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New Year feelings
Jan. 1st, 2018 02:39 pm2017 was A Lot. I would like for 2018 to be Less Of That, but given I'm getting married and also trying to get pregnant, PROBABLY NOT
I achieved a lot of good, hard things. Vonapplesauce and I bought a house and moved into it. I got my driver's licence, and went through the torturous process of dismantling my fear of driving. I started training with Ballarat Roller Derby again and trying to undo all the awful feelings from when I tried to rejoin my old Melbourne league in 2016 and it all went horribly wrong. That's still a work in process; I still go to BRDL events and feel like I don't belong at first, and I don't turn up all the time, and I feel like a bad skater for being so inconsistent with my attendance, etc etc. But that's all getting better. I took charge of my social life in a way that makes me really happy and proud. That's a lot of hard, good stuff to be proud of.
And Apples and I started trying to have a kid? Which has been huge and emotional and full of many small disappointments and things I've struggled with, but I'm getting into a healthier headspace with it and feeling hopeful about next year. 2018 goals: get back to competitive form in roller derby OR have a baby. It's a mystery as to which one it will be. That helps.
I started a new job. Hated it. Had a breakdown and took two weeks off work at the start of December. Had a lot of feelings about my career and doing what I like vs other people demeaning that. It's very complicated and I'm still not where I want to be with those choices yet, but I'll get there.
I really pounded out a lot of writing in 2017 in a way that I haven't for a few years:
I would summarise 2017 as: work sucked, everything else I'm very proud of, but also I am quite tired.
I achieved a lot of good, hard things. Vonapplesauce and I bought a house and moved into it. I got my driver's licence, and went through the torturous process of dismantling my fear of driving. I started training with Ballarat Roller Derby again and trying to undo all the awful feelings from when I tried to rejoin my old Melbourne league in 2016 and it all went horribly wrong. That's still a work in process; I still go to BRDL events and feel like I don't belong at first, and I don't turn up all the time, and I feel like a bad skater for being so inconsistent with my attendance, etc etc. But that's all getting better. I took charge of my social life in a way that makes me really happy and proud. That's a lot of hard, good stuff to be proud of.
And Apples and I started trying to have a kid? Which has been huge and emotional and full of many small disappointments and things I've struggled with, but I'm getting into a healthier headspace with it and feeling hopeful about next year. 2018 goals: get back to competitive form in roller derby OR have a baby. It's a mystery as to which one it will be. That helps.
I started a new job. Hated it. Had a breakdown and took two weeks off work at the start of December. Had a lot of feelings about my career and doing what I like vs other people demeaning that. It's very complicated and I'm still not where I want to be with those choices yet, but I'll get there.
I really pounded out a lot of writing in 2017 in a way that I haven't for a few years:
- Made zines for the first time; available at Sticky Institute in Melbourne or on the Chicken Collective Storenvy page (not really up to date but I'll put newer zines up soon I swear)
- Finished a fic for a Yuri!! On Ice big bang
- Participated in May the 4th, Remix Revival, Soul Exchange and Yuletide (that's seems like a lot now that I type it out)
- finished a 60,000 word draft of a Star Wars fic which will be complete on AO3 soon
I would summarise 2017 as: work sucked, everything else I'm very proud of, but also I am quite tired.
