You probably recognize the subject line from a post I made this past week...ish. Well, I also posted it to a number of religious communities and a couple question comms as well. I just like to have fun with this kinda stuff.

• Best responses!


• So the barkeep says to the Imam, "What'll it be, mate?" The Muslim cleric responds by saying, "Allah has decreed that the fermentation of grape or wheat may not pass my lips."
  
  "'K, suit yourself," shrugs the bartender. Then he turns to the Rabbi, who says, "Oy, just a wee little Manischewitz, friend." The barkeep pours him the sickly sweet kosher wine. He then looks at the Priest and asks for his order. The Priest says, "A flute of the Lord's finest dry white spirit, please."
  
  But the barkeep pauses and looks confused. "Why, what's the matter, my son?" says the Priest. "Dontcha know what I mean?"
  
  "Well, I think I do, Father," responds the barman, "but I thought it was only those poor little choirboys who have to swallow white spirits out of holy flutes."
  
  The Imam and Rabbi roar with laughter as the Priest storms out.
  
  Over the next few hours, strange bedfellows as they are, the Rabbi keeps drinking with the Imam as his company in an otherwise deserted bar. Soon Nature makes her urgent call.
  
  "Say, Ahmed," inquires the Rabbi, "the Qur'aan says you can't drink fermented grape and wheat, is that right?"
  
  "That's correct," responds the Imam. "Good," says the Israeli, patting his lower abdomen. "'Cause if you're still thirsty, I got plenty o' filtered ferment right here for you!"
  
  The barkeep wets himself with laughter.


• ... and the bartender says, "What's this supposed to be, some kind of joke?"


• This one was the most common answer...with a few variations


• "They are regarded with some suspicion by the bartender and patrons. They start to reconsider their choice of Mumbai as their Abrahamic holiday destination."


• and they say, "Ow."


• This was the 2nd most common answer, by the way.


• "You'd think at least one of them would duck."


• and Father McFadden orders Hajji a whiskey.


• And the bartender asks them to leave, due to knowing full well that none of them consume alcohol recreationally, and that he's out of orange juice.


• and feel awkward when they realize its a gay bar.


• The Imam falls on his knees and prays for everyone, the Rabbi walks angry through the bar and calls them damned people... but the priest looks so angry that his head is dark red.. he gos straight to the bar man and shouts on him: You have not paid yet the church tax!!!


• And kick the crap out of the pagan bartender?


• examination, where they will confuse and befuddle lawyers-to-be with their questions on God's laws.


• A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.


• And its closed so they go home.

There were a few others of no real note, a few arguments about the veracity of the situation, and one racial slur all of which are not really worth dwelling on.

xposted to House·of·Happy & Naughty·lil·Devils

9:25 PM 3/25/07 · There's this old joke I used to love, that I've not heard in ages. I barely remember how it goes but I think it was something like this:

So, there's this pagan guy and he's going about his day, minding his own business really, when he just up and dies. Nothing complicated, he wasn't murdered; he's just dead. He finds himself raising up out of his body and moving towards a bright light. Past the light he find himself a in a line going up to a pair of Pearly Gates where this guy with a book letting people through.

When he gets there, looking very perplexed by his surroundings, the guy with the book looks at him and asks, "Name?"

"Sorry?"

"What's your name?"

"Forget about that for a second. Where am I? What's going on?"

The guy rolls his eyes, "You died. This is the entrance to Heaven. I'm St. Peter. This ringing any bells??"

"Heaven?" pagan guy gets upset, "I don't believe in Heaven. You can't be St. Peter! I should be going to the Summerlands!!"

"Going where exac..." Pete pauses and glances at his book and then gives the pagan a side glance, "Oh great! You're one of those pagan fellows aren't you?"

"Well, yes."

"That's too bad. You've got to goto Hell."

"I don't believe in Hell."

"That's a pity cuz that's where you're going."

"There's no such thing as Hell."

"According to you there's no such place as where you are now either but here you are." Pete is really annoyed by this, "See, since you folks refuse to accept the one true faith we automatically kick you down to Hell."

"True faith? There's no such thing."

"Sorry. Them's the rules."

The argument, pointless as it is, goes on for a bit before finally Pete gets completely fed up and boots the pagan down to Hell. Finally arriving, looking around with wonderment, the pagan sees green meadows and lakes and people walking around practically glowing with joy. He's just about ready to pass off that whole Pearly Gates nonsense when he hears a voice behind him...

..."Hi."

"Oh, hello."

"You're new here aren't you?"

"Yes, I just arrived....and you are?"

"Oh, I'm the Devil."

"What?!" the pagan looks around nervously.

"Don't worry, it's not as bad as all that."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. This is a great place. You can do anything you want anytime you want for all the rest of Eternity."

At that moment, the sky cracks open and a million screaming souls come falling down. Under them the ground rips open and flames lick up at them as though hungry and they fall in. Then the ground seals up.

The pagan, made ever so much more uncomfortable by that little display, turns back to the Devil, "What was that all about?"

"Oh, those were just a bunch of sinners of the so called true faith." the Devil shrugs, "Christians...what can you do?"