The Family Nobody Wanted

(trustpects)

11:54PM - Community for Frontal or Temporal Lobe Brain Injury

Hello all,

There wasn't a community geared toward being supportive of those affected by frontal or temporal lobe brain injury, so I recently created one.

Here is a synopsis of the community:
WHO is this community for? People affected by frontal or temporal lobe traumatic brain injury (tbi) in one or more of the following ways: has a frontal or temporal tbi, interact with someone who has that, relevant medical professionals, students, and those simply interested in making a positive difference in the lives of those affected by that.
WHAT are this community's goals? Bringing individuals together to communicate with each other, discuss relevant topics, and share resources, support, and inspiration.

The community is located at http://community.livejournal.com/front_tmprl_tbi . I look forward to seeing you there. If you have any questions, please feel free to drop me a note.

Kind regards,
trustpects

(Show Me Your Hands)

(deadangone)

8:52PM - so,,,,

I have a few songs stuck in my head from the past few weeks.

most of them by Hinder. Better than Me.  Evenesence Immortal etc

done with living.  tired of the lies and pretending to live.  If I had one wish, it would be to "see whats on the other side of life"  Don't want to experience what life has for me next.  This life sux.  No one cares, everyone acts like they want to keep you around but never call.  its all BS and I'm tired of it and tired of "being there" for people who dont really want you around.

(Show Me Your Hands)

(cabotandthefish)

9:02PM

Age: 25
Disorders: Non-epileptic seizures, insomnia. In the past, I've been diagnosed with depression, Bipolar disorder, and anxiety.
Habits: I smoke over a pack of cigarettes a day, smoke weed whenever I'm not at work, and abuse sleeping pills in order to fall asleep.
Other: I've had a history of sexual abuse since I was 6 years old. My grandfather, some boys from class, a male "friend",  and a female "friend", and an ex boyfriend. My mother stuck to emotional abuse and mind games. I've been free of all of them for a couple years now.
Comments/Tangents: I just want to be normal. I want to have a normal intimate relationship.

(1 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(deadangone)

4:18PM - ??

How do you cope with the knowledge of at least 2 *accidents* have occurred in your life where you should have most certainly died, yet lived?

Current mood: confused

(1 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(avlpenguin)

3:12PM

There doesn't seem to be an awful ton of activity here...but I still wanted to post.

Name: Christina
Age: 23
Disorders: Diagnosed bipolar, social anxiety, and narcolepsy. Also may have borderline personality disorder, but won't be tested for that until next week at my psychiatrist appointment.
Habits: Nothing interesting enough to mention.
Comments/Tangents: That's about it for now, though I have to say that I really wish I could find a freaking community for narcolepsy. :(

(2 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(ellie_lawl_7)

5:30PM - yeah i told her

and then she blamed all on the devil
and we ended up praying for like 20 minutes...

and she said that she'd take me to the doctor and then she didnt do it.
but sometime in the next few weeks she's gonna get married to her bf.

and im here saying WTF! i thought you'd help me. not buy me some stupid vitamins and leave me here to fend for myself.
and she wants to go on walks but i really dont wanna do that. i dont like talking to her. never have
never will.

this was a rare occasion. and for her to leave me like that is not fair.

i abhor her once again.

(4 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(ellie_lawl_7)

6:07PM - fuck it alll!!!

i'm just giving up on everything!
cos nobody's here!
nobody cares
i wanna cut soooo bad and
i want it to dig uber deep into my arm....

i wanna feel pain!!!!

i deserve it.
 

Current mood: i hate myself

(Show Me Your Hands)

(ellie_lawl_7)

8:04PM - umm so today....

today was a waste.
i did nothing,
i ate nothing,
i sat there, crying while playing Okami<3
and i'm really starting to think that there is more wrong with me than just a small form of depression and a cutting addiction.
cos the other day,
i was in the kitchen and my mom had just gotten home and was apologizing for yelling at us,
and my head was spinning and i just started crying and i felt like i just wanted to die and then i was crying really loud and then i ran in my room and grabbed my blade from my dismantled pencil-sharpener (haha so ghetto, but it sure does the job)
and i cut away. my thighs are completely covered, and i'm so afraid to tell my bf, but hes the only one there for me,

even though he pretty much hates me cos i'm "too crazy."
i really dont have any one to talk to...
nobody can know, or else.
i cant tell my mom, cant tell her that her perfect daughter(so she thought)
has finally fallen from grace.
it would hurt her,
which i really dont care about,
but i care about it all being spread around my family, church, school, everywhere!!!
there will be people i dont even know, knowing about "how ellie went crazy and tries to off herself..."
i dont wanna deal with that.
 

(5 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(ellie_lawl_7)

4:11PM - HA---and i thought i was getting better.

SERVES ME RIGHT!!!
im just a stupid f***, right?
i dont deserve to live anymore,
{i really wanna break my streak}
i dont care about anything right now.
i wanna die.
nobody would really care anyway,
cos nobody's here for me.
my life is teetering on the edge
and i'm about to fall over and DIE.

(4 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(ellie_lawl_7)

5:55PM - umm yay?

i think i might be getting better...
not with the whole eating thing,
that still sux,
but with the whole big "S" thing.
it's been 2 weeks to the day that i havent touched my blades.
and though the voices still haunt me everyday,
i somehow evade the thought.
i am getting weak, though i wanna be strong.
and i really wanna get rid of this vice.
but nobody knows, so there's nobody there to help me....
ugh..... help.

(Show Me Your Hands)

(ellie_lawl_7)

11:43PM - hiya...

hey... um my name's ellie...
im 16... and i know a lot how you all feel. things are goin purty crazy in my life...
i think i have anemia. im prolly anorexic. im purty sure i am. i go like---weeks... without eating.
and i know its bad, i just am never hungry. and when i do actually eat, i eat like maybe something small like an uber-small granola bar but thats like all i eat in a day.
the doctors really dont know what's wrong with me... but im always sick. and theres like a ginormous hole in my bone and they did CT scans and MRI's up the wazoo... but they still arent sure. they say that the hole/cist/tumor ( whatever you may call it ) has been there for a while.
i dunno, but im kinda scared.
and plus im sure that i need some psychology, but nobody believes what i say. they all think that when i say that i think i am mentally unstable they call me like a hypochondriac or something. they say that im over-exxagerating....
i dunno. you'd think i was like possesed. i keep contemplating suicide, and i think of it pretty much all the time. i have a great life, adn i dont know why i should be so sad.

i dunno.
im scared. and alone. and i just dont know....

Current mood: contemplative

(Show Me Your Hands)

(madid)

9:51PM

  Name: 
Madi

Age: 16

Disorders:
Depression, Bulimia, Anxiety

Habits: 
Cutting? Picking at my nails, picking scabbs, staying up all hours of the night doing what ever the hell amuses me, hurting the people who love me, pushing people away...
not sure if the last two are habbit or defence.

Other:
All started about 2-3 years ago, I had enough brain to take myself to a counsellor (age 14) because I knew something was wrong. She helped but my symptoms got too severe and she had to contact my parents, hell broke out and i got punished, pretty much for trying. So I went 2 years alone and only now, still feeling the same as when I was 14, taken myself back to a counsellor because nothing has changed, if anything worsened.
Feel free to add me, usually i will add you back

(1 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(deadangone)

9:22PM - what to do...

All I want to do is run & hide from the world but i cant...
I have a job that i have to go to...
Friends that act as if they care about me or what im thinking or feeling...
Family that expects me to be an adult & be successful in life...


I hate it ALL!!

Current mood: guilty

(1 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(deadangone)

8:33PM - introductions...

 Name:
L 
Age:
28
Disorders:
SI-Cutting, Ana, occassional Insomnia
Habits: 
anything sharp that will make me bleed
Other:
started cutting @ age 10

Current mood: blank

(1 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(beckatsila)

6:48PM - Intro post

Name(or nickname, whichever you prefer): Becky
Age: 27
Disorders: Asperger's syndrome, major depression, schizotypal disorder
Habits: clenching my jaw, pacing
Ailments: asthma, intelligence, poverty
Other: Is this where I put the general "About Me" stuff? Well, I'm a writer and painter. I run a blog called MyWarOnPoverty.com. I'm on SSDI, SSI, Medicare, and Medicaid. I have trouble getting my treatment team to take me seriously.
Comments/Tangents: I just need to rant. I'm going through hell and high water to get the medical treatment I need. I actually resorted to bringing my mother in to see my psychologist and my NP and had her say what I needed because they weren't listening to me (they listened to her and got right on what I've been asking for for the past 3 weeks and been eligible for for more than a year). Why is this so hard? It's not rocket science.
They've screwed up before, and their most recent screw-up put me in the hospital for five days. The only reason I stick with 'em is because they might finally give me what I need--and it's such a hassle to change treatment teams.

(3 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(naughtyj)

12:04AM - Dealing with Bi-polar Ex

The last few years have been a complete hell for me. I realized something was wrong about a month after dating this girl. She flipped. Went from nice fun girl to a crazy, loud, yelling rage of anger. It really was quite scary. And until then I knew nothing about bi-polar or mental illness. Until about a year ago I never even knew she had past occurances like this.

We've broken up and got back together more times than I can think. And I just can't seem to figure out how to deal with this woman. I feel like she's stalking me online and just trying to make her presence and anger be known to me at all times. Please read the few journal entries I have for some more details. It's rather new so I don't have a lot of history of these happenings on there yet.

(5 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(logicalargument)

10:09PM - Intro post

Hi everybody. Thanks for letting me join this community.

Name: (or nickname, whichever you prefer) Ellen, also known as CatEcumen the Ecumenical Cat
Age: 46
Disorders: Codependency, obsessive behavior, control issues, compulsive overeating, compulsive debting, internet addiction
Habits: Coffee-drinking, eating sweets, and staying up too late chatting online
Ailments: None
Other/Comments/Tangents: I have this really compulsive tendency to want to help everybody. I guess it's a guilt thing. But, hey, whatever works.

(2 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(muddymtnanjail)

8:57PM - Hi!

Hi I'm new. I'm not feeling very creative tonight, I feel very crappy :-(
Name:
Anjail
Age:22
Disorders: Anxiety, bouts of depression, non-diagnosed Narcolepsy
Habits: acting weird, scaring people, and saying what comes to my mind before I think about it (sometimes)
Ailments: Fibromyalgia, gastroparesis, migraines, tenson headaches, tendonitis, paraoxsymal hemicrania, and possibly others...
Other: Warning sometimes I say things/post things before I think about them. I not a mean nasty person, but sometimes I'm lacking in the sensitivity department. I don't mean to offend, and sometimes I really don't understand what offends other people. I'm a very "mental" person, I like to live in my head. It's simpler...
Comments/Tangents: Not really a tangent but, I've been diagnosed with Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (EDS), and I have random bouts of other "narcoleptic" types of problems but they don't occur daily and haven't shown up on my two sleep studies I've had. Like: Loss of muscle tone and strength in random limbs, head ticks and sometimes "seizure" like bouts of falling down "unconcious" (but I'm aware and remember everyhing that goes on) and getting the body ticks, also problems with vivid realistic dreams that I wake up thing they were real, and inablity to move right after I wake up sometimes.
My doctors says I don't have narcolepsy, and I believed him because I didn't know much about it. But he just put me on a medication that came with narcolepsy Q&A pamphlet and I read it because I feel crappy and have been lying in bed bored. I read the symptoms and have experienced all of them at some point in the last couple months and year. IF they don't all happen every night or every day, does that me I don't have narcolepsy?
If anyone knows anything about this or knows someone who does if you could help me out I'd appreciate it forever!
Thanks and I've very excited to be here!

(1 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(daydrumduldrums)

7:16PM - My troubles:

My troubles:


I have this friend. An ex girlfriend actually… but let me get to the details of our relationship later. She reads my journal, so I find myself censoring my thoughts on the subject dramatically… and live journal is my outlet for my own problems… but this isn’t about my problems… this is about her problems. Here’s my story.

I started dating this girl. And I really like her. Things are going swimmingly, and we are growing closer by the day. So one night we’re fooling around, and she’s being very giving… telling me things like her body belongs to me, and I can do anything with it I want… which irks me a little bit in the first place because I don’t believe in ownership of a person… but I figure it may just be her unique kink, so I propose oral sex… this is apparently a big mistake. She kinda flips out on me. Puts an end to the fooling around, and does a complete emotional 180. For the rest of the night I’m holding her as she tells me this story about when she was a child and her step father forced oral sex from her at gun point. Further, when she told her mother she was called a liar, and punished, so the abuse continued, and her abuser still lives with her mother to this day. We are 23.

Since then our relationship has changed. She has become dramatically more needy, punctuated by extreme mood swings I might even describe as emotional abuse toward me. Her drinking has doubled, and she is admittedly an alcoholic, but refuses to try and quit. Further, when we are arguing she tries to blame me for her drinking, because I stress her out, and I don’t care about her enough. Further she now acts as though she considers herself worthless, constantly telling me she is not good enough for me, and that I would be happier if I left her. But she uses these things as if to manipulate me, or guilt trip me into showing her endless affection, like times when I am spending time with friends, or nights when I don’t feel like having sex.

Anyway, I know better than to take these things personally. But I have history of abuse myself, although nothing so traumatic, so my tolerance for this behavior is very low… I can’t stand being yelled at, or insulted for long before I go into a kind of relapse which is filled with scarification and suicidal ambition… it’s just something I know about myself. So I explained this and told her I didn’t think we shouldn’t date. But she is still in my life. We don’t share a room, but we live in the same house. It’s a communal living situation with 12 people, all friends, all very supportive in their own way.

So now she is very civil. Even charming. Almost makes me regret breaking up with her. But I know that there is this bubbling unhappiness underneath… this victim mentality. Something I myself have spent a long time struggling with. So I’ve been trying to talk to her about it. Trying to explain the psychology to her. Trying to tell her about the things that have helped me. But no matter what I say she is determined to continue as she has all her life. Her concepts of love are jealous and possessive and she sees no problem with this. She believes that the healthiest state of a relationship is complete codependence, and is unwilling to consider anything else. And worst of all she rejects any method of healing that I tell her about, instead retreating into a realm of mathematics and number theory where she has been hiding all her life. And so I have to sit by and watch her get into more relationships where she again tries to enter into the same cycles of abuse, even though I know that this is the worst thing for her, she won’t participate in anything that might help her work through her problems. Is there anything I can do to help a person who refuses to face her problems?

(2 Love To Scream | Show Me Your Hands)

(alamikkinana)

8:57AM - Yay!

Candace fixed up our community and it is beautiful! I was going to say more, but now she is yelling at me to go to lunch, so thank you Candace!


POST DAMNIT!

Current mood: happy

(Show Me Your Hands)