Commies are Cool

My sister who lives in Arizona lives close to a shop there where all they sell is exotic kinds of soda. For Christmas she brought me this little number:


It is a drink called Leninade and this is some of the writing on the bottle:

• Get Hammered and Sickled.
• A taste worth standing in line for.
• Drink Comrade!Drink! It's this or the Gulag.
• Surprisingly satisfying simple soviet style soda.
• Beware the repressed communist party animal who is really a proletarian in denial masquerading as a bourgeois cold war monger!
• Our 5-year plan : Drink a bottle a day for five years and become a hero of socialist flavor.

This was a great gift because 1)I love a bottle of soda with a sense of humor and 2)I have an affinity for all things communist... I think there should be neither bread nor laughter, people's free choice should be taken away, and I like to wear knee high boots in winter.

The Day Before Christmas

Mary and I decided to finish off our Christmas shopping today, and by finish off I mean I hadn't started yet and Mary still had several people to buy for.

We went to a couple stores and got presents for a couple people and then we decided to go to Target and then to Ikea to get a side table for my sister Kathryn and her husband Justin.

When we got to Target I went to grab some shampoo because I was running low...

Mary:"Okay, you grab some shampoo and I will look around for something to give Mom, and then I just need to figure out something to give to Kathryn and Justin."

Me:"Weren't we going to go to Ikea and get them a side table."

Mary(laughing):"that's right, I forgot"

20 minutes later as we are wandering through housewares...

Mary: so I can get something for the kitchen for Mom, and then for Kathryn and Justin, maybe I could get them a gift certificate.

Me: "sure, or you could get them a side table like we talked about."

Mary: "Oh, yeah."

Mary was not the only one having a forgetful day. When I went to pay for my shampoo I was rifling through my purse but I couldn't find my debit card. Apparently I remembered to check my bank account balance before leaving the house but I forgot to bring my debit card with me. This is the second time I've gone to Target with Mary and she has had to loan me money because I forgot to bring my debit card.

After Target we went to Ikea which was deserted... There was absolutely no one there. So Mary and I decided that in addition to getting a side table we would take some time and enjoy having Ikea all to ourselves.

While there I looked at these puppies:

I really want to buy some of these one day. It is good design, the black and white modern/random pattern would go great with a buff colored suede sectional I own and a dark coffee table and bookcases(I know its a lot of furniture for someone who has no place to live). So I want these stools some day but they are pretty expensive for stools but then I saw that they now have this:

That is right cowskin rugs. There are only a couple things keeping me from getting this rug. 1)I feel bad that a cow has to die for it, but then Mary pointed out to me that we are killing cows all the time for beef. 2) I don't actually like touching cow skin. It kind of creeps me out. I have a hard time going to the Bean Museum with all those stuffed dead animals, let alone touching or walking on one on a daily basis.

Home for Christmas

During the holidays my student ward dissolves and i have the choice of either going to a combined stake meeting or going to my home ward. I always chose the stake meeting because 1)It is only an hour long. and 2) If I go to my home ward I invariably get asked a lot of personal questions by the older people in the ward, like, "So what are you doing with your life now?","Are you still making art?","You aren't married huh? Are you dating anyone?"... I wonder how these people would feel if I asked them a lot of personally invasive questions about their life, like, "So how is your marriage holding up? Any rough patches?","How's your health, because you don't look so good."

Fruit

My Mom always buys big cartons of fruit at Costco, but without fail the fruit begins to go bad before we can eat it all. So I feel it my duty to eat as much fruit as quickly as possible. Right now I am working my way through a carton of pomegranates...

I Don't Have a Problem

I was first introduced to the French card game of tarot by some friends who played it until three in the morning on a camping trip we went on. These same friends became more and more obsessed with the highly addictive game, over the next year, to the extent that at social events they isolate themselves in a corner to play their game. In addition, just about anytime you go to their apartment they are playing it. Needless to say after a while a certain amount of social stigma has become associated with those who play the game... There are two kinds of people in this world the ones who play tarot and the ones who do not.

Last night I was over at the apartments early for dessert night. I had some time to kill and my friend Matt offered to teach me how to play tarot. It is a lot like the game of diminishing Rook which I really like so I thought I might just learn to play the game. What could it hurt? As Matt was teaching me the game he warned me though not to tell my good friend Jenny that he had taught me. She, like most people, does not like tarot or those who play it.

So we played a couple rounds and I was getting the hang of it. When the door swings open and there stands Jenny and my friend Mike. I push the stack of cards in front of me away and feign innocence. "Jenny, it's not what it looks like... Wait, what are these cards I thought we were playing Go Fish..."

Jenny heads for the door: "I can't believe you Rebecca. Text me when you guys are done playing that stupid game."
Me: "Wait stay here, we have only played a couple hands. I can quit anytime I want."
Jenny: "You keep telling yourself that."

But really I can quit anytime I want. I only play tarot socially. Even if I was addicted what could it hurt. It's only a card game.

Leftovers

I like most people enjoy eating Thanksgiving leftovers. A little while ago I was preparing some mashed potatoes and gravy for myself to eat. The gravy was in a hand-thrown ceramic bowl that my younger brother made. I put it in the microwave to heat up because cold gravy is actually just a solid piece of fat, and no one wants to eat that or be reminded that that is what they are actually eating. No I prefer my fat in liquid form. So I put the bowl in the microwave and as the gravy was heating up I heard this weird tiny popping sound coming from the microwave. I thought nothing of it until later I was eating my mashed potatoes and gravy and the tasted a little weird. Almost like it was laced with tiny metal particles. A thought came to me that I probably shouldn't eat that gravy, but then I was really hungry so I kept eating. Later as I was getting full I was also beginning to get worried.

The bowl that my little brother made had an orange ceramic glaze on it, and as everyone knows there are only two naturally occurring substances that have an orange color, iron and uranium. Now if it was an iron glaze I'm probably okay, however it it was uranium i will probably die in the next 2-6 months from cancer in my mouth, esophagus, stomach, intestine, and colon.

After eating my mashed potatoes and gravy I thought that that maybe wasn't the best choice so to be on the safe side I decided to try to minimize any free radicals that might be floating in my body. First, I ate ice cream for its coating abilities, then I moved onto green leafy vegetables because they are the best at neutralizing free radicals, and then I ate some bread, just to be on the safe side, because this is what you are supposed to do if you swallow a safety pin.

I Haven't Aged a Day

For Christmas my very talented friend Jenny made me and my friends cards with our faces Photoshopped on top of old photos she found on the internet.

Here is the one she did of Mary and me:


And here is an actual baby picture of me:



Creepy huh? To see more of her handiwork and people you might know go to her blog at http://jennyology.blogspot.com/2008/12/merry-christmas.html.

Ha, Ha...

So I got home to night to find that my Secret Sister had left two treats for me. One for me and one for me to give to my Secret Sister.

I love my Secret Sister!!

Deodorant

In late 2007 I made a purchase of a 7 pack of deodorant on sale for $1.39. This would prove to be the best decision that I have ever made in my life as it is more than a year later and I still have plenty of deodorant.

Secret Sister

For Christmas my ward is doing Secret Sisters. You know that thing where you take goodies to someone secretly? I initially did not sign up to be a Secret Sister because I know I am not good at doing "cute" things for people and I would be a deadbeat Secret Sister. However, after some coercion I did sign up for this Holiday fun, and then promptly forgot about it.

Last night as I received my second plate of goodies from the girl who has me I began to feel bad that I haven't yet done anything for my Secret Sister. So I began to try to think of something cute I could give her. I was having a hard time thinking of anything and then as I looked at the carefully prepared plate of chocolate dipped pretzels the girl who has me had given me an idea occurred to me. What if I just took whatever this girl gives me and pass it along to my Secret Sister.

This is a really good idea. I really want to do it.

Greg & Mary

People often ask me when Greg and Mary are going to get married. I reply I don't know...

They have still never actually kissed, or at least that's what Greg tells me. Which is funny because I remember this one time I was hanging out with them and I left a little early so they could "say good night to each other", but they followed me to the parking lot and Greg shoved Mary up against my car and pretended to kiss her, to gross me out. It was kind of like a horror movie with me fumbling for my keys trying to get in my car and out of there as fast as possible... So yeah, I don't know when they are getting married.

Thanksgiving

Ah, Thanksgiving... A time for food and family and possible life criticism from the parents. This year to avoid any possible criticism of my life I tried not to make eye contact with my parents and answered all questions directed at me in a defensive closed ended manner.

I made it through dinner reasonably well and then later Greg(Mary's boy friend) was telling my Mom how it was good that more of her children weren't married because then we wouldn't be around for the holidays.

I told Greg he was really good at spinning that into a positive, and that he could be in charge of my PR with my parents to spin all the things they don't like about my life into a positive.

My Mom replied, "There is nothing I don't like about your life, except I wish you were married."

Quantifiable Love

My parents love for their children can be measured on a numeric scale from 1-100.

You get 40 points if you are married, 30 points for every grandchild you bring into this world, 15 points if you are dating someone seriously, 10 points if you talk to our overly nice neighbors, 10 points if you listen to and follow their life advice, 5 points if you listen to their stories...

I currently have 8 points.

Relationships

Anyone can tell you that communication is the foundation of every good relationship.

But as any illiterate deaf mute, who doesn't speak sign language, will tell you it's not essential.

If, in a relationship, one or both people do not want to talk about their "feelings" it makes it harder but not impossible to tell what the other person is thinking.

You can tell what the other person is thinking by simply performing a series of experiments on them and then gage their reaction. This may cause the relationship to devolve into more of a experimenter/experimentee relationship, where the other person serves as your human lab rat. It will also probably permanently damage your relationship but apart from those side effects this method is completely safe...

Lets say for example that someone is angry with you and they won't tell you what you did to make them angry. Just wait for them to not be angryany more and then do whatever it is you think you did to make them angry again. If they get mad again then you know that makes them mad...

Also, to see how someone feels about you. You could do something nice for them. If they respond positively to it/reciprocate it, they probably think you are nice. If they do not respond at all then they are indifferent. If they respond negatively then they hate you.

Alternately if you want to know how someone feels about you you can just hack into their email account though some people consider this to be "crossing the line."

And Now It's Time To Disgust You

So I have a very small wart that I have tried to burn it off twice now with liquid nitrogen, but it doesn't seem to be working. It may be due to the fact that the liquid nitrogen causes unbearable pain and I am afraid to hold it on the wart for the full 40 seconds needed... Anyway I need to try again. I agreed to bring some dry ice to a party recently, maybe I will try using that to burn it off before taking it to the party.

New Topic...

So my parents never fed us Mayonnaise when we were kids instead I grew up on Miracle Whip. Which is fine, as they say it has a "tangy zip", but it was only as an adult that I discovered how truly great Mayonnaise is. Tonight my little brother commented to me that Mayonnaise reminded him of puss therefore he could never eat it. I told him let's not think of Mayonnaise as puss but Miracle Whip instead. Mayonnaise is a magical spread that the food fairies left one night for the betterment of man.

Speaking of semi-disgusting white substances. I learned in 8th grade biology that milk is just fatty sweat. Mammary glands are modified sweat glands... that's right you are drinking cow sweat baby... not as easy to distinguish in whole milk but I always feel like I can taste it a little in skim.

Environmentalism

My family aren't the greatest environmentalists. I will start a bag of recyclables and then someone will either put their trash in there or they will throw the entire bag and its contents away.

Once I got a big bag of plastic bottles together to recycle and stored them in the garage until I would have time to take them to the recycling center. My Dad asked me, "So what are you doing with all those plastic bottles?"

Me: "Recycling them."

A couple weeks later...

My Dad: "So can I just throw those plastic bottles away."
Me(in my angry voice): "No."

Then about a month ago my Dad decided to clean out our garage and burn everything he didn't want anymore in our fireplace. Everything seemed normal until I went outside and saw there was a black plume of smoke coming out of our chimney. No really, it was black like factory during the industrial revolution black.

I wanted to tell my Dad to stop burning things that shouldn't be burned, but I knew he would never listen to me and I was late for a party or something. So I sicked Mary on him... She's the closest thing we have to the EPA around here, and I think she got him to quit.

In other news, I will not be surprised if everyone down wind from us develops rare forms of cancer.

And Now a Word About Homeless People

The other day I saw a man pushing a shopping cart down the side of the road, and I asked myself, "Why is a shopping cart the vehicle of choice for most homeless people?" And then I figured it out...

1. Shopping carts are free/easy to steal.
2. They are mobile/i.e. they have wheels.
3. Versatile, can serve as a storage compartment and also a bed at night.
   
4. Shopping cart races with their friends.
5. Maybe they don't like to share shopping carts when they go to the grocery store. Maybe they are a little possessive and want to have their own, but I have to think that is confusing when they get in line to check-out and their belongings are already in there along with their food. They would have to be like, "No, that was already mine, that too. No all of that belonged to me already."
   

Global Warming

I hate the cold... hate it. There is maybe nothing in this world I hate as much as the cold.

So when I heard that Global Warming was happening I was happy. "You mean to tell me that the climate is slowly getting warmer? Fantastic," I thought. In addition to this there is also the outside chance that everyone on the earth will die because of it.

I am totally on board with both of those things... the sooner the better.

However, then I was talking to Mary and it turns out that Global Warming does not make everything warmer. In the central areas(i.e. where I live) it will actually get cooler.

So I changed my mind, Global Warming needs to stop and it needs to stop now.

I'm really mad at whoever gave it the misnomer Global Warming. They got me all excited for nothing... but I guess there is still that outside chance that everyone will die. No, wait, I'm happy again.

FHE Lesson

Last week in FHE a cute girl in her early twenties gave a lesson about the importance of singing hymns in our meetings. She said she noticed that not very many people in our ward sing during sacrament meeting. I've noticed this too because I don't sing. I used to sing but getting up for church at 8:30 in the morning takes it all out of me. Sitting there in church I feel light headed as it is. If I did some singing on top of I would for sure pass out. So maybe next week instead of a lesson about singing the hymns maybe we should have one about why we shouldn't have church at 8:30 in the morning, and I will give it.

Feel Good About Yourself

It's because I have successful friends that I have such a low self-esteem. Damn you, successful friends. If I hung out with druggies, I wouldn't have this problem. I'd just be like, "You guys are a bunch of losers. I'm so much better than you."

New Job

I have been busy lately looking for a new job. So far no luck. Either I don't really want the job and I get it, or I do really want the job and I don't get it. Is it too much to ask that I actually enjoy what I do? Is it universe? Is it? All I want is to have a good job... and a really great boyfriend... and be super talented... and have a lot of money... and live in a tropical climate...

I just want my life to be perfect, and it's freaking annoying that it's not.

Inability to Heal

I split my lip at the side of my mouth a little over a week ago. This happened because my lips were dry and I was doing something stupid like smiling. Since that time I have re-split it every day, as it tries to heal, by doing something necessary like eating or flossing my teeth. I have figured out that in order for it to heal I have to not open my mouth above a crack for at least 48 hours, which makes eating anything other than pudding difficult... I am really starting to miss solids...

The moral of the story is don't smile. Smiling is stupid.

Chinese Candy

So last weekend my friend Jen and I went out to eat at the best Chinese restaurant in Provo. I know it is the best Chinese restaurant because I was told that, not once but twice by Jen's boyfriend on our way to and from Havasupai this summer... On our way out to the freeway... Cameron: "that's the best Chinese food in Provo." and then once more as we drove back into town... Cameron: "that's the best Chinese food in Provo." ... Too bad I can't remember the name of the restaurant, it would probably be nice if I could... Sorry, you will just have to wonder.

So Jen and I went to eat there and we got a Chinese salad, some steamed buns, and steamed dumplings... All really good. Then with the check they also gave us some Chinese candy. Jen took the candy that said "coconut" on it, leaving me with the ubiquitously named "nutmeat crisp candy". I'm not sure what nutmeat means but I've had Chinese candy before so I'm not stupid enough to try it now. I keep looking for some child to pawn it off on...

I think one day when I grow up and have children I will only give them Chinese candy to eat that way they will grow to hate candy.

If I was Running for President This Would be My Platform

I think we should take over Mexico... I think this for a number of reasons.

1. They all want to come here anyway. Let's just save some time and take over their country.
   
2. The world is always mad at us for getting involved in other countries' business. They think we are always trying to take over things. Let's validate that fear. Let's stop being the "pseudo" bad guy and be the "real" bad guy. We have the power it's about time we start abusing it.
3. Taking over Mexico would mean lots and lots more beachfront property.
4. If there is one thing America is lacking it's some really good ruins, Mexico has some.
5. (Number five, and perhaps it should have been listed first as it is the most important reason) All the fish tacos you can eat.
   

Mary's Texting Skills

My little sister Mary often sends me text messages without proofreading them first.

Last Friday night Mary sent me a text. It read:

Some people are watching mother at gregs house just fyi.

I was confused so I sent a text back:

Mother?

She didn't respond so I went down to Greg's apartment. Only to find out there was no mother watching going on there. I felt robbed.

Then Mary texted me to ask me where I was. I responded:

At gregs watching mother

She texted back:

movies?

Yes, that's right Mary what I meant to say was movies.

The day before this she texted me:

I have declared war on the spiders

I didn't understand what she was talking about until later when she told me that tons of funnel web spiders have apparently made their home on the side of our house. So she sprayed them down with a hose and destroyed all their webs. She decided not to use pesticide on them because she heard somewhere that this will only make the problem worse. Long story short there are now a lot of homeless angry spiders on the side of our house. Then she told me,"Oh, and now they will probably be looking for someplace to live and heading towards your windows."

Friendly

So my ward has recently put a greater emphasis on being friendly. They actually had a 4 hour meeting discussing this, which unfortunately I missed because I was in California.

This emphasis on being friendly has come at a bad time for me. Recently our ward has also switched it's meeting time to 8:30 in the morning. So now they are asking me to get up early and be friendly to people. It has finally happened my religion is asking too much of me. I could do one or the other, but not both.

I hate everyone at 8:30 in the morning... everyone.

Once a boy made the misguided attempt to go out on a date with me in the morning. We got up early and went to go see some hot air balloons and then went and got breakfast. Afterwards I said, "I never want to do that again." I think he thought I meant go out with him, but what I meant was get up early and go see hot air balloons... It's strange that more of my relationships don't last longer.

If It's Personal Don't Put It On The Shared Drive

Some girl at work put all her breakup email correspondence and sad love poems about a boy on the shared drive. So when I get bored I read it.

Someone should really tell her that the things you put on there aren't private... but I'm not going to.

FAA Airline Restrictions

There are so many regulations now about what you can and cannot take on a plane. For instance your shoes can't be too thick, all liquids have to be in 3 oz containers or smaller, and you can't take cardboard cutters on a plane...

It's getting a little ridiculous because really you can use anything as a weapon to kill someone. For example, you could take off your sweater and use it to strangle someone. What are they going to ban clothes next? A plane full of naked people is even more dangerous than a carboard cutter...

I think a good thing to say, if they ever give you a hard time about bringing something on a plane, is , "Look, if I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead already. So how about letting me on that plane now."

And Now a Word on Pedestrians

The other day I was driving on a busy road nearby when two pedestrians darted out into the road in front of me and another car. I must confess the logic behind waiting to cross the road until two cars are coming straight at you, baffles me... here's an idea... just wait longer...

The city where I live has had it's fair share of pedestrian deaths and has spent considerable resources providing pedestrians with bright orange flags to carry as well as clearly marked crosswalks to help cut down on the accidents... I propose though that what this society needs is not more bright orange flags but smarter people. Instead of the flags I would like to put up signs that say, "If you're stupid enough to cross this road when cars are coming you deserve to die."

The bad news is people will die, the good news is (if you believe Darwin's theory of evolution) that this will weed out the stupidest people in our society and overtime humanity in general will become smarter and smarter... smart enough to, I daresay, know when and when not to cross the street.

It Doesn't Look Good

My cat is missing. I suspect foulplay...

The Gayest School Project Ever

I was talking to Greg the other day and for one of his classes, The History of Creativity, he had to do a final project which was to design three dresses, one from the Classic Period, one from Baroque period and one from the Romantic period... He could probably get some pointers from this guy.

House Guests

My Mom told me that our distant cousins would be coming to stay with us this week. What I didn't know was that I would be expected to talk to, eat with, and be nice to them...

Latest Excercise Craze

So on Saturday Mary and I walked out into our backyard to find my little sister Liz slip and sliding on some large pieces of plastic... we decided to join in and had a great time. Then today I noticed that my stomach muscles were very, very sore and I was trying to figure out what I had been doing to exercise them. I had hung out with fun people on Saturday night but I don't remember laughing enough /so hard that it would cause abdominal soreness... then it dawned on me, it was the slip and slide. Turns out slip and sliding is not only an incredibly fun way to spend an afternoon but it is also an incredible ab workout. I'm serious. My ab muscles are really sore. I'm considering marketing this and having my own infomercial/exercise video program.

Fun with the Fam

Last Saturday I went to Lagoon(an amusement park) with my family. It is located in the Farmington/Ogden area which is also known as the "armpit of Utah".

We went early in the day and it was fun in the morning. It wasn't too crowded. The lines were short and it wasn't that hot outside. As the day wore on though, more and more people began to come... more and more people of a questionable background.

Halfway through the day Mary asked me what percentage of people I thought there were white trash. I told her fifty percent. She said she thought more like ninety percent. A few hours and countless, tattoos, men in wife beaters, women without bras, cutoffs, and hanging bellies later. I changed my mind, "you were right Mary" I said, "ninety percent...ninety percent..."


There are a lot of really good roller coasters at Lagoon. I am afraid of heights so usually I have a hard time with roller coasters but then I also have a hard time saying "no" to people i.e. it is really easy to talk me into doing things. So my little sister Liz(who has no fear) would be like this roller coaster isn't that bad. You'll have fun, and I would believe her... several very scary, bone jarring rides later I was beginning not to believe her... So when we got on a ride that I thought would be potentially scary and she gave me the usual spiel about it not being scary I didn't believe her and was thinking about leaving before the ride started. I asked an 8 year old boy in front of me if he had been on the ride before and if it was scary. He assured me it wasn't. I felt better so I sat down and buckled in. Then this same little boy turned around and asked me if I had been on the Colossus yet and told me it was fun too. I told him I hadn't and asked him which one that was. He said it was the one that goes upside down twice. I suddenly had a very bad feeling that he was not a reliable source either. It was too late though the ride was starting, and it was in fact very very scary. Half-way through the ride the little kid turned around and told me that the ride would be a lot funner if I opened my eyes. "Shut up little kid, I'm not opening my eyes" ... I didn't say it. I thought it though.

A Fun New Game

The other day I was online and I saw that my friend Brooke who lives in Africa was online too. So I instant messaged her. It was 12:50 where I live and I asked her what time it was in Africa. Turns out it was 8:50 a.m. there, and I thought, this is a fun game. So now whenever I see Brooke online I'll ask her what time it is there. Sure I could just add 8 hours to whatever time it is here, but that would actually require effort on my part, and it wouldn't be as fun. Any of you who know Brooke should try playing this game too. She doesn't find it annoying...

The other great thing about Brooke living in Africa is that she lives 8 hours ahead of us and can tell you the future if you ask her. You can ask her questions like, "Is today going to be a good day? Should I bother getting out of bed today? What will the weather be like today? Will I find love today?"... She has all the answers.

Innovation

HP recently came out with a new touch screen computer. I think this new technology is great. .. but my only concern is that if I ever owned this computer over time the screen would get very dirty... and I could no longer do two things I love at the same time... which are work on the computer and eat chocolate pudding with my fingers...

Keep America Cool

The only time it's cool to have two miniature flags sticking out of your car is when you're a diplomat... that's all I'm going to say.

Favorite Havasupai Moments Part II

Collin's car began to overheat on our way back to Vegas so we had to turn on the heater full blast in 113 degree weather. We make the best of it by rolling down the windows and cranking Sexyback on the freeway.

Sexyback... which was also the unofficial theme song of Havasupai 08 (all of us were humming it at one time or other while we were down there)... We listened to it on the ride down and then Matt was like, "What was that rap song we listened to with the woman singing?" After searching for a bit we figured out that he was talking about Sexyback. No Matt, that's not a woman singing, that's Justin Timberlake.

---

Our group got split up at our hotel in Vegas, and Jake in an effort to find the other half of the group calls Jen's house to get her cell number and talks to her extremely overprotective mom. He says something like,"Yeah, we are at a hotel in Vegas and we've lost Jen. Do you have her cell phone number." After he gets off the phone... "Oh wait, I had Jen's cell in my phone already."

Later I get to hear the resulting conversation between Jen and her Mom... "No, no Mom I'm not lost. No, that was just... I'm not lost. Uh huh... Uh huh... no, no we have separate boys and girls rooms... Uh huh... Okay... Yeah... "

Havasupai Photos

Havasupai cast of characters in order of appearance (from left to right)... Kirk, Mary's Friend, Mary, Jake, Me(Rebecca), Matt, Collin, Jen, Jen's Boyfriend(Cameron).

This is what we hiked down into... The Grand Canyon.

Hiking down... We stayed in a perfectly spaced formation like this the entire way down, mostly because we didn't want to talk to each other.

Havasu Falls - the main waterfall right by the campsite.
Mary and Greg on the way down to Mooney Falls, a waterfall about a mile below our campsite.

Collin being his usual self in one of the caves you have to go through to get down to Mooney.

Mary and I using chains to make our way down to Mooney.

Matt on a rope swing just below Mooney, where we spent some time playing...

Collin...

Navajo Falls - a waterfall about a mile above our campsite.

More of Navajo Falls...

Exploring around Navajo Falls...

Jake, Collin, Greg and Mary doing the Legolass pose by Navajo.

Kirk helping Greg take a shower at one of the smaller waterfalls we found.


You can view more photos here on Kirk's blog... He is Asian so he has a knack for taking photos.

Favorite Havasupai Moments Part I

So last week I went to Havasupai in the Grand Canyon with my friends. Here are some of my favorite moments from the trip.

Cameron, Jen's boyfriend and a great source of entertainment the entire trip, dangles himself over one of the waterfalls. ..
He was here...

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Hiking out at 3 in the morning. As we near the end of the trail Kirk decides he needs to go to #2. He hikes back down the trail a little ways for some privacy. Then we see some lights coming up the trail. They stop just below Kirk. We wait 10 minutes they start moving again and hike to just above where Collin and I are waiting for Kirk. It is a boyscout troop taking a 10 min break every 30 paces or so. Finally they get out of sight and Kirk does his business. After he gets done...

Collin: "You realize you just went to the bathroom right in the middle of the trail?"
Kirk: "No I didn't."
Me:"Yes, you did."

---

A conversation I had with Cameron...

Cameron: "The moment I saw Collin I thought, he's perfect."
Me:"What do you mean perfect?"
Cameron: "You can figure that one out."

How To Use A Port-A-Pottie

So I went camping in the Grand Canyon last week with my friends. The first day we were there before we hit the trail I went to use the port-a-pottie with my little sister's friend. While I was going to the bathroom she asked me a question from the port-a-pottie next to mine, and I thought to myself, "you've never done this before have you?" The first rule of using a port-a-pottie is never open your mouth while inside.

Later when we were at the campsite I went to the bathroom with my friend Matt, at which time I demonstrated the proper way to use a port-a-pottie.

1. Untie/unbutton everything you can for easy access before going in.
2. Tear off and gather all the toilet paper you think you will need in one hand.
3. Hyperventilate for maximum lung capacity, then take a large breath and hold it.
4. Go in at a dead run.
5. If you are lucky you can do it in one breath, if not though take only shallow breaths.

It works I was in and out of there faster than Matt.

How to Communicate Effectively in an Argument

So recently I got in a quarrel with a co-worker because he wanted to put big signs(10"x14") like this:



on ALL the office doors at one of our locations. I told him that I thought that would look bad and unprofessional. He disagreed.

I tried not to get upset... I tried not to get angry... I tried to use some effective communication skills I once learned. In an argument you should use the word feel to explain yourself. For example you should say something like, "I feel _____ when you _____" This way the other person knows where you are coming from and doesn't get as offended.

So I said, "I feel like you're an IDIOT and I feel like you have bad taste."

No just kidding. I wish I had though. I actually said, "I feel like you aren't respecting me and I feel like you aren't listening to me." As a result he apologized. Who knew that talking about your feelings could get you anywhere.

Mary's Work

So I was talking to my little sister yesterday and apparently she's been stressed out lately because she is a supervisor at work and she has a hard time telling the new people that they are doing things wrong.

I told her that people respond well to insults... She should try some of these:

What's wrong with you? Can't you do anything right?

You aren't stupid, but you aren't smart either.

A monkey could do this job better than you.

Collin & Bruce

My friends Collin and Bruce are working on a project making long boards together, and I must say it's nice to see them applying themselves to something.

I went over to Collin's on Tuesday to work on the ward directory together(as part of our calling) and I found them outside sawing wood for their project, and I thought to myself(as I shook my head),"who gave them power tools."

They let me see what they were working on, how they were cutting the wood and where they were soaking the bodies of the long boards to be bent. They were soaking them in Collin's tub with some blue fabric softener. Collin made the joke,"I just use the same bath water everytime I take a bath I don't see the need to change it." I looked at him, I looked at the blue bath water,"What are you, a smurf?"

The Problem With Putin

Vladimir Putin was named man of the year last year by time magazine, because he has brought stability to Russia, which is great... don't get me wrong, I LOVE stability...

Too bad though that in order to become stable Russia has let this control freak run their country... Too bad also that Russia is beginning to resemble pre WWII Germany... Right now in Russia opposition press is silenced sometimes violently with an alarming number of unexplained and uninvestigated reporters deaths. Putin also holds summer camps for Putin youth, reminiscent of Hitler youth groups, where teenagers are indoctrinated with how great Putin is and how bad anyone who opposes him is. They also burn effigy's of our Pres. and other symbols of the west. Further Putin has single handedly removed the democratic process from Russia by not letting the opposition register on the ballot and jailing opposition campaign supporters(see youtube clips below).





The good news is though that Russia's economy is thriving and there is no sign yet that Putin is mentally unstable and will try to take over the world like Hitler.

The bad news is that if Putin ever does decide to try to take over the world, Russia already takes up 1/5 of the earth so taking over the rest wouldn't be so hard.

The good news is though that two oceans separate us from Russia so they may get 3/5 but they'll never get that last 2/5.

... But at least the Bolsheviks aren't still in charge that was a time of no fun and no laughter

nothing kills a party like a Bolshevik.

Womanhood Defined

This weekend when we were camping I broke down the life of a woman into 4 simple parts for my fellow campers... Being a woman consists of:

1. You're in pain once a month
2. You push a baby out your vagina
3. Your bones break
4. You die
   

The Dating Game

Recently (as in the past 3 months) I've gone on a number of first dates. For me I have just one goal on any first date and that is to keep talking... no matter what happens someone must be talking at all times. It might be irrational, but I never want to find out what happens if someone isn't talking.

So in order to keep the conversation going I throw back into question mode, in which I will ask a boy any and all questions that pop into my little head. While the boy is answering these questions I rarely listen to what he is saying, instead I am thinking of something else or disengaging completely. It usually goes something like this...

Me: "So you've traveled a lot? Where have you been?"
Him: "I've traveled a lot in the US, been to China..."
Me (in my mind): "He seems nice. Is he really nice or does he just seem that way? Does he like me? I think maybe he likes me. Do I like him? Where is this going in the grand scheme of things?"
Him:"but I really haven't traveled that much."
Me:"Hmmm... interesting"
Me(in my mind): I didn't hear a word he just said.

So usually at the end of a first date I don't know a boy any better than I did at the beginning.

Nothing Is As It Seems

So today as I was surfing the web I came across this website (click on the photos to see before and after shots) which is a portfolio for a photo retoucher... Turns out none of us look that good...

Sooo Tired

We got back from a camping/hiking trip on Saturday. We were all so tired afterward... Greg went home and was taking a bath while eating Popsicles. He fell asleep while he was eating one, and woke up some time later in the tub with melted Popsicle all over his face.

Funny Food Stories

So you know how our family uses our deck as an outdoor refrigerator... Well, last week we had this chicken pesto pasta for dinner, and Mary was telling me how it was her favorite meal. The next day she got home from work and was really looking forward to leftovers, when she found that someone had put the chicken pesto pasta outside that night. Unfortunately it had also rained that night and the pasta had been placed too close to a rain gutter which had spilled out into it. The pasta was very watery and Mary had to find something else to eat.

Another funny story is the time Mary and I were looking through our pantry for something to eat when we found a plastic bag full of human hair. I'm not sure whose hair it was or who had put it there, or why you would put human hair in with the non-perishables. You go to the pantry and you're like, "What do I feel like today, Mac & Cheese, some pasta, maybe some human hair...

Running

Going for a run in the rain... fun

Going for a run in the hail... not fun

*Little known fact, rain can turn to hail at any time.

A Mistake

The other day Mary and I were late going somewhere, and as we were getting into the car Mary commited one of the classic blunders by saying, "Hi" to our nice neighbors. She said, "Hi" to them while they were out in their yard and then they waved her over to talk to them. Well, I saved myself and immediately got into the car. She goes over there and starts a conversation with them.

Poor Mary, she doesn't realize you never say, "Hi" to the nice neighbors... If you do, the next thing you know they are inviting you into their house to look at their Christmas decorations for two hours.

...If you are nice to them it only encourages them to be nice, that's why you have to be mean and not make eye contact.

My Relationship with Collin Or As I Lovingly Refer to it - Time Spent in Hell

From time to time people tell me that they think Collin and I insulting each other is a sign of attraction, and that deep down we really want to date each other...

The truth is yes, I want him... I want him so bad. It is everything I can do not to jump him and start making out...

No, not really, I'd rather suck on the tailpipe of a car...

We really do just hate each other.

Collin's Dance

My friend Jake and I helped our friend Collin make this audition tape for his entrance to Julliard's school of dance... I don't think he's going to get in...

Hundreds of Uses

So I bought new batteries, and good news... it turns out my guitar tuner is not broken, it was just that all the triple A batteries in our house were dead.

On the back of the pack of batteries I bought I noticed that it has a tag-line that reads "Hundreds of Uses," really? Because I can think of only one really good use for a battery and that is to power something... It can power hundreds of different things, but the battery only has one real use, and that is to store energy.

But then I got to thinking about it and maybe you could use batteries for "Hundreds" of things, such as:

1. Attractive metal paper weights
2. You could make Christmas Tree ornaments out of them
3. Break them open and use the acid inside to torture people or burn warts off (funny story, once my little brother came up to me and my sister and was like,"my tongue is burning," and we asked him, "have you been eating anything strange," he said, "no, I was just licking a battery...")
4. If you were building a robot they are the perfect size and shape for the phalanges(fingers) of the robot.
5. If you were a miniature person, I mean really tiny, like the size of a Barbie you could use them as rolling pins.
6. They are heavy so they make excellent projectiles

Well, that's only six but I think, given enough time, I could come up with hundreds of ways to use batteries.

I think it's a funny slogan to be on a package of batteries. Don't you only buy batteries when you need them. Are you ever sitting on the fence when it comes to batteries, and you're like, "Well... I don't really need them, but I want them. They are so heavy and metallic... Oh, hundreds of uses... maybe I will buy them."

Small Art Announcement

So I have a collage in the Sprinville Museum of Art, Spring Salon. The Show runs until July 6th, if you like mediocre* art you should check it out.

*I'm just calling my art mediocre. It is actually the biggest annual art show in Utah, so there's a chance that there might actually be some decent art there...

Performance Etiquette

You know how they ask the audience at the beginning of a musical performance to please turn off all cell phones and pagers because it's distracting? Well maybe they could also ask people not to moan incessantly through a musical performance, because that can also be distracting.

The Trouble with Greg*

*I recently made a deal with Mary that I would not tease her for a month, if she let's me make a movie about her. So I have to find someone else to tease, that person is Greg.

Greg used to be my friend, but then he did some things that made me really mad.

1. He started dating my arch rival(aka my little sister)
2. He started calling me Becky.
3. When my worst fears were realized and I found out that I would be working with my Dad(my Dad and I butt heads constantly), did he console me, did he tell me everything would work out? No he taunted me mercilessly by suggesting that maybe my Dad and I could carpool to work together.
4. I go to combined ward FHE where somehow Greg has agreed to do a skit where he plays a farmer in the 1830's. Mary doesn't want to play his wife and asks if I want to do it. I decline... We go back and forth and we try to pawn the skit off on other people all to no avail. Then Mary tells me I can have a week and three days off of my "no making fun of her time" if I do the skit with Greg instead of her. I accept. Then the girl who originally assigned the skit to Greg came over to our table and told us,"You guys don't have to do the skit if you don't want to. It's okay." Greg:"No, I want to do it." Me:"Actually, I'm feeling a little stage shy." Greg:"That's not what you were telling me earlier." Me:"No, it's okay we don't really need to do it." Greg:"No, I want to do it. It will be fun. We'll do it." The girl who asked us to do the skit walks away from the table. Mary:"I forgot to tell you, you get to wear a white skirt when you do the skit." Me(to Greg):"You're dead to me." Then I was forced to go to the front of the room where Greg read a moving story about how he was a farmer and I was his wife and all about our lives back in the 1800's.
5. To get back at Greg for pulling this stunt. I mentioned to Mary that there was a tulip festival going on at a local botanical garden and I thought that Greg would love to spend all day Saturday looking at flowers with her. Sadly, he found a way to turn it around on me by inviting my entire family and I to go with them.

Guest Blog - April 16th Stress Awareness Day

This guest blog was written by my friend Tod Z... enjoy...

This April 16, I want to celebrate all of the stress I have in my life. According to http://www.brownielocks.com/april.html , I can be aware of my stress because the 16th is Stress Awareness day. I found this day ironical (for all of you Goodwill Hunting lovers; the edited version of course) odd for a couple of reasons....1. It should be a non-stressful day because taxes are due the day before. 2. In case I wanted to just forget about my finals, this day makes me aware that they are just around the corner. 3. Hitler's birthday is just four days away. 4. I don't need another reason to remember to be stressful, and 5. It just snowed in April and i hate that. So everybody, let's remember what chaps our hide and makes us hate to wake up some days by celebrating Stress Awareness Day. Anybody want to celebrate this day?

I Fall to Temptation

I like Ellie have an affinity for peeps. I LOVE peeps but for some reason during the Easter season I never get around to shelling out the $1 to buy them for myself.

Last Saturday I was at Enrichment and we were playing get to know you games. One of the prizes was a box of peeps. Sadly, I didn't win the peeps, but I knew the girl who did. She saw me admiring her peeps and said I could have some if I wanted and that she wasn't really a "peep person". I declined politely but secretly I still wanted those peeps.

Later when everyone had gone home I noticed that she had accidentally left her peeps behind. "Hmm... I thought, what do I do, what do I do..." So I carried them with me all Saturday trying to decide between giving her back the peeps and keeping them for myself.

I saw her on Sunday and she didn't look too sad about losing her peeps and I had also forgotten to bring them with me to church. So I decided maybe it would be okay if I ate them.

Later I found out I can fit 9 peeps in my mouth at one time.

Moral of the story... Never leave me alone with your peeps.

Fertigation or Fornication

I came home a week ago to find Mary working on a paper about Fertigation for one of her soil science classes... "Fertigation?" I said, "that sounds like another word you know a lot about."

Business Scams

There is a plant care company working on the plants in the lobby of our building. The funny thing is all the plants in the lobby are fake... This has got to be one of the greatest business scams I have ever seen...

The plants do look healthy though.

Cemetery's

I'm thinking of going into the cemetery business. How hard could it be? There's not a lot involved... buy some land, dig some holes, some lawn care maybe...

Q-tips

Last week I was at Target and I was trying to decide whether or not to buy Q-tips... After some consideration I decided that I didn't really need them... now I'm really beginning to regret that decision.

Chronic Lateness

So my Bishop keeps assigning me to give the opening prayer in Ward Council. The trouble is I am constantly late. I arrive 15-20 minutes late every time so they just have to assign someone else to give the opening prayer. He may be thinking that if he assigns me to give the opening prayer I will have to come on time, but that won't work... I don't care how many times he assigns me... I can play this game all day.

I Need to Buy New Running Shoes

So apparently if you leave your running shoes outside in the elements for 4 months at a time it ruins them...

Science Project

So for an extra credit science project my little brother put out bird feeders and has been recording which birds come to eat the seed. I think it's an exercise in observing nature... Unfortunately for the birds, we have a cat. It really should be an exercise in observing predator vs. prey.

Mary Gets Organized

A little while ago Mary and I went to Target. Mary got a filing cabinet for Christmas and she wanted to buy folders to put in her filing cabinet to help her get organized. While we were there she gave me specific instructions not to let her spend too much money. At the time she was saving up for a trip to Mexico.

So we get to Target and everything is going fine. Mary is picking out folders and I am looking at hosiery. Then we met up and decided to try on bathing suits... Hey why not? So we were trying on bathing suits

Mary(from the other dressing room): This one is cute, but I don't need another bathing suit. I need to save my money.

I remembered I had agreed to help her not to spend too much money. So I decided to help her cause.

Me: Yeah, you already have a bathing suit, it's cute but it's not the cutest.
Mary: But I do like it, and it's hard to find bathing suits you like that are modest.
Me: Yeah, but do you really need it?
Mary: I don't know, maybe I should get it.
Me: Mary, why are you arguing with me? I'm trying to help you out here.
Mary: Oh, yeah...

We then went to housewares and decorative accents and somehow made our way to stationary where Mary decided not to get some cute notecards, in favor of saving for Mexico.

So then we went to checkout and after she paid Mary said, "It was a good thing I didn't get those notecards, my folders were almost $30. The amount I had budgeted."

Me: "That's a lot for folders are they gold plated?"
Mary: "Well, I got folders and binders."
Me: "Oh"
Mary: "I got a lot of folders though probably more folders than I can ever use."
Me: "Yeah, you probably have more folders than you can use in a lifetime... I think that would be a good grand prize for something... A lifetime supply of folders. It couldn't cost more than $30. I need to have a contest with that as the grand prize."

Then I drove home while Mary listed all the things she can organize with her folders.

Do Your American Duty

I got a letter in the mail from the IRS yesterday letting me know that as part of the Ecomonic Stimulus Plan of 2008, I will be getting an extra $600 with my tax return this year. The idea behind this is that if everyone spends their extra $600 it will stimulate the economy and help pull us out of the recession. It will not work though if we all save it or put it in the bank or something.

So now I have to decide what to do with this extra money. Should I spend it on a cruise, clothes, shoes, or at Ikea. This is a tough decision... Sometimes being patriotic is hard.

Semi False Doctrine

My friend Tina likes to go to Institute and she gets me to go with her. I have nothing against Institute except that it is boring. I need to talk to Tina, there must be a way to be spiritual that is less boring...

Tonight at Institute I learned that we should be seeking after worldly goals... I'm sure glad someone set me straight. I was about to ruin my life trying to be good or improve my character or something.

Suicide

There are the obvious, traditional methods of committing suicide like slitting your wrists or jumping in front of a bus, but there are also some less obvious ways of doing it, like:

Eating mayonaise that is clearly past it's expiration date
Driving without your seatbelt on
Going tanning without sunscreen

You know, taking needless risks and hoping that someday they catch up with you.

At War With Collin

My friend Collin and I play this game where we insult each other as much as possible whenever we see each other. We both think it's pretty funny, but lately I've begun to doubt that people around us think it's as funny as we do. They have been using comments like, "Well, it's time for me to go now," and, "here they go again."

Some of my favorite insults to use on Collin are:

• Did you get dressed in the dark this morning?
• Is that your face, or do you have leprousy?
• I hate that I breathe the same air as you do
• Your mother doesn't love you
• What's it like to be totally out of touch with reality
  

Paranoid

I'm not sure if you can get leprousy from using a credit card pin pad device, but just to make sure I like to wash my hands afterward.

Never Take Texts From Strangers

Sometimes I agree to do something in a text without even knowing who the text is from... Foolhardy, I know, but they seemed so nice...

Don't worry, turns out I do know the person, that was lucky.

Useful Information

Everyone knows you should keep straight razors away from your wrists... but you should also keep them away from your face... VERY DANGEROUS!

I'm a Little Tired

You know it's been a long week when you wake up at 6:21 and you can't tell if it is a.m. or p.m. and you have no idea what day it is.

Mold

As disturbing as I find it when I find Tupperware in my desk that I've forgotten about for a month and there is now mold growing in it. I find it even more disturbing when I find Tupperware that's been in my desk for a month without mold growing in it... Hmm... looks like that food wasn't organic...

How to Not Ask Out a Boy

Recently my friends Kelly, Nicole, and I learned that we have come to be known as the bitter girls in our ward.

...I know weird right?

So a couple weeks ago we decided to improve our PR by asking some boys out on a date.

I hate asking boys out. Contrary to popular belief I have a huge fear of rejection.

But after due consideration of my options, I decided to ask my friend Nathan out.

I borrowed my friend Kelly's phone to do this because I don't have his number in my phone.

(note: never do this when asking a boy out, always use your own phone... otherwise they get confused)

I was in the car with Kelly and Nicole when I called to ask Nathan out. I decided to put him on speakerphone...

(note: never do this... it's rude)

ring... ring... ring...

Nathan: "Hello"(laughter in the background)
Me:(I decided to start off with a joke)"Hey, Nathan, this is Kelly I broke the door off my pantry again and I need you to come fix it..."Nathan is Kelly's hometeacher and Kelly has broken her pantry door off twice and Nathan has had to come fix it"
(note: you should never impersonate someone when asking a boy out)
Nathan: Really?
Me: No, not really, Nathan, this is Rebecca. How are you doing?
(I try to make small talk)
Nathan: fine
Me: That's nice... So Kelly, Nicole and I are going on a group date tomorrow at 7 and I was wondering if you would like to go.
(note: I had waited until the night before to ask him. You should never do this when asking someone out)
Nathan: I'll have to check my calendar, hold on a second.
(Bad sign when a boy says he has to check his calendar, this is often code for "I need a minute to think up an excuse for why I can't go out with you.")
Me: K... (muffled sobbing as I prepare for rejection)
Nathan: Long pause... Yeah, I think I can go tomorrow night. What time did you say?
Me: 7 ... Or I mean 6:45... The play starts at 7. If you can't make it at 6:45.
Nathan: What did you say?
Me: I said if you can't make it at 6:45, it's okay... I'm giving you an out.
Nathan: I said yes willingly.
Me: Yes you did... and I still find that strange.

Yes... I am Handy...

Tonight I needed to screw something into my wall. I found some screws but I couldn't find our electric screwdriver, so I just hammered them in. I'm pretty that's not the way you're supposed to do that, but sometimes I find it hard to care.

If You're That Stupid You Deserve Whatever You Get

I watched Troy tonight on TV... I know it's a Greek legend but I find it hard to believe that anyone when finding a giant wooden horse thinks to themselves... Hmm... I think I'll take this home with me.

Cloned Food

Recently the FDA approved cloned food for human consumption. I believe them when they say it's safe, but I think I'm going to sit back and let the rest of you try it first. Then later when you turn into a race of cannibals, I will drive around NYC in a Ford Mustang alone with my dog.

By the way, I'm not sure why we are cloning animals to eat them... You know nature has a way of doing that already. It's easier and cheaper.

Sad Story

When I was a child my parents took me to go see the Harlem Globe Trotters. At the time I was so impressed by their skills that I thought to myself, "These guys are so good they could beat any team in the country." Then I grew up and found out it takes a lot more than a few ball tricks to win the National Championship.

How to Give Anyone a Complex

If you want to make someone feel self-conscious tell them something like, "your head is out of proportion with your body," or ,"you have small arms." These insults are relative in nature and therefore can never be disproved, but the more the person you tell them to thinks about it, the more they will obsess and in time come to believe that their head really is out of proportion with their body or that they really do have small arms.

How to Tell if the Roads are Icy

I think I've mentioned this before but...

If you want to see if the roads a slick, simply take an unsuspecting friend out to the road and push them. If they fall down you'll know the roads are icy.... If a person slips so will a car. It's a good rule to remember.

Break Down and Build Up

A little while ago I was talking with my friend Matt D. about the disintegration of a group of friends we used to hang out with... Almost everyone in that old group hates each other now.

So Matt and I decided that we needed to make a new group of friends. I called that I would be the one in the group who doesn't plan anything and doesn't really do anything but just shows up for activities... Matt said he'd like to have a similar role. So that left us with having to find a leader for our group someone who can plan things for us and bring us together. I think we should try to get Mitt Romney after he's done doing what he's doing now.

We also need to have some ground rules for the new group so the same thing that happened in the last one doesn't happen again... rules such as: no rubbing each others feet, no calling anyone else fat, no liking someone in the group, and no hooking up with someone in the group.

Painting Notes

A long time ago I used to paint with my friend Sean. When Sean handled turpentine or other caustic substances he would always wear latex gloves. He would sometimes mention to me that he thought I should do the same. I in turn would always duly consider this advice before completely ignoring it.

Last night I was painting and I poured some turpentine into a plastic cup. I left for about an hour and when I came back the bottom of the plastic cup had melted away. Maybe I will buy some latex gloves...

True Story

So me, my little brother, Mary and Greg were standing in our kitchen talking and my little brother mentioned something about Mary being aggressive...

Mary: "I'm not aggressive"
We all start laughing
Me:"Mary thats the funniest thing you've said all night"
Mary: "I'm not!"
We all keep laughing
Mary(walks out of the room):"I'm going to hurt all of you! ... Oh..."

Explanation

I've been sick this week... I know its no excuse for not blogging or wanting to push people down on the sidewalk but I've been sick this week.

Its Cold Out There

Why do people walk slowly on the sidewalk when it is freezing outside? I don't know, but I kind of just want to push them out of my way.

Mary gets Mad

Last night I asked Mary if she wanted to go to Enrichment with me. She said, "No, but will you tell them I have to work on my Chemistry homework and I'm really, really sorry I can't make it." I said, "No, I'll tell them what I always tell them. You're too busy making out with Greg to come."

Then Mary gave me this look, not ha, ha, annoyed look. Not even her patented sear the flesh off your body look, but a very serious angry look. It was then I knew that I can now no longer get away with making fun of her and Greg.

It's official. I'm getting nothing out of this relationship...

I Make Bread

Last night at Enrichment we learned to bake bread. We made the dough and then we each took the dough home to bake in our own ovens.

I got home put my bread in the oven and then went downstairs to do some painting. I returned three hours later to find my burnt loaf on top of the oven. Yeah, that's why I don't bake...

Crazy

Last week at church we had a combined stake meeting and a boy picked up on me. He sat down in the empty chair next to me, quite close, and during the hymn he forced his hymn book into my line of site. After the meeting, he tried talking to me and then when Mary and I were walking out to the car he walked out with us and started up a conversation and asked which ward we were in and ended by wishing us a happy new year. My gut reaction to all this was that I was scared and I wanted to run away. I couldn't decide if he was just really really nice or crazy.

I don't know why when a boy is overly nice to me and tries to pick up on me I think he is crazy... Oh, yeah maybe its because every time it turns out that he is crazy.

bright idea

Recently I noticed that two of the light bulbs in my room had burnt out. Unfortunately I also found that we didn't have any extra light bulbs. So I had to steal light bulbs from other places in my house.

Today I was working in our office and was having a hard time seeing. I said to myself, "Why is it so dim in here." Then I remembered.

Plan A

Recently I've been thinking about my life plan and talking to friends about their life plans.

For instance, my friend Emily has decided to have lasik surgery on her eyes. When she told me this I said, "Good luck, I hope they don't accidentally blind you." But then I decided that might not be a bad life plan for Emily... Have botched eye surgery, sue and retire early. Sure you may only be able to see out of one eye, but you wouldn't have to work and you would get to wear an eye patch for the rest of your life.

Then my friend Elise and I decided that we should move to Madrid and open up a banana stand outside the Guggenheim. A banana stand that is an exact replica of the one in Arrested Development. I would work at the museum. Elise could work in the banana stand. It isn't a bad business plan. Spanish people are like monkeys they love bananas.

Alternately, I've also thought of buying land somewhere and settling down on a farm. I have some money saved, not a lot... I'd have to move somewhere where land is cheap Vietnam or Laos probably...

Plan B

I went to a Christmas party a little while ago where my friends Collin and Jake were talking about an idea they call plan B. If plan A is life then plan B is death. Suicide to be exact, and not just suicide but painful suicide. Apparently if you are going to kill yourself it should really hurt when you do it.

Jakes plan B:

Sliding down a banister covered with razors head first into a vat of boiling acid.

Collins plan B:

Getting hit by a fire truck with huge spikes on the front of it which is spraying excrement from its hose and at the same time you are drinking ipecac and throwing up.

or...

Dousing yourself in gasoline, and lighting yourself on fire as you drive a mechanical wheelchair off the side of the canyon... and shooting yourself in the head with a shot gun.

Yeah, it was a good Christmas party...

Resolutions

Last night I was hanging out with some friends and as we crossed into the new year we made resolutions... for each other...

Kelly

• Make baked goods and take them to at least 3 boys apartments in our ward.
• Swear less
• Get a baby

Nicole

• Buy a house
• Go to more cultural events
• Be more assertive for example, "If I want to be a 304 groupie. I'm going to be a D@#% 304 groupie."
• Make Brett(Mattie's brother) stop hating me.

Jake

• Have a good serious, not completely physically based relationship with someone who is at least 20.

Rebecca

• Make fun of Mary less
• Makeout more
• Have a good serious, not completely physically based relationship with someone who is at least 20.

New Years

Looking back on the year I can't say that I've really accomplished anything or become any better. It's actually been kind of a waste...