helminthes

skip this one if you are squeamish.

sleep.
the holy grail of motherhood, or certainly single motherhood. when i was in college, i could sleep through anything, and i do mean anything- dorm parties, loud music, loud sex - you name it. this blissful state lasted until i went to midwifery school and suddenly sleep was a bit more difficult to come by. studying late at night, driving from new haven to spend nights working at the north central bronx hospital. followed by a day of sleeping. cut to the life of a real midwife and sleep was definitely a precious commodity. but none of those hold a candle to life as a single mother with a toddler who does not sleep.

the last few weeks have been particularly bad, with hazel waking most nights 5 to 6 times or more and seeming to be very uncomfortable. crying, wiggling and just not happy. i thought maybe it was the soy milk, so i changed her to something else. hmmmm, small improvement but not great. ruby meanwhile is a great sleeper overall but when she does need me at night it seems to be on a night that hazel is sleeping well. sometimes i get more sleep at work!

the thing about kids who are adopted is that you don't know what life was like before in the orphanage. most likely they were lonely , uncomfortable, hungry, wet and crying at night and no one came to them. so the "let them cry it out" idea that people use on their bio kids is not really the healthiest approach for adopted kids who need to know that you are there for them- day or night as they build trust in your family and attatch to you.

the other day in desperation i was searching on line for some ideas, tips (and sympathy) about what to do. i was literally at my wits end. the last meaty thing i read was the george clooney people magazine-i have no time to actually read on of those 'solve your child's sleep problem" books. but the internet is filled with wonderful snipets of info.

i found a good site with all kinds of insight into sleep architecture and sleep issues. reading the section on night waking eagerly, looking for tips, i stumbled upon what i think has been part of the problem.

pinworms. these lovely little creatures( of the family helminthes ) live in the gut, but at night when its really dark and quiet they crawl out to the anus and wiggle around, lay some eggs and generally make their host miserable. when kids have pinworms they have sleep issues. ruby has been complaining of an itchy bottom for a week or more, and hazel has been scratching scratching, and has a little red ring around the ____, ( hint: its not her collar),so it just makes sense. to determine if your child has pinworms, you are supposed to wait until they are peacefully asleep , go in with a flashlight, undress them, remove their diaper and shine the flashlight where the sun doesn't shine and catch the little worms in action. then to prove they are present you are supposed to take some tape and tap tap in on their anus and collect the eggs to take to your doctor.

i had good intentions, i really did. i put the flashlight by my bed and was planning my strategy of how i was going to to it. and then i realized that there was NO WAY i was waking hazel up to do THAT. all the pieces fit and sometimes you have to go with your mother instinct. so this morning i called a friend who is a family nurse practitioner and got a prescription to treat the little buggers.its a one time pill and by day 2 or 3 the little guys are gone. you repeat the treatment in 10days. tomorrow i'll be doing loads and loads of laundry. oh well at least i'll have practice for that future date when the lice come home from school or camp or where ever.

snow! and visiting pops cabin

christmas morning

then & now

December has been a busy month for us, despite my desire to keep things low key and simple. I made an effort to get some traditions going while realizing that I am only one person, so some stuff was going to go by the wayside. We did one holiday thing each day- got the tree & put it up one day, lights and decorations another, baked several batches of cookies on separate days. Ruby was so excited that Santa was coming. She has been very interested in the reindeer too.,They learned about all the different winter holidays at school this year, but christmas was by far her favorite.

I tried desperately to get a photo of the two of them in front of the tree all dressed up- one of them was either crying or making a weird face in almost all of them. I guess that's the beauty of holiday photos, some years you just have to laugh at.

Santa’s arrival was welcomed quietly in our house. Mike and Linda ( my parents) came over at the crack of dawn in their pj’s and let themselves in. I woke up to Hazel singing to me and saying “Mama” and I could hear Ruby out in the living room talking to my mom. We checked out the note that Santa left, thanking Ruby and Hazel for the cookies and carrots and We all sat by the tree until Ruby decided she wanted to open some presents.

The asian baby dolls were a hit, as were the Follow Jade videos- mandarin language for ages 2 to 6. Hazel as you might imagine was delighted to open the packages not really caring about what was inside. My favorite gift was the wooden vw camper van. Perfect for dollhouse dollies and little stuffed animals.

As I watched them under the tree, cup of coffee in hand, it suddenly dawned on me that I have TWO KIDS. How did that happen? How did I spend my time before they came along?

This year after learning that China has instituted new regulations which will eliminate singles adopting, I am especially grateful that I have my two sweet girls. I am thankful that I pursued Hazels adoption despite the fact that when I started the process I didn’t even have a “real” job, and that many people thought I was crazy to adopt another child. I am thankful for of the support that I have- my family and friends who are my village and make parenting these kids easier. I feel lucky to have a job that suits me and pays me well.

As my friend Kari says, LIFE IS GOOD.

the fort

my little ranchelow sits less than a mile from the portland style house built in 1912 that i spent my childhood in. i never would have imagined that i , the old house fanatic, would be living in a ranchburger, let alone loving it! but i am and i do. our street is nice and quiet with good neighbors. i definately don't want to move so i am always trying to make this place my oasis in the world.

the lots here are slightly wider than the normal portland 50 x 100 size. so i am left with a giant backyard. with some help from a childhood pal, it gets mowed, but its not the lovely garden space it could be. despite having come from a long line of gardeners, i seem to be lacking in natural vision and talent in that arena.

this fall i got some help from one of my whitman pals and room mates from the village, to make a better plan for the yard. marcy came up on two different occasions and gave me new perspective on kitchen organization and then whipped my into work and vision mode for the yard. it was wonderful! we planted this beautiful october glory maple and then tackled weeding and transplanting a neglected area of the yard into "fern ally". with her help i now have a vision. as part of the "make the yard a fun place to be i had the fort installed for the girls. its a good start!

the hard cold reality

I've always been a person who has pretty sound judgement.when i make a mistake i can recognize it and extract myself and move on without too much guilt. now that i have ruby and hazel to safeguard, decisions that i make have to have them at the center, and when i have to un do something its more complicated.

ruby has been missing having a dog, and i was right along with her. i diligantly searched until we found what seemed to be a good dog for us. along the way , i collected as much info about her as i could, piecing together what seemed like a background that would be compatible with kids and for us. when i went to pick her up, a few red flags surfaced- tunrsn our though she was very sweet and gentle, she hadn't really ever been a family pet, she'e been a barn dog mostly. she wasn't completely housebroken. she didn't know basic commands.

but we had commited to her and ruby was so excited i couldn't back out at the last minute. all the way home in the car, my intuition was saying "this isn't right ". i knew within an hour at home that she wasn't going to fit for us. she just didn't have the basic social skills and understanding of people . she had been a dog dog , accustomed to life with other dogs.

it also became clear to me very fast, that with a 19 month old, i really am not ready for a new dog right now. hazel has no dog savvy and i was afraid of a dog toddler mishap while i had my back turned. it might have been different if "anna" had been a people dog and not a dog dog.

so sadly, i called her owner this morning and made arrangements for her to go back to the dog farm in bend. in the meantime, i have boarded her at a kennel to minumize the impact on me and the girls. i know that someday we will have another golden, but it has to be the right one for us and the timing has to be better.

peaches, spam , cheese souffle'

i like to cook, and when i put my mind to it, i'm pretty good at it. one winter i was the cook at teton science school. it was a great job- i lived in a little log cabin, went cross country skiing every day , go to see the tetons out my window each morning and concocted meals in an old ranch kitchen with western style cabinets, a wolf gas stove and a giant hobart mixer.

these days i make my meals in the kitchen of my 1952 ranchelow. i look out my window to "the fort", drive to school everyday and my life is pretty much momsville. in the evenings if i am not at work, i am likely to be lounging around in black ugh boots, sweatpants and sweatshirt embellished with either of my alma matters- whitman or yale. both are in tatters and with my sexy librarian glasses i make quite the picture.

ruby and hazel are unusual kids in that they pretty much eat anything you give them. most days i try to make sure that we get all the food groups in , and that the majority of the meal does not come from a can. because i am not as organized as i would like, often our meals are a strange juxtapositon of things. last week one night we had peaches , spam and cheese souffle with sauted rainbow chard. the next night it was ravioli with a side dish of roasted fennel and pears with balsamic vinegar. i always hope that my mom won't ask what we had for dinner because when she always makes them such regular wholesome food for dinner when she's here: pot roast, minestrone soup, fritata.

i confess that i smile a sheepish smile- i like knowing that they don't have any idea that spam, peaches and cheese souffle is an unusual combo.its good for them to have mix it up meals- it will keep them flexible!

rudolf

on sunday, my neice olivia who is now 12 came over to watch the girls. they adore her and i always know they will have a good time when she's here.i came home from a meeting and found that "rudolf" was at our house, complete with "sleigh". no presents in sight - yet.

anna

when chester got lymphoma last spring it was hard for me to imagine my life without him. he was such a sweet mellow guy. our house has been too quiet (and hair free) for these last 6 months, and i am ready to have another canine companion be part of our family. ruby has missed him tremendously. 2 days out of 3 i hear "mom i miss chester". she has a photo of him by her bed and sleeps with some of his toys.

a few weeks ago i started the search for another dog. of course i has to be a golden!i knew that a puppy would put me into a mental hospital combined with a human toddler and working nights so i wanted an adult who needs a new family. i applied to guide dogs and rescue for a dog, but the wait for dogs with child experience is long so i knew i may have to expand the search. being internet girl, i searched all the reputable breeders in oregon and washington , knowing that some occasionally have adults to place when they are no longer showing or breeding. i emailed and talked on the phone to many breeders. the golden world in oregon is pretty small and i got connected to a woman who has a 5 year old to place. she is in salem right now, raising her puppies who are slated to go off to become service dogs and guide dogs.

today we met anna , and she is going to be coming home to us soon! we are really excited. here are some pix of she and ruby together as well as her pups.

the all clear!

hazel saw her cardiologist dr shaunessy last week. she still has some mild aortic insufficency, (leaking at the aoric valve), but she got the all clear! she pronounced her healthy as a horse and she won't need another visit with her for a year.