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Friday, November 26th, 2010
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12:44 am - Sorry excuse for a friend.
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shadejasmine
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A few days ago, I had the final fight with a friend I have known for at least 23 years. So yeah, this was the fight of the century type deal.
Anyways, what was it over? A misunderstanding on her part. I was showing concern, but she thought I was judging her.
She has been smoking weed and drinking heavily for at least the past two years. I was getting concerned that she might be on the verge of being an alcoholic. She blows up on me in a fit of rage. I defend myself, calmly. She blows up even more and has quite possibly spread bad things around about me. She is in her mid twenties and is still acting like a child.
This has happened before, but those times, I was nice and we remained friends. This time, this time, it is just over. She even had the nerve to leave nasty messages on my phone and in texts to my phone.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 3rd, 2010
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10:58 am - Grow the Fuck Up
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shadowblind
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I think I'll start from the beginning. I don't know what happened to you. Maybe it was the hurricane, maybe you just had way too much put on you. But the way you've been acting for the past at least three years has been exponentially appalling in comparison to the beginning of the nearly ten years I've known you. So I'm going to be completely honest with myself about you, your overall effect on my life, and yours.
First, your ex. Honestly, I don't think you deserve what you're getting from him. But to expect him to be compliant after you cheated on him several times, and to get pissed and at times over-obsessive about who he's fucking now, and then act like you don't care, is not just stupid, it's bitchy, shallow, as well as incredibly creepy and awkward for me as your friend. And to keep calling him when he obviously wants nothing to do with you is doubly stupid. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's not my business why you broke up, but you broke up with him. Period. I don't want to hear about how he's such a fucking asshole. I know that's what you think of him. But when you keep after him, it just makes you look sad and desperate. Hell, maybe you really are. But I can't help you with that, and bitching to me about the same thing over and over again, certainly won't help you either.
Second, your hypocrisy. You say you're a germaphobe, but you're not. If you were, you'd be cleaning all day in your house like a meth addict. You say that so that people will take special care of you. You also say you're not a phone person, yet you call me more than ANY FUCKING PERSON I KNOW! And you say that you can't stand when people go on and on. Yet you can go off at the mouth for a half hour about fucking nothing. You complain about passive/aggression from the man I love, and then you pull shit like this morning's incident?! Seriously, take a look at your fucking self.
Third, your defensiveness. Any form of even the most gentle constructive criticism of ANYTHING about you is treated automatically as a statement of hostility. I know I've been guilty of this a few times, even with you. But I have apologized upon realization. You, however, get pissed at anything that could be possibly construed as an insult to you, even conversations that have NOTHING to do with you. We used to fight about stupid shit in middle school, and I keep finding that you're the one who still gets pissed off at me when I don't call you back right away. You're the one who gets mad when I tell you that your wrong, that I have shit to do when you want someone to talk to when you're "just bored as fuck," or you want to tell me about "a totally cute outfit that I may have found for Halloween!" You can send that shit to me in an email. You don't need to interrupt my fucking meal, or the little time I get with my boyfriend to tell me that.
Which brings me to number four: your selfishness. This one has been on my mind for a while now. And this isn't just over the fact that we've paid for everything for BOTH of your cross-country trips to see us, with no expectation of you EVER paying us back, not to mention your tattoo, myriad souvenirs I knew you couldn't afford, and an emergency because you were in so much pain while you were with us. All of those things I consider worth it, because I knew you needed a break from your everyday life. I know what that's like. But you are never satisfied and you never speak up about an issue that you have with something/someone until so much time has passed. And I think you do that just so you can bitch. There's just something in your brain that compels you to bitch, or create a reason to bitch. Our food was never good enough for you, we never had enough soda for you, we never went out enough, our friends weren't nice enough, and it never fucking ended. My boyfriend couldn't speak his mind because I asked him to tone down his political talk around you. Just so I wouldn't have to hear you bitch about how he's insulting you and your family's beliefs and values. It was fucking exhausting and unfair to try to pit me against my boyfriend. Fuck you for that. And to continue to get pissed off at me when I can't take your call right away because I have to work, is all on you. You stay pissed because I have to pay my bills; that's really logical and mature. What's more you have complained to me about EVERY so-called douchebag guy you've been with, and it always seems to be the same story. You find a guy that you probably shouldn't date, but decide to tempt fate anyway, knowing the possibility of it ending horribly is pretty high. Then things are great for a while. Then he turns into a complete fucktard. Or he finds another girl, and you get pissed, even though you specifically stated to him that you don't want a relationship. Adds credence to my "creating-a-reason-to-bitch" theory. And I talk you through it, call him an asshole along with you, and all the while in the back of my head I'm thinking, "Why am I playing along with this?" I don't know these guys, I have no right to even make a judgement. Deal with them yourself. I'm not your fucking therapist. Even if I was, you would probably ignore me.
This brings me to this morning. The message you sent me back was the perfect example of how you act like the world fucking owes you something, like I owe you something because I'm you're friend. I thought a day for just the girls while I'm visiting is a fantastic idea of yours. But the last thing I ever expected was you to be so melodramatic about me inviting someone else. The girl I was talking about bringing just recently got out of a very bad relationship, and is still coming out of her shell. For you to say, "i kinda wanted it to be a personel day, but whatever u want i guess," is really fucking catty. You obviously want me to change shit around, so I hurt someone else and make you happy, and it doesn't matter because you don't fucking know her. I do have other friends besides you, and to assume that I put everyone else second to you all the time is re-goddamned-diculous. If you flew across the country back home just because I'm coming back to New Orleans for Halloween, that's on you. I'm not coming home for you. I'm coming home to see my family, crazy as they are, and a lot of other folks too, and to just enjoy being home. And I'm not going to be able to do that when you're acting like a drama queen.
Then when I do attempt to try to smooth things over you say to do it without you.
Oh. Fuck. No.
I am NOT playing this fucking game with you. I'm not going to beg you to be my friend and I'm not going to be a bitch to someone who genuinely needs to get out and have fun just to make you feel special. That's not my fucking job. If you want to cut yourself out of what was supposed to be a good day, fine. If you want to take my deleting you from my Facebook as the end all be all of deciding the fate of our decade-long friendship, then fuck you. It's fucking Facebook. Excuse the fuck out of me if I don't want to be bitched at for being vain by commenting on your status or uncaring by not commenting. Or if I don't want to involve other people close to me in bullshit that has nothing to do with them.
If you don't realize that your acting like a bitch by next week, and call me with an apology, as you have whenever we've gotten into a fight, then I'm probably better off without you. You could be a very good friend at times, but you definitely took much much more than you EVER gave. I'm a fucking adult, and I thought you were too, but if you're going to get your panties all in a bunch over a fucking website friendship status that could easily changed with a click of a fucking button, then I was clearly very, very wrong.
I really hope you grow the fuck up. We might be able to be good friends again, but I won't hold my breath.
current mood:  relieved
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, October 1st, 2010
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1:58 pm
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mikkoueda
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You are one lazy piece of shit who is too reliant and expects too much of everyone except for yourself. Double standards, much? Fucking self-righteous, self-centered piece of fuck.
I've been keeping it inside, but that doesn't mean I'm not pissed. You talk shit to my girlfriend, I keep quiet. You throw ridiculous tantrums about something that isn't even my fault, but yours from the start, I tolerate it. You make me book tickets for our trip overseas when I HAVE WORK AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO ALL DAY, I do it albeit grudgingly. You end up saying you want to fucking change the flight BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT A TRANSIT (seriously?!?!) SO OUR PARENTS HAVE TO SPEND $500 EXTRA. I grit my teeth. You obviously do not give a shit about anyone else except for yourself. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
If you weren't my sister, I would fucking be ignoring you and stop being your friend already. No one needs a freaking leech on their arms.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, November 7th, 2008
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2:20 am - NB
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rotte_volf
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This is one of the performances of our movement (The author: Dmitry Kremnev. Participants: Dmitry Kremnev and Artyom Suslov)
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, November 3rd, 2008
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5:46 pm - Manifesto "Dyudrok" (The new psycho-reality)
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rotte_volf
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(New Experimental Art)
1. In connection with the so-called global crisis art movement "POP-REVOLUTION"
(with the partial assistance of ART-REVOLUTION) and the artist Artyom Suslov
as well as several other free artists decided to create and implement the concept of
promotion of new art "Dyudrok."
The essence of this art is to re-establish the own way of avant-garde and surrealism.
Dyudrok included any avant-garde and modern art with blurred boundaries of genres and
unlimited fantasy of the author.
At the moment, the world economic system as well as world political system infringe
on the majority of rights, freedoms, opportunities and even hopes of man.
In this regard, decreasing the creative capacity of most people because
it decreases the level and scope of vision as well as the hope of translating its
into reality. At the time of the current crisis, a simple man forgets about high ideals,
he dreams at a low level. Dyudrok must to protect people from objective reality.
We believe - the objective reality that is at this level of crisis can and should move to
second place. We have the right to push it into second place if we give to the man a
new reality, which will carry the title of "objective". what is now "objective" will take
second place, or just disappear for a man.
Accordingly, we believe that everyone, regardless of his religious beliefs, his status in
the society, and regardless of the sanctions, which in future could be taken against the
"Dyudrok" has the right to go to the new reality at any time, partially or completely .
2. In our view, any human rights organization and any commission or authority that
to deal with human rights have the obligation to protect the right of every adult
in the transition, partial or complete, in a different reality.
3. If the man who entirely gone in a different reality according with the laws of this reality
can no longer be capable - this is his personal decision as the new reality does not contradict
the existing laws and not causing harm to anyone. Neither does the campaign leading cause harm.
No one is obliged to support the individual's life in old reality when he left a letter of
advice (note) with the signatures of witnesses.
4. The departure of a reality, as well as assistance in this, not an injury to humans,
because the only thing involved in this process - the human imagination.
But imagination does not belong to the bodi, as well as the experiments of the imagination
is not harmful for the rights of mental functions.
Accordingly, there is no room for any regulations on the intentional infliction of harm or death to
humans. Also note that imagination is fully subject to his master.
5. Relatives and friends of man who passed away in a different reality have the right to challenge the
decision through the courts or through the human rights organizations and and demand to return
him to the reality in which they are located. In doing so, c. 5 is partly contrary to the core - 1 item,
and further debate on this soil can be resolved only in the mutual agreement of the parties.
6. As Dyudrok is not limited with anything and depends only on the human imagination,
it does not conflict with any law and religious customs.
7. For the same reason (not limited and opportunity
giving own properties) Dyudrok and concept its development
and its veneration is not any organization or religion
nor the political movement. Because Dyudrok do not have its own symbols and beliefs.
The author of the Manifesto is Artyom Suslov.
Art - Movement "POP-REVOLUTION"
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, February 7th, 2007
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10:24 pm - Addictions
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fex
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I really wish my sister would stop playing World Of Warcraft long enough to take a shower or do her laundry. She looks like hell and she smells like it too, and the fact that she hasn't done her laundry in months makes her think it's okay to go and steal my clean stuff. The stuff I pay hard-earned money for. The worst part is, I either get my clothes back ripped up and covered in pit-stains, or I wont see it again unless I dig through the infinite pits of hell in her room. And if I do get it back it smells like a dirty old bum wore it and then pissed all over it. When you walk past her room a draft of body odor lingers outside her door, and once my cat took a shit in her room and 3 weeks later that same pile of shit was still sitting in her room. She's also calls all these guys long distance that she's met over the internet. It doesn't really bother me except that she says "I love you" to all 8 or 9 of them and she's never really met them and she'll probably never really know them or meet them in person. Like I said, It doesn't really bother me because it's really none of my business- but when I start getting blamed for the long distance and text messaging bills, it suddenly becomes my business. It's also a problem when hanging with friends. We're identical twins and we have a lot of the same friends, but she is so obsessed and addicted to this game that she can't seem to talk about much else. It's always something about some magical mystical quest she went on to fight a level 60 evil hellfire warrior demon at the bottom of some cave. My friends just laugh awkwardly. It's also an issue with her school work. She is failing a few of her classes now, and she's a high school senior and she's just working for a technical diploma. I'm not saying technical diplomas are easy to get because getting through high school with passing grades is a huge feat for me, but my sister is taking a math class that I took in the 7th grade, and she's failing it. She's failing at most of her classes, matter of fact. Some people say that I could help her get away from this addiction by taking her out and helping her realize that there is life away from the World of Warcraft. Unfortunately, I have made an effort to get her out of it, and the times I offer to take her out to hang with friends, or go shopping, or hell- even take her to the video game stores, she refuses. The times that I actually do get her to go out, she whines and bitches until she gets home and then whines and bitches about it for weeks. It really is the equivalent of a crack addiction. So I guess everyone has their addiction and there's not much I can do about it unless they invent a World of Warcraft patch for the addicts out there.
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(comment on this)
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11:40 am - I need a good rant right now. Forgive me for taking up your time and space with my moodswing
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firemantis
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Everything thats pissing me off lately:
Math:
I've been studying so fucking hard lately to catch up so I can take the god damned GED- that I actualy dreamed about fractions all damn night.
My father:
I know he loves me, and only wants whats best for me, and wants to protect me, and all that bullshit, but Im not a little girl anymore! Im perfectly capable of deciding if the guy Im dating is unfit for me or not, and if I should break up with him, without my father picking fights with me every couple of hours because I have not broken up with him yet- and then putting pressure on me about how, "Is this guy worth disrupting my family over?" And all that bullshit. and then he has the audacity to turn around and give me shit about how Im just putting my strain on the familys break up!!!
Ryan/boyfriend
And then to get dad off my back I break up with him. And he gets all quiet, his tone goes all soft, he tells me he understands, and he hopes that once I got my GED and Ive got my load lightened up we can get back together, and I DIDNT WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!
And friends...
I know that I let my dad guilt me into doing it, and I know that I did it to please him and get him off my fucking case, but when my friends find out it would be really nice, if they would just nod and look reassuring and comforting rather then opening their fucking mouths and down talking my dad about how he does not want me to be happy and all this bullshit that they know pisses me off because a) they have no right to say shit as they dont know the whole story, and b) they cant even handle their own fucked up love lives, so they should sure as hell not nit pick mine... or my lack thereof.
So between GED, Family, Boyfriend, and friends... Im pretty well pissed, and the only thing that comforts me is Mountain Dew and chocolate... which has ceased comforting me as I realized that if I keep up the drinking and eating Ill gain five hundred pounds in no time, and sadly that is not one of my current goals. And I have to many other ones to try and make it one.
So... now my only comfort must be porn.
current mood:  aggravated
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, May 15th, 2006
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2:46 pm - One of my many theories...
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heybarmold
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I've got a theory...
Ok, so I'm probably gonna tread some thin ice on this blog. I've got it written up complete in my noggin, I just don't know if the translation into words will do it justice and make it seem less offensive. I hope I don't offend anyone. Actually, I don't really care. I'll try not to. Actually, I can't promise I'll try. But I'll try to try.
Girls. What is it with these people?? You know, I do think of girls as people in there own right. And in many ways... they are. However, sometimes you just have to wonder. Its just these little things in life where you wonder if maybe you're about to get punk'd. I swear, one of these days Ashton Kutcher is going to come out, probably on Oprah or something, jump up on a couch and we'll all kinda understand what's going on.
I think that girls are secretly cold blooded reptiles.
Seriously. Cold blooded.
I mean this in the most literal way. They're very warm, loving, caring creatures. They're incredible. They complete our lives, they're beautiful, they do pretty much run society, and they have hearts of gold. Except these golden hearts are pumping out cold blood.
You know how you'll be chillin with a girl, watching a movie or something. You're inside, you're out of the sun, cuddling together, so you reach over like a P.I.M.P and take her hand, and somehow manage to find the slab of ice that must have fallen out of the sky, like we get here in Oakland. And then you realize its her hand!!
Sick, dude. Girls hands and feet are always freezing cold. Doesn't matter where you are, what time it is, or what. Freezing cold, all the time. Seriously, its like they have to absorb heat from the sun to retain energy for their day, which could explain tanning, sunbathing, and extreme grumpiness during cold cloudy winter months.
Dude, think about it. Cold blooded creatures are much more active in warm climates than cooler climates. So when it gets cold here in California, you know, like mid 50's, girls throw on their parkas, scarfs, hats, mittens, and that awful skirt and fuzzy ugg boot combo, and then sit down while we serve them hot chocolate, so they can conserve their body energy. But in the summer, it's always shorts, a shirt and flip flops and these girls are all over the freakin' place. They've got energy to spare. We can't keep up with em. I'm telling you the truth!! It's because cold blooded reptiles take the temperature of their surroundings.
Oh, and check this out. Cold blooded creatures turn most of their food energy directly into body mass. And girls always tell me that when they eat chocolate or sweets it goes straight to their hips, thighs, or derierre. How much more proof do you need?
How about this: It's a well known fact that women don't sweat. They don't cool down through water evaporation like us humans. Women "glow." Hmm, which is interesting cause cold blooded reptiles don't sweat either!! They cool off by seaking shade, opening their mouth and changing their skin color. Kinda like how girls like to cool down after they start glowing by lying under an umbrella and open their mouths to eat the grapes we feed them. Or by runnin their mouths non stop. Maybe that's why girls tend to talk alot sometimes. They're not just talking. They're sweating!!! And they warm up by lying in the sun. So every time I got to the beach, girls are always tanning, soaking in the sun's energy while they can so they can save it for later. Meanwhile, the guys are running around in the sand sweatin it up.
Like mammals. That's why you call us dogs and pigs I'm assuming. And that's probably why we refer to some of you as snakes. And it could explain why you all love turtles so much.
We're animals. And you're reptiles.
And we love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss much!!!
current mood:  full
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
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6:59 pm - We all know them.
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smai
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You know what I can't fucking stand? The pockets of at least 8 or so people in every class I've ever had that sit in class all day, do nothing, and expect to get good grades. There are two girls in my Spanish class that sit next to me that do nothing but talk all period, when the teacher is teaching, when people are presenting their fucking projects, and during tests. Parts of the class are taught in Spanish - and they don't listen, so when the teacher talks to them or asks them to do something they don't understand. The dumb piles of shit then proceed to fail most quizzes they take and complain loudly about how hard the fucking class is. Gee, you fucking morons, maybe you should stop copying off of others, do your homework once in a while and not sit on the day of tests laughing about how you haven't studied at all.
The greatest part is, through all of this, they still think they are going to do well in AP Spanish because of the teacher. Unfortunately, their daddy's have money so they will get everything they want throughout life. :(
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 4th, 2006
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2:22 am
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kamikazitaxi
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dear friends and family,
when i'm watching a show or a movie with you, please do not ask me questions. i'm watching it with you. i have the same set of information as you. i cannot provide any insight.
that is all.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, March 3rd, 2006
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2:43 pm
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| Sunday, February 19th, 2006
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2:38 am
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fex
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I'm going to get a few things off my chest.
People need to learn what is considered a personal life.
A girl at work constantly talks about how her mother got mad at her
because she had been having sex with her boyfriend. Then she goes into
elaborate detail about the sex, and after 2 months the topic is
still brought up in conversations. I think the only reason
people talk obsessively about sex is because they never get any,
or because they think people will care. Well too bad bitch.
I don't care if your boyfriend had sex with you,
and I definately don't want you to tell me about it.
It's disgusting, you're fat, and your boyfriend probibly
doesn't care either because he just wanted some pussy.
Substance Abuse is also really fucking annoying.
A fellow employee is absolutely facinated in something I
consider one of the lamest drugs out there. Caffine. He talks
about it like it's some rare, tribal medicine and everything he
eats or drinks has to have caffine. He unthinkingly tells me the
caffine contents in everything he consumes, and buys everything from
caffine gum and drinks, to caffine candy. You know what buddy? Good for
you. I don't give a damn. Your obsession with caffine may seem like
good, retarded fun, but unfortunately it really brings out the fact that
you latch onto something you consider a 'hardXcorelollerskatez' drug because
you don't have a social life and you strive to be like every other
assfucker addict teen out there.
An exboyfriend of mine is a really nice guy. When I first met him he
had never done anything wrong, really. We started dating, and when he started doing drugs I
didn't really care because I figured nothing bad would really happen.
Most kids in highschool do some sort of drug, so it wasn't a new thing to hear.
He was just exclusively smoking marijuana. It's funny though how they'll
tell you that it's a gateway drug, and you just shrug and say that they don't
know what they're talking about. Pretty soon he was doing shrooms and coke and acid,
and for some people around here that's pretty common. But when he got caught
selling drugs at a school, he was sent to jail for a few days and his parents
ended up paying $18,000 just to get him out. And now, it's 8 months later,
and he's still on probation and he'll most likely be going back to jail
as soon as they decide if they even want to give him a court case. Now, here's
what makes me angry. As soon as he gets out of jail he begins latching on to
liquor and cigarettes. It amazes me how far people will go to make themselves
feel cool. Not a night would pass where he wasn't out at some party or bonfire
puking his ass off and calling me with slurred speech saying things
that I could have cared less to hear. If you have to go out
and make yourself feel important by being dependant on some fucking substance,
don't tell me about it because I don't give a fuck. If you're a great kid
and you have to go cover up your personality with a drug that makes you act
like a Downs pacient riding a roller coaster, don't call me and tell me how great
it is. I won't believe you.
I don't mind people that use or abuse drugs because I'm not someone who tells people
how they should run their life. I just don't care to hear about it.
I'm also pissed at how blacks think that whites owe them something because of slavery. YES, It was wrong. YES, It was racist. But did I EVER make you pick cotton? No, I didn't. I am also aware of the stereotypes that are put on blacks- for example, the stereotype that they steal things/are lazy/mooch money off people. This is wrong, because many blacks do not do these things, and people of other ethnicities do these things as well. However, if you think these stereotypes are wrong, and are not acceptable... DO NOT FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THEM. You're just slowly trying to make people think that maybe these stereotypes are pretty acurate. Quit stealing my purse and asking for money, and you'll do us all a favor. I am also refraining from using the phrase "African-American" because it's pretty much just an excuse because we don't really have a nicer name than that one. You're not from Africa. I actually know a good many people that were born and raised in Africa, and the funny thing is- none of them are black. I don't run around calling myself a "Scottish-American" because I was not born in Scotland.
The End.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, September 30th, 2005
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5:18 pm - unforgiving september...
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suburbanitespy
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Its a strange time of year, a time of the year when everyday feels like a sunday. Quiet house, clock ticking, mind-numbing television acting as background noise; Today is the first day in nearly 2 weeks that I've been up before 5 in the evening (I've been given new meds to help me sleep and they've worked but now all I seem to do is sleep)... I went out last night though, with an old friend, we got horribly drunk and played pool all night then just before kicking out time we performed an incredibley off key rendition of "My Way" to rapturous applause (we were definitely more Sid Viscious than Frank Sinatra). On the way home though, he told me what my ex-girlfriend had been up to and now I can't get it out of my head. I'm sure he didn't do it maliciously, there aren't many people who actually realise how fragile I am, but what he told me was very distressing anyway. I won't go into it but every time I think about it I feel like... Well, I can't really explain it but needless to say, it isn't a nice feeling.
I can see the depressed thoughts in my head, clear normal thoughts, unconfused and pure; and the dark jumbled up thoughts, they feel like misery, like cold and empty streets, black and white in my mind... Ah, I wish I could explain what I was thinking, it always seems so pointless to even try. Anyway, the point is that I can recognise despair in the tone of my thoughts and at the moment, right now as I type, everything seems black and white...
Sometimes there's a sense of destiny in the way the insanity and neurosis hits me, an almost prophetic knowingness... Its like a bus trying to run me down, but instead of moving aside or running away I just keep on walking straight towards it. An instinct for self-destruction is what my mum calls it... Seems like a good expanation (or excuse maybe) for my self harm. I don't know though, why does my brain force this torture on me, what is it about me that makes me dwell on the intricacies of my demons, pick away at them until I can't stand it anymore and break down? I don't expect any answers, there are never any answers; in fact, I don't know what I'm expecting from any of this.
I see my life shattering like glass when I start to think about what ifs and maybes. Its then that the dark thoughts stop being dark thoughts, they become clear thoughts, crystal and unconfused... Thats when I wish I was dead, when the depression becomes vivid and real... My mind tricks me, lets me believe that the despair is clarity and that clarity is the despair...
The books I read fuel my obsession, full of psychosis and analysis, Chuck Palahniuk, William burroughs, Kathy Acker; All authors whose self-professed mania has driven them to write the most amazingly insightful novels... I feed on that misery and decry those who believe that they know the ins and outs of the sickness, its not clear cut... its a jumbled mess of confused signals and static that no one could ever decipher. You see the pain behind the words not in them, its a conscious purging of the subconcious for no-ones benefit other than the author. These novels seem almost contemplative to me, not real expressions of what the writer feels but reflections for analysis, raising the questions but never once even hinting at the answers... Its not the same in movies, movies aren't personal enough. If I'm watching a film and something sad happens, or happy even, I have to turn it off, I can't deal with that directly impersonal emotion; American Psycho and Fight Club are the only exceptions, both of which were originally novels that I'd read loads of times while growing up... Ahhh, I've forgotten the point I wanted to make, too caught up in talking movies dammit!
Man, I'm shit at writing, always letting the compulsion to bleed my heart onto the page take over. I don't why I've written this, just venting I suppose... Another singularly futile exercise... Oh well, whatever, nevermind...
PF
current mood: introvert
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 1st, 2005
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4:17 pm - FUCK BUSH!!!!!
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| Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
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11:33 pm
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en_femme
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To the bitch who came into my work:
Maam, I realize that you think I was angry with you because you are black and I am white. In fact, this couldn't be further from the truth. I don't hate you because you're black, I hate you because you are a god damn fucking cunt who can't fucking control her kids!!!!!!!!!!!! If you would put down your god damn cell phone for the five fucking seconds it would take to slap the hell out of the little beasts, we wouldn't even have a problem. Of course, that is a bit too difficult for you. You have to let your SIX, count them, SIX little crotchmaggots run around my store and break everything they touch!
Then you have the balls to ask me if I have any Black and Mild. THIS IS A CIGAR SHOP, NOT A CIRCLE-K. I carry the finest tobacco rolled by the most skilled masters. Your stinking ghetto garbage is not something I will EVER sell. Who the fuck brings their children into a cigar shop in the first place??? I hope you get the worst cancer an angry god can give.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 13th, 2005
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2:28 pm - God I hate emo shitheads
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en_femme
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Every damn day I see these little fuckers with their stupid "scene" haircuts thinking they are soooo fucking unique. YOU DRESS EXACTLY THE SAME AS ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!! You all wear the same skin-tight jeans, the same "My Chemical Romance" shirt, and the same fucking haircut. YOU ARE NOT AN INDIVIDUAL!
You are pathetic sheep buying up everything that Hot Topic puts on its shelves. Fuck you all. I hope you all drown in a pool of your own blood.
current mood: aggravated
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, June 6th, 2005
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10:23 pm
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_jellyfishing_
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Hey. Are you looking for a community where you can interact with people who are knowledgable, and love their drugs? Are you looking for a chance to use your chemical expertise for the benefit of others? Are you a person with a glorious habit, and proud of it?
Well, you've found such a community where the feeling has been mutualized and concentrated.
But first you must meet Our Standards, and win the hearts of OVER HALF of our members in the form of an application process, because we are in fact one of those elitist rating communities, and its simply a way to weed out the lightweights, tasteless idiots, and typical douchewads, from the motherfuckers who know the deal, US, YOU, US. okay? alright then....
Tired of drug communities infested with brainless twits perpetuating the stereotype of the unintelligent, irresponsible, tasteless drug user? Longing to discuss your chemical love affair and lifestyle with other well-educated, well-read, socially aware users? So are we.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
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6:58 am
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badbruthabengal
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Michael Jackson: 100% GUILTY. 100% SICK BASTARD. HE'S GOTTEN AWAY WITH TOO MUCH FOR TOO LONG. FUCK HIM. THEY SHOULD START WITH CASTRATION.....
Terri Schiavo: THE HUSBAND IS A SHIT-SUCKING SCUMFUCK. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS WALK AWAY, THE FAMILY WOULD'VE TAKEN CARE OF HER. THEY SHOULD LOCK HIS ASS IN A 5 X 8 & STARVE HIM, & SEE HOW HE LIKES IT. SOME JUDGE SHOULD'VE HAD THE BALLS TO SAY, "When you started your new family, you gave up your say on the matter." TERRI SCHIAVO WAS MURDERED FOR MONEY.
Gas prices: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! I HAD TO TAKE OUT A LOAN TO FILL MY TANK. WHY ARE WE GETTING RAPED FOR GAS WHEN WE CONTROL THE OIL FIELDS NOW? BU$H & HIS CRONIES ARE LINING THEIR POCKETS WITH OUR HARD-EARNED CASH.
The Pope: NOT TO SOUND COLD, BECAUSE THE POPE DID A LOT OF GOOD THINGS, BUT HE IS OLD, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? YOU CAN'T STICK AROUND FOREVER.....
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 7th, 2004
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8:36 pm
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fex
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I've been in this community for quite some time now, and this will be the first time I use it.
Disclaimer:I KNOW I will offend more people than I could ever imagine, so I'm not checking comments.
If it makes you feel better, rant back at me, but just remember - I won't be reading it.
Today I was sitting listening to the radio and I noticed how EVERY song I've heard was about "Oh, why doesn't anyone understand me" and "I cut because she doesn't love me!" It makes me want to vomit. I want to take all the sick bastards that whine about how noone understands them and stick them in Africa where they can all starve and make a living just to get shot at and have all their stuff stolen. I'm pretty sure after that they'd be whining about something alot more meaningful than why they're so different from everyone else. It's depressing and disgusting. If we moved some of these spoiled brats into Africa I'm sure the songs would be more like "I sat on a needle at the movies and contracted HIV from a sick joke" or "At least the trash can I live in still has the lid". So eat your food and stop cutting yourself and thinking you're miserable because you don't even know half of the shit that people in other countries are going through right now. Who cares if Jon doesn't really like you? At least you can choose who you marry and at least you can walk to the store without getting raped. (And even if you do, you can get help for it and sue the bastard [unless you're one of those depressed "noone understands what I've been through" types])
Sorry about the cussing and what not. Makes me feel alot better now =)
current mood: relieved
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, September 19th, 2004
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12:39 am - hi im new and this is the story of my life. part 1.
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coldlights_
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I've come to the conclusion that I'm fully in a depression state. I'm starting to believe this whole anorexia deal is just a mere side effect of my depression which probably came before all of this. It all started when I came into high school 3 years ago. I came out of junior high which were the best years of my life. I had 5 close girlfriends, boyfriends right and left, i was what you call "popular" and I loved the life so much. no stress and all easy and smooth.
Then high school started. ugh coming into freshman year, 2 out of us 6 went to a different high school, and the other 4 including me stayed together which was super hard. About 4 months into school we all broke up which was the most unexpecting thing to happen according to everyone. Nobody thought we'd break up. So now it was just me and my best friend which we are still best friends for about 6-7 years. We have been through everything and have moved from group to group to groups of friends over the past 3 years. The only problem with all of this is the fact that she's had so many boyfriends and guys and hookups and stuff and I have had almost nothing. There is nothing wrong with me but ever since, I have become shyer and quieter and more self conscience compared to the crazy wild me in Jr. High. Now my friend and I are in a new group of girlfriends with 7 of us, and the rest of them are soo cliquey I can't stand it. They are the exact type of people I have begun starting to hate. I know this sounds stupid but when I started listening to different types of music and turned "indie" if you will... my views on everything have changed. I am starting to hate my cliquey, fake, annoying friends, except my best friend who is giong through what I am sort of (not half as bad though), and I just want to make new friends. The problem is that my school is the most preppiest, snobby, strictest school EVER, and its now senior year and it's too late to just pick up and go into a whole new group. and even if I try I know I will be rejected b/c these kids think I'm that snobby cheerleader I used to be and IM NOT! ugh These past 2 years I have had absolutely no relations with guys besides the occasional friendships that last a few weeks. and this guy I like who was this cute emoish drummer in a band kid and I were SO close until he met this girl who has a boyfriend! He always said how he loved this girl so much. it's very wierd and ironic b/c this girl and I are like the same exact person (looks, hair, height, weight, interests, music, vegetarian, the way we talk and type, the way we act and think, the way we dress and do our hair, the way we make our smiley faces, the food we love,.. EVERYTHING!!) it's so wierd that this guy and i both had a hard time believing it. Anyways, he's had a crush on her since a year ago even when she's still not single and I have just been to go-toer whenever he was sad or mad. He still doesn't even know that I like/liked him ever and I can't tell him b/c it would be really awkward! and also the fact that we are in 2 totally different groups of "friends." I'm crawling deeper into a hole that I never knew I'd get into. I would have never expected myself to be this way!! All I can say is that I can't wait till college and high school to be over! I want to make new friends who are actual worthy of the term "friend." I want a boyfriend who will care about me. I want to be normal and stop being self conscience and shy and paranoid 24/7.
O YEAH and to make matters ever worse, my friends basically ditched me tonight. they told me they would call me at 9ish and fianlly I texted them at 11:15 and they were all, "omg we totally called you! come over and look at my phone if u dont believe us! blah blah blah come over now!" i was like um no hung up and just started crying. I don't know why I have to be like this. It's just so unfair because i don't deserve this one bit. I ate a fucking shitload today and felt the most hopeless I've ever been, and now I just want to drown in my sleep and die and never be born ever. Unlike some people who cut or binge and purge and God knows what, I am unfortunate b/c I have no idea how to deal with this. I dont have a therapist like some lucky people and like.. am I supposed to want a therapist? and I supposed to contemplate suicide? what am I supposed to do?? wait all these fucking months till school is over? then what about the summer? I will still be lonely all summer! and even if I want to go to college as soon as possible, I can't even think about college b/c all this college stuff and ACTS and applications and stress is driving me crazy. I've had several breakdowns in front of my parents, and that was only over college shit. Imagine what they would do if they knew all the other things I was deperssed over. haha im so pathetic. wow this is so lame. yup.
-EDIT:- so in conclusion, I have become: a low life loser with no true, honest, or trustworthy friends, who is stressed beyond belief and has nothing to lose, who has no guy friends or boyfriends or anything important or special to do in my spare time, who sits around waiting for everyone and caring about everyone on command, who gets no love or respect back, who is being rejected and can't be happy ever, who's lost all self esteem and confindence, a depressed (failing) anorexic who has nothing better to do but cry and say she doesn't deserve this, and be jealous and wonder how she ever got in this position and when it will all end. the end. ;_;
current mood:  depressed
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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