meow

our tree

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we have two beautiful maple trees in our front yard. each fall they are the most outrageous color RED. simply stunning to see them in front of our abode. hazel loves to make me bouquets of leaves, here is ruby with one of said creations. and hazel- she has quite the pout , that girl does not appreciate getting her photo taken....

news from china

now that i have 2 kids from china, i connected to the china adoption community in a big way. currently i am one of the coordinators for the monthly support group for families waiting for kids from china sponsored by families with children from china.

china, being the communist country that it is, can and does make their own rules for adoption. they decide what the criteria shall be for those who want to adopt from china. in may 2007 they came down with some new rules. one of which deemed single mothers no longer able to adopt. even though my family is complete, i was sad to hear this. i know how many wonderful parents will not get the chance to adopt from china. more importantly, i know how many many children in china need families to love them. it seems a tragedy on both sides to me.

my paperwork for hazel went to china in march 2006. at that time the wait for a regular referral was about 10 months. once i saw her sweet face, i moved out of the regular line and into the waiting child line. the rest as they say , is history. i left for china in june 2006 i have been home with her 16 months now.

these days the news coming out of china for adoptive families is not good. they used to send out referrals a month at a time, for example all of march got referred at once. over the last year all that has changed. the last batch of referrals only cover 5 days worth of log in dates. it took them 4 months to refer the families logged in in november 2005- the last few days came last week. if i had not found hazel, i would still be waiting with 96 log in dates ahead of me, even at what is a very fast pace of 10 days per month in today's rates, i would not be getting a referral for at least 10 months. that would mean a 2 year wait from log in to referral.

i can not imagine how i would feel if i were in this situation. i fell so badly for those who are stuck in this log jam. i never even know what to say to friends who are “there”. it seems like anything is a hollow platitude. but not to acknowledge their wait and pain seems disrespectful. so i try in all the ways i can to sympathize. i pass along hand me downs so they know I believe they will get their kids. i speak in the future tense, kiddingly cajoling them to “move to my neighborhood so the kids can all go to woodstock.” of course if i could , i would speed up the line so that they can hold their children sooner and know the joy.

there are all kinds of speculations about the reason for the wait. in the end it just comes down to this simple fact: china does what china wants.

12 months, 6 pounds, 6 inches

here is my lovely hazel xinyue. yesterday was the anniversary of this little fujian firecrackers open heart surgery. to say that she is thriving does not begin to cover the energy, sense of humor and joyful nature of all that is hazel.

trail of tears

trail of tears
on the surface adoption is a happy thing. after all what's not to like -kids get families! families get kids! everyone is happy.

but in reality along with the happy stuff, adoption is full of heartache and heartbreak for all involved.

for the children. in order to be adopted they must first lose everything. given up, given away. some being “left forsaken” (as the chinese so poetically put it) in doorways, at bus stops , at the entrance to orphanages, on busy streets, near trash heaps, and places that make me shudder.

on the parental side, few chose adoption as the first line to form a family. those that do likely don’t trod the trail of tears. but for the rest of us, coming to adoption , while a good choice, is not without pain. for me , i had to recognize that at 41, i was not going to be getting married anytime soon,and accept that. i had to decide whether i wanted to keep putting energy into a thus far fruitless search for mr right or if i wanted to embrace motherhood as a solo girl. obviously i chose the latter, but it was not without some tears and sadness.

for others, they come to adoption after the devastation of infertility and failed attempts to procreate with science. for them, i imagine, facing up to the idea that your body cannot do it must be big. moving through that, accepting that and deciding you want to love anothers biologic child is courageous.

still another subset come to adoption other loss . the death of a child from cancer, the loss of the hoped for child when bio progeny are autistic or medically fragile.

and then when the process does not go smoothly, those who are already fragile and suffering are sometimes thrust into situations where they must decide the unthinkable: not proceeding with the adoption of a child they have longed for, planned for and loved in their hearts for a long time.

it takes a courageous heart to do what is right. it takes a courageous heart to know what is best for your family. it takes a courageous heart to walk this trail of tears.