I sat down tonight to look over my blog...consider why I blog...determine how much it is giving me. When I started going back I realized that it has been a year this month that I have had this online journal. WOW! I am amazed.
I have tried many things before, weight loss, humility, compassion, anger management, HOUSEHOLD management, organization, staying on top of laundry, meal preparation... I could go on and on but I think you get the point. The only thing that all of these things have in common is I have failed at them. I still weigh the same as I did last year, I still get mad at my children (and husband), my house still looks like organized chaos (on a good day), and my boys still remind me the night before they need them that they no longer have clean socks. Yet somehow this blog has survived.
It has survived childish family, mountains of laundry, burnt popcorn, dental work, foot surgery, car repairs, eczema and impetigo, house hunting, broken appendages, moving, pet deaths, camera repairs, summer vacation, school changes, open house, misunderstandings, and S.A.D.
I wondered why as I read over it. But for me this really is enjoyable--it really is therapy. I don't think that my ramblings are at all making an impact on the world for better or worse, but they are making an impact in my world. These entries have given me the chance to remember the joy, the pain, and the growth I have experienced this past year. They are physical reminders of God's faithfulness. In biblical times men would build altars, with thankful hearts, as a testimony of God's kindness in their lives. Abram built one in Genesis 12:8 and Jacob built one in Genesis 28:18. They were to be testimonies of God's goodness and all who passed by them would know something great had occurred there.
And maybe that is what my blog is--it is my physical reminder of God's goodness to me. I do not worship my blog, I worship the one who gives me the words to write my blog. I do not worship the dear ones who comment on my blog (although your words always make me smile), I worship the one who has brought even these into my life.
While I have no college degree, I have very little "formal" training in the world's eyes, I have a testimony. And it is my prayer that my little blog is a physical reminder to all who read it of God's goodness, and if He can bless me in my lack luster job at this life, I know He longs to bless you too. When He does, share your reminder with me, so I may rejoice with you, and together we can proclaim to the world that God is good.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
The Right Time TOO
Sometimes my blog really is a little on line diary left open for the entire world to read. By that I mean it is often a place to come and vent, and I seem to do it so effortlessly.
Yet in my last post I talked about my motto these past months. And it was as if the Lord Himself were standing over my shoulder reading word for word (which He was). But being the awesome Father that He is, He reminded not to give up.
After that post, my neighbors across the street "Mr. Larry and Miss Freda" to my boys, just got home from the vet with the 16 year old dog. She had hip surgery. Well, Mrs. Freda has a bad back and Mr. Larry just recently had rotator cup surgery on his shoulder so neither of them could lift her out of their car. Mr. Larry came over and asked for Chris, but he was at work so I volunteered to help. I got their dog out of their car and carried her inside. The next day Mrs. Freda came over to deliver the most beautiful plant. I LOVE plants, but tend to kill them--of course I did not tell her this. But I exclaimed that she did not have to do this it was not a big deal. She said "well it was a big deal to me." Every time I look at that plant, I smile and think of how beautiful it is--after I say a short prayer that I don't kill it. But she rewarded me for something that I did out of kindness. It was a serendipitous blessing.
Next, my sweet friend from college wrote the sweetest post on her blog about me. Because I've spent more time AWAY from Tracy than close by, I sometimes feel as though I am not making any kind of significant deposit into our friendship. But she really erased that feeling in her words. She is so precious to me, and such a special link to some fun times in my youth before I settled into motherhood. She is my reminder that I was once young, vibrant, and fun, and she is my belief that I am more than "just a mom".
Then, another friend called and IMMEDIATELY knew what frustrations I was dealing with even though I did not so clearly write them out. I tried to be discreet in my post as to protect the innocent and not get myself into trouble. But she knew right away. God reminded me that He sent her at that time because He too knows my frustrations.
And my dear sweet husband...he heard my post and went out and bought me a sweet gift to try to cheer me up. Of course, because Christmas was only a week earlier, I insisted he take it back. It was a newer, bigger MP3. Naturally I loved it, but my little pink one is working just fine. I told him to take it back and get a refund. He can buy me another one for my birthday. I love that we are so close to one another that he would do that. But I love even more that I can tell him to return it without hurting his feelings. Because truly I appreciated his effort, but I just want to be a good steward of what God has given us. So as a compromise, he put MY Friends series on his MP3 so I can watch them when I am waiting at the bank, the doctor's office, at school--until I get my own. He's so good to me. He knows what laughter does to my spirit and he recognizes that I am not doing much of it lately.
Yet, all of these people were sent by God himself. He sees all, and this week He reminded me "Do not become weary in doing good for at the proper time you will reap a harvest IF YOU DO NOT GIVE UP!" Galatians 6:9
Father, I am weak. I am tired. I want to tell those hurtful, complacent people exactly what I feel. I want to give up. But Lord, I am grateful for the reminders you've sent this past week. Help me to always be that sensitive to the things you send my way. I want to see your hand in it all. I want to recognize the eternal in the temporary. I want to know that what I am doing is making a difference not for myself, but for your kingdom. But in spite of that I know I will continue becoming tired, and weak, I am simply human. It is in those times I ask for your strength, because I know it is always enough. Thank you for loving me--weariness and all. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Yet in my last post I talked about my motto these past months. And it was as if the Lord Himself were standing over my shoulder reading word for word (which He was). But being the awesome Father that He is, He reminded not to give up.
After that post, my neighbors across the street "Mr. Larry and Miss Freda" to my boys, just got home from the vet with the 16 year old dog. She had hip surgery. Well, Mrs. Freda has a bad back and Mr. Larry just recently had rotator cup surgery on his shoulder so neither of them could lift her out of their car. Mr. Larry came over and asked for Chris, but he was at work so I volunteered to help. I got their dog out of their car and carried her inside. The next day Mrs. Freda came over to deliver the most beautiful plant. I LOVE plants, but tend to kill them--of course I did not tell her this. But I exclaimed that she did not have to do this it was not a big deal. She said "well it was a big deal to me." Every time I look at that plant, I smile and think of how beautiful it is--after I say a short prayer that I don't kill it. But she rewarded me for something that I did out of kindness. It was a serendipitous blessing.
Next, my sweet friend from college wrote the sweetest post on her blog about me. Because I've spent more time AWAY from Tracy than close by, I sometimes feel as though I am not making any kind of significant deposit into our friendship. But she really erased that feeling in her words. She is so precious to me, and such a special link to some fun times in my youth before I settled into motherhood. She is my reminder that I was once young, vibrant, and fun, and she is my belief that I am more than "just a mom".
Then, another friend called and IMMEDIATELY knew what frustrations I was dealing with even though I did not so clearly write them out. I tried to be discreet in my post as to protect the innocent and not get myself into trouble. But she knew right away. God reminded me that He sent her at that time because He too knows my frustrations.
And my dear sweet husband...he heard my post and went out and bought me a sweet gift to try to cheer me up. Of course, because Christmas was only a week earlier, I insisted he take it back. It was a newer, bigger MP3. Naturally I loved it, but my little pink one is working just fine. I told him to take it back and get a refund. He can buy me another one for my birthday. I love that we are so close to one another that he would do that. But I love even more that I can tell him to return it without hurting his feelings. Because truly I appreciated his effort, but I just want to be a good steward of what God has given us. So as a compromise, he put MY Friends series on his MP3 so I can watch them when I am waiting at the bank, the doctor's office, at school--until I get my own. He's so good to me. He knows what laughter does to my spirit and he recognizes that I am not doing much of it lately.
Yet, all of these people were sent by God himself. He sees all, and this week He reminded me "Do not become weary in doing good for at the proper time you will reap a harvest IF YOU DO NOT GIVE UP!" Galatians 6:9
Father, I am weak. I am tired. I want to tell those hurtful, complacent people exactly what I feel. I want to give up. But Lord, I am grateful for the reminders you've sent this past week. Help me to always be that sensitive to the things you send my way. I want to see your hand in it all. I want to recognize the eternal in the temporary. I want to know that what I am doing is making a difference not for myself, but for your kingdom. But in spite of that I know I will continue becoming tired, and weak, I am simply human. It is in those times I ask for your strength, because I know it is always enough. Thank you for loving me--weariness and all. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
The Right Time
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
This verse has become my motto over the past month. I am finding it harder to find people eager to work, family members have forgotten the blessings that Christ bestowed upon us, and Satan has used each quiet opportunity in my life to attack.
I truly feel that I might have S.A.D (seasonal affect disorder), because since the winter of 01 I have found it difficult to trudge through the season. I can usually get through til Christmas then find myself on a downward slope during this time. And as much as I tire of the busi-ness of the season, I also welcome it knowing that if I don't have something to keep me busy the quietness of my mind will drive me batty.
So now all the decorations are put up, the front room is back in place, and it feels empty. It feels like a rainy day. You know the kind where you wake up to the sound of rain on the roof and allow it to lull you back to sleep. If I stop for more than 5 minutes I find that my body simply wants to curl up on the couch with all the lights out and sleep.
But I can't do that, I have dinner to make, laundry to wash, children to chauffeur, a nursery to direct, and a family to deal with--I mean love. So the above verse has become my motto. I repeat it when I want to give up one that one person who sits in stubborn refusal. I repeat it when I face people who selfishly seek their own gratification. I repeat it when I want to give up, when I am in those very places of which I complain others being in.
So it is a new year. I have lots of hopes for this year, but I have lots of responsibility that is carrying over from last year. Sometimes that responsibility is more than I imagined--more work, more time consuming, more blessing. I pray that the Lord does not give up on me. I pray that He would continue to use me in spite of my short comings. I pray that I would be a blessing to others, even when I find it hard to accept blessings from anyone else. And I hope the same for you. Because while there is not much that excites me right now, I cling to the end of that verse..."For at the proper time we will reap a harvest...IF WE DO NOT GIVE UP!" Here's to not giving up in 2008.
This verse has become my motto over the past month. I am finding it harder to find people eager to work, family members have forgotten the blessings that Christ bestowed upon us, and Satan has used each quiet opportunity in my life to attack.
I truly feel that I might have S.A.D (seasonal affect disorder), because since the winter of 01 I have found it difficult to trudge through the season. I can usually get through til Christmas then find myself on a downward slope during this time. And as much as I tire of the busi-ness of the season, I also welcome it knowing that if I don't have something to keep me busy the quietness of my mind will drive me batty.
So now all the decorations are put up, the front room is back in place, and it feels empty. It feels like a rainy day. You know the kind where you wake up to the sound of rain on the roof and allow it to lull you back to sleep. If I stop for more than 5 minutes I find that my body simply wants to curl up on the couch with all the lights out and sleep.
But I can't do that, I have dinner to make, laundry to wash, children to chauffeur, a nursery to direct, and a family to deal with--I mean love. So the above verse has become my motto. I repeat it when I want to give up one that one person who sits in stubborn refusal. I repeat it when I face people who selfishly seek their own gratification. I repeat it when I want to give up, when I am in those very places of which I complain others being in.
So it is a new year. I have lots of hopes for this year, but I have lots of responsibility that is carrying over from last year. Sometimes that responsibility is more than I imagined--more work, more time consuming, more blessing. I pray that the Lord does not give up on me. I pray that He would continue to use me in spite of my short comings. I pray that I would be a blessing to others, even when I find it hard to accept blessings from anyone else. And I hope the same for you. Because while there is not much that excites me right now, I cling to the end of that verse..."For at the proper time we will reap a harvest...IF WE DO NOT GIVE UP!" Here's to not giving up in 2008.
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