Hanging by a monkey's tail

When you live with children, or work with children, you learn very quickly that they are big tattle tells.

"Mom...his elbow is on my side of the dinner table."
"Mom...he's watching over my shoulder while I play my DS."
"Mom...he took the bigger pancake, AND is hogging all of the syrup."

"Mom...I wanted to brush my teeth in your bathroom, but he ran in there first."
"Well use your bathroom."
"I didn't want to use my bathroom."

"Mom...he started his shower first!"
"Well use my bathroom."
"I didn't want to use your bathroom."

Tattle tell. ALL. OF. THE. TIME. My rule has been, since the children could talk, that unless someone was bleeding or on fire I did not want to hear it. Yet, they try to slip it in there anyway. And I used to think that it was just a stage and once they got older they would outgrow it. But recently my thirteen year old came in here to tattle on his SIX YEAR OLD BROTHER. But the thing with tattling is that I already know. Honestly, I hear the argument, I see the color being jerked out of brother's hand. I am not oblivious to their disagreements--even though they come running to me like I am. But the reason I don't allow tattling is because it is disruptive. One child walks away feeling vindicated another walks away feeling slighted. One child inevitably says I love the other brother more. So I choose not to get involved. They know my rule. "If, it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18 That may mean you have to walk away, it may mean you have to give in and let your brother choose the movie this time, it may mean you have to give in and allow your brother to have the last oatmeal cream pie. But we have plenty of bananas if anyone wants one of those. And it may mean that you have to give in and forgive your brother for those hurtful words--EVEN if he never asks you for forgiveness.

UGGGGHHHH! It's hard being a kid! I see all of you moms and educators out there rolling your eyes in fake sympathy. But you know what...I really do understand their pain. Because how many times have I gone to the Father tattling on someone else.

"God...he didn't ask for my help."
"God...she took my idea."
"God...she said (fill in the blank) about me."
"God...he..."

Ouch. I am a spiritual tattle tell! And oh how that must hurt God. Because He knows. He saw the problem, He knows the situation. And He loves us both. So He's sitting here listening to me whine and cry and He's saying, "Okay what do you want me to do? What would be fair? Really...constricting her vocal chords is nice? No...I will not give the same thing back to him."

See I don't think it is a matter of God not caring. I know He sees when I hurt. I know He wants me to talk to Him, but if I'm not bleeding and my hair is not on fire I don't think my God will step in and magically fix things. And even if He did tan the other person's hide today, wouldn't He have to turn around and do the same thing to me tomorrow? No, instead He reminds me..."If, it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18

My kids have so much to learn about loving one another. But so do I. Because in the same way I want others to accept me--faults and all--I must give no less. And while my Father admonishes me, He encourages me as well. "Being confident of this very thing that HE who began a good work in you would perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6. He's not finished with me yet, and I am so glad.

And if you see my monkey tail dragging the ground, please don't step on it.

A Letter to Mark

Dear Mark,

It is hard to believe that you are now thirteen. I remember the day you were born so well. Labor had started for me two days earlier, but the contractions were so far apart that I did not need to be hospitalized yet. For two days the process of birth was beginning in my womb. I had waited so long for you to arrive. I wanted to hold you, to touch you, feel you in my arms, kiss your sweet face--even before I saw it. When you were finally born you were so small. And so perfect. Oh, how I wish I could have frozen that moment. I was amazed at how alive I felt. My body had just went through an entire night of contractions, and I still had to work to get you here. Yet, the exhaustion of the job was forgotten the second they put you in my arms.

And in that moment I was hooked. You had my heart. From that very second on, I knew I would fight to the death for you and no one had even asked me to do such a thing yet. You were always a smiling baby, who turned into a smiling child, who is growing into a smiling young man. Laughter is your drug. While we struggle with the timing of some of your comedic antics sometimes, I really am grateful that you were such a pleasant child. You broke me in as a mother. Because of my relationship with you, I learned how to care for your younger brothers.

And I know that now you are at a point in your life where you sometimes feel smothered by your them, but I want you to remember that you are a good big brother. It was a role you were born to fill. Looking through old pictures, I have found so many where you are simply caring for your brother. Please know that your dad and I never expect you to take that position on, but we are overwhelmed to see the love the three of you share, even if sometimes you forget that.

I understand the last couple of years have been hard for you. Puberty is a time in life where you begin to find out who you are, and who others really are. As a parent, I want to shelter you from this period. As a mother I want to rush you through this period. But I can't. It breaks my heart to know some of the things you have learned and experienced about life. Because in not knowing there is an innocence, a purity. But I can't shelter you forever. I can not guide your mind, your heart, or your hands in making decisions. Life is rough. Christ told us it would be. Sometimes I am sure you think I just don't get it. But I understand the pain you are experiencing more than you know. And I promise it hurts me twice as much.

I know that you are a good person, I know you love the Lord. I know you have potential for greatness inside of you. I just wish you knew that--REALLY--knew that. Trust that God has a plan for you. Believe Him when He says "I love you so much." I know these years have been tough years, but you are not alone, and there is something else on the other side of this time. Even on the dark days when you just can't imagine anything else, I promise there is more. Life is more than what is right in front of you. The world consists of more than just your neighborhood. And even if you would have been the only person on earth God would have still created it all for you. You really are that special.

And I promise, with prayer and commitment to God, and one another, we will get through this time. And when we do, the next chapter will begin. But you've got to trust God to write it, because no one knows you better than He. And I can't wait to read the finished story.

I love you with all my being, baby boy. Happy Thirteenth.

Springing Back Into the Flow

Spring break is over, and we are now back into the routine of school, and soccer, and all things busy. But we did manage to enjoy our week. We had a stay-cation (which I have learned is staying home and enjoying your local sites and activities). I never knew that it had a name. But that means I was trendy before trendy had a name like stay-cations!

There is a saying that says: "Life is not a matter of milestones, but of memories." And the older I am getting the more I am cherishing those memories--even if they are made within a ten mile radius of our home.

We spent a lot of the week doing one of our favorite things--eating. Since we spent no money going on a trip, we used some of that savings to take the boys to places locally. They had never experienced a Japanese Steakhouse before and we took them to one this week. The food was good.

But Noah's favorite part of the meal (aside from the show the chef put on) were the egg rolls. I don't know how authentic they were at this particular steakhouse, but hey they filled him up. Notice, he's pre-glasses here.
We also enjoyed a day out at the "lake". Whenever the boys can break dad away they like to go to any local playa lake and fish. Matthew was the master caster this time as he caught the most fish. Granted they are all extremely too small to provide sustenance for anyone, but he still caught the most. This particular time we took my nephew with us. We were told we needed to make sure the younger two boys were safe by placing them in life jackets. So...being the rule follower I am I made sure EVERYONE wore the life jacket at some point during the day. That way we were all safe for a little while. And, Matthew being the rule follower that HE is, didn't mind in the least.

Noah was not quite as excited.

And Mark...well he was the least happiest. In his opinion he's been swimming since he was five, and therefore he's way too experienced for a life jacket. Someday he'll see the humor in this picture.

We made it day by playing on the playground, enjoying a picnic lunch, and tossing the pigskin around. Mark did seem to enjoy this a bit more.

And there were more opportunities to eat some of our favorite foods. This is the way Matthew like his fajita burritos.
Mark thought that since he is almost thirteen that he could try a jalapeno. Let's just say, thinking is as far as he really ended up getting with it.
And what fun would it be for the boys if they couldn't turn the camera on mom. That's okay, because the sopapillas were certainly good!
Yet, the week had to come to an end, and that meant that the beginning of soccer season is now upon us. Matthew's team started the season with a win, and he looked like a pro doing it too! Notice--two on one. Who's got skills?!
Mark's division is now getting smaller and smaller. But they still play as hard. I wish I could tell you that his hair is flying because he is running that fast, but no, it was simply the West Texas wind. However, his defensive skills helped his team go on to victory. They were so excited as this is the first season in about three years where the team started out with a win. So all in all we enjoyed the week. It came and went way too fast. But now, there are only a little over forty days of school left. This week has made me long for the lazy days of summer. I hope you too got to spend some time doing the things you enjoy the most with the ones you love the most. It sure makes the bad days a lot more bearable.

Happy Spring!

Conversations at the Optometrist

We experienced another mile stone here at Casa De Los Santos. Noah received his first professional eye exam. He failed his screening at school back in November, but I have been denying his need for glasses because sometimes those things can be wrong. I've helped with them before, and--well--he looks so cute without them. However, when he started sitting this close to the TV, I could no longer deny it.


This morning I was fed up with telling him to SCOOT BACK. So I got him dressed and took him to the local eye doctor. All of my boys have glasses. Mark got them when he was in first grade, Matthew got them in pre-k, and now Noah will wear them. He was such a big boy upon exam. And when the doctor asked him if the final prescription helped he replied "Yes, most definitely!" Mind you he is only 6. Then, we went to the eyeglass store and he chose his first pair of glasses.

Apparently every other parent in our hometown is getting glasses for their kids this week also as the selection was low. But he found a pair he seemed to like. And luckily with his little face they fit well also. Mark's first pair were entirely too big for his face and every time Chris looks at pictures of that first pair he almost breaks down in tears because we let Mark wear "such big glasses". I think it bothers Chris because he made fun of me in high school because of my glasses. And looking at Mark's picture brings him tremendous guilt because it reminds him of how ugly he was to me(at least that is what I like to think).

While we were at the eye doctor Chris called home. Mark (my oldest) told him I took Noah to the doctor because he woke up and couldn't see. So I got a panicked message from Chris asking what is wrong with Noah's eyes because Mark told him Noah can't see. When I called to explain where we were, Chris was rather flustered to say the least. I described Noah's first pair. We've had the same conversation with each child, "You can pick whatever pair you want, but you will HAVE to wear them all year so be sure you like them. A Lot." When I got off the phone, Noah replied from the back seat, "Mom thank you for encouraging me with your words. I am excited to wear new glasses now." After he got his glasses on he sat in a chair looking out the window while I finished up with the technician. I have watched everyone of my boys the first time they get glasses, and the look of amazement on each of their faces always overwhelms me. When Mark got his first pair, he said he could see the leaves on the trees now. Today, Noah said "Mom when that lady was leaving in her car I could see her eyeballs from inside the store!" At dinner he had a praise for the evening prayer. He wanted to thank God for the money to buy his new glasses, and we did. He's growing up so fast, and glasses or not, he's one neat kid!

The Piece That Finally Fits Pt II

Part II in a II part series. Feel free to read part one here if you want to catch up, but be prepared to stay a few minutes if you do).

So God knew from the moment that this child was created that he would need special people at special times. And while so many times in my own life, my small faith makes me wonder if God sees me, looking at Matthew's life is a billboard sized reminder that He does see and He does move on my behalf.

This sweet angel has always walked differently than my other two gifts from God. He was born sucking his thumb, but he was born with the ability to look deeply into an other's soul. When he was born I was glowing in the moments afterwards. Cuddling him and singing to him. I had a friend who came in immediately after his birth and she was overwhelmed at how intently he was looking at me. Little did I know that he would always be that way.

Because he sucked his thumb he grew with a speech impediment, so he was HARD to understand. But he had one friend, Ms. Monica, who he loved. She never seemed bothered by his impediment. And he loved her. And she was probably one of the first adults outside of the family that he bonded with. When we went to church he looked for her. I think his positive interaction with her made it easier for him to bond with other adults.

When he was in pre-k I was told he was easily distracted and therefore became a distraction. It broke my heart that this teacher couldn't see past his short comings and love him the way I did.

He doesn't like change in his routine. And I am blessed that due to various circumstances he's had the same Sunday school teacher since he was 2. She took a break and he had a different teacher when he was in the second and third grade, but how excited he was to get her back! She has taught him the books of the bible, and he can now look them up without looking at the table of contents. She has given him a love for God's word, and we are blessed to have Dina in his life.


I remember in February of his first grade year as we were neck deep in struggles I found a lump in my breast. The same friend who saw him after birth really encouraged me to go get it checked out--IMMEDIATELY. And I remember our conversation very clearly as I sat and played with my spaghetti. I was afraid of the unknown, but I was more afraid that if something happened no one would be there to stand up for Matthew. I said "Who's gonna fight for Matthew?" She replied "I will." And she did. She pulled out all of her connections to find the perfect tutor for Matthew. God used Gayla to provide for His child.

And Sarah, never did private tutoring before. But she had that quiet gentle spirit in common with Matthew. So many of their early days were spent fighting through tears. But she got him through it. I think of how their relationship has grown. From tutor to student into this beautiful love that is as deep as any he shares with me. Sometimes there are days when he just goes to hang out with Miss Sarah, and he loves it. But regardless of what he's doing at Sarah's she has become a vital part of his life. She's one of his biggest cheerleaders, one of his biggest encouragers, still his teacher, and always his soft place to fall and his shelter from the harshness that his struggles have brought him. If God never did another thing for Matthew, we could not thank Him enough for the gift of Sarah.

Last year, he had this amazing reading teacher who taught outside of the box. She taught strategies through songs and formulas. Before we even knew that he was dyslexic God placed Mrs. Smith in his life because He knew that is the way Matthew learns best. And for the first time he learned to love reading.

This year, his Language Arts teacher saw the same disconnect that Sarah, I, and all who know Matthew saw. She encouraged testing. We were so nervous. We were hoping that he was dyslexic. That sounds crazy, but we've heard all of his life that he needs to try harder to learn this or that, that he's a distraction, that he's not getting it. Those were lies from Satan. No child I know works harder than Matthew. So testing positive was a blessing. And we are SO grateful that Mrs. Archer gave her all for him.

I recently attended a bible study with Sarah and the subject was Abram's journey. If you really trace it, God takes him WAAAY out of the way only to bring him back to where he started. I understand that journey now. Because there were days when I felt like we were so off course. I didn't know where we would end up, but God knew. He's ordered EVER step of this child's journey. And Matthew has obediently followed. And God has faithfully blessed.

How I wish I had such faith. How I wish I trusted so completely. But like I said, Matthew's life is evidence that God loves each and everyone of us. I've shared before that his name is Matthew Emmanuel. Which means Gift from God; God with us. Those words ring true. He is my gift from God, and God is with him. I feel so unworthy to be his mother, what a gift he is to me. But I am grateful for his life in mine.

Thank you God for growing me through Matthew's life. Thank you for keeping your hand over him. Thank You for pouring Yourself into him in spite of my imperfections as a mom. He is who he is because of who You are in his life. Thank You for placing people in his life always at the right time to remind him of Your presence. I can not wait to see how he grows to serve You. And when he does, I pray You will receive all honor and glory. For You are the Marvelous One who created him, and all who know him come away more blessed with a glimpse of You.

Friend, I feel compelled to tell you this: If you are struggling with the journey you are on right now take heart. Trust that God sees the road ahead. Trust that He has ordered every step--no matter how hard it is, and He will bring you through it. Trust that if He moves so many mountains in a small child's life that He will do the same for you. And when you walk in obedience God will be there in faithfulness.

Unique

Hello Friends! I am SO glad you stopped by today. For my regular visitors please note the NEW layout! I am completely IN LOVE with it! Mainly because I created all on my own! YES...YES I DID! You will not find this exact layout on anyone else's blog, and that makes me happy! Unless someone else uses these digital scrapbook pages. Of course it is now 6:21 PM and I started this process at 2 PM. But hey I did it! Well, not entirely on my own. The program I used required a brief tutorial from my *uh-hum* soon to be 13 year old. But once he showed me how to use it I was off and running (at a snails pace mind you but if a snail is running does he think he's doing it slowly)?

Of course it didn't all go smoothly and as a result I did have some casualties (which I also learned today are called widgets--makes me feel as though I am in a LOTR movie--wonder if they're friends with the hobbits)? But I DO plan on having those things back on soon. However, I need to finish laundry today and feed my BRILLIANT child some dinner. Thanks for stopping by. And if you want some help creating your own background...

Please don't ask me I barely survived putting this one together! :-)

The World's Biggest Gift

Recently someone very dear to me celebrated their birthday. While the day was not anything over the top spectacular, the person celebrating it was. My best friend, my hero, my confidant, my supporter, my defender, turned 36 this year. Chris feels as though it's all over now because he's on the downward slope going towards forty and according to him it's coming F-A-S-T!

We've been married 14 years. So when you do the math (which I know you are doing right now). That means we got married when Chris was 22. We were total babies! So I've gotten to watch him celebrate lots of birthdays and really watch him grow into a man. And he always enjoys the low key celebrations the best.

So this year, I took him out to eat at one of his favorite places--Shogun. Then I baked him a strawberry cake and for dinner we celebrated with our children while eating soft tacos. His gifts were things he needed (which he prefers) and my mom spoiled him with a gift card to one of his other favorite restaurants. And since you all know me I thought I would share some interesting things about Chris so you could get to know him as well.

1. He isn't afraid to take ANYTHING apart--regardless of it's cost--he believes he can always put it back together.

2. He doesn't mind cooking and in fact it is a chore we've shared since the day we became a couple.

3. He is very humble and never toots his own horn.

4. He is more outgoing than I and can conversate with anyone.

5. He's not afraid of hard work, nor does he run from it.

6. He got his hand caught in an old time washing machine ringer when he was a small child and has permanent damage to his left hand as a result.

7. He didn't have sweets available in his home when he was growing up.

8. He was an AMAZING runner when he was in school (and I was quite attracted to him in his track shorts).

9. He wasn't a believer until after we were married.

10. He was ordained as a deacon in January 08.

11. He has more faith than I do and therefore rarely gets worked up.

12. He hates confrontation and will shut down rather than stir things up (which drives me crazy as I would rather talk it all out).

13. He is great at reading a map.

14. BUT he's not afraid to stop and ask for directions.

15. If I would let him he would wear his New Balance running shoes with absolutely every thing.

16. He is perfectly okay with me letting laundry overflow out of the laundry basket onto the floor.

17. He will ALWAYS let me have the last bite.

18. He will watch the boys play any sport they want--even if he knows nothing about it.

19. He will watch Lifetime on occasion.

20. He has carried Noah on his shoulders since Noah was an infant and Noah now no longer asks--he just points and Chris knows.

21. He gives me complete control of our finances and never asks for me to explain myself when funds are tight.

22. He struggles in many of the same way our dyslexic son does, but was never tested.

23. He never went to college.

24. He is smarter than anyone else I know in his profession and can talk numbers til your head spins.

25. He is loyal to a fault.

26. He has cooked Wednesday dinner for our church faithfully for the last five years--even when he had to use his only day off to do so.

27. He picked on me mercilessly in high school.

28. I did not know after graduation that he secretly told his co-workers how he WOULD make me his.

29. He chews his nails when he is bored or nervous.

30. He is almost always the one who irons all of our clothes for the next day.

31. He insists I drive the nicer car.

32. His car doesn't have A/C and two of the four windows won't roll down.

33. He will help me in the church nursery even if I don't ask.

34. He adores his nieces.

35. He thanks me on a regular basis for never having delivered a baby girl.

36. He is one of the best men I know and I am so glad I have been here to celebrate his last fourteen birthdays.

Happy Birthday My Love! Your Life is a Gift I thank God for with each passing year!

The piece that finally fits

Part One of a Two Part Series

(I didn't want you to give up half way through).

After what seems as though was the longest month of our lives, we received the results back of Matthew's dyslexia testing. The interventionist called us and asked if we could meet Friday morning after the boys honors assemblies. She gave no indication as to what the results might be. It was a very nerve racking time as we went about our business until Friday morning.

Chris said, "No matter what. If he does or doesn't have dyslexia we will praise God." I knew he was right. So we went into the meeting on pins and needles. She broke the testing down for us and first established that Matthew is in fact intelligent enough to even understand the testing. He was--we knew that.

Then she gave us the results. The complete test is comprised of several smaller tests. Average is between 90 and 110 on this scale. Only on a very few did he score above a 90. And spelling he scored a 72 on. As she talked it was as if we were watching a huge tetris board being filled. Each shape filling a hole that we couldn't make fit before. She said things like his phonological short term memory is almost non existent. Meaning, when he is sounding out a word that may have three or four syllables once he has gotten to the end of the word he has forgotten the beginning sound. Which explained exactly why it was that he would look at a word and based on the first two or three letters would simply guess at what it was. How many times did I say "NOOOO slow down and sound it out. " Truth of the matter was he couldn't. She asked him to read the word "practice" to her and the first time he said it was "patient", the next time it was "parachute" and finally the third time the light bulb came on for him and he said "WAIT NO! THAT'S PRACTICE." His fluency is not nearly as high as it needs to be--and it affected his comprehension, but when she would read him the nouns in the passage and then have him read the passage and answer questions out loud afterwards his comprehension was outstanding. Which we always knew.

So there will be steps put into place to begin teaching him to cope with this diagnosis. I began crying when the actual words came out of her mouth "According to my testing, Matthew does qualify as a student with dyslexia and should receive services as such." I was in a room with four other women, three of which never knew of Matthew's struggles. So they assumed I was crying out of sadness. The diagnostician said "I know this can be a bit overwhelming, but..." And I replied rather quickly, "No you don't understand. Now we know what's wrong. Now we've found that piece of the puzzle that finally fits."

Matthew did not understand the reasoning for his testing. He said the diagnostician told him she was testing him to help his teachers learn how to help him be a better student. So we sat down last night and told him.

We explained that the results don't mean he is limited, and it doesn't mean he has the right to give up because something is too hard. It does mean that things may always be a little harder for him to learn, and he may have to work at it longer and differently than someone else does. But never...NEVER...does it mean he's dumb. As we talked, Matthew seemed to be getting it, and in true Matthew fashion the tears started flowing. I asked him what was wrong and he said "That's why I can't learn my multiplication tables."

He's so bright and he gets it. He KNEW, even without a diagnosis that something was keeping him from learning those stinking multiplication tables. And even if he never told us, it bothered him. So we looked up some famous dyslexics to show him he's indeed in good company. We learned that Presidents Woodrow Wilson, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, JFK, and George H.W. Bush were all dyslexic. So was Picasso and Da Vinci. Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison, and Albert Einstein also struggled with dyslexia. And Harrison Ford (Matthew's favorite actor), Cher, Agatha Christie, and Walt Disney also all learned to overcome in spite of dyslexia.

I look at Matthew and am overwhelmed by his intelligence--even more so now that I know he's done it with a "disability". The diagnostician did say that as low as some of the scores were had Matthew not received the intervention he has he would certainly be in a much worse place than he is now. So for that we are thankful. God placed the people in his life that Matthew needed always at the right time. God created Matthew and He knew...