fear

There's so much to write about, and lord knows there's so much going on in my head that I know I have to express through writing, but for some reason, I hold myself back. I am afraid of my own ideas, and how I fear they may be shot down for lack of analysis or depth or relevance. As a self-proclaimed new media scholar I should be posting non-stop on my blog about the things that are happening online and offline, especially after so many things have happened recently:


the Rhian-Mo scandal
the Coca-Cola viral video
the Midas Marquez TV grab
YouTUbe's Philippine outpost
iPhone 4s in the Philippines
the upcoming social media summit in ateneo
our own websites and web strategies in the college
creating an online presence
getting people to create an online presence


I can't seem to get past the things "I must do" for the things I know I should be doing. I don't know why I am distracted. Or maybe I am just editing myself. I am afraid of being wrong and humiliated. I sometimes give off the impression that I know my shit, but actually I feel like I don't know squat. That's why sometimes I can't seem to assert myself.


I don't know what to do.


I wish I could assert the new media courses in the MA curriculum but I feel I will not be able to defend it. I am afraid, but I know I should try. However sometimes I feel I don't have others' support. I dunno. I'm so confused and disappointed. I wish I could talk to someone about this. 


I want to try. Ok, there. I will try. I will do. Tomorrow. I begin by writing a short post on any one of the items I mentioned above. And then read another section of the new media book. 


Sigh. One step at a time, and I'll get there eventually.