On The Way Down

hello everyone well i got home from jays tonight i was there since friday sounds long but the day go soo fast when im over there and now im sitting here lonly agian cuz his dad is an ass and i cant talk to him which kinda sucks cuz i love talkin to him bout our weekend and tellin him how much it meant to me ect... well we did have a great weekend we rented movies<*soul palne,jersey girl, barbor shop 2, 13 going on 30* and i bought him the punisher we also went to see manchurian candidate which freaked me out since jays goin away in the army soon ud have to see it to understand we hung out ate some tyson chicken nuggets mmm cooca puffs and ice cream sundaes but not all in the same night dont worry lol we also went to the flea market which was fun got some mini doughnuts and fudge mmm hehe and inbetween all that he cuddled me and loved on me and gave me soo many kisses it was a great weekend but it ended way to quickly and now im sad to be away from him i love him so much and i miss every moment im not with his especially since he leave nov 9 i feel like its movin way to fast im not ready or prepared enough and i dont kno how to handle it ayye je wiz now im gonna start tearin up well i wish n hope maybe jay will be allowed to use the phone or computer a lil later i love u baby ur the best thing in this world thats ever happend to me mwahs all over

today is draging on and on and on im sitting here at phcc a community college that i dual enroll at im finishing my volunteer hours by tutoring but no one ever needs english tutoring only math so im stuf doin absolutly nuthen except being online but no one is on my buddy list there all off having fun it doesnt help that i cant sit still because i get to see my baby tomorrow and it always drags on the day b4 lol im goin insane i wish jay would get online thatd be cool but hes at dans house neway the day is almost over and all i have to do is sit through my pschology class and then i get to go home and pack to see my baby woop woop if anyone reads this and wants to talk to me get on aim lol im bored!! *i love u jay*

Where you are seems to be as far as an eternity
Outstretched arms, open hearts,
If it never ends, then when do we start?

I'll never leave you behind,
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did recieve

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you come back,
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you'll never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I..

Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I'll never leave you behind,
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever ever ever did recieve

How does it feel to know you'll never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel

How does it feel to know you'll never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel.. feel.. feel.. feel

i think this song described some of my emmotions at this point in my life jay having to leave soon and me always being here for him *a message to jay* i love u baby no matter what and even tho im soo insecure and jealous sometimes just remember that i do trust u with all my heart and i love u with all my heart n soul

so, i have the honor of posting the first entry into this wonderful journal right here. i just want to thank everyone who has been checking up on this journal. i just woke up and i figured now that it's finished it needed something to fill the empty space. my baby is probably still asleep, but i am going to give her a wake up call in a minute. i don't do that as much as i should. she always asks me to, but i seem to sleep over the time when she needs them, so i am trying to do as much as i can before i leave in november.

i just wanna say, i know i don't deserve ruthann. she's more than anyone could ever ask or dream for in this life. i want all of you to know if you ever find someone half as great as her, grab hold of that person and never let them go. ever. if you do make sure you always keep track of them because you will start having a void that only that person can fill. i know, trust me. i've made my mistakes and i am only so lucky that she waited for me.

i still haven't found myself, but i am getting closer to where and who i want to be, but i know i couldn't do it without her. i put her through so much, and she keeps on loving me. more than anyone could love any other person in the world. and for that reason, i have something to live for. peace.

jay