when you least expect it 29.12.09

I haven't used them yet, the MPH vouchers. RM150 given by the ever-so-kind Monash University. Given to me last September, now I only have 3 months left to  use it up. I never thought I would be able to use it, since I don't know what kind of books I wanna buy. No need to suggest me any academic books - this is only precious enough for a book you really want to read! Something you would treasure even after you read it.

Lucky enough to get that amount of voucher? Alhamdulillah really. And I never thought I'd get anything free like that in my life. First it started with an email inviting me to participate in a telephone survey. If I would do it, I'd get $50 Amazon Gift Card free as a token of appreciation. It sounded too good to be true, I checked the website offering that first. Then it looks safe, I thought how nice - I won't have anything to lose. And they called me one day, after I gave them my number and suitable time/day. First it sounded weird when I picked up and an Australian was speaking on the other side calling from Hong Kong, and it turned out to be a bad timing as I was out eating at Jusco. She agreed to call me another time. I did my first telephone interview, where she asked me about my experience from wanting to go to an Australian university but could not because I didn't pass my sponsor's requirement (THANK YOU MARA) to how my life is at my local campus. The interview was recorded too, man I wondered if they even understood me if they listen to it again. Then it was thank-yous and she said, I will be receiving my Gift Card soon. Cool! I did get it in my inbox, much to my surprise, so it was not a scam or anything. And then came an email in my Monash mailbox weeks later (to shorten the longer story) that suddenly said, please pick up your MPH voucher at the room-number-something-something and ask name-something-something for it. Then I realized that the Amazon thing came from that as well. How did I get chosen (along with other few names)? Apparently they chose from the people who took the Monash survey or so, I think anyway, not sure what survey?

So it's USD50 and RM150 = over RM300.

So, if you're still in Monash, please do your surveys. Haha, not the point really. Whatever stuff you do from now on, as long as it's not wrong, do it with your heart. (So did I do my surveys with my heart? Ish... not the point here, hehe). Little things you do can get you back something big. Allah may suddenly give you something extra you never thought you will have. It is when you least expect it.

language, work and studies 4.12.09

The blog here is getting rusty again. I just thought to myself the other day, there is nothing much that I can write about. Sometimes I thought, rather than babbling about something useless, it's better if I don't write at all, yet, until I can come up with something better, a new idea or something, to write about.

This is a bilingual blog. Sometimes it's in English, sometimes it is in Malay, sometimes a mix. A true lover of Bahasa Melayu definitely won't like such a mix, also called rojak. Maybe sometimes rojak seems to make no sense, oh other than literally the rojak food itself which isn't something I am that big a fan of although I still eat it sometimes. The definite reasons for writing in English and why I like English sometimes - I can't put a finger on them, or explain it much. I just like English sometimes. Other times English is too complicated - by the way I think English is a complicated language, I never said it's easy, definitely... Bahasa Melayu memang lagi senang. Bahasa Melayu adalah straight to the point, takde kona-kona, letak imbuhan jadi makna lain, perkataan asas mudah nak ingat, walaupun perkataan dalam Bahasa Melayu kadang-kadang panjang sangat nak sebut (antara sebab amik English kadang-kadang). Contohnya... brooch dan kerongsang. Ada je orang yang sebut kerongsang, tapi bandingkan perkataan 3 suku kata ni dengan brooch yang kira 1 suku kata memanglah senang lagi sebut brooch. Untuk English pulak tak semestinya format penggunaan kata-katanya sama je untuk tiap jenis ayat... ah, nak terangkan pun aku tak reti.

But what was that? A language lesson? I am not qualified. All I'm saying is, I still love my first language, I also still like English. But to me they have their own flaws. Certain people also ruined it  for me, such as by Malay-ing an English word that should not have been, since its pronunciation sucks when transformed. e.g. plagiat. The word sounds weird no matter how you look at it or whatever reasons you created it. Just borrow the English word, what's bad about it?

These days I have started working for my internship. It's an office environment, a small place with no more than 5 people here including me, the permanent employees and the CEO. I have been assigned the project involving commercialization of a bio-pesticide product, now in the middle of handling report completion (compiling data and information from other parties). An intern assigned with a project? It's great that I've had help from the CEO so far. Of course, I'm doing it under her, you can't expect me to handle it all on my own since I'm new. Yeah well, I prefer dealing with lab apparatus actually. Sitting in the office like this is probably not bad, but not much into it for me. Does Ifyani miss the pipettes and chemical reagents of the Monash lab? I guess so.

And Monash just sent me the results yesterday. Alhamdulillah thank God primarily, in short I managed to pass all. Cellular Metabolism was really the deadliest subject anyone could ever encounter, maybe, but I managed to get through it. For anyone who did better than a Pass, well, you people did very well! I envy you all. Heheh. Keep up the good job anyways, everyone! And people, if you didn't manage to do as good as you might have hoped, it's not the end. It has a meaning, seriously. You just have to keep trying! I will, definitely this time, for my final year, try to do better. It's a very important year for me. I won't be a student anymore after that, at least not for a while anymore until I could again continue my studies - which may be more difficult than I thought since I don't really have the money for postgraduate levels just yet. But I'll try my best anyway. I will definitely miss the moment of being a student when I get out, so I should treasure it as much as I could while it's here.

No one can bring us down!

word #3 = luser 7.11.09

luser

(LOO.zur) n. A person who doesn't have the faintest idea what they're doing and who, more importantly, refuses to do anything about it. [Blend of loser and user.]

 

(wordspy.com)

 

 

I personally think, then, there are quite some lusers around me. It's hateable when you would not do anything about something you could have done something about. Life - is a learning process - when you learn something from it, you should try to fix it. Well, slow and steadily will do.

get out... or go out 29.10.09

My room. Wherever that my room turns out to be, as long as I am living in there. The room is dark, gloomy and lonely. Although it remains as a long-time comfort zone for me, where I can do anything I like without caring about anything or anyone else, it always has this sad, dark feeling that it buries within me. Negativity surrounds  me.

Thus what I need to do, although it has always been the safest place to be, is to get out of there. Exit the darkness.

Been stuck in the inside world for so long. The world outside has many opportunities, strange behaviours, inhumane actions and pain; a person should just get out and experience it, regardless of the weirdness and risks involved. A person can always learn something. But don't overdo it.

So, whatever the problem you have today, don't just weep indoors. Go out. Wherever, whatever. Because the outside world wants to connect with you. Baca Bismillah sebelum keluar...

pathetique 21.10.09

Di pagi-pagi buta sekali lagi... orang lain sedap tidur. Aku hanya berjaya tidur 1 jam dan buat masa ni aku tak nak kembali tidur lagi.

Buat apa pagi-pagi ni?

Mendengar lagu Beethoven's The Pathetique berulang kali. Yep, aku memang sukakannya. Sekarang ni ada dua versi dalam playlist aku, 1 daripadanya 18 minit lebih itu pun aku dengar beberapa kali, kejap saja melihat masa dah berlalu. Siapa lagi agaknya suka muzik  klasik yang satu pun ambik masa berbelas minit nak habis? Kalau ada, jom kongsi minat dengan aku. Tapi pelik  juga, dah suka classical music, pun juga suka alternative rock, agak contra tapi kalau dah suka apa boleh buat. Semalam Beethoven, esok Switchfoot, lepas tu pergi ke Mozart tak pun Bach, kemudian Yellowcard mungkin. Tapi aku ni tak pernah pula suka Simple Plan. Terpulang kepada artis tu sebenarnya. Oleh itu kalau nak kata aku ni dah makin tua sebab sangat suka dengar lagu klasik dan ini adalah hanya satu contoh daripada banyak-banyak classical music, ada betulnya. Orang lain dengar classical music terus mengantuk, jangan harap nak dengar lagu klasik konon untuk lagi inspire time belajar, tapi lain untuk aku.

Tak mengantuk pun, lagi suka adalah.

Memang dah tua kot aku ni. Cuma badan dan suara je bagaikan budak kecik.

it sucks to grow up 18.10.09

stop pretending
and really go on living
the way you really are

6+ am. ini adalah masa di mana kebanyakan orang tengah tidur dan paling liat nak bangun. aku pula telah tidur siang dan berjaga malam. mendengar lagu acceptance - take cover. aku tak ingat kewujudan lagu ni, dah agak lama rasanya, dan aku suka lagu ni setelah dengar dari streaming radio sky.fm alternative rock melalui screamer radio software. tapi kata-kata di atas bukanlah lirik dari lagu tu.ada juga lagu ben folds - still fighting it. dalam lagu ni pula boleh la dipetik kata-kata "it sucks to grow up".

itulah antara kepelikan yang berlaku kini
di ambang waktu peperiksaan
tiba-tiba tertanya-tanya mengapa aku seorang pelajar begini
memikirkan ilmu yang begitu kompleks dalam kepalaku
padahal aku dah cukup kompleks memikirkan keadaan mentalku sekarang
layakkah aku berada di sini?

sebenarnya hidup ini terasa di tahap itu sekali lagi.
kali terakhir aku berasa begini adalah tahun 2007.
biarpun hari yang berlalu berasa lebih baik berbanding hari-hari yang lepas
masalah itu tetap ada di situ.
bagaikan tiada penyelesaian.

and as she told me
how would you expect anyone to see you cry
if you don't show it?
if you don't talk about it?
but then how do I talk it out
when I already know the common stuff you were gonna say
would a person just try to look at things from a different perspective
and for once
give me a new opinion?

same thoughts, same thing.

aku 15.10.09

sesungguhnya aku tertanya-tanya
adakah aku terlalu banyak lalai kepadaMu?

i realise i am
becoming overly sensitive
are you stupid or what?
can't you see it's a joke?

teruskanlah kehidupanmu
ia akan berlalu
segalanya akan ok

being fine outside
although it was what I hated
stumbling down inside
why does solitude bring extreme sadness?

can i talk to someone?
will i get the same response?
then it makes no difference
then it's better to just smile
if i still had the will
and keep silent

bagaimanakah perasaan itu
pabila lebih rela mati daripada menghadapi perasaan ini
adakah salahku, Ya Allah
bantulah aku

keep living 6.10.09

ah.
aku dah lama tahu dan sedar.
kepelikan diri aku sendiri,
dan aku terima.
kadang-kadang aku benci
benda ni buat aku jadi sepi,
takut menghadapi kehidupan.
senyum...
padahal sendiri tertanya-tanya
tak paham dan takkan paham
keliru dan kosong
cuma kena teruskan kehidupan.

because whatever happens
you got to keep living.

masya......rakat 13.9.09

In general, our society. Masyarakat... tak berapa indah untuk kukatakan masyaAllah.

Scene 1: "Aku tak suka la dia buat camtu," kata A kepada B. "Ko tau tak.... bla bla bla..."

Scene 2: "Aku tak suka ko buat camtu," kata Y kepada Z. "Yang ko pegi bla bla bla tu watpe!"

Di mana dalam masyarakat ini, scene 1 slalu berlaku. Ketakpuasan hati antara orang yang mengenali satu sama lain. Benda yang mencetuskan rasa marah, mungkin, contohnya kat orang dikenali sebagai A. Tak puas hati dengan C, tapi tak menyuarakan rasa tak puas hati kat C pun, cuma kat B yang memang kenal dua-dua A ngan C. Puas la berbincang kenapa dan apa dah jadi yang (kononnya) C dah buat. B pun dengarlah. Jika B ini tak reti, dia percaya semua yang A cakap - terus, if it's a bad thing spoken regarding C, then B will hence think from then onwards that C is a bad person. Kalau B ni reti orangnya, dia tak terus je terima. Tengok dulu, betul ke C ni buat camni? But heck no, berapa kerat je orang camni? Secara tak langsung a misunderstanding has turned viral if the non-truth kept on being told to other people. If suddenly people dislike you and you don't know why, this could be the reason.


Then we go to scene 2 - Y and Z. A bad thing has supposedly been done by Z that made Y upset. So Y straight away tells Z, "gedik sengal mangkuk bengong bengap" etc. Oh, cara camni tak bagus sangat I know, manusia mana suka bila kena camtu. Maka Z pun tak suka la, tiba-tiba kena maki. But come to think of it, this is a better situation of where an unsatisfying thing has been let out in the open to the person who did the mistake rather than talking about it to someone else. Tak mencuba untuk cerita pun dengan orang yang buat salah tu. Sukakah anda kalau tiba-tiba orang naik angin dengan anda dan anda tak tahu sebabnya - yang mungkin bermula dengan salah faham je? Tak salah nak citer ngan orang lain, tapi bukan ke orang tu sendiri patut carik solution dengan orang yang buat hal tuh? Kalau dah cuba carik solution tapi orang tu wat hal lagik, then it's a different story. But, if Y can be open to Z yet keeps telling it out to others just because Y is still not satisfied, then I hate Y too.

I prefer a person like Y, go ahead blurt it out to my face with all the foul words, so I will know the truth, rather than A, who can't be open with me but can keep opening up the story to others. Say it to my face.

Then first, find a solution. Is it all you can do is talk?

Can you blame such a person? Maybe not. If you have lived all your life being someone who has never been able to be open to the person involved but would rather tell to your other friends... and you've often believed everything you hear... what can do now lah?

Then I would try to talk to them, to talk to the people involved and solve it. For a healthier heart. Then someday a person might do the same and talk  to me too. Mana tau, aku ni manusia biasa, satu hari aku terbuat benda yang sama tanpa sedar silapnya?

This is not an emotional post. Haha, does it seem like one? Because it has happened ever so often that it's such a pathetic, unhealthy society we're living in now. It's a thought. Go on people, spread the word when you hear it. Is it true or was it a misunderstanding?

post aje lah dey 6.9.09

Walaupun nak diikutkan, aku tak sukakan formaliti, kadang-kadang aku terlibat juga. Ikut mood kot. Atau bilangan orang yang pergi yang aku kenal dan jumlah seluruhnya. Dinner Ausmat pun aku tak pergi, rasanya ramai sangat orang kat majlis tu dan terasa malas. Semalam ada event Circle K, Installation Night untuk ahli-ahli, maka kitorang yang baru masuk sem lepas pun join, since it declares our membership internationally.  Circle K is a volunteering club, doing charity especially for needy children, a part of the Kiwanis (K) International which has clubs in all levels of education from school to college. Kelab ni masih baru kat Monash, about 2 years. Aktiviti termasuk guitar, piano, band, singing, dancing performances + dinner at foyer. Dress code malam itu = formal. Terbayang jugak di kepala yang sumer laki akan pakai kot, cool, haha. Maybe it was only Joe Sern who did so, president la katekan. Susah jugak, seminggu lebih agaknya kaum wanita ini bertanya sesama sendiri, "nak pakai ape?" sampaikan aku plak yang pening mendengarnya. Aku memikirkan, tak mungkin aku akan beli baju semata-mata untuknya...  duit tengah tahap membimbangkan, dan memang aku takde long skirt or dress whatsoever. You know me. Dah habis dinner (dan habis performance jugak), maka Syamila pun bergerak dengan kamera barunya yang dapat free...

Aku pegang gelas berisikan gel bulat atas kepala Sya

Checkla profile FB Sya untuk tengok gambau... Aquila Adam selaku wakil budak Science untuk kelab ni, telah appointed pulak sebagai in charge of decorations untuk malam ni. Penat gak beberapa hari ni menolong untuk decoration, carik kedai untuk beli barang-barang, siap order plastik dari kedai ubat-ubatan/jamu, tauke kedai ingatkan nak beli ape, nak carik plastik je rupenye?? Plastik untuk jadi goody bag, yang harga murah untuk 170 pieces, nak cari dari area Subang Jaya atau Sunway dalam masa kurang seminggu memang pening gak. In the end we got ourselves a red, Terima Kasih plastic bag like the kind you get for wedding receptions. Seems like a hotel-like thing for the dinner, coz it's formal. Lookie here, an example of the deco we had on the dinner table.

Gelas, air, lilin, gel bulat dan bunga atas meja dinner

Susah nak cari gelas ni untuk harga murah, lilin pun sebelum beli siap buat eksperimen kat Mydin sama ada dia boleh terapung atau tak (pening orang Mydin), bunga tak sure amik dari mane... First time kot aku pegi Mydin kat sini, haha. Sempat plak amik gamba ngan Doraemon... I like this picture :D

Mesin cahaya masa kat Mydin. Inside and out, mungkin aku masih ada sifat kanak-kanak :P

Boleh tahan la malam tuh. Tapi memenatkan gak, dan asyik turun je duit entah mana peginya, teksi kut. Teksi Subang ni memang, duit je nak banyak. The performances were good too, it pretty much lasted till 11 pm I think, when the whole event began at 7 pm. Kitorang datang pun lambat, banyak plak masalah ari tu. Kesian pokok bayam, agaak terabai kebelakangan ni.

Penyakit tak tahu ape

This one is just for this specific pot only, with the troublesome leaves. Pot lain ok je actually, entah apa yang tak betulnya yang ni. Sekarang ni dah agak tinggi pokok-pokok neh, lagi tinggi dari yang nampak kat bawah ni. Kejap je dah ade hutan bayam.

Fik tauke internet money yang memejam mata

Klimaks assignment dan lab report baru turun ari tu, nampaknya akan naik semula tak lame lagi. Although every story is supposed to have one climax point only, no? Not this story of my life, I guess. Oh tidak... tak cukup tidur lagi nampaknya, sampaikan tertidur kat lab and even library. If you have a real Doremon, it'd be nice. At least ada pintu suka hati, boleh pegi terus Monash tanpa perlu jalan kaki.

Looks like I'm gonna have to get to my work.

are you a switchb? 2.9.09

Suddenly I wanna say, I miss my friends. Because I remembered certain things.

haha... the Switchback people. =P

Makan kat Gasoline kat Asian Avenue, Pyramid. Duduk dan bersila, skarang dah lain skit menu bila aku pergi ari tu.

Aku juga ingat, sebelum makan ni aku terjumpa dengan sorang lagi orang yang dah berada kat Gippsland sekarang ngan juga seseorang yang aku jugak kenali... hehehe



Ceit, bukannye diorang bace pon. haha

stranded

I am stranded here. In the past.

How do I get out of here? There's no hole to climb out of. No matter how I keep searching and looking. Only to find more wrongs and do more mistakes. Keep stumbling, but no way out.

I thought hardships always lead to something good. But where is the good here?

word #2 - intexticated 23.8.09

intexticated adj. Preoccupied by reading or sending text messages, particularly while driving a car.

(Word Spy) - follow Word Spy on Twitter

Considering how many people cannot really live without their cell phones, I am putting this here. Although, to me, cell phone is just one useful technology, and I am someone who thinks that such technology is such a pain for us sometimes, making me more annoyed than relieved with their complications. People text a lot, wherever whenever, so much that this behaviour has been 'worded'. This particular word alone, is focused on the act of texting while driving... admit it people, are you one of those people who text while driving?

It can be more dangerous than being intoxicated. Intoxicated, on the other hand, means something like being affected or excited or poisoned by some toxic chemical or poison (that's a lot of ORs), especially alcohol. Erm, try doing a Google search :)

So, instead of "intoxication is dangerous while driving", it's "intextication is dangerous while driving".

word #1 - nek 16.8.09

Whenever, whatever.

I want to put up some sort of a 'word of the day' thing, except that I won't put it every day since I do not have much time for it. This blog is about words, and it'd be interesting to put up some words and spread its meaning around.

So, today...

nek n. mountain pass

As we Malays seem to shorten 'naik' (go up) into 'nek' when typing SMS, I thought, it might be interesting to put it here.

Thus if we say, 'jom nek bas shuttle' (let's go ride a shuttle bus), it might as well mean: let's take shuttle bus to a mountain pass.

Well, just a thought ^^

the while 14.8.09

Been exactly 6 months since I last saw him in person.
Nothing will always be perfect and all right...
but I hope he's doing fine.
While...
I will be smiling, far far away.

WeakWhatWekkk.SLOWnRUDE.GOV.my 9.8.09

Hello, Sunday.

Now it has been several days since I left Sunway back to hometown Seremban, that was since Tuesday. Been hit with a viral fever apparently. When I was told this, what came into my mind? Anyone can think of H1N1. I guess all sorts of viruses came into my head and I thought, these are what I learnt before... now they were in my body??

Tuesday: I had taken all Panadol and Kool Fever, the temperature was still quite high I guess although I had no thermometer but I could feel it. Had a headache again. Lay in bed the whole morning, thinking that I was going to go to clinic with Syaa, but plans changed. Really feel like passing out. My dad came in the afternoon later, bought me McDonald's bubur ayam and Milo panas from the Drive Thru for me who had not eaten.
To the government hospital, fearing the H1N1. Oh no! I thought, not this place or anything like it again. The last time I was at a government clinic, I was treated rudely by a nurse and even saw another primary school kid got scolded unnecessarily.
My dad picked me up, and brought me straight to Hospital Besar Seremban. Then what? Man with mask at the emergency counter told me, you can go check your fever at the government clinic instead. I do not understand why these people are putting us through all this hassle; if I am already at the hospital, why send me to a clinic? I mean it's a good thing my dad was there, but what if I didn't come with my own vehicle? How would I go there suddenly? If I am already here, check me already!

To the government clinic. Many people, and I didn't know where to begin. No guide or anything is it? I saw peoplefilling in yellow form (card actually) so I did the same. Put the card with a number given at the counter, and waited for my turn. Waited. and WaITed. and WAITED. Who knew how long really? I fell asleep. Dad woke me up - I already missed my number so went straight to the counter. Off to another room, room 12 for taking temperature. Then, wait again to go to doctor's room number 1. Waited. and WaITed. and WAITED. Slept again, hearing all number being called out. Most significantly satu, sembilan, sembilan, sembilan - aish, sembilan is such a long word! I guess I am getting irritated of waiting that day that I am tired of hearing numbers being called out so much but fails to hear my number. 1033. An older woman suddenly asked me what my number is, waking me up. She complained that the current number has surpassed her own number. Common.... the clinic always jumps numbers from like, 10 to 50 then back to 30 etc. Seconds later, my number was called out when I was gonna go back to sleep on the chair among that many people.
In the room 1 of government clinic. Doctor, nurse and some others. "Dik, apsal lambat masuk?" HUH!!!! Sape yang lambat sekarang ni? Baru masuk lambat 5 saat dah bising, aku dah tunggu berape jam dah ni tibe-tibe nak marah aku plak. My headache wouldn't permit me to get back at them or else I probably would say something back. In the end I was asked to return in another 2 days to get blood check if I still wasn't well after doc prescribed me the medicine. Out of the room, walking to the pharmacy, I realised there was no MC. EH! Aren't they supposed to give me? Dad told me to return. Hmmm...... whattaheck. At the very least doctors should have asked patients whether I needed one, but I was never asked at all and did not remember to ask since I was still having a headache.
In room 1 again, saya nak mintak MC... the doctor scolded me again. APSAL tadi tak mintak? Lerr... cik doktor, bukan ke tugas anda untuk memberikan saye MC? Ni tanye pun tidak... aku tengah saket kepale lak tu... tak considerate langsung ke... aku plak kene marah lagi. Bagi MC pun patient kene mintak, cam kedekut mc, sehari je plak tu.

Moral of the story: Government is slow, government is rude. Most of all, I cannot tolerate being rude.

Talking from experience anyway, not that I purposely wanna hate government staff.

Therefore I, being unwell still the next day, I went to Seremban Specialist Hospital. Another wait to see my Dr. Marina, but at least this was well worth it. A kind doc, talks nicely to patients, does her job well, you don't need to ask for MC she asks you! This time I got another three-day MC. Yeah well not to stress out on that, but what kind of doctor can't do a simple thing anyway? Government or private, I believe all doctors and nurses should treat patients well. So maybe we had to pay for private more, less for government, does that mean worse treatment from government staff?

Ehem. In this case, apparently YES.

Oh well, nevermind. Let's hope I can avoid government places if I could unless the service becomes much better. (I still had to go to government hospitals at least once to twice a year...)

Now, I had a lot of work to do, after a four-day mc.

free... thanks to FlyFM 23.7.09

Yesterday was an unlikely day.

Rather, it began with an 8-o'clock class that I missed, the only class that there was that day. Okay, so that means it didn't begin there. But it actually began when I went to have my lunch at our usual place - Restoran Hasra - the nearest restaurant to where I am currently living in Sunway. Anis, Aquila and I all went there for lunch...

Then lunch ended. Ouh, okay so nothing happened during lunch itself. Out there right in front of where we all were still seated in the restaurant, we saw this car. It was Qla aka Aquila who noticed it first actually. These girls always notice things that I never could see. Fly FM was there in front of side gate of Sunway University College.

I didn't think we were going to, but we did. Qla rushed out straight after we left the restaurant, to the guy at the car. Who? Dunno. Even all this while, I have often listened to the radio without really knowing who the DJs really are. Maybe back then, I knew. Not anymore, only music matters these days on radio. and of course, ads just make my listening pleasure worse.

Back to the story, there we were, actually aiming for FREEBIES. So there were Maybelline stuff right there, and the guys were just basically looking for female people to take their freebies. Can I really call it my luck? HmmMMm... so there's this form we had to fill and return to the Sunway College itself. We took a goody bag (spelling?) each person, with 2 Maybelline stuff inside. Come to think of it, this must have worth at least RM50 per person.

OH. We thought it would just be a give-the-form-and-leave kind of a thing. But then again, it was the do-makeover-and-give-the-form-then-pose-a-picture-to-be-taken kind of a thing. Get that? We had to do a makeover on the spot, right there in our current clothes, then take a picture that will be entered into a contest. Simply Fabulous? Hmm. Dear, honestly that was the first official time I ever wore real make-up in my life. I hesitated, but thinking that I got the free stuff... I had to finish up the work anyways! But basically we were there just for fun. It was free, after all.

In the end, what was that glittering thing above my eyes? And they look so pink. T_T
I thought I requested blue or something as the eye shadow, but maybe the makeup artist knew better and decided to mix the two colours in. My eyes were basically trembling! We all printed our photo, they were all individual, and, what can I say? That has to be another stranger version of me posing in the picture or something, ahhh! I don't wanna look at it again. An embarrassing day for us all, but it was really funny!

And I'm definitely not gonna show no picture of it here! :P

We all got thee gift pack... and a name tag, as memories. Extra for me, I ACCIDENTALLY took FlyFM's pen and didn't return it to the guy. XD




- People called me Iffy when I was in school -

So 6 July has long ago passed, I am already 21. Apparently that date falls on such a time that birthdays are often forgettable, that this time it is again forgotten by some people in my family. Haaha.. yeah it has happened before, usually the time back then when I was still in school. Used to it in a way, but nevermind...

Birthdays? it probably just means that people grow a year older than before, to some people it basically does not really matter so much. Should it have a meaning to it? Yes, I think so. Remember people who are born on 29th February who only has this date coming in once every 4 years? They see a birthday only once in 4 years. Still, it's just the Gregorian calendar. If you take away all the date and time that people ever created for this world, time probably doesn't seem to exist although it still passes by and we grow by it. If you take it away, there will be no 356 days in a year, and people like me don't have a thing called being '21 years old'. It may seem like we all grow, simply growing. But then you do have such timing where years exist and time moves on from one year after another. Birthdates mark how old you become, then you can reflect how much you've done and changed after all these years. In short, time is important; so are birthdays. You can't simply forget it like that and think it has no meaning at all and just a date? Some people go I-do-not-care about it, which is just not right. In the end I'm pretty sure those who pretend not to care end up questioning themselves whether they should have had something better on that day.

So for your birthday, just go out and take a walk outside, buy yourself a good cup of coffee or something, if that's the least that you could do. Even going out to the society, a person should not be left alone at home wondering what he/she is doing alone and ends up being sad about it. As long as you care about yourself. Every one deserves to be happy.

Haih, what am I babbling here?

Now it is already 16 July, with many of my friends already have left this place called Monash University. Next year being my 3rd year, I am pretty sure there will be more people already gone from the course I am taking, probably off to the Gold Coast or somewhere else.

My results is gonna come out really soon. I wonder what to expect....

Supposedly before I wanted to begin every post with a quote. Guess I've changed my mind now.

Hopefully every one who has gone to Australia is doing all right now, even if you're not doing so good (there's a difference all right). Take care folks.

self-pity - part 2 28.6.09

Berapa lama lagi kau mahu melarikan diri?
Tiap-tiap kali, kembali kepada perkara yang sama kau lakukan untuk terus tidak menghadapi masalah yang selama ini kau hadapi.
Hari ini, kau akan pergi, rakanku.
Bolehkah kau menghadapi kehidupan ini?

When she got sick of everything, although seemingly nothing is wrong, she would succumb to her problems by going to sleep that lasts long while pondering out, wondering why her life turns out to be this way. When she asks me why life treats her this way and how is she ever gonna get thru it, really, what can a person say? Because I can only say so much but everything else depends on her own will to carry on with her life and what she does with it.

"Kalau ko tak bangun sekarang, aku siram ko dengan air jap lagi."

A person with such hygienic needs really disliked this. Oh, close enough. As it turned out that there was no water in the house the same day I decided I really wanted to do so, that I was only able to take a bit of leftover pipe water soaked into a tissue and I poured it onto her. A bad day indeed, screw Jabatan Air Selangor on that day.

Today is the day that she and I, two people of different worlds would probably find it hard to see each other again. Somehow all this while we have created a bond between one another unlike the other people we have lived with before, possibly because of the problems we share with each other. I still have to say, there has to be several things I have learned from it although being a human, I get annoyed sometimes. Everything happens for a reason. Ahah, technically we still only live in one world. I can still go and visit her next time around if I want to - to figure out how she'll be doing.

Snap out of it, that pity.

dear you; yours truly, me 27.6.09

Dear Yumni,

Uh oh your name on top! Don't you feel special or what? Yeah, I rarely update my blog. Apparently lately I have been re-activated somehow? But do you know something? This is unfair, I do not get to read yours anymore. You did not invite me to your private blog last time remember! :(

Dear Syaa,

Wah, it was really fun to be 'strangling' you from behind last night at Naim's house last night. Well, just that I know how that tickles and that really seems cute. Why is it again I am blogging about this? Will be going for your housewarming!

Dear Rasyid (+ Rahman later),

Woah, after about half a year, a bit of maturation there, boy! More grown mustache, or something, hahah. Glad to see you again, my friend! Hope everyone else is doing good too. Take care of Adib when he gets to where you were a week ago. Err, take care of? Nevermind, friends should take care of each other! But hey, with the number of my friends here in Monash decreasing, I am sure gonna get more sad, so there goes here also for Rahman (the maturation point up there has nothing to do with you if you ever even read this). The least - it'd be good to know if my friends are doing well! So take cares!

Dear home,

I will get to you soon. :) One of the good reasons is to bother and chase my white cat that has halved voice (or something) - is it in your genes, passed hereditarily by your father to you in previous generations before without being truly expressed? Because you're a unique cat that is unlike your previous generation...
OK, knock it off, get that genetics out of your head! The exam was not a good memory!!
Other than that, Seremban the too-much-for-nothing here I come. Sis, really into Transformers that you decided to give yourself some break from your day job huh?

Dear world and everyone else,

I finished my exams. For anyone who hasn't, I really wish you well. Now do I realise that I have been through half of the course here at Monash? 1.5 years to go. Really, I have to do a change of strategy of something or else... money can really fly into a flopped subject. I really have to value my every 10 cent, haha. Now I am only relaxing and going out as I wish till I go back home. Hah, baju tak basuh lagi! Err, I think I will need to come back here from home before I even realise it; the holidays are too short, and the fasting month would be approaching soon after. Eh, tiba-tiba terpikir pasal Raya dah. Nahh. Everyone take care ok? Break a leg but don't lose one. I care for ya! It's a world full of surprises out there.

Your struly,

If
- lonely stranger -

self-pity - part 1 22.6.09

"Do you know what you're doing now? It's called self-pity."

It seemed like two persons originating from different lifestyles who had one significant thing in common. Or not, maybe we both had nothing in common but only that we share the same hope. I believe between two persons, there is always one thing you can share in common - then, even if it's hope, it's good. There was a reason why we met. I cannot leave a person hanging in the shadows all by herself without trying my very best to make things better, even if what she is doing annoys me sometimes. It was annoying, simply because I know there is no easy way out of our problems and sometimes I could only watch her in despair although I was a friend; but you know, I am still and always will be, trying my best. Even if I was just sitting next to the friend only listening without able to do much, since our problems can only be solved by ourselves. Motivation, maybe, is all I can try to give, even though that is what I lack of at times. Because I will never wanna leave my friend hanging in the shadows alone.

NANA is the story where two girls meet, both having different lives, but apart of their differences they can still hang together under the same roof with like and respect, through each other's problems. My life and hers, seem homologous to this.

Snap out of your ridiculous self pity.

Because I have been there before, I wouldn't want another person to be in the same shoes. Snap out - when you think too heavily that you're a burden and of no use and make no difference to the society, just snap out of it.

Self pity was my worst enemy.

mis, part 2 - communication 19.6.09

I have disappeared from the chatting community. Well, pretty much, heh. Has anyone seen me online much?

What I am trying to say is that I have come to dislike communication that comes in the written form, or something like that. I would use YM on those once in a blue moon days - em, sorta... hehe... sometimes to check what happened to my messenger and like to discuss some undone work for a soon-to-due assignment. That probably counts why I haven't been blogging much lately, haha, but oh well I don't dislike blogging, just kinda lazy?But.. Seriously? Yeah, MSN or YM or the like. If I am on, I am usually not chatting much, just being online as the status sets it, with a weird status maybe if I decided to go crazy with my words on that day and decided to tell people about it. But if it just involves typing and typing in the conversation, I guess I don't do that as often anymore. I really don't understand why much either, but I really dislike it.

Why? Well it can cause misunderstanding, for the main reason. And I have gone through it often enough - misinterpreting someone's SMS etc to the point that it could actually cause a bad ending. Written communication only puts out the words on some flat screen either on the phone or the monitor, sometimes it has no expression. Well you can add the expression using some words, still it can be missed or even be misunderstood as something else. Although it can be solved, and it doesn't happen all the time, still, adoi... don't you hate misunderstandings?

Direct communication. Callings and face to face interaction, I think are the best. You think of something that dissatisfies you regarding the other person you are currently talking to, you can express it in your words by saying it straight away, coming from your own mouth. Written communication, as I think, if there is dissatisfaction, like there's an argument going on or one party suddenly gets mad, then that person might just end it there. Like, ceh, malas ah nak reply mesej camni! Dang. Sudden stop in interaction of SMS there, for example, and the other party may not even know that you are upset. [Hm, one more reason to dislike technology for often it ruins the beauty of communication although it usually helps us to communicate. Yeah, I like its features but I can really hate technology a lot sometimes.] But if you're in direct communication, you can get mad right there and it's obvious - both parties might need to try to solve it.

But in direct communication, I think people tend to lie more. That's probably how you escape your problem: lying. To escape your problem using written communication: do not respond (reply SMS, comment, etc).

Hm, I still like it the direct way - which is what I am bad at, which, is why I need to improve it. Tell it to my face, not behind my back, not on a text message or anything the like.

Still, point is? I am not someone who likes chatting through instant messenger anymore, unless you're using Voice Calls. Heh. (It's not too bad, but I don't do it often anymore.) It's probably better to call people more often now too. Hmm.

But then again, when I say written, it doesn't really include conventional written ways to communicate such as sending snail mails and postcards. Those are still nice, don't you think? :)



And by the way, I really like this song! The vid, if you watch it, sure shows you that the real artists don't need to be in it to make it a cool vid.
----------------
Now playing: Coldplay - Life In Technicolor ii
via FoxyTunes

mis 14.6.09

Why do I have to be upset when someone else is angry at me?

When it wasn't my fault to begin with - and I blame miscommunication.

Yeah, but I feel bad anyway.

It's always like this.

campylobacter jejuni 24.5.09

the bacterium name has nothing to do with this though, heh.

i look at joey and i wonder too as i am writing this. 4 weeks? kinda long there, leaving this blog around. even with the biggest pile of work, i've always set my time before. have i lost interest?

it seems like i keep thinking more to myself lately.

script 25.4.09

"I'm not moving..."

I just realised the existence of this song as I was eating my breakfast at Hasra and it popped up on Hitz.tv and I don't know if other people already knew this song as it was a 2008 song (I am kinda slow sometimes, not being a radio listener much) : The Man That Can't Be Moved by The Script. Even if I never heard of the group, I checked it out, the song is quite good. It is interesting and even amusing to me; the guy who was singing it was just walking along the streets of the city but he suddenly sat down and decided to stay there - like, really stay. Later, people began to crowd the guy as he kept singing the song and eventually reporters came until police even chased them away. Then only I realised what the song was about: a guy decided to sit at the place, waiting for the girl he loves until she comes and he won't move till then. The song's video really follows the lyrics, apparently - sorta, I realised.

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved, where he appeared on the news..

And as I check out their maybe new song Talk You Down, I realise the video also fit the lyrics. Like below, for that moment in the vid, it all goes well when the girl carries her briefcase and off into a taxi.

Grab your suitcase call a taxi

Haha... this is turning into a music video analysis. But now I officially like this Irish band for their music, especially the lead's voice who also plays the keys.

Check this out, erm but haha dont mind as the guitarist goes 'fucking Script' at the beginning of this vid where they perform Before The Worst. It's awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9XHPYcpI6I&feature=related

time 23.4.09

"By the time I graduate, I'll be 30."

or so, says my benchmate in Microbiology lab of em I don't really know her name if you are reading which I doubt you are would you tell me your name? A double-degree in BioMed, talking about how she had to start things all over again when she takes her Medic course next year, this would be her final year (I think) - and it all just seems like a long journey.

Time. It passes by so fast. And uh-oh, my Acer Travelmate 290 is 5 years already I think! And I believe I didn't tell yet: I got an Asus Eee PC 900HA. Pretty much for the convenience of bringing it to Monash every day. No worries coz I love both of them just fine. So T-290 should not merajuk with me!

Yeah... can you believe it? It's already going to be May. It's been a while. There are changes in every aspect of life. Life is constantly changing, everytime. I am not really up with the pace so far.

All one could do is keep trying and believe in yourself.

Oh, the recommended movie this time around is Taiyou no Uta starring Japanese singer Yui, a 2006 movie about a girl who sings and plays guitar, and keep on to living her life with her musical passion throughout her life with the disease Xeroderma pigmentosa (XP) in which the girl cannot expose herself under the sun - something to do with inability of skin to repair DNA damage caused by UV light. Uh-oh, sounds too Genetics-like! That info came from what I searched on, I think, it was kind of interesting. And if it's Yui's music, it's definitely good; my fav Japanese musician.

sequel 5.4.09

"Unlike lots of movie sequels, the sequel in meiosis is really necessary."

(Robinson 2005)

Robinson, TR (2005) Genetics For Dummies, Wiley Publishing, Canada, p. 29.
Yup, been so used to doing references. Saje je. Hehe

LoL. Yeah, some movie sequels tend to be really bad it'd be better off if there weren't any sequels in the first place. That sentence just made me amused while reading the book when I was studying Genetics for the test tomorrow. For Dummies series really suits people like me. ^^

see me 2.4.09

"See me."

Or, come and see me. Such words. Ah, I have to say, I don't like them. It represents that I have done something wrong. It's good though, they would explain to you things that you make mistakes of. But I know that at the moment I am not yet capable of getting the grip of it and clearing those mistakes yet. Clearly, for the recent 'see me' message by my Microbe demonstrator Alfred, it's something I know what about. Usually, when I get such messages, I end up ignoring them and so I never really end up seeing the people who asked me to see them. As if I already know what they want to tell me.

One thing I remember regarding this was back then when I keep failing my Math in Ausmat and Puan Mariyani keeps writing on my test papers with her red pen after she gave the markings. At the time I felt like it was no use if I went to see her if she tried to teach me all the things but I would end up understanding nothing, so I didn't go and see her at all. But I still wanted some kind of motivation. Instead of asking to be taught, I just took a note from her this particular day that I still kept. And even, I took it for another friend who I thought might benefit from it, although I did not know whether that friend really benefited from it or not or even remembered about it. I just did what Ifyani would always try to do: motivate herself and anyone she could, whatever circumstances.

Just some ordinary note it might be from a kind teacher.

Dear Ifyani,

Puan doakan semoga Ifyani sihat dan teruskan hingga BERJAYA dunia akhirat.
- Puan Mariyani (signed, 20.9.07)


Yeah well, probably because I had a talk with her about why I was failing back then and never seemed to improve, even for the simplest stuff. Not a kind of thing to do around here, especially not with the strict Alfred, who today even had a strange look on his face when he looked at my quiz paper answers, seemed like I danged there as well. The second quiz and I flunked again. Ding dong!

Rajin, If. Time to realise your capabilities and your pace. You gotta move, some others move faster than you. The only thing you had ever been successful at throughout your life - you don't wanna lose that again?

Ahha - come on now, move!

freedom 28.3.09

"Bangang. Bagi la signal."

Oh, I remember the above quite well. Somehow I kinda miss it these days. They are words of my dad, my abah. Such words are often what I hear when I am in his car, in the passenger's seat, and he is the driver, getting mad at another driver's silly act of driving. Yeah, it's understandable sometimes. But it is also funny everytime I think about it and everytime it happens in action. I won't be hearing those for a while, it doesn't seem like I will be going back home for now. But I do think of them at home.

Oh, yeah, I have been meaning to tell. Something to do with the title of this post which was just what came into my head and so I just put it there, it doesn't describe the whole post's context though. Freedom Writers. Have anyone heard of this story? It's a movie of 2007 starring Hilary Swank. Just that I happen to be eating with Anis at Hasra one afternoon and I watched this a bit from the beginning till about 20 minutes later (had to leave to Monash) and I just knew I had to get it somewhere, as in download. And I liked it. Yeah, writing is a good way to learn to express your feelings. Hilary, a teacher assigned to her classroom of students who had been living with social and gang problems their entire life, decided to give them journals as a way for them to express what they felt, whatever they wanted to say, in the journals, writing once everyday. It was inspired by Erin Gruwell's story who, along with her students, gathered all their journal writings and published them into a book which was published back in 1999. Sure, I never lived in such a society (although Malaysia is already unsafe everywhere we live) - but it sure gets to my thoughts too. Writing probably won't solve your problems, but it sure makes me feel better.

and so we met 19.3.09

Diorang tak paham dowh.

I am inserting quotes in every post from now on, be it they are from my friends, just people I only know or even those I don't know or whoever they are.

Regarding the above, it was a person I know saying to me about others not understanding what we are both going through. Yeah, not everyone can understand what we feel. For me, I met a person I never thought I would meet. A person who thought I would understand better than most others. It seems, God has let us met on a special reason for our own condition that few others would understand.

It seems like a NANA story where two people that seem different meet and suddenly they share some bond together. Sort of like it, it seems like I met this person who lives in a different lifestyle than mine. Only after a while I found something, one important thing in common between us. It was our mental state of anxieties, although in different situations.

What the person is currently facing is almost exactly the same like what I went through 2 years ago when I thought I was going through my period of depression. I cannot cure anything for the person, as this is only something that the individual can solve just like my own problem, only to be around whenever I could so the person would not feel alone. It reminded me why I couldn't forget my year of 2007. In my case, I don't even remember how long it lasted. I only prayed that God would help me. I would feel empty and sad without any particular reason and breakdown. And I realise it that someone was there to help me go through that moment when I thought nobody else could understand the empty feeling. Maybe that is why it was hard to forget.

It's rare, such conditions like us, but apparently it is real. It is one of the things that make me a complicated person, and the other person too admitted it, we are complicated. Look down on us because of this? - a thought we often think about when we think about what other people may think about us, but we would always try to combat it. We find it hard to really talk to others of what we truly feel as we do not think they will understand us; we are stuck in our own world before we even try. As what I have heard a person with schizophrenia saying to me once before, a psychiatric unit at the hospital is the place where you meet people who look normal, but they are actually ill, indeed.

alone 28.2.09

Is it really bad to be alone? I don't think so.

But then, these days I keep hearing such questions. Sorang je ke?

A normal person would not feel anything and could think of it in a more jokingly way. I am, however, a weird person. The world and such questions, are making me feel guilty just because I was sitting somewhere, alone. Even though I probably don't need to feel bad about it. I am slowly getting upset at a friend, quietly, because she has been asking such a question often, whether at me or whenever she sees someone she recognises being alone.

Heck, what is wrong with being alone? Stop asking these questions. Isn't it stupid?

all in one 23.2.09

3.44 pm at Monash University, and outside it looks like it would rain heavily. I am now going to write things, jumbled-up and in summary in one paragraph, of basic stuff that's happening.

I have read latest chapter 230 of Reborn, the story of the Vongola family that uses rings and boxes with characteristic flames to fight. I am beginning to read D.Gray-Man. I met my junior Ausmat 17 students yesterday, who just started their orientation week today. Reminds me - amazes me, that it has actually been a year that I have been here. The number of people together of us here have decreased quite significantly, in a sudden. I am currently having money crisis. I really sigh and snort at the mentioning of MARA, knowing them so well. I have downloaded what I could get from MUSO Blackboard from Monash for the new semester coming up ahead, boy, this is really a lot of stuff to study compared to last year. Great to hear that MISC students are going to finally get their chance to fly, heh, it'd be a like slapping their faces as if asking themselves if it was really happening after all this time thinking they would not be going to Australia. I'd be jumping off with a parashoot in disbelieve from an airplane if that kind of thing happens to me, as MARA would never do that kind of surpises - like, are you kidding me? Therefore let's just try another scholarship next time around. And I just want to set a goal for myself to do my masters in Japan even if I will not fly and study in Australia now. Hasn't it always been my dream to go there?

It just started to rain. I don't really believe I am actually starting my second year. I am not in much mood for it, somehow. There's much too less.

bon voyage 15.2.09

Last night I went to KLIA, sending my 4 friends away to Australia.

I came.

I smiled.

I cried.

I hide.

So much that I couldn't say goodbye.

macaques - wild and dangerous 11.2.09

Macaque - this word is not at all familiar to me, not until last year.

Today, it was again a mission to go against macaques - otherwise known as kera. My sister kept shouting at them the entire time after lunch as they kept coming back to our backyard. Earlier, one quite big, black, male I guess, entered the house - sending my other sisters running away upstairs while I went hiding in the store to find something to chase it away with. I mean... err, who wouldn't get scared! They have sharp teeth and all. Wild animals, they are really more frightening than they look like, gulp. What species is this, I sure saw it on Cathy's slide somewhere during Environment class before but when it's right in my own house it's just annoying! The kera will all usually eat anything they could find in the house, like bread and bananas and they even left a poo souvenir as if we like that so much! And for the reason of wanting to find food, they always try to get into the house when we least expect it, like through the opened windows - sometimes we never realised it as we were upstairs and they were downstairs. Many times already, they've broken in. Wild and dangerous, indeed.

Orang-utan is sure a species I would rather prefer to meet rather than the macaques.

Oh well... to my friends who are about to leave to Australia, remember the macaques, remember our Environment class, remember us friends here in this country. LoL ^^

(At the very least, you don't have to remember the current pathetic political state of the country. That one fella... could just go and die already and I think everything will be better then...)

... after this, I would again go back to my guitar lessons, Japanese and Hitman Reborn. Good luck everyone!

accidentally italian 29.1.09

Just figured how reborn has taught me a few italian words, since the mafia groups involve their headquarters in Italy. Few include:

vongola - clam
arcobaleno - rainbow
squalo - shark

LoL, weird it got me this addictive, for about 20 episodes of the anime, or so it was quite funny an all, but just a slow plot at that. It became interesting after that only when the real action developed. To think I have gone over 80+ now..

Shounen comics are meant to be for boys 10-18 years old. I am not at all in that category, since I am 21 this year and I am a girl. And reborn is a shounen type. Tsuna, I like the spirit and your nakama!

Go for it!

By the way, I wonder how everyone's doing?

addicted

Episode 76 for Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn anime today. Awesome! And it will go on. Currently 110+ in Japan. Thank you, for your entertainment. I am officially addicted. More to watching its anime these days, but I am also reading its manga too, which is the way I first found out about it in 2005. Those were the days I read KHR in local manga compilation magazine Arena Komik and I loved it back then too. But stopped some time ago when I stopped buying Arena.

Dunno if you're a manga or comic fan, or anime fan, but hey, it's one of the best out there. I don't know if it's my thing for mafia games having anything to do with it, since I often play some Facebook mafia games and Hitman Reborn is about mafia stuff too: Sawada Tsunayoshi, a middle school boy is considered a loser in sports, academics and pretty much everything, even with girls but suddenly one day, a home tutor pops up to tell him that he will train him to be a mafia boss. Funny stuff, haha, and as I stayed with the plot it is interesting too.

And I particularly love this one OP song. Check out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iColfDrJ4us

Oh, I like Google Chrome again. Firefox is such a memory killer.

wake 24.1.09

Missed what I planned to do for the ifest, as I spent many days in sickness again. I should be telling myself every morning now, get up and have my breakfast by 9 am, or I will pull my own ears to wake myself up for that purpose. Or ask someone else to do so. Or else, get sick like that again.

More importantly, during the past several days, there is one thing I particularly understood only now. Sorry sis, and thanks too. Thanks partly for your care while I was really unable to do much with that kind of health. Sorry, I just found out, though. And well, it leaves us feeling lifeless, I can relate - it still gets to me now, but remember, others around you will always love you and support you anyways :)

And remember to think of happy theme songs :)

bad luck 14.1.09

There is no such thing as bad luck.

Apelah nasib aku hari ni.

Only bad decisions.

Whatever it is that happens, I don't really see anything happening as bad luck occurring to me.

Just bad thoughts that lead to bad decision-makings.

So in the end, I would rather have good thoughts.

enlightenment 12.1.09

As I go through scenes that are being played in the movie of my life, I feel like I could hear different sound effects. Different theme songs to certain events. Simply put, I sometimes imagine that I hear things. Yeah, I can be stuck in my fantasyland. Even though in reality, they did not happen. It only played in my own head.

In a sudden while I would find myself looking into space. Or putting up a smile or having a chuckle or little laugh. Or moving my head left to right. Or if it was a fun-fun event, I might just abruptly go straight-faced. :O That might mean I just heard (thought) of something really weird. Like really weird.

Any little happening can have its own sound, or song, or thought at its simplest. It can just happen at random.

waking up from sleep. drinking coffee. laughing at pakcik medan's jokes. running in the rain. falling down the stairs. chased by dogs. laptop going berserk. winning an iPhone etc.

Arranging the events, there might be positives and negatives and maybe neutral ones.

But to me, if it is negative, it doesn't mean it must always stay that way the entire time. Certain people are always sticking with the negative attitude, so they complain all the time. I hope I can keep out from this?

I like this. Take out a song that brings a good mood, upbeat feeling into your head that you can remember at the time to blend with the negative-mood event to twist it the other way around. Who knows, as it changes mine, it could change your day into a better one. It goes for me like Switchfoot to John Mayer to Japanese OST to classical music, LoL. Enlightenment, it might show a solution to the problem you're currently dealing with too, out of nowhere, God just shows you the way when you think of the good things :D

It's just like how certain drama won't seem right without certain background songs and sound effects that add up to their fun effects. Like, Gokusen, Nodame and HanaKimi? ^^

senti dan mental 5.1.09

I keep staring into space and wondering lately. I know, when the new semester starts, it will be different for me. Even if it isn't entirely, even if I know life definitely offers things like this once in a while, I can't help it.

Well, I know I am the one who will be the saddest once the moment comes when we separate from each other. Those who go and those who stay. And that's why for a moment it was important for me to get everyone to go to the picnic together but I couldn't make the rest of them go. I know not everything will go the way we always want it to be. Because life has been great with you guys (note: that also means it includes girls) in my life, feels even more nostalgic after last Sunday! Duh, baru first year. Belum ke nak graduate masuk kerja ke ape. Shikata nai desu. I am like this. This is like a period of sentimentalness. Maybe it's a Cancer personality thing. Maybe it will pass in a few days.

Gomen, I'm being sentimental here as always. LoL ^^