🎵 “If I could take us back, if I could just do that
And write in every empty space, the words “I love you” in replace
Then maybe time would not erase me.
Featuring: BTS - Jungkook
OC - Emily Mei
Some time before.
They say words are like bullets. Easy to pull the trigger without thinking… easier said that once done, it’s impossible for the damage to be undone.
“So what, you’re sick of it? Is that what you’re saying?” Jungkook shouted as he shoved his song book into his backpack. The night had been going well and for once, he thought they could have one night—one night where he didn’t feel like pulling his hair out for once.
“Stop putting words in my mouth, Jungkook! That’s not what I’m saying at all!” Emily shouted back as the fight escalated into a crescendo of screams and shouts. It was always about the same thing: Jungkook being too busy with his music; Emily being too busy with her studies to make time for him when he’s off practice; not having enough time for each other; not wanting to communicate; blah, blah, blah…
Jungkook was sick of it. Things were finally looking up for his band and he had poured his entire heart and soul into it. His passion. He thought Emily understood that. He thought she understood him. But to his confusion, Emily didn’t seem too happy about it.
“Really? Because it sure as hell sounds like you’re done.” He seethed. “Hell—I’m done with this sh*t!”
Silence enveloped the room and for a moment the world stopped. The fight had reached its final curtain call and Jungkook hoped there wouldn’t be an encore.
Emily looked at him, bewildered. “Jungkook…”
“Save it. I have rehearsals in fifteen. I’m already late and the guys are already at the studio. I don’t need a distraction.”
“Distraction?” She echoed as she watched him pick up his things and head for the door. Her expression contorts into something in between anger and confusion. “So what? You’re just going to leave it like that? Don’t you even care about this? About us?
“What about it?” He muttered flatly, but Emily looked like she had just been slapped.
“What about it? What exactly are you saying, Guk?” Her voice was a low whisper, like a dormant volcano just waiting to erupt. Jungkook sighed and it sounded exhausted, irritated, even; like he had already erupted and this was just the messy aftermath.
“I’m saying I’m done.” He whirled at her, his eyes empty of their usual love and affection, replaced by fierce anger and deadly sincerity. “I’m done, all right? I don’t wanna do this any more than you do.”
“Y-you don’t mean that. Hell, you’re thinking I’m the villain here but all I’m saying is that if you don’t give time to what’s important to you, you’re gonna end up losing them.”
Her words hit him square in the chest and when it should have made him sad, it only angered him more.
So she’s giving up on me. She’s letting go. She doesn’t want this—doesn’t want me—anymore.
“I should get to practice already before I lose it, then.”
Jungkook knew it was the wrong answer but he couldn’t give in now. The tension was palpable in the room and he held his breath for another round of sharp words and accusations. But it never came. Emily stood there, stunned, while Jungkook continued to pack his belongings, purposely avoiding her gaze. He knew that if he looked at her now, he’d break, and they’d be back to square one. They’d make up only to fight again by the end of the week.
He could hear her sniffing and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from looking up at her. If there was one thing he hated more than fighting, it was seeing her cry.
“Look,” Emily started, her voice hoarse. “You’re just angry. We can talk after—“
“Well, I’ve been angry for a long time.” Jungkook grumbled as he made his way to the door, hastily.
“Guk, please…”
He paused by the threshold when he heard the crack in her voice and he hated how easy it could beckon him. He closed his hand into fists and pressed his lips into a thin line. He looked down at the floors of her apartment, one he had considered home more than his own for as long as he could remember.
“Let’s face it, Em. We obviously want different things now.”
“Do you really believe that?” She asked but he didn’t answer. She took a step closer, their forms lit by the single light bulb in the narrow hallway. “If you really do, then I won’t stop you.”
Jungkook lifted his gaze to the ceiling, closed his eyes and sighed. “Look, I’m tired of fighting.” He looked at her over his shoulder, his eyes cold and unyielding. “Aren’t you?”
Without another word, he slipped out the door, shutting it behind him. The click of the lock sounded much like an end… A period… A goodbye.
Jungkook left that night not knowing he’d carry the weight of his words for a very long time.
