fawn
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)

also

joy unspeakable that won’t go away
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.

people

rong; yurong; diana; may;
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;

love

history

March 2005; April 2005; May 2005; June 2005; July 2005; August 2005; September 2005; October 2005; November 2005; December 2005; January 2006; February 2006; March 2006; April 2006; May 2006; June 2006; July 2006; August 2006; September 2006; October 2006; November 2006; December 2006; January 2007; February 2007; March 2007; April 2007; May 2007; June 2007; July 2007; August 2007; September 2007; October 2007; November 2007; December 2007; January 2008; February 2008; March 2008; April 2008; May 2008; June 2008; July 2008; August 2008; September 2008; October 2008; November 2008; December 2008; January 2009; February 2009; March 2009; April 2009; May 2009; June 2009; July 2009; August 2009; September 2009; October 2009; November 2009; December 2009; January 2010; February 2010; March 2010; April 2010; May 2010; June 2010; July 2010; August 2010; September 2010; October 2010; November 2010; December 2010; January 2011; February 2011; March 2011; April 2011; May 2011; June 2011; July 2011; August 2011; September 2011; October 2011; November 2011; December 2011; January 2012; February 2012; March 2012; April 2012; May 2012; June 2012; July 2012; August 2012; September 2012; October 2012; November 2012; December 2012; January 2013; February 2013; March 2013; April 2013; May 2013; June 2013; July 2013; August 2013; September 2013; October 2013; November 2013; December 2013; January 2014; February 2014; March 2014; April 2014; May 2014; June 2014; July 2014; August 2014; September 2014; October 2014; November 2014; January 2015; February 2015; March 2015; April 2015; May 2015; June 2015; July 2015; August 2015; February 2016; March 2016; April 2016; June 2016; July 2016; August 2016; September 2016; October 2016; November 2016;

credits

Hosts: blogger; photobucket
Layout: /strawberrying

orangeflourlesschocolatecake
caleb! this cake was made without flour. :D



okay i know this is excessive. but.

i finally got alcohol metabolism. :) lactic acidosis, hypoglycemia, hyperlipidemia, fatty liver. and how the NADH/NAD+ ratio and citric acid cycle and gluconeogenesis ties in with excessive alcohol consumption and all those problems. YAY.

wow, one PCL down. and a bit of the breast cancer one. and pharmacogenomics and genomics. i'm still pretty much dead though. have to stop eating nonsense also lah. i've just been sitting here and eating the whole day.

tomorrow supposed to go meet loyi after church.

better do PCL prep before tomorrow.

today, for the first time, i really missed home.


today's been _________.

i've uploaded some new photos though, prom ones. but not a lot, 'cause i was lazy. and bored. and i couldn't remember stuff about alcohol metabolism, which we only learnt two weeks ago. and which i spent quite a bit of time on. :( it's true that our brains only have space for one week's worth of stuff.

not going for joab's birthday dinner.. so sian ah.

CENSORED.


lost in wonder

You chose the cross with every breath
the perfect life, the perfect death
You chose the cross
and though Your soul was overwhelmed with pain
obedient to death You overcame

i'm lost in wonder
i'm lost in love
i'm lost in praise forevermore
because of Jesus'
unfailing love
i am forgiven
i am restored

because of Jesus
because of Jesus
because of Jesus
i am restored



when you hope and are disappointed..
all my words ran away-


[edit: 10.23am]
when it comes to things like these, people always question if it's a yes, but they never question when it's a wait.


shades of grey
turn to colour

wow i don't know how to begin.

walked to school with eugene today. i think he looks very familiar, but i don't know why. he's going alfred hospital on 2may too, and he wants to cab there. which makes sense, since we only have 45mins to get there. and i still don't have clothes.

the legal tute was boring. i didn't really get much of it though. it was about confidentiality, and when you're legally permitted to disclose information, or when you're legally obligated. it's confusing.

went to the bank to try and sort out stupid problems. couldn't do anything about it in the end also. then went to see dr jordan about my xray and quantiferon test. obviously i don't have TB right. but the xrays are cool though. haha i've never actually kept my xrays before, they always just send it to the agent or something.

decided to go back to rusden cos i didn't want to carry the xrays around. had lunch at home, then read a bit and went to the hargrave library to study. i like the place. but i kept falling asleep. so i gave up halfway.

met ivy at the meeting point at 4, then went upstairs to the dining hall for shepherding. accountability. hmmm i learnt some interesting things. and i need to learn how to listen. :\ ivy's going to find me a book. i could just call her zheh lah. followed ivy and kien (i like his nameeee) to the clubs and societies office, then went back to rusden.

i finally finished keeping faith. THANK YOU SIS. i loved that book. :D

then sam's friends came over to cook. jon emily huiming. jon didn't cook, he just supplied a bit of food and stirred soup haha. emily and huiming cooked quite a bit. i just watched. and washed a bit. hurr. watched scrubs while having dinner. my first time watching scrubs. and i prefer grey's anatomy. a lot. but that's just me.

tomorrow. hypothetical. :( gahhhh. and home tute, where we'll have to present stuff about oocytes and spermatogenesis and everything else i haven't studied lah. :\ goodness. and formative (not counted) exam on tuesday morning?! i am so dead.

talked to annie, she's got GUINEA PIGS here! i want to seeeeee! :p




superman
lazlo bane [scrubs]

out the door just in time
head down the 405
gotta meet the new boss by 8am
the phone rings in the car
the wife is working hard
she's running late tonight again

well i know what i've been told
you gotta work to feed the soul
but i can't do this all on my own
no i know, i'm no superman
i'm no superman

you've got your love online
you think you're doing fine
but you're just plugged into the wall
and that deck of tarot cards
won't get you very far
there ain't no hand to break your fall

well i know what i've been told
you gotta know just when to fold
but i can't do this all on my own
no i know, i'm no superman
i'm no superman

you've crossed the finish line
won the race but lost your mind
was it worth it after all
i need you here with me
'cause love is all we need
just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

well i know what i've been told
gotta break free to break the mould
but i can't do this all on my own
no i can't do this all on my own
no i know, that i'm no superman
i'm no superman
i'm no superman

someday we'll be together


i'll be
edwin mccain

the strands in your eyes
that colour them wonderful
stop me, and steal my breath
emeralds from mountains
thrust toward the sky
never revealing their depth
tell me, that we belong together
dress it up, with the trappings of love
i'll be captivated, i'll hang from your lips
instead of the gallows of heartache
that hang from above

i'll be your crying shoulder
i'll be love suicide
i'll be better when i'm older
i'll be the greatest fan of your life

rain falls, angry on the tin roof
as we lie awake in my bed
you're my survival, you're my living proof
my love is alive, not dead
tell me, that we belong together
dress it up, with the trappings of love
i'll be captivated, i'll hang from your lips
instead of the gallows of heartache
that hang from above

i'll be your crying shoulder
i'll be love suicide
i'll be better when i'm older
i'll be the greatest fan of your life

and i've dropped out, i've burned up
i've fought my way back from the dead
i've tuned in, turned on
remembered the things that you said

i'll be your crying shoulder
i'll be love suicide
i'll be better when i'm older
i'll be the greatest fan of your-
i'll be your crying shoulder
i'll be love suicide
i'll be better when i'm older
i'll be the greatest fan of your life

the greatest fan of your life
the greatest fan of your life




i wished for a lot of things.


[edit: 11.08pm]
i think we tend to make more out of little things than we normally would when we're looking for something.


kiddy says:
learn to feel happy.



i got my box of stuff from singapore today. it's crazy how much it cost to send it. but we still save money compared to if i got the books here. so. yeah now i have kumar&clark, guyton, talley&o'connor, and medical pharmacology at a glance. and my favourite black jacket. :D

school today was. draggy.

two lectures. i didn't fall asleep. haha. patterns of inheritance and mutations. something slightly more familiar, at least. and the development world convention sounds interesting lah. but oh well i'm not going anyway.

three hour break. went to the hargrave library to do work. met joab who was studying there. and then alex came also haha. how come he can use msn but i can't? so weird. but anyway. i finished the syndicate! :D so happy. because i usually wait until wednesday night to do it. heh. :) and tried to look up some diseases. but didn't do much other than syndicate. oh i read the previous clinical skills tutes notes and tried to remember.

went to campus centre and had lunch with grace (wong) and a bunch of ABCs. but grace and i were only talking to each other. and it was quite a good talk. :) lent her my thumbdrive with Life in it. haha. then went to cmhse for the clinical skills tute.

learnt about how to deal with emotions. like anger and sadness. i don't think i'd actually be able to deal with it in real life. haha but the 4 arms length distance thing was funny though. how can you stand that far away from your patient? AND sasha brought cake! :D haha.

i want brownies. no i just want to bake them. remember first three months! haha. yeah that was fun. because of owen penguin jokes, james' drum set, his starfish, and his little sister.

it's very weird because the rest of the world's having tests and assignments due and presentations. and all we have are lectures and tutes. and the exam on 20 april. so scary. like THIS IS IT.

9 days to convention! :D
23 days to mid-sem exam.
28 days to learning how to inject.
35 days to hospital visit.
49 days to GP visit.

tomorrow is an amazingly slack day. :) only one legal tute. and seeing the doctor about my xray and the second blood test. and i might be meeting ivy for shepherding. and STUDYING. yes.

today is mark's birthday.
and daddy's going to aceh tomorrow.


i needed to know if the words were recycled.


listen to the music of the moment
maybe sing with me



i miss taking them out everyday. and worrying about them jumping off the sofa. and chewing things. and cleaning their cage late at night.

PCL was interesting today. haha. usual PCLs are considered self-directed learning, cos they're centred around our own discussions. today david (our tutor) was away, so we were supposed to split up and join different PCL groups. in the end we just decided to have our own, and borrowed the paper from the next group for a while. i guess the discussion wasn't as good, cos david wasn't there to explain certain things to us. but the dsav website was good. this week we're learning about down syndrome.

lectures were just boring. i managed to stay awake in only the first one (mitosis i think). :\ fell asleep in the second one (meiosis), and the third one (chromosomal disorders), which was bad because that's all new. well most of it. except maybe klinefelter's and turner's syndrome. yeah. boring. in the last lecture shuyu woke me up to play tictactoe. hurr.

had lunch with alex today haha. it's interesting talking to him.

and the stakeholder tute was actually quite.. shocking. our stakeholder was a doula (a traditional midwife), and what she said about natural births was quite. i don't know how to say also. but i guess you won't know until you go through it also. you might be adamant that you don't want to be on drugs or whatever, but when it happens you might end up screaming for an epidural. anyway. they showed us this video (which was the really shocking part), where this lady was giving birth to a breeched baby. and she was like completely naked. so weird lah. joonloong was traumatised for the rest of the day hahaha.

talked to wanjie on the way back, about studying after internship. apparently we don't get any additional qualifications after that lah. that means we're stuck with MBBS unless we specially go and apply to study scary things. okay i don't really know what i'm talking about. nevermind.

OHHH. international student volunteers (www.isvonline.com) came to talk to us before the first lecture today. they organise volunteer trips to places like thailand(!!), costa rica, north america, carribean and new zealand, for people to do volunteer work like sea turtle conservation, teaching english to children, home and community building, and rainforest regeneration. and outdoor adventure tours, where you can do stuff like white water rafting, scuba-diving/ snorkelling on exotic reefs, canyoning and cave exploration, and horseback riding to hidden waterfalls. SO COOL RIGHT. I WANT TO GO OH MY GOSH. haha. and the trips usually are about 4 weeks long. BUT the thing is that i have to go back to singapore to celebrate tata's 70th birthday first. so. fly here fly there.. no money. :\ and i think they have a selection process, cos there are limited spaces. gahh i really want to go. an experience of a lifetime. just like khaodee. :)

the strands in your eyes
that colour them wonderful
stop me, and steal my breath


the heart of life
john mayer

i hate to see you cry
lying there in that position
there's things you need to hear
so turn off your tears, and listen

pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
no it won't all go the way it should
but i know the heart of life is good

you know, it's nothing new
bad news never had good timing
but then your circle of friends
will defend the silver lining

pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
no it won't all go the way it should
but i know the heart of life is good

pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
fear is a friend who's misunderstood
but i know the heart of life is good
i know it's good



nothing worse than being miles and miles away from the people you want to talk to the most, hmm? even if you don't really have the words to tell them everything you want them to know.

feeling quite lost now. i don't know a lot of things. this is what happens to you when you don't listen. i've never been good with words. i need someone to be strong for me when i can't be strong enough myself. there have been too many ups and downs, it's draining. how am i supposed to be able to cope.

i wonder why this feeling keeps coming back to haunt me. about once a week. the feeling that uni is just suffocating me. stupid things like hypotheticals and PCL debates and clinical skills, and now study buddy to freak me out. mid-sem exam coming soon, and then there's the site visits, and a ridiculously short period of time to write my assignment. but i have no choice.

i'm STRESSED. stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed.

:(

ugh.

anyway. i talked to diana last night. :) i'm really excited for her actually. haha so cool. JIAYOU BANANA. :D talk to me again if you need anything. :) i'll try to help, from my very limited experience, which was too long ago anyway. but still. and quick decide what your second choice will be, if not too late then how? i want to work with you next time! :D

and thanks sis for the entry. jiayou with tutoring! i miss you. :(

KOR. ahhh i need to call you someday and talk properly. jiayou with the flying thing! come over and visit me.

today's sermon was about not complaining. and i've blogged before that i wanted to stop complaining. and here i am going on and on, complaining. i need to stop. but i don't know how.

you know, i really need this answer. i need the peace and i need to be able to study. i need to be able to surrender this fully.

a flower quickly fading;


you and me
lifehouse

what day is it? and in what month?
this clock never seemed so alive
i can't keep up and i can't back down
i've been losing so much time

'cause it's you and me
and all other people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me
and all other people
and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you

all of the things that i want to say
just aren't coming out right
i'm tripping on words
you've got my head spinning
i don't know where to go from here

'cause it's you and me
and all other people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me
and all other people
and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now
i can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right

'cause it's you and me
and all other people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me
and all other people
and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you
and me, and all other people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me
and all other people
and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it?
and in what month?
this clock never seemed so alive



daylight savings has stopped! well, in a few hours, anyway. two hours time difference! haha. :D

talked to kanesh just now. :) i like continuity, how it's not as if time has run away and taken part of us with it.

i've studied a total of 3 days since i've started uni! that's 3 days out out 4 weeks. brilliant. exam in like 26 days. need to get a D at least to maintain this scholarship. and yes, i need to. someone help me with sociolody! :( like the sociological imagination. is that CHESS-C? so confusing. :\ hate sociology.

and i saw michelle in uni yesterday! the fcbc, fairfield, band michelle. haha. it's been years since i last talked to her. she's here for 3 weeks, doing an exchange programme thing. we're supposed to meet for lunch someday. :) hopefully. it's just really nice to see familiar un-angmoh faces around (yeah i know i'm in aussie, but still).

daddy's going to aceh from 28march to 1april. please pray for him! thank you. :)

need to sleep soon.

i'm proud of us. :)


why are you doing this?

it's almost the end of the week!! one more day. one more.

today was good though. well. relatively, anyway.

i was on time for home tute (my first time). met sheryl perryn paul kaiwen at the junction near the duck pond (how cool is it to actually have a duck pond on campus? haha) and walked to cmhse together. home tute was alright, went through some protein synthesis stuff and then during syndicate, we had to make a model of DNA, mRNA and the protein it coded for, using straws, satay sticks, toothpicks, yellow blu-tack, and jelly babies. of course we ended up eating most of the jelly babies. haha.

then we had a long break! yayy. the little things we look forward to in a day- a long break! went to the muiss lounge and ate with charmaine wanjie perryn and eugene. everybody just asks me about rusden. haha perryn wants to move out of the halls. wanted to go paint the singapore flag on our faces (yeah we're nuts), BUT they said there was no time to paint ours. :( haha then we went to the singapore booth at the study abroad exhibition thing. and we asked the lady about doing an exchange programme in singapore. but they don't allow singaporeans to do exchange programmes in singapore. haha. but anyway medicine students aren't even allowed to do exchange programmes i think. too many differences in the way we're taught.

went for the DNA replication seminar at CG63, sat in the first row and got a neckache. i still don't like that lecturer. and we didn't get the difference between mismatch and excision repair, so we went to ask him about it after the lecture. and he gave us some nonsense answer (i know this because i went to look it up in the Life textbook, and what he told us really was nonsense). the telomerase thing even worse, i don't get it. and the RNA primers thing. need to STUDY. :\ OH and the worst thing. i have no idea how the replication complex thing works! like how does the DNA thread through the complex, and.. i have no clue. :\ gahhs.

after the seminar we went back to cmhse for the last tute of the day- sociology (UGH). somehow i have no idea how to answer his questions. i just have no clue what he's asking for. it's like a huge question mark in front of my face, each sociology tute. and to make things worse, he gave out this sheet for another hypothetical. UGHHHH. :( another hypothetical. sucks. and of course, the worst thing about sociology is that it's the hot topic for the mid-sem exam. ahhh!

found yuwan and ivy talking on the way back, so i stopped for a while. walked back with yuwan, met wanjie and daniel on the way too. we're walking to caregroup together tomorrow. :) haha i need to learn how to get to joab's house.

and i need to studyyy. aren't you glad you're not in uni yet? haha.

SMOKING IS BAD FOR HEALTH. :(


if i lay here, if i just lay here
would you lie with me, and just forget the world

today i managed to study! oh my gosh. hahaha okay it was only RNA synthesis. but still. there was stuff i'd never seen before, so it was actually studying, not just revising.

and i finally had the asepsis prac today! haha so cool. learnt how to wash hands to remove bacteria, and how to gown and glove while maintaining a sterile environment. i love the sterile gloves lah. so much nicer than the normal gloves. but okay, 23 times more expensive. and we learnt how to clean a wound with a wound kit in an aseptic way. haha but i looked weird in the shower cap thing (surgical cap) and the surgical mask.

but i was falling asleep the whole day. in like practically every lesson, except the second lect because the lights were so bright (even though it was the most boring). i even fell asleep during the clnical skills tute lah. :\ good thing jacquie (the tutor) didn't ask me to be the doctor though. it was a fishbowl scenario! how horrible is that.

had lunch with henry zhenwei and daniel. joab was wearing his lilac converse jumper haha. and i saw aiven! haha. TAYLORS. yeah i still miss college.

and we watched the last episode of grey's anatomy season 2 just now. so we're not left with much. :( haha oh well. ask sam's friend jonathan (i thought his name was john, as i wrote in the last entry) to lend us scrubs and house! haha.

i need to see things from a more rational perspective.

so t i r e d oh my gosh. desperately need to sleep. thank God there's no school tomorrow, and even my appointment with dr jordan was postponed to next week, so i don't have to get up early. :) rest!


a flower quickly fading;

hehehe i am so happy today! because i webcammed with kevin sebas rong caleb peiyu and ren! :D:D haha and kevin downloaded skype for me. but there was this weird screechy sound which was quite irritating. but hey, i got to see them again. and talk to them, all except caleb. :\ they were doing weird things in the background. go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX--_oxGupk! haha.

i walked a lot today. but it was alright. went to do chest x-ray at the wrong place, how stupid is that? haha. oh well. and i spent like A$89+ on it lah. goodness. just to prove that i don't have TB? i hope i can claim at least some of it from oshc worldcare.

and lectures were really boring. but PCL was interesting though. david (our monday PCL tutor) brought his son to class today, cos it was no-curriculum day or something like that. then truman (his son) was drawing cute things like godzilla and kingkong on the board. and making weird noises and basically distracting us (and his father). it was quite fun. haha.

and during the law tute, we learnt how to obtain consent to do stuff to patients so we won't be sued for battery or anything like that. the patient must have the capacity to consent, must be given all the necessary information, and the consent must be voluntary and not coerced. we were let off like 45mins early, so i went to try and do the great metabolic race on the cmhse laptops. i am in desperate need of tuition in theme3! ahhh. :\

sam's classmate john came over for dinner today. actually he came over to give us posters, but he ended up staying for dinner. :) it's nice to have people over. and he was really nice. haha. easy to talk to and everything. and dinner was nice today. :) yay.

what's running through your mind?


squeezed

it's like, in that split second you just know-
it's something i'd love to be able to do every day for the rest of my life.

speaks volumes, doesn't it.
just like a bit of cranberry. :)


i don't like how it's so up and down.



i don't know how to rotate this thing properly, so. hurr. sam ian me lester, in front of the yarra river. this was two sundays ago.

tomorrow is the day! ahhhhhhh.

have quite a lot of work to do this weekend. :\ what's new?

wanjie didn't go for caregroup last night. :( neither did alex, zepeng and john. i'll still see alex in church tomorrow, but it's sad if john and zepeng decide to go to another church.

yuwan and i are going for OC! :D oceania convention. 6-9april. that eats up most of our term break. but they said we can bring our books to study during free time haha (just like crazy med students). hopefully i get my books before then. and daniel promised to go! haha. or so we say. but yuwan's good at bugging him, hopefully he really will go. the more people the merrier.

what else.

haha kevin! thanks. :p and yeah mac rocks right. i use dashboard though, for the weather forecasts and calculator and itunes sometimes, and google and dictionary. :p OH and stickies, of course. haha. i love expose, but i don't really use the F9-12 buttons. cos it's all really the same. i only tried adium once but i like msn more. i use ical quite a bit too, but more last time than now. the only thing i'm not happy with is compatibiliy issues.

i read campbell! for the third time in my life. haha i had to study citric acid (krebs) cycle and electron transport chain and chemiosmosis and oxidative phosphorylation. interesting.

i have to read up about wernicke's encephalopathy (i love that word) and korsakoff's syndrome.

do i like being in melbourne? how's this year different from last year?

glad to know i'm not the only one.


you make her world stop.

had my 4 jabs today. the first one was practically painless, but they got progressively worse. now my left arm is slightly swollen, and both arms are aching. oh well. the price of being immune, eh? they're afraid we'll get sick from patients, and that patients will get sick from us.

i was reminded today of how happy i was last year each time daddy called me. :) he called me today! :D hahaha. he said he only learnt clinical skills during year3 lah. and he's got his crs 4th year med student in nus friend to help me get my books already. they're so much cheaper in singapore lah.

the computer lesson was cancelled, so we hung around in CMHSE, sitting on the floor and just talking. it was really interesting.

i think it's a good experience to actually know someone who's different in that way. like it opens your eyes to see things from their perspective. the thing is, if you know them (and love them) before hand, it could go two ways: you could either end up ostracizing them (like a lot of other people), or you could end up learning how to accept them the way they are. yeah, it's a good experience.

it's amazing how i manage to get through each and every day. today i had 4 injections, was slightly late for class (because of the immunisations), had to do an oral presentation without being thoroughly prepared, and i had to do a hypothetical. just fyi, hypotheticals are the bane of my uni life. and oral presentations have been my worst enemy since forever. and yet here i am. thank God the school week's almost over. can't wait for tomorrow after PCL, because that will mean only two lectures left.

i saw yuki in school today! but she was too far away so i didn't say hi. yet another familiar taylors face, it feels good. :p

oh yes. haha we're starting a revolt against the uni's insensitivity towards mac users. yeah man. we should have a right to access software too okay. especially since i haven't learnt all this before and i can't do the great metabolic race! hurr. thanks daniel. and john. the three singaporean mac users haha.

okay i really need to study, make full use of the Life bio textbook i lugged all the way back for overnight loan. and pharmacology, of course. first time ever, i'm reading up before lectures. *gasp! yeah i need to study respiration too. :\ gahhs.

and i need to find out the BSB number of commonwealth bank at elizabeth/bourke street. otherwise i might not be able to get the scholarship money! hurr. how i envy the malaysians who're fully sponsored. they get like $1200 a month for accomodation and everything. can enjoy life lah like that.

uncertainty is right. paranoia is right.


she says she has no time for you know
but she can hardly breathe without you

i need to sleep more, i'm not functioning properly. like really.

during the ethics tute today we were supposed to intro the person beside us, and tell the tute group one good quality that person has which makes him/her a good doctor (or well, med student). and one vice which doctors should never have. and i couldn't remember what to say.

and then after school i came back and did some stuff and fell asleep. when i got up i thought it was the next morning already. and i'd only slept one hour. and then i got up and walked around my room and almost fell down. so i went to lie down again. gosh this is bad.

people who've done A's have got it going for them. i'm lost, i need tuition. desperately. someone tell me something about the citric acid cycle (kreb's cycle) please. syndicate's due tomorrow and i haven't done the great metabolic race thing. gahhs. so much for using a mac. and i can't even use it on the school computers! this is worth complaining about.

and there's oral presentation tomorrow. don't really know what i'm going to say. it's supposed to be about 2 minutes each or something, but i think i only have about 30 seconds worth of stuff to say. lactic acidosis isn't very complicated. besides, everything branches off from the fact that when you drink too much alcohol, you get too much NADH and it messes everything up. so we can't all be repeating the same thing right? it all revolves around the same equations anyway.

taking notes on your comp is a good idea. except that i don't like people reading what i write/type, and it's kind of obvious when you're using a comp because the screen's up. but at least i can read it.

after lessons i went to hargrave library to meet amy and jenny to do the alcohol poster. sean came along to copy what jenny did haha. then i tried to do some of the syndicate questions. i'm left with 3 questions, kind of. and 2 mcqs i'm not sure about. thankfully syndicates are formative assessments, meaning they won't be counted. which is important. because i'm lagging far behind. TUITION!

meeting aiksern for lunch on friday. oh and i saw jessica that day in the menzies (arts building), she's doing commerce. it's nice to meet people from taylors, it makes it feel a bit more comfortable. and the menzies study area has beanbag chairs! how come cmhse doesn't have those? oh and i saw sophie today again at the bookshop! haha. she's doing law and she has like half the number of contact hours as me? but i'm not sure if she's doing arts/law or plain law. heh all the taylors people. i miss taylors.

it's like having something, then taking it away.

okay i need to go do syndicate now. thanks everybody, i'll be fine. :) once i sort certain important issues. soon, hopefully. rong don't worry about uni too much. you've still got time to enjoy life. yurong your box of 101 promises are good. :) i'll pull through.


let us not give up meeting together..?

interesting, people are worried about uni. yes, please do be worried. and yes, it will kill you. so have fun while you're still free.

okay i know i'm supposed to be slightly happier about school. and actually yes, i am. it isn't school that's the problem this time.

wanjie and ian came over for dinner tonight. i think i should reserve such things for weekends instead. not for a day where i have to do two pieces of research and two things to do for a syndicate. thankfully syndicates are on thursdays.

i'm dying of stress. seriously. like mental breakdown. did you know that med students are more likely to get mental illness, depression, and commit suicide compared to other people? yeah people please don't go become doctors.

had to interview the mock patient today, almost died. because the patient didn't have any health issues whatsoever, all she was worried about was her daughter who was dropping out of 2nd year med school. not that that isn't a big thing, but do people really go to see GPs about this kind of thing? don't they just go see counsellors?

thank God my hospital and GP site visits are only in may. lots of time to practise. memorise all the acronyms and try to make it sound less rehearsed. learn how to deal with anger and grief. remember to summarise. learn how to take notes effectively, and write a report like michelle (she's good).

photocopied my timetable today. you know today was good, except i hate the endings. without fail.

it's good to finally come to a decision. even though it feels like your heart is being ripped out.

i am going to be so dead for everything that's due either tomorrow or thursday.


i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you

feeling slightly happier about school now. :)

lectures were really boring today. the lecturer was just reading off the slides. spent the first lecture watching alex play games on his comp and talking about taylors. haha mrs richards was his bio teacher too. :D

PCL was interesting, as always. even though i never know how to answer the tutor's questions. have to do research on foetal alcohol syndrome. (sometimes i still feel invisible)

second lect, tried not to fall asleep again. made a mental note to check out the Life textbook. unfortunately, it's never in the library. all the muggers hogging it.

lunch break! had lunch with ivy and wanjie at hargrave. :) ivy was having a rare day off because of labour day. it's unfair that we didn't have a break today. monash's reason? it's too close to the beginning of term. what nonsense lah.

ivy asked me to go for convention. oceania convention 2007. it's from 9-11 april (according to daniel), at phillip island. that's during easter break, so all it'll do is eat away free time. but i really want to go. haha. rachel said she regretted not going the first year. and it sounds good. the only bad thing is that it costs $200. and it'll be at PIAR, which isn't a new place, since transition camp was held there too. i really hope yuwan and daniel go too. wanjie's and christina's friends are coming over, so they can't go. and i haven't asked anyone else yet.

after lunch went to find S10. it was quite funny, no one knew where to go, so you'd see streams of med students wandering around asking "where's S2?!" haha. went to CMHSE to ask in the end. good thing there was gil with me. we were like 15 mins late, but it didn't matter cos the tutor came half an hour late. amanda, a lady with a mild intellectual disability, talked to us. she was quite cool. and she gave us gummies. :D haha. yeah it was interesting.

the stakeholder tute ended a bit early, so i went to the matheson library to try to get the metabolic race thing, for the gazillionth time. of course, i couldn't get it. so i got lecture notes instead. and looked at the new stuff on my thumbdrive. :)

last lecture of the day. went to sit with yuwan so i could talk to her about convention. really hope she goes. then gil came to sit with me again haha. he's from israel, and he can speak hindi, sinhalese, japanese, hebrew.. so cool lah. haha. lecture was boring, of course. the main point i got was that if you want to exercise, you should do it for at least half an hour. 15mins would be a waste of time, cos you don't burn fat at all. at least an hour would be the best.

which reminds me. wanjie went to swim this morning before class! the crazy girl, lectures started at 9am lah. i might join her on wednesday though, lessons start at 10 that day. or maybe not. lazy haha.

after lecture went to campus centre to get a free alcohol t-shirt haha. it states the safe levels of alcohol, which is apt because we're focussing on alcohol this week. then went to the hargrave library to do research for home tute. met jenny and amy after their medcamp briefing, split the work up and then i went to try and find more info. couldn't find much on books, so i used the databases instead. crazily long articles to read lah.

then finally walked back. boring day eh. but i'm quite happy because i didn't feel like i hated it so much. :)

shepherding on friday before care group, with wanjie yuwan and christina. ivy's our shepherd. :)

OH YES. yesterday at lygon safeway i saw LOYI! hahaha so funny lah. like after 3months+. his hair was so light brown, but he's still the same. he needed girls to help him assemble his dining table. :p and he wanted me to help him edit his essays again. siao one lor. haha but it makes me reminiscent of the times last year.

and i walked back from clayton station last night lah. so crazy. it took forever (lazy to check how long), but it wasn't too bad, even though i wasn't wearing havaianas. and i think the two things i love most about melbourne are the sky and the architecture. i love how you can see stars even if there are clouds. :D oh and why did we walk? because we missed the last bus. -.-

okay need to go do stuff.

:)


all i need is you
in every little thing i do

i started out wanting to blog about the care group outing. but now, it seems to pale in comparison to a lot of other things. but don't get me wrong, care group outing to arthur's seat and rye beach was great. :) and rachel lent me hillsong london. :)

i'm trying harder now. because i want this to work. i don't want to slip in and out anymore. i don't want the highs to last a only a day.

i don't like it when people waste my time. every little bit that's wasted gets on my nerves. to me it seems that people don't know the value of their time. maybe it's because they don't have that many things to do and they can live life at a slower pace. whereas i'm rushing to finish researching, reading, printing notes.

there are times i really feel that this will never work out. sometimes i wonder why we even try. and why there are so many ups and downs. why life hurts this much. for you. why things never work out the way you want or intended. why you end up doubting every single thing when your faith is tampered with.

i've been feeling that the words of that song are so apt.

and now i've realised that it isn't enough. i can't do enough when i'm needed.

and i don't have people when they're needed.


WANJIE. j for jellybeans.
hmmm. my last post got deleted accidentally. :( i should stop using tabs when i blog, i just close the entire thing without checking first.

anyway. if you're going to be doing something for the rest of your life, it had better be something you enjoy doing. so. since i'm here doing med, i'd better start enjoying the whole thing, tiring as it may be.

i look at ivy, and she's currently the biggest inspiration for me right now. she's made it through 4+years of med school, she has 4 sheep now (she had 7 last year), she serves in the worship and kitchen ministries, she attends two care groups and goes to church on saturday and sunday, and she teaches in care group.

just in case i haven't mentioned this before, ivy's my 5th year senior. she's also my friend, teacher, and mentor. a lot of things rolled into one. thank God for her.

and the entire care group, actually. they're a bunch of amazingly nice people.

but what stresses me out is that there are a lot of stuff going on on fridays and saturdays, and that leaves practically no time to get school stuff done. not to mention the fact that i'm already dead tired after a day in school. this melbourne syndrome has to stop, seriously.

(and it's irritating that some of the med stuff doesn't work on macs, john and i were having this conversation about how they're mean not to make stuff that can be used on good comps. and how they only cater to the majority.)

and so. i really have to stop complaining about school and start liking it. loving it, even. i need to get into the momentum of things again.

(yeah i forgot what i wanted to say)

just that i miss everyone and wish everyone had a webcam so i could say hi.


better together
jack johnson

there's no combination of words
i could put on the back of a postcard
no song that i could sing
but i could try for your heart
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-tone loving
love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart
like why we're here, and where do we go
and how come it's so hard
it's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
i'll tell you one thing
it's always better when we're together




wonder what i'm doing blogging when i haven't typed out the gastroenteritis management stuff for PCL. i don't even know the difference between Rx (treatment) and Mx (management) lah gosh. HELP.

struggling.

wanjie reminded me: so many people would give anything to be in your position right now. made me wonder if i really want to be here. or would i just willingly give it up? ivy laughed at us for saying that we wanted to drop out. (of course we won't. with the pressure, who could?)

i decided to go for caregroup outing this saturday. that means i'll forgo the singapore cohesion thing at deakin hall saturday night. i need to sleep early for once.

i wake up feeling exhausted, barely manage to stay awake during lectures, somehow make it through tutorials (pracs aren't so bad), spend breaks in the library, have dinner, watch grey's anatomy (sometimes), do work/ print lecture notes, waste time, go to sleep feeling exhausted. vicious cycle, isn't it?

i never want to be consumed by work.

let me survive wednesday and thursday, and hopefully friday will be good (because on friday there's actually time for good things to happen). i should stop thinking so much, it really is bad for me.

it's too late to be awake. thankfully tomorrow's a short day (9am-1pm).


look at the stars
look how they shine for you

lots of stuff to swallow tonight.
good days and bad days.
thought the 'oh medicine is killing me' thing was over.
today it came back.
thankfully the role play thing wasn't too bad.
unfortunately, theme4 tutes will be the bane of my existence.
plus the fact that i can't communicate with patients.
oh wow.
spent quite a bit of time in the library today.
some irritating person ripped pages out of the microbiology book.
did most of the online muso quiz thing on paper.

someone please tell me the differences between the internal cell organisation of unicellular organisms and multicellular organisms? can't they ask something more common like the differences between prokaryotes and eukaryotes?

didn't have the asepsis prac though, that was a bit of a let down. the good news is that i can take two hours off each week! :D which is a blessing, really.

and tomorrow is a short day. :) another blessing! more time to do research for thursday. and the muso quiz.

how's everyone??

and ccm is campus christian movement, sorry rong. :p you aren't coming lah.

okay gotta run.


so many bright lights to cast a shadow

hmmm i shouldn't really be blogging now. i shouldn't even be at rusden, i should be at the hargrave-andrew library (hal) doing research for PCL (patient-centred learning. case studies, basically). and i was half an hour late for today's one hour PCL. because i was 10mins late for my nurse appointment to review my mantoux (skin) test for the bcg thing. and she said it's too big (2x2.5cm) so i have to take another blood test. ugh.

anyway, gastroenteritis! have to go to hal later i guess. :\ and find out about the online quiz we have to do before thursday. AND research. no point subscribing to the Age if i don't read it (even though it is cheap).

transition camp actually helped me learn a lot about myself, so it was good. like a lot of reflection and stuff. but i don't know how to keep up with school and everything now. like 25 hours of class a week, plus studying and researching, and care group on friday night, church and CDS (christian development school) after church (i'm doing the membership class to find out how the church works), and the fact that i'm still the only person i know who doesn't study on sundays.

and there's caregroup outing this saturday, we're going to the beach! :D haha. thankfully saturday's supposed to be hot. BUT there's the singapore cohesion BBQ on saturday night. think i'll probably give that a miss, cos i'll definitely have to mug. not to mention practise introducing myself. ugh. i can never remember. and the next tut's tomorow! :\ die.

and we really have to sort this out, fast. but i still haven't heard anything. too fast too fast. :\

anyway. ivy's bringing wanjie and i out for dinner tonight! :) either at her house or somewhere outside.

AND wanjie accepted Christ yesterday!! :D:D yayy!

so, despite uni being horrible and all, there are still silver linings. we fed possums! :D flagstaff is sacred. i want it to work.

have to go back to school soon for a structural bio lect at the rotunda. and have to go to cmhse (centre for medical and health sciences education) to collect old lect notes and a cd of notes. gahhs. all the furthest places to walk.

THANK YOU KEVIN FOR GREY'S ANATOMY! :D i love it. although it scares me to death. but then i doubt i'll specialise in surgery anyway. :p

hopefully i get to talk to more people and read blogs when the wireless is up. it's been like 3 weeks+ but it feels like months. can't wait for easter break. haha i have one week free. wanjie's bestie is coming over and i'm so jealous gahhs. OH WELL. go skiing in june with ccm. :p

BACK TO SCHOOL.


still you said forever

a little update to prove i'm still alive. though it'll do no justice to what i've been through the past 3 weeks.

life as a uni student sucks, as wanjie will tell me several times a day.

I HAVE NO TIME.

stupid internet took forever.

my friends are freaking me out because they all studied so much and i haven't so much as read the notes for a single lecture! i haven't memorised all the things to say when i introduce myself to a patient! and i am so freaking out. UGH this really sucks you know. i will have to stop spending saturdays out.

i'm attending hope church and i like it. a lot. went for caregroup on friday at joab's house (oh my gosh his house is so nice) and it was really good. worship was amazing, really. i'm so glad wanjie went. :D yay! and the people are so nice.

it's stressful talking to so many people at once, but talking to you all make me so happy. :D especially dianana! :D

don't know what else to say. oh i've got 25 hours (on average) of classes a week. compared to 12 hours for a business student. ugh. how sad is that? like double can.

learnt CPR haha. i'll probably kill the person though. it's sad that they're going to give us certs, people who can't do it right and will probably kill their patients.

i can't believe this, i'm in way over my head.

can't talk to people and blog at the same time, so well.

byeeeee