There are Some Advantages to the Cold

During the winter my family uses our deck outside as a second refridgerator... So anytime you walk outside... "Oh, apple juice," and "I forgot we had pizza."

Work

When I get bored I like to shred things at work. It looks like I'm doing work... but I'm not.

Foreboding

Sometimes I look up and see there is a metaphorical bus about to slam into me, and I think to myself, "Man, this is going to hurt."

Movie Reviews - I am Legend

Last Saturday I went to go see the movie "I am Legend" with some friends. The premise of the movie is that a virus has swept through the earth killing 90% of the population and Will Smith is the only man left alive in NYC.

Pretty much the entire first half of the movie is devoted to showing Will Smith alone in NYC and the complete desolation. I think it was supposed to be sad that he was all alone, but it looked pretty good to me... I can't wait for the apocalypse.

Then his dog gets rabies and dies. It is pretty much just a modern retelling of Old Yeller with some cannibals, that only come out at night, thrown in for good measure.

The movie was a little depressing and ended abruptly. Afterwards, I turned to my friends and was like, "What the 'H' was that?"

Christmas Shopping

I think I figured out why I hate Christmas shopping so much. It's because I don't like people, and when you are Christmas shopping they're everywhere... Every time I turn around there's someone in my way.

The Day I Ruined Christmas

Each year in my family one of child gets the responsibility of picking out the Christmas tree for the family. We do this because it cuts down on the arguing and bloodshed over which tree to get. This year it was my turn to decide.

Going into it I didn't have any real preconcieved notions about what kind of tree I wanted. All I knew is that I wanted to make the decision fast, and get out of there. One year my little sister made us spend three hours in a tree lot in sub-freezing weather trying to decide on a tree, that wasn't going to happen this year.

So the first lot we went to didn't really have much of a selection so we went across the parking lot to another tree lot. They had a good selection of the kind of tree we usually get, big and bushy with stout needles. I was looking through them trying to find one that was perfectly symmetrical with a well proportioned taper, when I saw these two spindly trees at the back. It was love at first sight. I asked my brothers and sisters what they thought of them. They were like, "Eh, they're okay." but Mary definitely did not like them. Even better I thought. It turns out the trees were too tall so we went to another tree lot with a larger selection of the variety I liked. Mary tried to get me to meet halfway by picking out trees that were the kind I liked but still bushy. "To full," I'd say to every tree she picked out. "I want less braches."

Mary: "then it will only be a stick."

Me: "Yes, that's what I want."

After an hour and a half we came back with this little number.

Note: It is not my boyfriend in the picture but my little brother. I am and still remain terribly single.

During the Holidays You Can't be too Careful

The other day I heard children outside our door. Thinking that it was my niece and nephew coming to visit, I opened the door... I was sadly mistaken it was children singing a Christmas song aka "carolers". I did the only thing I could. I ran from the room. There was no way I was staying there and listening to that.

It is interesting to note though that I am not the only one in my family who suffers from a fear of carolers. Tonight my brothers and sisters and I were decorating the Christmas tree when the doorbell rang. "It might be carolers," I said, and in unison we all ran into the other room... It must be genetic.

Time Off

The site manager at my office got his appendix out and he got to take a whole week off of work. I want to get my appendix out.

Christmas Giving

Is it okay to give prescription drugs as a white elephant gift?

In which we see that Tod is Entirely too Trusting...

On Sunday my friend Kelly and I went over to our friend Tod's apartment to steal some pictures of him as a chubby child. Which we could then blow up and sell at the ward auction. We did this under the guise of needing to discuss our next eating competition with him. Kelly was going to distract him and I would steal the pictures.

We went in and I was trying to figure out how we were going to do it, when Kelly decided to just ask if we could borrow his childhood photos. He said we could but that we couldn't publicly distribute them. Kelly said we wouldn't. Tod then asked me to make sure that we wouldn't. I tried not to laugh, "of course we're not going to..." A bad lie is essentially the same thing as telling the truth. Of course we are going to publicly distribute them Tod. Why do you think we asked?

The Party...

So for my birthday party Kelly had me go on three fifteen minute dates... These dates were also videotaped. The first date I went on was with my friend Eric. For our date we went to the temple where Eric proposed... marriage. I accepted. He was offering me a cherry ring pop and a lifetime with him... How could I not. Cherry is my favorite flavor of ring pop. We don't know each other that well but that doesn't really matter. It's only for eternity.

After he proposed and I accepted he told some people walking by the good news. They congratulated us. It was everything I had ever imagined it would be and more... Actually if any boy ever asks me to marry him on temple grounds I'm going to have to say, "no" on priciple. It's a deal breaker.

Sadly our otherwise perfect date ended with an awkward doorstep scene. I know it's strange for me right? But yeah, it was really awkward. He took my hands and I thought he was going to go in for a hug, but no it was a kiss and I started laughing and... turned. It all happened so fast... It's really not my fault, and I was being videotaped. There is no way I'm going to kiss a boy on camera, and it was a first date. I may get engaged but there is no way I'm going to kiss a boy on the first date. I'm not a slut.

For the second date I got to go out with my friend Derek. Derek likes to get in my bubble. I don't like it when Derek gets in my bubble. Sometimes Derek and I argue about things like how he is in my bubble and how I want him to get out.

For our date we went rock climbing. On the way to go rock climbing Derek licked the ring pop Eric had given me, and well... I didn't want it after that. Sorry Eric. We went climbing and afterward Derek borrowed a ring and proposed to me. I said, "no." Sorry Derek it would never work out. We argue too much.

There was no awkward doorstep scene with Derek because we were in a fight.

My last date was with my friends' Matt and Chas... I know two for one, that's a great deal. We went and did some crafts together. I was pretty much dated out by that point though. So I was pretty boring.

The morning after the party I woke up with a hangover, and I was like, "What did I do last night?"

The party did help my overall statistics for the year though. In one night I managed to accomplish:

2 proposals
1 engagement
4 hand holds
1 kiss rejection

Oh, and Kelly and I are still friends. So any of you who thought you were going to take that BFF position, THINK AGAIN.

Goodbye Kelly

Tomorrow is my birthday. Tonight my friend Kelly is throwing me a birthday party. On the one hand Kelly has put a lot of work into this and I have rarely felt so loved. On the other hand I have rarely felt so scared. Kelly says it will be worse than the kissing themed party that she and I threw my little sister... I can't imagine how a party could be worse than that. Kelly won't tell me what we are doing but I know the theme is dating/marriage.

Kelly says we probably won't be friends anymore after the party. She's probably right.

So last night we hung out together for the last time as 'friends'. We reminisced about how we had become friends, the good times, the bad times, and I was sad that I hadn't made better use of the time we had. Too bad it had to end this way.

Things I Love...

I love it when one of my friends texts me at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning to tell me it has snowed during the night.

Scattergories... or the Friendship Kiss of Death

On Sunday I was playing Scattergories with some friends. My friend Lyndsay was also playing. Lyndsay is one of the sweetest, nicest, one of my most favorite people ever...

Over the course of the game there were several disagreements about what did and did not count. For instance, Lyndsay's team would not let my team count Gary Avenue as a street name because I only thought I remembered it being a street name... I wasn't sure. However, somehow Lyndsay's team got the Klu Klux Klan to count for "something that hops/jumps". Oh, and it counted for triple points. The reasoning behind it? On the movie "Oh Brother Where Art Thou" there is a scene where the Klan is chanting and doing something which may be considered as hopping. Well, sure if it's in a fictional movie then it must be true. I've also seen a golden retriever playing basketball on a movie, and we all know that can happen... I want a well documented source or at least witnesses from three high ranking members of the Klan before I believe that they actually hop/jump at their meetings... and they wouldn't let us count Gary Coleman as an athlete...

Long story short, tempers ran high and feelings were hurt.

I love Lyndsay. She is still one of my most favorite people ever, but we can never play Scattergories again.

Strange Disease

So today when I got home from work I noticed that I have these small blue dots on my face. I was thinking that maybe I had caught some sort of tropical disease, and then I remembered I had splattered my Gatorade in my face at lunch.

My Sign

I just looked up the characteristics of my sign Sagitarrius on MSN... I have never heard a description further from my personality...

Extroverted, optimistic and enthusiastic, it can be almost impossible to
keep the Sagittarian down. They love change. In fact, change is essential for
this sign to feel their bestFriends and FamilyWhether it's stimulating
conversation, or a hike through the mountains, you can expect this sign to be
surrounded by friends. They're a ton of fun, and downright wacky at times.

Thanksgiving

I don't feel like going into work today. I think I'll stay home and eat a lot of food... maybe watch some football.

Trying to out do Mary

Greg was going to come over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner but now it looks like he's not going to make it. On the one hand it's bad because I had planned on getting a guy friend of mine to come over and pretend to be my boyfriend to upstage Mary and Greg... "Oh, you invited your boyfriend to dinner Mary? That's funny. I did too." On the other hand it's good because while I had thought up this plan I hadn't actually followed through with it.

Greg still thinks I should get a pretend boyfriend to come over... Knock on the door "What? I wonder who that could be? Oh, it's my boyfriend. Oh, Mary is your boyfriend not coming? That's too bad."

Quality Time Together

So far I've spent 9 hours together with my family... I'm going out of my mind. Are the holidays over yet?

How to get More Friends

1. Practice good hygiene - It may seem superficial but people don't like to be around people who smell bad and are generally dirty.
2. Try not to talk about yourself ALL the time - sure you're an interesting person and you should talk about yourself sometimes, but it probably shouldn't be the only thing you talk about. One way to tell if you do this is if when you are done talking to someone you ask yourself, "Did I learn anything new? Could I have had the same conversation at home by myself in the bathroom mirror? Am I, in fact, in love with myself?"
3. Don't eat too much cheese - This is pretty self-explanatory.
4. Try not to insult people - this is generally bad for any friendship. Stay away from blanket statements like,"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard","You're ugly","I don't like you very much."

Conflict

I am trying to work on the computer and my little brother and his friend are in the same room as me playing nintendo. They keep getting louder and louder and I keep having to turn up my music louder and louder. I could just get earphones but what would be the fun of that?

Matter of Perspective

A little while ago I was hanging out with my friend Matt D. and he was having some texting drama with his girlfriend. He asked me,"How do you avoid the drama?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "Be a loner."
He said, "Yeah, but I get lonely."

...I just pretend I'm interned in a Russian prison camp. Is it really that hard?

Ironic

Last week in Ward Council we were discussing the problem we have of everyone leaving after sacrament meeting and not going to the rest of the block meetings. As we discussed this Kelly, our beloved RS President made a comment to the effect of, "I understand why people skip. I want to skip all the time. Rebecca and I always talk about doing it." And I was like, "don't drag me into this Kelly."

It's true though we always talk about how much we want to skip and then we just go to Sunday School and Relief Society anyway...

But after making that comment in ward council Kelly was asked to speak yesterday on the importance of going to all three of our block meetings... ironic.

Feelings, Nothing More Than...

Feelings, by definition, are those stupid things you can't control.

...Kind of like people.

Just do what I tell you to do. Just do it!

Problem

In the past I've noticed that usually when I'm around cute boys I get nervous and I'm not really myself... If on the odd chance a boy ever thinks I'm cute he may also get nervous and not really be himself. Which means we may never really know each other, no matter how hard we try... It's a losing game.

I should probably just marry someone ugly and get it over with now. All roads lead there anyway... Sure we all look decent now, but just wait 40 or 50 years.

Any Suggestions

I need a new blogging name. The one I have now is pretty close to my real name, which can be dangerous on the world wide web.

I realize this will ruin everyone's lives because they will have to update their links to my blog, but it's really going to ruin my life if someone discovers my identity and kills me in my sleep.

I try to help

On Saturday my ward was supposed to clean our church building. I don't like to get up early on Saturday but I decided to bite the bullet and go and help. They were going to start cleaning at 10 a.m.. I rolled out of bed and made it there at about 10:40, eager to help. Sadly, all the cleaning had already been done. I saw Ellie and some of my friends on their way out.

Ellie:"Nice of you to come."
Me:"Yeah, sorry are you guys done already?"
Chas:"We have an intermural game at 12. You should come."
Me:"Sounds like fun, I'll try to make it."
Ellie:"So we'll see you there at 12:40?"
Me:"Yes you will."

Then I found myself awake at 10:40 a.m. on a Saturday. "What do people do with themselves this early on Saturday?" I asked myself. So I decided to go shopping, at the mall.

History Repeats Itself, Over and Over Again

Two weeks ago Greg thought it would be fun if we got a group together and all went camping. So at the beginning of the week I talked to everyone I know who I thought might want to go and Greg was supposed to do the same. Come Thursday people are getting wishy washy but we decide to go ahead and still plan on going. Come Friday everyone bails and I end up hanging out with the couple(Mary and Greg)... Hanging out with a couple is a social dead end. We go over to Greg's apartment and Mary and I make him watch and artsy movie. Then my friend Elise calls me and invites me to go hang out with her friends up the canyon. I gratefully accept.

Last week Greg thought if would be fun if we got a group together and all go camping in Zions. So at the beginning of the week I talk to everyone I know who I thought might want to come with us and Greg was supposed to do the same. Come Thursday people are wishy washy about going so far so we decide to camp close by or maybe just have a campfire. Come Friday everyone bails on camping but are willing to do a campfire later. So I hang out with the couple(Mary and Greg) until it's time for the fire. My friend Elise calls me.
Elise:"What are you doing tonight?"
Me:"Uhh..."
Elise:"Are you hanging out with Mary and Greg again?"
Me(crying):"Yes. It's a bad rerun of last weekend."
Elise invites me to do something else. I really want to but I tell her I told these people I'd do a campfire with them so I probably should. The couple and I go over to Greg's apt where I make them watch an artsy movie. Then we get our friends and go up the canyon for a fire... Whatever happens I am NOT doing that weekend again this week.

When we were up the canyon at our campfire we found a machete on the ground. A real, made out of steel with a rubber handle, if I lived in Rwanda I would kill people with this, machete. What kind of a person owns a machete? And why do they bring it up into the woods with them. These are the kinds of questions I don't want to know the answers to. Since it was obviously a murder weapon we decided to dispose of it, but not until we got our finger prints all over it. Apart from finding the machete it was a pretty standard campfire.

Mary's Back

Mary got back on Thursday from a trip to New Orleans. After she got back my little brother told me about the present she had gotten him. She brought him back an alligator foot and an alligator tooth. I asked Mary what she brought back for me. She went quiet.
me: "You didn't bring me back anything? You could get two presents for our little brother but you couldn't get anything for me?"
Mary: "Well I didn't get a gift for anyone else."
Greg suddenly looks very uncomfortable.
Me: "You got a gift for Greg?"
Mary: "I got him some playing cards with alcoholic drink recipes on them... I tried to get people gifts that matched their personality. I couldn't find anything for you."
Me: "Because I don't have a personality?"
Mary: "Wait I did get you something."
Me:"What?"
Mary:"It's a picture."
Me:"I'm overwhelmed."
Mary pulls out her phone and shows me a picture she took of a Mardi Gras Man.
Me:"This is maybe the best gift I've ever gotten. You know all those times when I talked about how much I loved Mardi Gras men and how if only I had a picture of one of them my life would be complete. I never thought you were listening but now I see you were. You are the best sister ever."

I also wondered about where Mary had gotten the alligator foot and tooth she had given my little brother. I hope they were taken humanely. Perhaps the foot came from a patient at the prosthetic limb wing of the alligator hospital, and the tooth from the alligator dentist. But more than likely they weren't. There is probably an alligator walking around somewhere without a foot and missing a tooth. You should be ashamed of yourself Mary.

Thinking Outside the Box

The other day I was at someone's house and on the wall they had, instead of the usual child's hands dipped in paint and then pressed on paper, a child's feet that had been dipped in paint and pressed on paper. When I have kids I'm just going to let them roll around in the paint and then roll around on the canvas and when people ask me what it is I'll tell them it's my child.

Halloween

Yesterday I was at work and I had to go out into the lobby for a second, when I noticed that there were children congregating there in costumes in the hopes of doing some trick-or-treating in our building. I non-chalantly walked back into our office. A few minutes later I heard what sounded like the hands of small children trying to open our heavy doors. "Lock the doors," I told Peter, "don't let the children in." We didn't have candy and I wasn't about to look those children in the face and tell them that.

Later, I dressed up for a halloween party that some friends of mine were throwing. I was going to go as Mary. You know, wear a white collared shirt with a black v-neck sweater, a knee length skirt, flip my hair out and say, "You guys..." alot, but at the last minute I decide to be a fairy/angel instead. For my costume I sprayed my hair with some white colored hair spray we already had. As I did this I noticed a couple things: 1) You should close your eyes while doing this so you don't spray it in your eye. 2) It's hard to tell where you are spraying it when you have your eyes closed 3) You should always do this in a well ventilated area, though if you don't you will get high and have a fantastic rest of the night.

Kelly & I Have Some Fun

So on Sunday Kelly and I were bored so we decided to write a mean note to someone. We decided we would write a threatening note to Tod. We bested him at an eating contest about a month ago and he has yet to pay up on a bet we made before the eating contest, that the loser would make the winners dessert.

So we wrote a note that went something like this:

Dear Tod,

You owe us, pay up or we'll cut out your tongue, and then it will be even harder to eat pizza or kiss.

love,

skin & bones

and then we attached a dismembered tongue to the note (not really though it was just a tongue made out of candy).

We took it to his apt and rang the doorbell and ran, but no one answered the door. So we went back to Kelly's and decided to prank call him. He has both Kelly and my numbers in his phone so I borrowed our friend Nicole's phone to prank call him. Sadly he didn't answer so we had to leave him prank call voicemails. The first voicemail was just me breathing heavily into the phone. The second was me saying in my most raspy voice, "answer the door."

Later, after we weren't hanging out anymore, Tod called back Nicole and was like, "Uh, you called me twice."Nicole totally caved, and told him it was me... after two seconds of interrogation.

Tod called me and told me he had gotten our note. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about. He then apologized for not paying up earlier. He said he had been really busy and he felt really bad. He was so apologetic... and then I felt bad. We were totally kidding Tod. We don't care. We just wanted to have some fun.

He has also since visited Kelly in person and apologized to her... I feel really bad now.

Friday Night

Last Friday night my friend Nicole and I went to go see Wes Anderson's new movie the Darjeeling Limited. She invited all her friends who like Wes Anderson and I invited all of mine and it ended up being just her and I. It was okay though because it meant that we got to go shoe shopping before the movie.

The movie is rated R and I really don't usually go to see rated R movies but it was rated R for language, so I figured I'd be okay. When we were walking into the movie though the lady taking my ticket asked me if I was old enough to see the movie. I wasn't sure if she was joking. She had a very serious face. "Uh, yeah, I'm old enough." Luckily I didn't have to pull out ID. She believed me and let me go into the movie.

So the movie starts and while the actual movie was rated R for language the prequel to the movie, which they played before the movie started was rated R for something else. I'm not really sure what. I closed my eyes halfway through. Though Nicole was laughing pretty hard and Jason Schwartzmen is, I think, the loudest kisser I've ever heard.

The story of the movie was about three brothers who don't get along. Owen Wilson plays the oldest controlling brother who at dinner orders for his other brothers, makes out a daily itinerary for them to follow and is generally bossy. He reminded me of Mary. Adrian Brody, who plays the second oldest brother, borrows people's things without asking and represses his feelings reminded me of me... I'm not sure who Jason Schwartzmen's character is though...

The movie was good, not the best Wes Anderson, but I still amazing. I love Wes Anderson. I love the dry humor, the music, the well formed characters and the amazing film composition in every shot. It was a good time, and I don't think I have suffered any serious moral side effects from seeing it... except for an increased desire to say the f-word all the time, but I don't think seeing rated R movies could lead to a habit of using the f-word... Could it Brooke?

Rolls

I recently saw a commercial about crescent rolls in which a father is giving his daughter relationship advice. Apparently if you want to have a serious conversation you need crescent rolls to do it.

I need to get my hands on some of those rolls. So I can talk to people about my feelings. Without them I don't think anyone is ever going to be able to relate to me.

I Use my Brakes Less Now

A couple weeks ago I took my car into the mechanic because the wheels were squeaking. The reason they were squeaking is that the brake pads have worn down, but the mechanic told me that I still had 4-6 months before I needed to get them replaced.

Since that time I have been trying to use my brakes less, which has led to some, shall we say, scary moments. As I try to decide if its worth it to stop, only slow down, or just keep going...

Mary Tries to Help

So last night we were hanging out with some people and a boy I don't know asked me how I felt about the marriage question. I was like, "Uh..." then Mary jumped in and was like, "You're for it right Rebecca." Then as we were talking to this boy she kept giving me this encouraging look... No Mary he's not my type.

Lately though Mary has had an increased desire to get me to date someone. The other night she was telling me that when she goes to Greg's bowling tournaments, there are tons of boys at the bowling alley... No Mary I don't think that's going to work for me, but I'll tell you what we could do. Why don't you make some guy friends and I'll steal one and start dating him.

Winter

It snowed a couple inches yesterday and last night... Cold weather makes me hungry. It is probably my survival instincts kicking in. I know I'm going to have to put on a layer of fat if I am to survive the winter.

Work Party

Last night I had my work party at a resort up in Midway. I somehow managed to get out of having to spend the night up there but they still did expect me to go up to Midway to have dinner with them.

I drove up the canyon and as I neared Midway I realized two things 1)I had forgotten to get an address or directions to the resort and 2) I'd much rather drive around aimlessly than ask someone for help. So I was driving around Midway seeing the sites, when I saw some signs pointing in several directions. One of the signs said "Inns & Resorts" on it. I thought about this for a minute. Well the place I was going was an Inn/Resort... It could lead me to where I wanted to go. However, signs are like people, they sometimes lie. I decided to give it a shot and so I followed the sign still skeptical that it would actually work. Strangely, it did work though. It led me right to the Inns & Resorts.

Dinner was good... It was forced conversation punctuated by moments of awkward silence.

All too soon I found it was time to leave. So I took off and drove back down the canyon. Speeding down the canyon at night is fun... fun and dangerous. Lots of things that are fun are also dangerous. Like running with scissors, blowing things up, getting into an argument with an Arab, and not chewing your food properly.

Some Well Meaning Person

I couple weeks ago a pen dropped out of my car onto my driveway. I wasn't too concerned about this because it was a pen I had accidentally stolen from the drive through of my bank. I see the pen every time I get out of my car and I think to myself I should probably pick that up someday.

Well today I went out to my car and found that some well meaning person had found the pen and stuck it under one of my windshield wipers for me. I got in my car and turned on my windshield wipers to try to get it out of there. It didn't work so I got out of my car, took the pen out and flung it back onto my driveway... If I had wanted a pen under my windshield wiper I would have put it there myself.

Feel Good About Yourself

Rejecting people makes me feel good about myself.

If you have a low self-esteem you should try positive affirmations and rejecting people. Reject them over and over again.

I feel so good inside.

Oktoberfest

I came home from work yesterday to find Mary searching on the internet for information about Oktoberfest... Oh Mary, drinking won't solve your problems.

Work Today

Peter: "Hey smiley, keep smiling."

Me: "Please don't tell me to smile."

Peter: "What would you like me to say instead."

Me: "Nothing."

Peter: "I don't like ignoring people."

Me: "It's okay. I don't mind. You can ignore me."

Work Retreat

So earlier in the summer the company I worked for had talked about having a company party and maybe going to an amusement park. I hate the idea of spending quality time with my co-workers and was very happy when we were too busy to have the party and it kept getting pushed further and further back. For the last month and a half there has been no talk of a company party and I thought maybe, or rather I hoped, that they had all forgotten the idea.

Unfortunately, this week talk of a party resurfaced. I thought I could deal with it. How long could a company party really last. A couple hours? I could pretend to like these people that long. After all I do it everyday. Sadly, now they don't want to have just a party. They want to have a retreat. They want to go somewhere have dinner, spend the night, and part of the next day together. That is 16-18 hours of quality time together. Time to bond and get to know each other better... I already know them enough, and from what I've seen I don't like them.

So the retreat is this Friday. Everyone is expected to come at least for dinner. At our meeting when we were talking about it, my boss said he would reserve a room for everyone, even those without significant others if they wanted to spend the night... I looked around the room. Who could he be talking to?

Minipop

On Wednesday I went to a concert for the band Minipop with my friends Elise, Matt D., and Matt's sister. The funny thing with hanging out with Elise and Matt D. is that we are very accomodating to each other. We just want to make the other person/people happy. There is a lot of attempted mind reading that goes on. A lot of well if you want to I want to, if you don't want to then I don't want to.

So on Wednesday it went something like this. Elise visited Matt at work and he talked with her about maybe going to the concert. Then he texted me to see if I wanted to go and to bring anyone else I wanted. I texted Elise to see if she was going. She said she thought the band sounded like a boyband and wasn't sure if she wanted to go. I looked up the band online and told her they seemed cool enough and it might be fun. She said if I wanted to go then she would go. I told her I would think about it and call her later.

After work Matt called me to see if we wanted to go I said probably, and then he said he was also thinking of just going to the Jazz game with his sister... This was a problem because now I couldn't tell if Matt had changed his mind and really wanted to go to the Jazz game instead of the concert. I told him we could do whatever he wanted to do. He told me that Elise would be the deciding factor. If she wanted to go to the concert then we would go.

So I called back Elise and asked her what she wanted to do. She said she could go either way. She would go if I wanted to go. I said I thought it sounded like fun and I kind of wanted to get out of the house because I had been kind of sick the day before. So we decided that we probably wanted to go, but then we thought maybe Matt would prefer to go to the Jazz game instead of the concert. So we decided that we would let him decide what he wanted to do that night.

So I called back Matt and told him we decided he had to decide. He told me we were difficult. I agreed. He said he would call his sister and let her decide. I said okay.

So he calls back a half-hour later and says he and his sister want to go to the concert and if Elise and I want to come we can. I say we do and we all go to the concert together.

It was good. It only took four people, four hours, and about eight phone calls to make the decision. The real problem with our relationship is that we are all to nice to each other. It is a recipe for disaster.

...Oh, the concert was fantastic by the way and I'm really glad we went.

Gross

Lately I've been noticing that I'm spitting when I talk. Yes, I know it's gross. I'm not sure if it's because I'm just really excited about what I'm saying or I'm just experiencing an increase of saliva production. Whatever the reason though, it has to stop. So from now on I'm not get excited when I talk, I'm not going to enunciate and I'm going to try to drink less water.

Movie Review

So yesterday my friend Laura somehow convinced me to go see "Becoming Jane". Previously to this I had not wanted to see the movie because I feared it would spiral me into a deep depression, but after some convincing I decided I would go ahead and see it. I figured I could just close my eyes during the love parts... The same way I get through scary movies.

The movie was, shall we say, accurate. Love sucks!

Mary's Disease

Tonight Greg and Mary were over at our house. As they were sitting in the living room my little brother came up the stairs with two jars of sand Mary had left in his room. It was then I decided to tell Greg. I thought it was time he knew that Mary suffers from a rare condition known as silicatosis in which she compulsively collects sand.

The bad news is that it is a terminal illness. There is no cure.

We have explored treatment options for Mary but sadly our insurance company fails to recognize it as a real condition. There are several renowned silicatosis clinics in the country, but there is of course a long waiting list to get into any of them.

Greg asked me how long Mary had left. I told him at best 10-12 months. Her condition will worsen over time and she will collect more and more sand, until she can't help herself anymore. In the last stages of the disease she will fill her pockets with sand and try to cover herself in it, then we'll know the end is near.

The doctors said it would be best to let her be a soil science major and let her live out her remaining days in peace under the delusion that sand really will make her happy.

The doctors also said that under no circumstances should we let Mary near the beach.

It Came to Pass

My friend Jake recently had a kidney stone. The bad thing was that he was in a lot of pain. The good thing was he had to be on pain killers for a week and a half. There is nothing funner than having a friend on painkillers with almost no reasoning power. He would say funny things like, "the mountains are so beautiful," and gaze up at the ceiling during PEC... He did some other funny things, things he doesn't remember and that I best not get into on this blog.

He also got into a relationship while on drugs. I think thats the way to do it. Heavy painkillers, no reasoning power if I had painkillers I don't think a relationship would be so bad.

I was hoping he'd be on painkillers forever, but then he had an interview at a med-school, which for some reason he thought it would be better to be sober for, so he decided to have his kidney stone aborted. It was sad really. He had named it Peter (Petras means stone). That's as close to childbirth that Jake will ever come.

Later Kelly and I were looking through the Friend and happened upon this article. It seems almost as though it was written just for Jake.

some excerpts from the story:

“He’s not acting like himself,” He wondered what that meant, but he didn’t really care.

All he knew was how weak and uncomfortable he felt and how much he wanted the pain to go away.

Finally, Jake fell asleep. He didn’t know how long he slept, but it seemed like days had passed when he finally cracked open his eyes. He was starting to feel better. Two days later, he was well enough to go home.

“What happened to me in the hospital?” Jake asked

“You were too sick to know what was going on,” Mom said. “You were delirious.”

Mary Mary Quite Contrary

About a week ago Mary and my hometeachers came by. As we were sitting there waiting for Mary to get home so they could give their lesson. I began to think that she was skipping out on our home teaching appointment, and then I began to wonder if maybe I hadn't done too good of a job breaking her in.

In review, since getting home from her mission Mary has: slept alone in a room with boys in Vegas, slept in a cave with boys in Havasupai, defaced a canyon wall, told vulgar jokes, broken the honor code by going into boys rooms, stayed out past curfew, had a kissing themed birthday party and now was skipping out on being home taught.

I blame myself. I just wanted her to be normal and to stop telling me that I needed to do more service, and do the chores she had assigned me, and go to institute, and watch less tv... Now I think I may have gone too far.

It's only a Word

I noticed on Friday that Mary doesn't like it when I call Greg her "boyfriend"... Face the facts Mary, you kiss and you're exclusive. Do I have to spell it out for you?

Friday Night Fun

So this last Friday I got to go on a blind date. Wait, it gets better. I not only got to go on a blind date but I got to double with my little sister and her boyfriend(aka Greg). The reason that I got to double with Mary and Greg, other than I'm incredibly lucky enough to watch my little sister and former friend hold hands and engage in incidental touching(ew gross), is that Mary and Greg were setting me up with Greg's brother Stephen. Who is quote, "tall".

I agreed to this because against all logic I still believe in the institution of dating(maybe it's those talks Mary has been giving me about how we need to do less "hanging out" and more dating at this time in our lives)... Also, I'm desparate.

So Friday night Greg, Mary, and I went on our merry way. We drove up to SLC to pick up Greg's brother.

Then we went up to the Gateway to go to the Planetarium to see a laser show. Unfortunately we missed the 9 o'clock show we wanted to see and so we had a choice between "Sounds from the Underground"(which Mary wanted to see but no one else did) and "Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon." We opted for Pink Floyd but that meant we had to find something to do until 11 when it was showing. So we looked around at the exhibits in the Planetarium. Mary and Greg went off on their own looking at an exhibit about craters leaving me to fend for myself with Greg's brother.

Funny thing about Greg's brother. He is serious, and not too talkative. Hmmm... So I was doing my best to make jokes and think of things we could talk about. We talked about his work, hobbies, and interests and after about 10 minutes I had nothing left.

Sometime later Mary and Greg rejoined us. We asked them about the crater exhibit but they were very vague on the details they couldn't remember any facts... Which made me suspicious that maybe they hadn't been looking at a crater exhibit that whole time, maybe they were doing something else...

We then decided to leave the Planetarium for a little while and walk around the shops up there, stopping to get ice cream at Haagen Daz. After getting ice cream we were walking around. Mary had been telling us a story earlier about how she went down to South Provo the other day to do some service and she saw at least eight transvestites down there. I said, "I think you mean transients Mary, not transvestites." Mary, "Oh, yeah that's what I meant." While we were walking we saw someone who looked like a transvestite. Which launched us into a conversation about them. Greg's brother was telling us how it is actually a very involved process to become a transvestite. Apparently you have to live the life of the gender you want to become for a certain amount of time and take hormones before they will let you have the surgery. He was standing there talking, the most I'd seen him talk all night, and I thought to myself, "man, he sure knows a lot about transvestites."*

Then, we went back to the Planetarium to watch the laser show which was cool but by that time I was really tired so I don't think I fully enjoyed it. Oh, and Greg thought there should be more smoke and lasers in the show... you got that, more smoke and lasers.

Then we drove home... On a blind date scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best a blind date can go I give it a 6.3... Note, I have never been on a "10" blind date. Actually I don't think I've ever been on one above a 7.

*Greg's brother is a very normal person. I don't think he wants to become a transvestite. I'm sure he is well versed on many topics and that is just the only one we happened to talk about on Friday night.

Eating Contest Part Deux

When Kelly and I were talking about having our first eating competition, our friend Tod overheard. He started talking trash about how he could eat more than both of us combined...

In Greek Mythology we learn of the great sin of hubris or pride which is the downfall of every hero. This is the sad tale of one such would be "hero".

Kelly and I accepted Tod's challenge and on Monday we went head to head to head with him.

We ate pizza this time instead of tacos at Doc's Pizza Buffet. Apparently there is a rule there against eating contests, but being the rebels we are we decided to do it anyway. The rules this time were a little different. Tod didn't want to weigh the pizza and we also had a time limit of 16 minutes so it really was a contest of speed instead of capacity.

For the event Kelly and I made t-shirts. We asked several people for their input of phrases to put on the shirts. One suggestion by Ellie was, "There is no 'I' in diarrhea"... Bryce a boy in our ward came up with, "Bring it on home slice" and, "Wanna pizza this." We used "wanna pizza this," and a phrase that Kelly came up with, "Eat my crust."

The pizza eating contest got off to a quick start. I think Kelly and Tod had downed their first slices before the minute mark. I was actually going a little slower but Kelly kept pace with Tod the whole time, even when Tod started using the Kobayashi method, dunking his pizza in his drink. It was disgusting, more disgusting than the tacos. I think we all almost threw up at least once.

In the end we did reign victorious though. Kelly ate 12 pieces of pizza in 16 minutes the same amount as Tod. I ate 10.

Poor Tod, it's not his fault. He was probably demoralized from the beginning by Kelly's and my t-shirts. This defeat will probably scar him for the rest of his life. His girlfriend will probably leave him. He will lose his job, drop out of school and have to live out of his car. He will sort through trash to find food, and at night before he falls asleep he will say to himself over and over again, "If only I'd eaten more pizza. If only I'd eaten more pizza."

For photos and a video of the contest you can check out Mike's blog.

Dating

My friend Elise and I were talking the other night about the boys that we have dated in the past. Some we regretted losing. Others we knew it wasn't right but kind of wished we had kept dating them longer because now we have nothing.

I decided that dating is kind of like being on a gameshow. Where you can keep the prize you've already won or give it up for a mystery prize, which could be better or worse than the one you already have. Sometimes you are playing for something really good that will make you genuinely happy. Other times it's like trying to decide between a toaster and an iron... well I don't really want either, but if I had to choose...

Crust

As a child my parents made me eat the crusts on my bread. Over time I came to believe that crusts were healthy for you, because my parents made me eat them and they tasted bad. However, I've since grown up and I now know that there is no nutritional value in the crusts of bread. You don't have to eat them if you don't want to.

Work

I wonder if working in an office with people is anything like being married. For the first six months you like them, 6-12 months you tolerate them, and after a year you want to kill them all day every day for the rest of your life.

...I think I need to take a mental health day.

Happy Music?

Tonight I was driving in the car with Mary and she asked me if we could listen to some happy music instead of what was on. This isn't the first time she has asked me this.

... Happy music? Why would I want to listen to happy music?

Good News

I was reading an article the other day that said the head General in Iraq is asking "intellectuals" for advice and there are signs that it may be helping the situation there. Hmm... asking smart people for advice? That's the kind of outside the box thinking I like to see.

Bad Dream

Last night I had a bad dream that I was using large amounts of conditioner. The more I used the softer my hair became. Soon I started to run out of conditioner, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't help myself. I had to use more and more.

Then today I went to Target and saw that my favorite brand of conditioner was on sale. I didn't want to take any chances that my dream might come true so I bought three of the large 25 oz size. It should be enough for the next 6 months to a year.

Free Shoes

At the lobby where I work there is a collection box of where people can donate their old athletic shoes to charity, but I just look at it as a box full of free shoes. I kind of want to go out there on my break and start trying on shoes from the box. See what kind of looks I can get.

Hearing Loss Begins To Affect My Daily Life

So today at work one of my co-workers came up to me and began saying what sounded to me like, "Get thee pizza, get thee pizza, get thee pizza." It was scary because 1) He was using the command form of the word get and 2) he was speaking in old english, oh and he was repeating himself over and over again. Only later did I realize he was actually saying "veggie pizza, veggie pizza, veggie pizza." Which is slightly less disturbing.

Ward Council... Again

So on Wednesday night we had a special session of ward council. It was draft night. The night each set of co-chairs say who they want to call to their commitee. Unfortunately, neither Mike or I could make it. Mike had class and I had a Muse concert to go to.

So we had to go through the new member data sheets on Tuesday after institute and decide who we wanted on our commitee, and we also found girls for Mike to date. Girls who wrote things on their new member data sheets like "I'm easy to please", "let's hook it up."

Afterward we met with the Bishop and gave him the names we had picked. When we met with him he asked me where I was going to be Wednesday night and why I couldn't make it to the special ward council. I told him I was going to the Muse concert. He then opened his scriptures and went through the 13th article of faith with me. He asked me if it was virtuous... yes for the most part, lovely... definitely, of good report... yes, and praiseworthy... yes. He was still a little skeptical but I told him I'd be good at the concert.

So last night I and some friends went to the Muse concert. The evening started off well with free parking. My friend Tod drove us to the concert and when we went to park he actually knew(i.e. he had dated) the girl handing out parking passes and she let us in for free. Later when we were standing in line to get in he saw a couple other girls he had dated. I think if you were to take a random cross section from the female population of Utah Valley you would find that Tod has dated 1 in every 30 girls.

We had to wait in line for a while to get into the concert because they were searching everyone and making them empty their pockets. We eventually got in though. Our tickets were general admission on the floor. We got their early enough that we could get up really close to the stage. The two opening acts were decent and Muse was amazing live. I had forgotten though that you need to take earplugs to concerts when you are going to be up near the front and also what it was like to be covered by 100 other people's sweat. I took a shower when I got home, and I'm sure my hearing will return eventually. It was a great show though, and I had an amazing time... I just wish I didn't have to miss ward council... It's going to take me a long time to get over that.

Ward Council Yesterday

Yesterday we had Ward Council before church. I actually forgot about it until I got a call at 10:20 that morning to remind me. I got there a little late, though I was in time to hear a spiritual thought by our high councilman about the importance of being on time to our meetings... I don't know why he thought we needed that lesson.

Ward Council is usually pretty fun, but the one thing I don't like about it is that we all have to sit very close to each other. It is a small room and there are alot of us in there so we all have to sit shoulder to shoulder. I get kind of claustrophobic and sometimes I want to run from the room screaming. It is all I can do to restrain myself and pretend to be paying attention to what is going on in there.

Yesterday the Bishop was talking to Mike and I (the communication co-chairs), and he said something like, "I'd like to get some copies of an updated ward directory for the ward council so that we can see who is new in the ward." Mike reaches under his chair and pulls out 9 copies of the ward directory and hands it to the Bishop. The Bishop then looks over them and says, "This is nice but I'd also like to get a directory in color that I can look at." So Mike reaches under his chair and pulls out a directory in color and hands it to the Bishop.

If there is one thing I hate in this world it is being upstaged by my over achieving co-chair. I want to be the one anticipating needs... If only I wasn't so lazy... At the next ward council I'm going to bring a bag full of stuff and if I'm lucky the Bishop is going to need something that I have in that bag. He'll say something like, "I need a highlighter, " and I'll pull out a highlighter. Or, "If only someone had some Oreos," and I'll pull out some Oreos.

I did also get to say the closing prayer at ward council, and it was decided that while Mike may be very good at communicating with the rest of the ward. I'm very good at communicating with the only person who really matters.

...In other news we didn't have time to break out the root beer or play "will it shred" but we will have time next week, and Layton has a cd we can try to shred.

Google Ads

The reason I "sold out" and added Google Ads to the blog, apart from a desire to make enough money to buy a candy bar and pay Kirk back, was because of their entertainment value. I wanted to see what kind of ads would come up on my blog, and yes, we've struck gold. Currently the ads are for ways to heal broken relationships. I would click on them and read/make fun of them but when I signed up for the ads I had to swear not to click on them for my own monetary gain.

What other kinds of ads can I get to come up on my blog? I think I can have all kinds of fun with this. I'll call it the GA project.

postscript: I couldn't resist I clicked on them. One of the webpages features a kit that includes:


Original Power Phrases! Are you ready for the best phrases and love lines ever? We really jam packed this one with some of the most romantic, sacrificing, beautiful heartful phrases on the planet! Your lover or ex will burst out into tears when He or she hears a piece of your heart!

(Hmm... heartfelt and yet memorized from a list...)

101 ways to mess up everything!What NOT to do! Our detailed list of what not to do in a breakup and what affects certain actions have, comes with your DontBreakup.com membership. This list is sure to keep you out of those "danger" zones that have gotten you into trouble in the past.

(I think I will come up with my own list. 101 is alot but I have alot of bad relationship ideas)

Another of the sites is about healing troubled marriages. Mary and I so need to go through this program...

Every week we see couples who blame, attack or give each other the silent treatment. Couples come to us who don't listen to one another and fight about money, household chores, and not enough time together.

Sadly, what starts as infrequent fights can escalate into more frequent fights or serious bouts of "the silent treatment". The loving connection starts to erode.

Good Times

Whenever I need a laugh I just watch the news... Wind strong enough to move trampolines, an ammonia leak at the aquarium... The laughs just keep on coming.

Will It Shred

A piece of bread will shred.

A Borders frequent buyer card(generously donated by Jen) will shred.

A tissue will shred.

A piece of paper with our meeting schedule on it will shred.

In other news we discovered a large quantity of root beer in the clerks office on Sunday. So next week after PEC I think we're going to break it open.

Friend Retention Plan*

1. Don't send them mean notes.
2. If they get into a relationship do everything you can to sabotage it. Give them bad relationship advice like: maybe you should talk more and make out less. Point out to them the obvious flaws in their partner. Use phrases like: If he/she really cared about you he/she would do this(insert something here). You may be reluctant to do this to one of your friends especially when one of them comes to you and tells you they've met the most amazing person and they've decided to get hitched. You may think to yourself, well as long as my friends are happy I'm happy. You might also think that bad things don't happen to good people. In both cases you'd be wrong.
3. If they are thinking of moving away point out reasons why they should stay. Offer them bribes like cleaning their car or telling them jokes. If this doesn't work... well I don't know what you try then.
4. Answer the phone when they call.
5. Hang out with them and talk to them often. Somehow get them to be as emotionally attached to you as you are to them.

If all else fails and you feel them slipping away then there is only one thing to do... End it before they can. There is nothing quite as painful as losing someone slowly. It is better to end it quickly.

*This post contains some of the worst relationship advice ever conceived

Good News

I'm really depressed and losing my friends, which is fantastic for the art.

Now if only I could be in love with a boy that isn't in love with me again, that is even better for the art. My friend Allison once jokingly told me that I should get into a bad relationship because if I was in one I could make better art... I should be so lucky.

Return Of The...

So remember how I had a really bad blind date a month and a half ago. Well recently he called me, and of course I wasn't going to take any chances so I screened the call.

Turns out he was calling to ask me to do some design work for the business he is starting up. He wanted to use a website I designed for a client that they never used. So I agreed thinking it would be easy and I could make a little money.

A couple days into the project (this is last week) he tells me maybe he could pay me with a trip up to Seattle (where he lives). He could show me the city and I could see his business...

NO, I don't want to spend time with you. Are you kidding? I want money. Real American dollars.
What am I supposed to do with a trip? Maybe I could give it to Kirk as payment for the Havasupai pictures. He could go in my place... "Rebecca you look different. Yes, I had some work done."

Will It Shred Or Won't It

A York peppermint patty will not shred, and if you try to do it the clerks will probably get mad at you for gumming up their shredder.

Also, I find it strange that I'm the communications co-chair. I'm not good at communicating and I don't like talking to people.

One Liners

I don't trust people who look normal. I've known too many that were crazy.

Why am I sad? Because you made me this way.

A Coincidence?

On Thursday my amazing friend Brooke was in town so her, Laura T. and I went to dinner at Cafe Rio. When we were standing in line I noticed a boy in front of us in line. I noticed him because he was on the cute side. I always take note of cute boys. I also noticed he probably wasn't tall enough for me but he was still cute and he was at Cafe Rio alone. Later when we were trying to find a table to sit at he was sitting at table for four and he gave it up for us so that we could sit there and he switched to a smaller table.

Then, last night I ditched playing sardines to go to Wendy's and I saw him again. He was sitting there in Wendy's at a table eating alone...

I would say he was stalking me but he was in front of us in line at Cafe Rio and he was already seated at a table eating when we got to Wendy's.

If I see him again though I think I'm going to talk to him. So many coincidences, maybe it means we are supposed to get married, maybe he has something he needs to tell me, I don't know but I think this means something.

Personel Ad

One single athletic, talented, funny and terribly attractive young woman seeking one male who has the following qualities:

• Has good hygiene
• No stray wirey hairs
• Gives good back scratches
• Earns at least minimun wage
• no prior convictions
• Owns at least one Enya CD
• Athletic
• Someone who isn't annoying or stupid (if you aren't sure about this, ask someone who knows you)
• Knows how to have fun with a sheep
• Chews with his mouth closed
• His second toe is not longer than his big toe

*No Asians need apply.

To learn more about the girl who's looking and to see pictures of her, click on Ellie's blog at the right.

Texting

So for the next week, I think that everytime I write a text to someone. I am going to do it in letter format. Like: "Dear Blank, yes, I can come over later. Warmest regards..." or "Dear So and So, I have no idea what you are talking about. Cordially yours..."

A Series Of Escalating Eating Contests

I can't remember how Kelly and I got into an argument about who could eat more. We get in so many arguments it's hard to keep track... but one of us said something to the other about being able to eat more than the other and before I knew it we had challenged each other to an eating contest, which went down last Thursday.

The secret to any eating contest is to 1) stretch out your stomach by eating large quantities of food, and then 2)24 hours before the contest eat only liquids and drink as much water as humanly possible(sidenote:this will cause you to have to pee every 10 minutes like a pregnant woman...not that I'd know...) and 3) eat/drink nothing an hour before. I only did one and a half of these steps, I kind of forgot about the contest or hoped Kelly had forgotten about it because I had been sick earlier in the week and was not feeling up to my full binge eating potential.

Kelly didn't forget though, and after much deliberation we decided to go to Del Taco for the contest. We also brought a scale with us to weigh the food before we ate it, as an added measure to make sure the results of the competition were accurate. We invited people from our ward to watch and surprisingly there was a decent turnout.

We each got 5 soft and 5 hard tacos and went at it. Mary weighed all our tacos as we ate and recorded the numbers... The weighing portion was a little shady though, Mary kept mixing up Kelly's and my tacos and somehow Kelly's tacos weighed 200 grams more than mine. I suspected foul play... Mary and I haven't been getting along lately but doctoring the numbers in an eating contest so your sister loses to her sworn rival? Now that's just low.

My tactic was to eat as quickly as I could, chewing my food well. Whereas Kelly's tactic was to break up all her tacos on her plate so it looked like a salad.

At about taco 7 the tacos started to taste like cardboard, but I kept eating encouraged by my eating coach Lindsay. I've been working with her for a couple years now and I've seen a marked improvement in my eating capabilities... When I started working with her I was just a skinny girl with a dream.

In the end I did reign victorious. I finished my 10th taco and Kelly not wanting to eat anymore removed herself from the competition. I then did a victory lap around Del Taco to the Rocky theme song that my little sister had on her phone... just like we had practiced earlier that day. Then afterwards we went and got ice cream, soft serve of course.

It was a close match though, Kelly is a worthy adversary. In the end I actually only ate 40 grams more than her, and she did make me the most amazing trophy to commemorate the event.

What's next you ask? Well, when Kelly and I were planning our eating contest our friend Tod overheard and said something ridiculous like, "I can eat more than both of you combined." I don't think so Tod, but I will enjoy seeing you try. So Kelly and I will be going head to head with Tod in a couple weeks.

For more eating competition coverage go to http://mikehothoughts.blogspot.com/, Mike is my communications co-chair and the photographer for all official and unofficial ward business.

Haircut

I got my hair cut today for the first time in 4-5 months. I used to have my friend Elise cut my hair but then she went to Europe at the beginning of the summer and after she came back she got bad roommates so she doesn't cut hair anymore. The thing I liked most about getting my hair cut by Elise, apart from the fact that she did an amazing job, is that there was always good conversation when she was cutting my hair.

Before I knew her I had to have complete strangers cut my hair and was subject to such topics of conversation as, "What do you do for a living" and then I have to talk about my boring job..."Do you have a boyfriend?"... "No, I don't"... and then the 20 something girl cutting my hair would start talking about her wonderful boyfriend, flash a ring, and then I'd have to be polite and ask about their wedding plans and when the date was...

Today when I went to get my hair cut by a complete stranger I considered pretending to be a deaf mute to avoid any such bad conversation... Sadly, I don't know sign language so I don't know if anyone would really buy that. Luckily though, the girl I went to didn't talk incessantly... She barely talked at all... I really liked her.

Games You Can Play With Others

Our church time moved this week from 12 to 1:30. Now, there are many things I don't like about having church at 1:30, namely it cuts into my nap-time of 3-4. However, having church at 1:30 meant that today we had PEC at 12 instead of 9, which does agree with me.

I think I decided today that I like PEC. We all sit around in a room and talk about other people. I think it must be what it's like to have friends and to gossip with those friends. I don't know for sure though I've never really had either.

After PEC we went into the clerks office because the Bishop wanted us to work on something. I can't remember what it was and I don't know that we ever got it done. We did however play a game called "Will It Shred, Or Won't It" with the ward shredder. A Jelly Belly will shred. A banana won't shred. A tie... well we were going to try it but there is actually a warning sign against shredding ties on the shredder, that and we couldn't get a boy named Eric to give us his tie to shred.

Games I Can Play By Myself

The other day I was looking in the freezer for a chicken breast to cook. Our freezer is stocked full, so to find one I had to take half the stuff out and then when I did find one I had to put everything back. As I did it struck me that this would make a fantastic game. Take everything out of the freezer and put it back. Whoever does it in the shortest amount of time wins. You could play it at parties or say you're like me and you don't have any friends, you could play it by yourself on a Friday night, try to get your best time.

Also... The other day I noticed that bananas are shaped like boomerangs. I wonder if you threw one out, if it would come back to you. I might take a bunch of bananas out into a field and try it one day. Bananas are probably like men though, they'll never come back to you, but maybe just maybe...

And I Thought The Indians Were Price Gouging Us

I recieved the following email today from Kirk:*

Ok so I've sent the CD-R of pictures that I have to Ellie today. So unless it gets smashed or lost or something. You all could have digital pictures of your adventures in Supai, AZ by Thurdsay maybe Friday...

Now the awkward billing time.

1-CD-R $0.25
1 bubble mailer $1.29
1 1st class stamp $1.49
1- awesome digital set of Supai, AZ pictures $ priceless

Carry the one... divide by eight... Yes I think about $11.95 a person should cover it.

There are like 250 pictures or so on there... thats just under 5 cents a print. Thats a deal. Of course I didn't take out the fuzzy pictures... so maybe it's like 10 cents a print.

Don't question my math. I'm asian, I have mathmatics down to a science.


*caution, any emails you send me may somehow end up on my blog, especially when I'm wanting for content.

Public Speeking

So I had to give a talk in church on Sunday. Previous to this I had successfully avoided having to give a talk for three consecutive years by screening all phone calls from bishopric members, walking the other way when I saw them in the hall, and avoiding "get to know you interviews."

But then I got a new calling as communications co-chair and my co-chair and I had a meeting with the bishop. In the meeting the bishop asked me to speak in sacrament meeting. My co-chair Mike tried to help me out by saying that I was a terrible speaker, maybe the worst he had ever heard, but all to no avail.

So then I had to decide what to talk on. At first I considered talking about faith through trials, then several people suggested that I talk about chastity. Chastity does make a great topic, and I could have talked about avoiding temptation and given real world examples... For instance let's say you're a girl return missionary and you go on a road trip with boys. You should not sleep in the same room with them. Even though you consider yourself to be a strong person. Even the strong can fall Mary... and what kind of an example do you think you are setting for your impressionable older sister... and then I could talk about David and Bathsheba... Yes, chastity would have been an excellent topic, but in the end I decided to talk about worshipping false gods. Though a better topic would have been how to be happy through trials or the evils of sarcasm...

Girl's Weekend Away

Last night I and a bunch of girls went up to my friend Emily's cabin to spend the night. Emily and my friend Alicia went up earlier in the day and I and my friends Ellie and Elise drove up after work.

To get to Emily's cabin you have to drive 2 1/2 hours up past Logan and toward Bear Lake. On our way up we witnessed an accident on the freeway. It was a couple lanes over. This truck hit an explorer and spun out across a couple lanes of traffic. Luckily most people were able to swerve around the accident. We were shaken by it though so we decided to take a break from driving and go shopping up at the Gateway... That and I needed to buy a new dress. I have to give a talk in church tomorrow and it is my reward for putting myself through public humiliation.

To entertain ourselves on the long drive we made signs to put in our car window... I know this is what I always do but though this time it wasn't my idea, it was Elise's. One of the signs said, "Stop looking at me," the other was one of our friends phone numbers.

We eventually made it up to Emily's cabin, though it took us awhile as we had been given some very sketchy directions. Like: pass two dams, take the second bridge after the Xanavoo Restaurant, if you come to a third dam you've gone too far. It did take us a while to find it but not as long as the girls who came up after us. We called them at 12 a.m. to see where they were, and they were in Idaho. They had missed the Brigham City exit. They turned around and made it all the way back to SLC and then turned around again and somehow ended up in Idaho, again. We didn't see them until 4:30 this morning.

We woke up this morning and had breakfast and as we were eating cars kept coming in and parking at the cabin next door where there was apparently a family reunion going on. It was a large family renunion. There were like 30 cars there and there were tents, and a volleyball net. The whole nine yards. We joked that we should go eat lunch with them and they would be none the wiser.

After breakfast we hung out and played some bocce ball. While we were playing ball we noticed that the people at the family reunion had brought a goat up with them and tied it to a tree, so we took some pictures with the goat. We then noticed that some people at the family reunion had started a water fight. Family reunions always deprecate into waterfights. Elise and I thought we would join in on this water fight. Don't worry, we didn't know these people and had not talked to them. We got some water in plastic cups and circled around there cabin. I missed my target, the boy was confused he said, "Are you coming for me." I knodded yes. I threw the water he ran... Elise was more successful. The ten year old boy actually approached her because he thought she had something she wanted to tell him. She didn't. She just threw that water in his face... Later she got the boy I missed. They never returned fire though. I'm not sure if it was because they were too shy or thought we were crazy.

The Truth Is...

My dear friend Matt recently accused me of being a liar. Now I consider myself a pretty honest person. I do however sometimes exaggerate or tell the selective truth. I am also a little sarcastic sometimes... No, I am... But, I've decided to try to be more honest. In the spirit of that thought I should say that 1) I actually like to see people happy, there is nothing I hate more than seeing people sad. 2) Deep down I believe that everything will work out someday and will turn out for the best. 3) I do sometimes like to have fun. Also, I like to see people that are happy in their relationshi... No, that's a lie.

Matt also seems to think you can make money blogging. I don't know about that but I might try it for a while and eventually earn enough to buy a candy bar.

Service Announcement

I got this email today:

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ward service this Sat from 7:45 to 10:00 am (free pancakes and watermelon)

On Sat (8/11) the 15th annual 13.1 mile run down Provo canyon will take place. We are asked to help welcome the runners with food and drink.Meet behind the Wynnsong theater at Riverwoods at 7:45 to help set up and start cooking pancakes, slicing watermelon, and pouring water and powerade for the incoming runners. We need about a dozen people to go. Free breakfast for anyone who shows!

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Get up early on Saturday to be nice to people? I don't think so.

I'm A Genius

There are certain things that I don't like to do, namely, my laundry and ironing. If only I could somehow get someone else to do these things for me and then get them to commit to me for life. Yes, that's a good idea. I'll call it marriage.

That Stings...

So today after work I came home and my contacts were bothering me a little so opened a new bottle of contact solution and put some in my eye. Right away I could tell that something wasn't right. It didn't feel soothing, more like acid burning my eye. I grabbed the bottle to try to read what to do if you get it in contact with your eye but sadly my eye was burning and I was having trouble reading the label(they should really make those warning labels in braille, so if this happens you can still read it. How can you read a warning label that would potentially save your eyes if you've just blinded yourself and can no longer see?). So I went with my basic instincts. I got my contact out as fast as I could and put my eye under running water. Funny thing I noticed. I can't hold my eye open under running water and breathe at the same time, or maybe that was just the panic.

After I had flushed my eye with water for a good ten minutes, I could now read the label with the good eye I have left. I could now see it wasn't the normal saline solution I usually use but a special cleansing solution. Across the top of the bottle was printed, "DO NOT PUT DIRECTLY IN EYE" Further down it read, "Warning: Do not put hydrogen peroxide cleaning and disinfecting solution on your lenses and insert directly into eye. Never rinse your lenses with hydrogen peroxide cleaning and disinfecting solution prior to insertion. If hydrogen peroxide cleaning and disinfecting solution accidentally comes in contact with eyes, it may cause burning stinging or redness. Remove your len(ses) immediately and flush your eyes with a large amount of water or sterile saline solution.

One of my figure drawing teachers once told us a story about an artist who was an amazing figure draftsman. One day he had an accident and lost the use of one of his eyes. Afterward though his art only got better because it is easier to draw something from real life with only one eye. He said, "If I had known how much better I'd draw without it I would have poked it out a long time ago."

I think my eye is fine though, even though I haven't put my contact back in yet so I can't be sure. Right now everything is blurry, but that's the way it's always been.

Sunday

On Sunday I was the subject of a humiliating object lesson in Relief Society. Kelly had me go to the front of the room and try to do a yo-yo trick. I failed. I've never been so humiliated in all my life, but I did get a free yo-yo out of it. I'll do pretty much anything for a free yo-yo, or shiny beads...

In Relief Society we also wrote notes to the girls in the ward getting married. I never know what to write in those things, especially if I don't know the girl... "good job getting married" "Best wishes. Your so cute together" "Have a great summer, call me" ... "I'm glad I didn't get to know you. It would have been a waste of my time since you are now just getting married" "I hope I never have to see your happy smiling face again" "You are dead to me".

Vitamins

Last night I took my vitamins with soda pop. Afterwards I realized I probably just cancelled out any good those vitamins may have done me...

Shelves

I'm currently experiencing a budget surplus, having met my savings goals, so I decided to go crazy this week and buy two book shelves... call me frivolous.

I got them from IKEA on Tuesday and then put them together on Thursday. The thing I like most about IKEA apart from the svelt modern design, family friendly atmosphere and eco-friendly solutions, is that all the instructions to build their furniture are written in the international language of pictograms. I love pictograms! I think they are also easier to understand than written out directions, but maybe that's just because I'm an artist and am used to communicating in pictures.

Though buying furniture does go against my long held Marxist views... now I shall live as the other capitalists do, with bookshelves and clean bedding. I feel like I've sold my soul.

I Want To Go Back

It's only been a week and already I want to go back to Havasupai. Things were simpler there. We'd eat dehydrated food, play in the waterfalls, have a flash flood, eat dehydrated food, play in the waterfalls, have a flash flood... Life had a nice rythmn. Maybe I'll join the Navajo nation and move down there permanently.

And More Havasupai...

After we hiked out we started the driving back to Vegas. This required that we go back over Hoover Dam and yet another opportunity to use dam jokes... We wanted to get out and see the dam but we couldn't find any dam parking on the dam road. We did find an area which looked out over the dam with a short rock wall. All over the wall was stenciled "Do Not Climb On Wall" so seeing this of course Greg jumped up on the wall and started walking on it. As soon as he did a dam policeman passed on the road behind us and using a megaphone said, "Get off the wall". Greg immediately did. We kept wondering what the chances were that that policeman would be there at that moment and also wishing that he had said, "Get off the dam wall instead." From the lookout we could see the lots of dam tourists, and the dam turbines, Kirk took so many dam pictures. We kind of wanted to get a dam tour and use all our dam jokes to annoy the tourguide, but we were tired from our hike so we just decided to go back to Vegas instead.

Back in Vegas, we took showers and I took a dip in the pool at Kirk's apt. Then after much deliberation we went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Our stomachs had shrunk during the trip though with all the camper meals we had been eating so we could all only eat a few bites of our entrees... It was kind of anticlimatic after having dreamt of real food for the past three days. After dinner we went back to Kirk's apt to get some sleep. We got a text from the other group around 2 a.m. in the morning telling us they had gotten out of the canyon but were falling asleep on the road and were getting a hotel.

On Sunday we slept in and then went to church and arrived back at the apt in time to watch the other campers return.

We then all climbed in our respective cars and began the journey home. We had brought walkie-talkies with us on the trip to communicate between cars and also for when we got to the Grand Canyon and our cell phones didn't work anymore. They were now out of batteries though so we had to find another way of communicating between cars. So we wrote the other car notes. They were: "I like you", "but this isn't going to work out", "You're cute", "This relationship is so one sided." The other car never responded to our notes.

On the drive back my little sister and I also had a dtr. For those of you who don't know, we have been having problems... for a while now. Once when we were visting teaching Ellie we got into an argument. Ellies asked me the next day if we were going to get a divorce... probably. As we talked things out though I think I came to the root of our problem. Mary is just a happy person trying to make me happy, and I am just a sad person trying to make her sad. Greg was laughing so hard as we were dtr'ing that I thought he was going to drive off the road. Eventually we did make it back to Provo though, and the adventure ended...

You know those people who go on trips and then come back with stories that they think are interesting but you really don't care. Yeah...

Check out Ellie and Kirk's blogs for more coverage of the trip. Kirk did steal all the photos for his blog from mine though, so I don't know if we should endorse that. Matt may someday blog about the trip but don't hold your breath.

Havasupai Continued...

So we left the cave when it started to get dark and went back to camp even though it was still raining. Kirk was nice enough to let me use his towel to stay warm, which was really nice of him. One of the tents was fully flooded and so the people in that tent as well as my little sister decided to go back to the cave and spend the night there... Again, she was sleeping in close quarters with boys... Hmmm...

The rest of us stayed in camp and tried to get some sleep in the remaining two tents. It was then that I discovered by sleeping bag had gotten wet so all I had to keep warm was the towel Kirk had loaned me. I was laying there on my dirt covered pad fading in and out of sleep, mostly just tossing and turning because I was so cold. I was awakened at 2 a.m. from my semi-conscious state to the sound of rushing water nearby. I asked Jen who was laying next to me if I could borrow her flashlight to see out of the tent and sure enough the small stream which had been running through our camp since that morning was growing larger, and larger. We got up and moved our tent out of the way of the stream and then some Indians came through with flashlights telling us that there was going to be another flash flood. Mary came down from the cave and in an overly zealous move broke down and put away the tent we had been sleeping in. I think so that it would be easier to transport if we needed to get out of there. Kirk and Greg also woke up and moved their tent, and then we all sat at the picnic tables and watched as the water consumed our campsite.

We decided not to evacuate but to let the flood take us. I was wondering what the end of the world would look like and this seemed about right. Earlier in the day we had thought things had been bad but they would get better, and that is where optimism will get you... Sitting awake at 3:00 in the morning watching as a flash flood sweeps through your camp.

Kirk and Greg made cocoa to drink as they watched the flood and the rest of us, Nicole, Jen, and I each took a bench of the picnic table and tried to get some sleep, though it is hard to sleep on 6 inches of wood and I kind of wished my little sister had not broken down our tent.

When morning came most of us had had it and we decided to hike out that morning. The water was still brown with no sign of it going back to the crystal blue and we really saw no point in staying. Though Matt, Chas, and Ellie decided to hang out at the cave and let their things dry before hiking out.

As we hiked out of the canyon we came to a bridge which was covered, covered in foam and bubbles from the raging water. It was then I decided we really hadn't been in Havasupai, but a magical land with rivers of chocolate milk and bubbles up to your head.

At first our plan to hike out in the morning was a good plan, a plan that seemed like it would work. It was cool outside for the first three miles and then after that we were in the canyon which was pretty shaded. Everything was going pretty well until about the 7th or 8th mile when we began to run out of water and the clouds parted and the full heat of the afternoon sun began to beat down on us. At one point I had to give them all a pep talk to keep them going, I said,"In many ways our hike today is like our journey through life. Full of ups and downs, mostly downs. At one point you'll feel it's not worth it and probably want to kill yourself, but if you were going to do that you should have done it about five miles back." They rallied nicely and my friend Greg, who is a self-admitted germaphobe, was nice enough to let Kirk and I squeeze water from the mouthpiece of his camelback into our mouths, but after awhile this didn't reall work and all we could do was get drops of water out into our parched mouths.

We somehow reached the bottom of the switchbacks and all sat down to conteplate our demise, and then something amazing happened. More amazing than the land flowing with chocolate milk and the magical six foot piles of bubbles. Greg became so exhausted that he didn't care about germs anymore and he let Kirk and I actually suck water from the mouthpiece of his camelback. I really think he was near death at that point. After that it was simply a matter of stumbling exhausted up the switchbacks and eventually we all made it out.

more tomorrow...

Havasupai

My friends and I have been planning our trip to Havasupai in the Grand Canyon for the past 3-4 months. It is a small canyon on a Navajo Reservation with a river running through it and several huge waterfalls. We have had several practice hikes and planning meetings in preparation for the 10-mile down and 10-mile back, backpacking trip. I'm actually surprised we weren't more sick of each other by the time we were ready to leave.

We left Wednesday afternoon and drove down to Vegas. I was in the car with my friend Greg, my sister, and my friend Jen. On the way down I rode shotgun while Greg drove. He made me pick and mix the music, as well as be the radar detector... I had to make a beeping noise whenever I saw a cop, but then in Vegas Greg changed his mind and decided that I should say bogie at 10 o'clock whenever I saw a cop. It was then that I decided he was asking too much of me and I didn't want to ride shotgun on the way back... Sidenote, we saw four cops none of which I spotted before everyone else had.

We went to the strip and had dinner and walked around before meeting up with another car of friends that had come down. We all crashed at Kirk's apt for the night. Most of us slept in the main room but my little sister slept in the master bedroom with Greg, and Kirk. This same little sister gave me a talk before we had left for our trip in which she pointed out to me that boys were only interested in one thing and that we needed to have separate sleeping areas... Hmmm, I smell a double standard.

We managed to get about an hour of sleep before we woke up at 3 a.m. and continued down to the trailhead. On the way down we passed over the Hoover Dam and had an excellent opportunity to use some dam jokes. Like...

"Dam detours"

"Dam cop"

"I can't see a dam thing."

"Dam lights."

"Dam water."

We arrived at the trailhead at about 7:30 and started the hike down.

There are several good jokes you can play on people when you go on a backpacking trip. One of which is to fill their pack with rocks and then half-way down the trail as they are struggling and about to pass out you tell, "I have some good news your pack isn't really as heavy as you believe. It is actually a lot lighter. They will be so happy to get that news. You can also relate it to the gospel and say, "These rocks are like iniquity. You don't have to carry the heavy weight of sin. You can repent." Another good trick is to knock them down and then hold them down by their pack. They won't be able to get up no matter how hard they kick and scream.

We arrived at the campsite in the afternoon and set up camp and then went to play in the main waterfall down in Havasupai called Havasu falls. The water was an unreal crystal blue.

After playing in the water we headed back to camp, ate dinner and went to bed early. Jen slept in a hammock that night and was awoken at 8 a.m. to an Indian standing over her. He said "Hello", asked where she was from and told her there was a flash flood coming so we neaded to move to high ground. At first we didn't believe that there was really a flash flood coming but the Indians kept coming warning us to move. After a while we sluggishly started packing our things and then watched as the river began to rise covering the trail in parts and a stream slowly developed in our camp. We evacuated half of our stuff, the other half we left on high ground. The water stopped rising at about 10 a.m. and with nothing else to do we played in the mud and built a dam to divert the stream from our camp. This also gave us another excellent opportunity to come up with some more dam jokes...

"I need more dam sticks."

"Get me some more dam rocks."

"I got this dam mud all over me."

"Dam this water."

"Dam it! Dam it!"

"Fine, you can be the dam engineer."

The water was muddy after the flood. It looked like chocolate milk with a foamy head. We were optimistic though and thought the water might clear up by late afternoon. To pass the time we decided to go spelunking, and explore some caves in the canyon. The first cave was close to our campsite about 30 feet up. We climbed up to it and had gone about 20 ft into it in the dark when someone spotted a squirrel and I ran from the cave screaming (I have a phobia of squirrels. I was chased by a rabid squirrel as a child). We explored another cave on our side of the canyon before we decided to cross the river and see a slot canyon Ellie and Kirk had spotted the day earlier. Crossing the river was a bit tricky. It meant we had to get in the chocolately river, which none of us really cared about at this point because it was so hot, but the water was moving quite swiftly and we could no longer tell how deep the river was. Greg, Chas and Matt got across first with the aid of a rope tied to a tree on the other side of the river. After getting across Ellie threw Chas's headlamp to him over the river. Sadly, she threw it too hard and it landed in some rocks 20 ft behind him. Ellie and I then crossed and as we did Kirk decided to cross. He had a backpack with a camera in it so he threw it over befor crossing, but he threw it with such force that as he did he also threw himself into the river, don't worry though the camera was fine.

We got across the river and went to explore the slot canyon. To get to the slot canyon though you had to first climb up 20ft on some boards and then shimmy across a log, and then climb up a rope. Matt did it first. Getting to the first ledge wasn't hard, but shimmying up the log proved more difficult. Matt was heard to say at one point, "my nuts!" I'm really not sure what he was refering to. After painfully making his way up the log and up the rope, he tried to get the rest of us to come up, but we weren't sure we wanted to. We asked him if there was anything worth seeing up there. He didn't answer at first, and continued to try to get the rest of us to do it. We continued to press him for info about what was up there. He finally gave in and said, there was nothing up there.

We went back to camp and had lunch and then went down to Mooney falls and did some exploring and rope swinging in the chocolate milk. Kirk pointed out that it looked like a commercial for Nestle Chocolate Quick, that is what it looked like, but it certainly wasn't what it tasted like. After jumping in with the rope swing you had to make your way to the surface and break through the foam to get to air... So gross.

After rope swinging we did some exploring and found a small canyon with a small stream in it that wasn't muddy. We all took a bath in the water and tried to get all the mud off ourselves.

About this time there were threatening clouds overhead and we decided to head back to camp and have dinner. As we were making dinner the clouds were getting darker and darker and closer and closer. As they did I couldn't help but notice that Chas was taking quite a long time to cook his rice 'n sauce, and I began to doubt that I would be able to boil water to make my dinner before the rain started. Finally he finished though and I got my water to boil just as the first raindrops started down. As they did, half of us grabbed our food and ran to the cave by our campsite to wait out the storm up there. Nicole, Greg, and Kirk stayed, ate dinner and then went up to Havasu falls and shot a weather report with Kirk's camera. If we are lucky he will post it on his blog. We could see them from the cave walking back from the falls. Greg decided that to get in the raging river of Nestle Quick up to his knees. Nicole decided it looked like fun so she decided to get in a little too but instead fell all the way in. We could see it all from the cave. It was pretty funny.

It started to get dark so we left the cave and went back to camp even though it was still raining...

more tomorrow, and more pictures hopefully.

I'm Off

Sorry for the lack of blogging. I've been madly preparing for a back-packing trip to the Grand Canyon... I'm off until Sunday night, but I'll have tons of great stories when I get back... If I get back. Here's hoping I don't die.

Reheating Food

Today I put some leftovers from a restaurant into the oven to reheat them. They were in an aluminum pan with a paper lid. There were no instructions on the lid and I couldn't remember if you could put the paper lid into the oven or not, so I did. Five minutes later smoke was seen streaming from the oven and the flaming lid had to be removed... No, you can't put that paper lid in the oven.

Dare or Dare

On Friday night a bunch of us went to the BYU Library to play Dare or Dare. A game like truth or dare, but there is no truth. You are just given two dares to choose from.

Some of the dares were:

To go up to a couple looking at pictures from their wedding and say, "Oh, I like that one. No, not that one... That one's pretty good." Jake did this.

Four of us went into the LRC. We staggered our entrances and sat in different places in the room, and then one of us began beating out the rythmn of "We Will, We Will Rock You," and slowly the others joined in. Sadly, the effectiveness of this was stifled by the fact that we couldn't beat loud enough so it was barely audible, that and most of the people had headphones on, so it was kind of anti-climatic.

Elise slid down the bannister, though it wasn't a formal dare.

As a boy was walking into the library Greg started to race him. The boy ran off in terror.

My dare was to hop on a desk where a boy was studying and just sit there kicking my legs... Sadly I'm not as daring or prone to public embarassment as I'd like to be so I failed at that and just got one of the chairs and spun around in the center of the no "SH" zone for awhile.

Some of the dares that never happened were:

Grab someone's pencil out of their hand while they are studying and drop it on the floor.

Go to the circulation desk and say, "I'm looking for some books." desk person reply:"What kind of books." "Just books." desk person reply, "Well there are lots of books here in the Library." "Yes, I see what you're getting at."

Go into the boys bathroom.

Run laps around one of the floors or study areas.