grateful for the time I had with him. It was a great seven years, I will never forget it and it will always be a part of me, forever. I'm also grateful for the type of love that Shawn and I had. While it was unique and something special between just the two of us it taught me to love again. Because of the love and relationship that Shawn and I had I realized I didn't want to close my heart off to options of loving another man after his death. It took a long while to get to that point, but I'm so glad I realized that. After a long time I realized I wanted to be able to share the love that I have with another man and create another life of love between a man and a woman. Would a relationship with another man be the same as my relationship with Shawn? No absolutely not! Nor do I want it to be. However, with the love that Shawn and I had I can and I want to share that with another great guy. I am so lucky to be able to share and have that type of love with Ry. Our relationship is different that my relationship with Shawn, but that is ok. I'm grateful that the two relationships are different. I'm grateful that I am able to love, be in love and to be loved back by two amazing men! I am one lucky girl!
I think my facebook status this morning sums it up the best, I wrote:
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
What I'm Loving....
I've seen the "what I'm loving" posts and thought that I would share some of what I'm loving right now with all of you. (Well, those of you who still read my blog) It was actually kind of hard right now to narrow down the list of things that I'm loving because I'm loving so much right now, but here are just a few things.
Two weeks ago when my brother got married I didn't have time to get my nails done at a salon. I figured what the heck, I would just do them my self. I went to the store and quickly grabbed Sally Hanson's Color Quick Fast Dry nail pen. I did not believe the "fast dry" bit for one second. But let me tell you it's no lie, it does dry fast. The morning of the wedding I didn't have time to do my nails. So I kid you not ten minutes before we walked down the aisle, I brushed on the polish. Not one, but two coats. I am not even kidding it dried in an instant and I did not have one single smudge. Not one! Amazing! Even better it lasted for just about two weeks without even chipping...totally unbelievable! I plan on going to the store and getting a few more colors.
Today I was running errands in town and I was getting a little bit thirsty. I had a Starbucks gift certificate left from Christmas so I decided to swing through the drive through. I was going to get my staple "summer" coffee an Iced Caramel Macchiato but as I pulled up to order I saw the word "coconut" and got all happy. They now have Mocha Coconut Frappucino, it was heavenly! It was a little bit of coffee, (well maybe more than a little bit), yummy chocolate, and coconut all rolled into one summery yummy delicious drink! I can't begin to tell you how yummy it was, just go and try one for yourself. I however did not like the nutrition facts I read on it once I got home. A little scary actually how many calories were in that size small yummy drink that I slurped down in about ten minutes. However as I was looking at their website I saw that they also have a Mocha Coconut Frappucino Light blended coffee. I will for sure be getting that next time.
The next thing that I'm loving is my new gym. A few weeks ago I left a comment on a friend's Facebook telling her what a good job she was doing working out called Seung-ni fittness. Well, she invited me to go with her to a class. I wasn't so sure I could hang there. I have heard lots about this particular place and from what I was hearing it's no easy task. I heard that they really work you there and there is no messing around. However, I have also heard that after only a few classes you begin to see results. So, I decided to suck it up and go with her. OMG!!! What I was hearing was no lie. It has by far been the HARDEST workouts I have ever done in my life. I'm talking dripping in sweat in less than ten minutes into the class. I won't even tell you what I look like after 60 minutes of the ass kicking workout! GROSS!!!
I have done the kickboxing class and the body sculpt classes. The kickboxing was the hardest thing I have ever ever done, but you burn about 1,500 calories in the 60 minutes class. However, I felt like I was going to puke the entire class and it took my heart rate about a half hour after the class was over to go back to normal. (yeah, I'm totally out of shape) I figure I will do the kickboxing class a few times a month. Then the class I love the most is body sculpt...you work upper body for 20 minutes, back and abs for 20 minutes and legs for twenty minutes. It is totally intense and you do a TON of reps, but you get amazing results and fast. Not to mention how great I feel after doing it. On a side not I also have never been so sore in my life! But I guess it's a good kind of sore...in an ass kicking kind of way.
Have you been to Bath and Body works lately? They have a whole bunch of new scents with coconut. Can you tell I have a "thing" for coconut? Love it...love to eat it, love the smell of it...just love it. Anyhow, the Coconut Hawaii Shower gel and lotion is amazingly good. I love the way it makes the entire bathroom smell, not to mention I like how it makes me smell too:)
Okay, these next two little items I'm so loving and I never thought I would have. We all know that the skinny jeans or leggings with a flowy top, paired with a cute little pair of ballet shoes are in style now. Right? Well I for one have always hated flat shoes. I'm not sure what it is about flats but I just don't like them. I guess it's because I'm short and like the pointy toe and high heel kind of look. I also think the whole ballet flat thing doesn't work for me because I'm already short and I think a short shoe will make me "feel" shorter. Does that make any sense? Well earlier this week I decided to bite the bullet, go with what fashion is telling me to do and I got two different pairs of flats
Number 1
Number 2 (except the ones I got are a light khaki color)
I wore the khaki ones today with a pair of skinny jeans and a long t-shirt and I loved them. I don't even think they made me look all that short. I can't wait til it gets a little warmer and I can wear the snake skin ones with a pair of black shorts that I have. What do you all think about the ballet flats? Do you have them, should I ditch my standard flip flops and get more?
I don't have a picture for this one but I wanted to tell you guys that I still love blogging and reading blogs. However, I'm totally 100% loving the fact that my life is so busy and full now that I hardly have time to write a post. I still read all of your blogs every single day, I comment a few times a week. But I just don't have the time I used to to write four to five posts a week. I'm going to try to post two times a week and see how that goes for a while. Hope you are all okay with that and will still read my blog. But life is good and I'm loving that right now.
Two weeks ago when my brother got married I didn't have time to get my nails done at a salon. I figured what the heck, I would just do them my self. I went to the store and quickly grabbed Sally Hanson's Color Quick Fast Dry nail pen. I did not believe the "fast dry" bit for one second. But let me tell you it's no lie, it does dry fast. The morning of the wedding I didn't have time to do my nails. So I kid you not ten minutes before we walked down the aisle, I brushed on the polish. Not one, but two coats. I am not even kidding it dried in an instant and I did not have one single smudge. Not one! Amazing! Even better it lasted for just about two weeks without even chipping...totally unbelievable! I plan on going to the store and getting a few more colors.
Today I was running errands in town and I was getting a little bit thirsty. I had a Starbucks gift certificate left from Christmas so I decided to swing through the drive through. I was going to get my staple "summer" coffee an Iced Caramel Macchiato but as I pulled up to order I saw the word "coconut" and got all happy. They now have Mocha Coconut Frappucino, it was heavenly! It was a little bit of coffee, (well maybe more than a little bit), yummy chocolate, and coconut all rolled into one summery yummy delicious drink! I can't begin to tell you how yummy it was, just go and try one for yourself. I however did not like the nutrition facts I read on it once I got home. A little scary actually how many calories were in that size small yummy drink that I slurped down in about ten minutes. However as I was looking at their website I saw that they also have a Mocha Coconut Frappucino Light blended coffee. I will for sure be getting that next time.
The next thing that I'm loving is my new gym. A few weeks ago I left a comment on a friend's Facebook telling her what a good job she was doing working out called Seung-ni fittness. Well, she invited me to go with her to a class. I wasn't so sure I could hang there. I have heard lots about this particular place and from what I was hearing it's no easy task. I heard that they really work you there and there is no messing around. However, I have also heard that after only a few classes you begin to see results. So, I decided to suck it up and go with her. OMG!!! What I was hearing was no lie. It has by far been the HARDEST workouts I have ever done in my life. I'm talking dripping in sweat in less than ten minutes into the class. I won't even tell you what I look like after 60 minutes of the ass kicking workout! GROSS!!!
I have done the kickboxing class and the body sculpt classes. The kickboxing was the hardest thing I have ever ever done, but you burn about 1,500 calories in the 60 minutes class. However, I felt like I was going to puke the entire class and it took my heart rate about a half hour after the class was over to go back to normal. (yeah, I'm totally out of shape) I figure I will do the kickboxing class a few times a month. Then the class I love the most is body sculpt...you work upper body for 20 minutes, back and abs for 20 minutes and legs for twenty minutes. It is totally intense and you do a TON of reps, but you get amazing results and fast. Not to mention how great I feel after doing it. On a side not I also have never been so sore in my life! But I guess it's a good kind of sore...in an ass kicking kind of way.
Have you been to Bath and Body works lately? They have a whole bunch of new scents with coconut. Can you tell I have a "thing" for coconut? Love it...love to eat it, love the smell of it...just love it. Anyhow, the Coconut Hawaii Shower gel and lotion is amazingly good. I love the way it makes the entire bathroom smell, not to mention I like how it makes me smell too:)
Okay, these next two little items I'm so loving and I never thought I would have. We all know that the skinny jeans or leggings with a flowy top, paired with a cute little pair of ballet shoes are in style now. Right? Well I for one have always hated flat shoes. I'm not sure what it is about flats but I just don't like them. I guess it's because I'm short and like the pointy toe and high heel kind of look. I also think the whole ballet flat thing doesn't work for me because I'm already short and I think a short shoe will make me "feel" shorter. Does that make any sense? Well earlier this week I decided to bite the bullet, go with what fashion is telling me to do and I got two different pairs of flats
Number 1
Number 2 (except the ones I got are a light khaki color)
I wore the khaki ones today with a pair of skinny jeans and a long t-shirt and I loved them. I don't even think they made me look all that short. I can't wait til it gets a little warmer and I can wear the snake skin ones with a pair of black shorts that I have. What do you all think about the ballet flats? Do you have them, should I ditch my standard flip flops and get more?
I don't have a picture for this one but I wanted to tell you guys that I still love blogging and reading blogs. However, I'm totally 100% loving the fact that my life is so busy and full now that I hardly have time to write a post. I still read all of your blogs every single day, I comment a few times a week. But I just don't have the time I used to to write four to five posts a week. I'm going to try to post two times a week and see how that goes for a while. Hope you are all okay with that and will still read my blog. But life is good and I'm loving that right now.
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