Love is

...getting up at 2:40 AM to put your child's security blanket in the dryer because he is standing at the side of your bed crying desperately for it. And after 30 minutes in the dryer finding this is what he wanted it for.

I swear I'm buying him an eye mask for Christmas.

Eleven Years of Magic

Matthew celebrated his eleventh birthday this past week. I can not believe he is growing so fast. I could gush on an on about how amazing Matthew is. But you would just say that I am his mother, I am supposed to be biased. If you took the time to know him though you'd soon agree with me that he is a pretty great kid. Younger children are somehow "magically" drawn to Matthew. He's extremely patient with them. Matthew is also a natural helper. If I need something done, he's the child I ask. It's always a compliant, sunny "yes ma'am"! He is learning that hard work is a way of life and is beginning to embrace it. Yesterday he had math homework, spelling words, dyslexia words, and social studies homework to do. He decided on his own that he would do his math, and spelling words, half of his dyslexia list, and leave his social studies for later in the week since it's not due until Friday. Every night that we finish his devotional he looks at me and says "thank you for taking the time to read the bible with me." That is my job! I have to apologize to you for not doing it better. But all of these words to say that: Matthew amazes me--completely and utterly amazes me. I continue to pray that he does big things for God right where he is. As I looked through photos to post of Matthew it brought bittersweet memories. Where have I been? Why did I not enjoy more of these moments? But what a joy he's been since birth. And I want to enjoy every minute that God gives me with my sweet gift from God. Happy Birthday Matthew!


Matthew has loved ducks since he was about 18 months old. He carried this duck with him everywhere and we had several back ups in the event that one ever got lost.



He never lost them, but he wore them out.
(Age 2)



Real or stuffed he had no preference. Just as long as it was a duck.
(Age 4)



Matthew's second birthday.



Matthew's third birthday.


Matthew's eleventh birthday.

Nostalgic Reflections

This weekend Chris and I had the privilege of attending a Tech game. They played the Rice Owls and the final score ended up being a blow out 55-10. One of my sweetest friends in the whole world offered to watch the kids, and they adore Sarah, so I did not feel like I was cheating them by leaving them home.

It was also Goin Band Alumni Day. I attended Tech from 93-95, and I was lucky enough to say I was part of the best band in the nation. I'm not being biased here--we really were a great band. But I also joined the band when I was still so young and learning so much about myself.

While in the band I met a very driven man named Adaryll. Instantly I did not like him. I don't think he knows that. I pride myself on having a pretty good spirit of discernment. Twice in my life that discernment has been off. First with the man I am spending my life with. I've said before, if you would have told me in high school that I was going to someday marry Chris I would have spit in your face. AFTER I laughed in it.

The second time I was wrong--Adaryll. My first impression of AD (as he was so affectionately called back then) was that he was very intelligent and felt that his intelligence rendered his opinions superior to everyone else's. I KNEW I was NOT going to like him.

Was I wrong! I think there are times in life when you really miss out on a blessing because you don't take the time to really know the people who cross your path. I am so grateful to God that was not the case with Adaryll.

During my time at Tech I remember him letting me blow snot all over his sleeve after a friend and I had a disagreement. I don't think he even knew why I was crying, he just walked in the room and saw a need--so he met it. And he never complained. I remember how he relentlessly made fun of my Texas accent. Every time I said IIIICE. He would remind me that no news reporter ever said it that way. I secretly worked on such "Texan" words until I could say them like "normal" people. To this day I can not pass an offer for a credit card without thinking of him. "If you need a card for emergencies then you should have emergency cash." I am truly grateful for that one--it kept me from making some really dumb mistakes early on. But oh how he aggravated me. I remember taking him places in my car and his knees would be up to his chin. He's tall--6'2" maybe--and he would push the seat all the way back, but it was still never far enough. I remember how he coaxed a very shy friend into asking me to the band banquet. When we met at AD's before the banquet, AD handed me a rose. I was touched that he thought of me and said so. He then said, "Well it's not from me, it's from Matt." Always the match maker. I remember his date that night. She stood all of 5". Watching them dance that night was precious. I am certain he had the stiffest back then next morning. I remember going to Juarez during our time in El Paso for the Sun Bowl. Adaryll made sure I made it safely back over the border into Texas (though he left me on my own going into Mexico).

I lost touch with him for many years. Recently I joined face book, and he was the first friend I searched for. I was THRILLED to find him. God has led him on an amazing journey. And now he is a small groups pastor in Austin. I've not had the privilege of meeting his family, but from all the pictures they look beautiful. And he came to Alumni Day. So after 11 years I got to see him again!

I think that is how heaven is going to be. We'll be reunited with loved ones we've not been able to see for so long and what celebration will take place! I don't know how much celebrating Adaryll did. He had a long trip home the next day, but I've thought about it all weekend. And it's made me smile. He became one of the dearest, best friends I've ever had.

I have so many regrets from those years. I regret that I can not tell my children I finished my degree before they were born. I regret that I did not connect more with those people I saw everyday. I regret that I did not carry myself differently.

But the one thing I will never regret--never be sorry for--is meeting this man. I wish we lived closer, I think his son and Noah would have been fast friends. I wish I wouldn't have lost touch with him, but I am so honored that he allowed me to come back into his life. I see a different Adaryll when I see him now. The love of Christ pours freely from him, and I know he's making a difference for eternity. Adaryll I am so proud of the man of God you've become. It is my prayer that God would always return to you all that you give out and more.

Safe

I'm sitting here after tucking all my guys in for another nights rest. The only sound I hear is Noah's radio. His radio never gets good reception and it makes him sad because he longs to listen to K-Love. For those of you who do not know, K-Love is Christian radio station. We've tried and tried to tune it in better. We've moved the radio, we've added another antenna, we've wrapped his antenna in foil--all with no luck. But tonight I thought I would try it just in case. If you get too close you tune it in the sports radio station, but if you stay away from it you can hear K-Love loud and strong.

God orchestrated all of this tonight. He wanted me to hear this song. But I am getting ahead of myself so let me back up a bit. Last night Chris and I had a devotional together. The title was "God is Good". The scripture was Jeremiah 29:11 "Surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with a hope." The devotional closed by asking us to reflect upon our innermost longings for our lives and marriage. Then to pray that our partner might entrust all to God.

Here lately I've been experiencing some pounding waves. As a result I feel myself drawing all that I hold dear close to me. I don't want to share it with anyone because what if they hurt me, or laugh at me, or discourage me.

Last night as we shared what our innermost longings were for our marriage and also our own lives, it hit me. I've prayed and prayed about all these things. I have asked God to fix this problem, work out that situation, heal this hurt, change that attitude, remove this heartache. BUT...have I ENTRUSTED them to God. Or do I look over His shoulder the whole time--making sure He's doing it my way? Basically, do I leave my hurts, hopes, and fears with God then trust that He will deal with it the way that is best for me? Do I TRUST God? Sounds absurd right--if you're a believer how can you NOT trust God? If you pray to Him you must trust Him. I do, as long as I can watch. "God don't take my problems/dreams/children/marriage/fill-in-the-blank out of my sight, I want to see what you do with them."

Last night I felt Him saying to me "Trust me. I am planning good for your future, and only MY plans can provide the answers for your hurts, hopes, and fears. "

Then tonight this is the song I heard so loud and clear:
Your name is Jesus. Your name is Jesus.
You’re the Wonderful, Counselor, my Friend.
You’re what I hold on to;
I know that you brought me through
All the days of loss,
to the cross you knew
I’d need a Savior.

If you're where I am right now, let it go. Stop watching over God's shoulder. Know there isn't ANYTHING you can give Him that He will lose. Your hurts--He will gently remove their pain. Your fears--He will not laugh as you pour them out. Your dreams--He will listen to them with the same glimmer in His eye that you get every time you talk about them. No matter who has let you down before, a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling--they are not God. And God promises never to let you down. But you have to let go of all you're holding on to long enough to grab His hand. Because it's only when you're holding His hand that He can lead you to the place you've been dreaming of. And I don't know about you, but I can't wait to get there.