I'm sitting at the computer doing stuff for work (I actually get paid to stay at home some days;) and I hear a rustle behind me. I sit and wait. Then, a tap on my back. I turn to see Maddy standing before me, a pull-up in one hand and wipes in the other. "Ma, I have poo-poo. Change it, pahlease." She drops her 2 handfuls in my lap. 5 minutes ago, I put a clean pull-up on her. Yes, she prefers to have a clean one to go poop in. What's the deal here? She was doing so well with the potty and now, all of a sudden, won't get near it. I mean, really, if you ask for a clean one to drop your load in and then get all the necessities to clean it up, wouldn't it be easier just to pull your pants down and sit? She obviously understands the dynamics, right? And she has terminology for what kind of poo-poo it is. "Diarrheara", "Man poop" (thank Ryan for that one), "Turdlets", and "Super seenty (stinky) poop". And she always has to see it and say what color it is. Yes, sometimes it neon green and even red. Gross. So, what am I doing wrong here? I'm not pressuring her. I'm not punishing her. I'm not overly rewarding her. At this age Delaney had been potty-trained without an accident for 8 months. I know, don't compare them. Delaney wasn't dealing with a new big-kid bed and a new baby coming, either. It's just frustrating. I didn't have too many goals set before baby #3 arrives, but this was one of them. My fear of having 2 in diapers is obviously going to be a reality and I must accept. But not happily! My response is usually, "Go tell Daddy." Any suggestions?
1.31.2006
1.30.2006
1.28.2006
1.26.2006
Quick Update - 36 weeks
Went to my weekly O.B. appt. today. I'm still between 1-2 centimeters dilated, but now he says her head is WAY DOWN, thinning out my cervix. Cool - but I kinda knew that with the lightning bolt sharp pains and pressure I've been feeling down there. SOOOO...she could bless us with her presence anywhere from tonight to 3-4 weeks. Hopefully, not the latter;) Oh - a wonderful SURPRISE arrived today via the beautiful UPS man...the infant carseat!!! YIPPEE!!! "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!' to Dad, Dixie, Keri and Chad. You ROCK! That took a lot of stress away;) It's hip and trendy even (for a carseat;) and now we can bring her home...which is a good thing, except for Maddy who hasn't grasped the reality of that yet.
I went to the chiropractor yesterday for my sciatica and pelvic symphysis separation that has been KI-HI-HILLING ME! I walked (not hobbled) out of there as if I were on a cloud. Seriously, the first time I haven't been in pain since being off bedrest. It was bliss! However, the pain returned right before bedtime, resulting in very little good sleep. I finished my book and watched a few Tivo'd shows in the middle of the night. Oh well!
Gotta run and take the kids to gymnastics. It's "Star Night" when they get to show what they know, get stars on their charts, and possibly move up to the next level. Maddy's teacher told us a couple of weeks ago she'll be moving up already, but it's still fun to watch and see what they've learned. Take care all!
1.22.2006
Just one more thing...
I know, you all thought it was over, but I had to share this. A lady at Wal-mart made a remark just today about how when my girls are 13, 15, and 18, they're going to "hate their mother's guts" (that would be ME she was talking about). And then she went on and on about how much trouble and how expensive they're going to be...blah, blah, blah - things I've heard many times. And this is what I said to her. "You know what irritates me the most? People like you who try to convince me my family is less than perfect. Maybe it's not your ideal family, but it is ours. How do I know that? Because we wouldn't have it ANY other way. I wouldn't have had ANY children if I was that concerned about their gender, difficult times, and the expenses that come along with them. All we can do is prepare the best we know how for those times and take them as they come. What I vow to do, though, is teach my daughters to embrace differences in individuals as well as families, so they don't make comments like the one you just made." I was pretty proud of myself. If you know me, you know I usually avoid confrontation at all costs. Except, obviously, when it comes to my family.
Anyway, moving on. We had a nice dinner party last night. Ryan invited a friend from work over with his wife and 2 daughters, 8 and 6. They were so well-behaved and played wonderfully with Delaney and Madelyn. It was a lot of fun. I've been busy sanding, priming, and painting a dresser for the baby's room. My list of projects to do before she comes is growing longer each day, instead of getting shorter. This next week will consist of getting things ready for the garage sale, getting baby stuff out of the attic, and preparing bedrooms.
Madelyn made the big move into Delaney's room:) She's sleeping in a Pack 'N Play, so we'll be getting her a big girl (toddler) bed soon to go under the loft bed. YIKES! Where did my baby go? We're slowly going to start putting some of her toys and clothes in there until she's completely transitioned. She's now going to preschool 2 days a week - which means I actually do get a morning off during the week now. WOW! What shall I do with myself? After maternity leave, I will be working that second day, though, since my hours at work just went from 4 to 8 a week (whooooo!) The good thing is, I can take the baby to work with me most of the time.
Delaney brought her 1st report card home on Friday. All +'s!!! (They grade them with +'s or -'s in Kindergarten.) She's also passed the first 2 rounds of testing for Gifted and Talented. She has one more test and then we'll know for sure if she's the smarty pants we have thought all along;) I really need to scan and post some of her more recent artwork, too. The one she's doing now has been a work-in-progress for 3 weeks. I always get anxious to see how it finally turns out. I just love how proud she is when she shows it to Ryan for the first time:)
Well, better go get some lunch. Love to all!
1.21.2006
1.19.2006
CAUTION...Hormonal Outburst Ahead...
What is bothering me like a eyelash stuck in my eye is that nearly everyone I come in contact with is obsessed with the gender of this baby. It's all anyone talks to me about. When they find out we're having another girl they just shake their heads and snicker. Before we’ve said hello and howdoyoudo to each other, they’re asking me, “So, are you gonna try again for a boy?” When I say "No, actually, we weren't trying for a boy this time", they force a fake smile and usually say, “Well, I don't envy you" or "Oh, your poor husband". I just want to say, "Please don't have pity on Ryan when he doesn't feel pitiful. He's happy. He's proud. Really. Ask him." Sure, he would have liked a son. I would have enjoyed seeing him with one. But, the truth is, he wouldn't give up what he already has for one. He loves this little girl already as he loves his other children. Actually, he is WAY more into this pregnancy than the others. So much so that I often have to push his hand off my belly just to get stuff done. If WE, the child's parents, are perfectly okay with it and have wholeheartedly welcomed the reality of a new, unique child (that happens to have a vagina) for our family and are truly HAPPY, why does everyone else make such a big freakin' deal about it? Why? Are we not blessed to have children period? Are we not extremely blessed to have healthy, happy, beautiful children? Why can't people just be genuinely happy for us? I know there are handfuls that are, so my frustration and anger obviously aren't the result of them. But from the others, a simple "Congratulations" would suffice. I'm sick and tired of all the rude comments I get every, single day. And I can't even imagine the ones that are thrown at Ryan on a daily basis. I just had absolutely NOOOOO idea people felt so strongly about something that isn't even directly related to their own lives. I'm baffled.
I just hate it when people try to tell me what I know or feel, when they don’t really know me or anything about what I know or feel. And I hate it when people don’t believe me when I actually tell them how I feel. I probably just confused you, so let me explain. Even during my second pregnancy, co-workers, strangers, kin, mail carriers, and grocery store clerks would ask, “Are you hoping for a boy?” and when I’d say I really didn’t care either way because I'd love for Delaney to have a sister, they’d wink knowingly like they secretly understood I didn’t want to jinx the whole dying for a baby boy thing. Believe me, I’ve nothing AT ALL against boys. I am married to a wonderful one for the love of Pete. I have a great father and brother, and some amazing, adorable nephews, but why does everyone immediately think that I was secretly pining for a little darling to dress up in blue and stick a baseball bat or football in the hand of? Am I missing a gene here? Do most people hope and pray and make offerings to the moon god begging for the pairing of the XY chromosomes?
I certainly wouldn’t be upset if a baby with a penis instead of a vagina pops out of me...a little overwhelmed and shocked, yes, but not upset. But to tell you the truth, I've really never longed for a boy. Since I can remember, I've just wanted children, lots of children. I must say, though, I was a bit relieved to find out this baby is most probably a girl being that she was a "suprise" to us. It's less stressful when we have all the girl clothes and the girl toys. And I don’t know if I could correctly clean around that fleshy sack between a baby boy's legs without training or deal with the whole missing foreskin thing. But I’m telling you, if I let that information get out in my neighborhood I just might be burned at the stake! I have two girls already; surely I must just be aching to pieces for a boy. I hear stories from parents who burst into tears in their hospital beds when their dream of a son arrived without a ball sack and wiener. Ryan and I have discussed it numerous times. It's our FIRM belief as a couple that God chooses our children WAY before we "request" them and gives them to us not as "genders", but as individual people who are all completely different and amazing, regardless of their anatomy. The 2 girls we already have are proof of that. They are NOTHING alike! And so, this has gotten me thinking about what if we actually had been able to "choose"? Well, we wouldn't have Madelyn. We would have had a girl and boy (because that's what everyone seems to think we should have had) and that's it. That thought is devastating. And although people have stated that they "feel sorry" for or "don't envy" us, we wouldn't trade her, or any child the Lord blesses us with, for the world.
Is it that we're having three girls or just 3 of the same gender? Sparked by curiosity, I've been asking around at work (The Parenting Center of a hospital) and in the weekly playgroups we attend. What I've discovered is, the opposite holds true (if not more so). Women with 2 or more boys have told me that they get the same type of comments. Research states that 85% of couples "trying" for one sex or the other are trying for girls. So, maybe the reactions toward those families are even worse!?!? I can't imagine - and I hate it for my sister if it's true. This leads me to believe that the majority of people think having at least one of each is ideal. I'm not sure why. There's actually a term for it - "Family Balancing". Give me a break! Personalities balance a family, not vaginas and penises!!
It makes me sad (and a bit angry) to think that grown adults put pressure on children to be what THEY want them to be, even before birth. So, what is the guarantee that your child will reach all your expectations anyway? What if your boy doesn't want to play and excel at YOUR favorite sport, but would rather paint and dance? What if the daughter you've dreamed of chooses to be a couch potato instead of the Olympic gymnast you spent thousands of dollars having trained? Let me tell you, they will know your disappointment, just as they will know your disappointment of not being the gender you'd hoped for...and, unfortunately, be psychologically scarred by it. Why can't they just be who God intended without pushes and shoves from parents who couldn't make their own dreams come true? Back in California, a lady I knew kept having babies until she finally got a boy (her husband's dream of the next David Beckham). He was her NINTH child. All 8 girls played select soccer 3-4x a week striving to make their Dad proud... and the boy of their dreams had zero interest and refused to play period. All those girls missed out on what could have been their true talents, obviously aware of what their parents truly wished for all along. HOW SAD!
An acquaintance brought dinner over the other evening and asked if I knew the sex of the baby. When I told there's a 90% chance it's a girl, she crossed fingers on both hands, jumped up and down and exclaimed, “Ohhhh! There's still a 10% chance. Here’s hoping!!” as if maybe I were coming up on the organ transplant list and would hear any day whether or not I’d get a new life saving liver. I'm sure the look on my face was indescribable. I was offended and hurt...we already love this little girl so much. At this point, we would grieve extensively over her if "she" turns out to be a "he".
Listen, Internet, I’ll tell you what I’m really hoping for. I’m hoping to make it full term without a baby trying to arrive whose lungs will not yet function outside of my body. I’m hoping that I don’t see a river of blood the next time I stand up or go to the bathroom. I’m hoping I can ease off my butt tomorrow and surprise everyone by not experiencing a single cramp. I'm hoping to feel this baby move more often so we can quit worrying. I’m hoping I am able to give birth to a healthy baby with the lights low and my family close by. I don’t give a crap if it has a uterus or vas deferens, and I mean that. I harbor no secret hope for blue.
There. I feel better already. Just one more thing, if you’ve had some kind of vision and just know and can bear testimony to the fact that I’m really having a boy or should try again to get one, then well, I just don’t know what to say to you except for "Please take your unnecessary comments, get off my porch, and don’t come back, like ever. But thank you for the homemade dinner, it was delicious"!
Ya know, I'm sure the reaction to this is going to be "Wow. Angie really can't take a joke." But you know what, the jokes are only funny to a point. The ones that are obviously meant with love...sure. But NOT the rude, crude ones that have to do with making the people I love feel bad or less that perfect. I'd rather everyone just go back to making fun of our last name;) After 8 years, I've finally gotten used to that;) No wait, I have a better idea...when you have a 2nd, 3rd, or 9th baby of the same gender, look me in the eye and tell me YOU don't want and love them and would actually consider trading them for the opposite gender. Tell me the jokes about your family are funny. I honestly think that if you're going to be disappointed at the gender of your child because you had such high hopes for one gender or the other, you SHOULD NOT have any more! That feeling of disappointment will be projected onto that child for the rest of his/her life.
Having admitted all that, I DO acknowledge that is my own hang-up. I do have a Masters in Psychology, people;) The true problem here is with me and my emotions. People's negative comments will unfortunately continue for the rest of our lives. I talk to my next-door neighbors with 3 daughters about it all the time. I'm just not the type of person to easily let things "roll off my back". I wish I were. I'm going to have to figure out my own way of dealing with and handling them - short of gouging someone's eyes out. I pledge to do so as gracefully as possible because I REFUSE to let my children be affected by them. I want all 3 of them to be proud of their family of origin. I want them to feel like they were 100% wanted and loved unconditionally, no matter what their gender happened to be, at birth. That is of the UTMOST importance. So, if you find you can't be part of that support for us, I don't want you in my children's lives. Any negative comment about not being "wanted" exactly as they are could devastate them. And I won't have that.
Angie
Now that you have had the benefit of reading the rantings of my hormonal, emotional, and deeply caring soul mate, I would like everyone to hear from me.
Angie wrote this excerpt one day while I was at work. She wanted me to read it just so I would know how she feels. She said there was no way she'd publish it, because she knew that it was a result of her hormonal emotions and that most people did not really mean any thing at all by commenting and joking negatively about having all girls. But I told her, after reading it, that I thought she should publish it exactly as it was written. It was her true feelings at the time, albeit harsh and stinging to some. Within her family, it is common for them to show restraint in how they word their feelings, because they see other people's feelings as more important. While a very noble concept, it just isn't done that way in my family. In my family, if you have a problem with someone, you let them have it. Whether you are tactful or not, the important thing is to get the problem out on the table, so it can be resolved. (Rather beaten into bloody submission with a verbal baseball bat.)
So...I felt this metaphorical "throwing down of the female offspring gauntlet" an extremely appropriate opportunity for Angie to show that she can adapt to the Dick family way of working out your problems. I also feel it best for her to let her feelings flow in this general, non-specific media, rather than hold them in, only to have them surface later and be directed at some poor individual...me. This way all of you in cyberspace can read the rantings, absorb them, be offended if you wish, and then get happy in the same pants you got offended in. Because like it or not, I wholeheartedly support Angie and what she states above...TO THE LETTER.
I love my two daughters, period. I love them as much, if not more, than any man has ever loved their son/s. While I admit I harbored some small hope of the third being a boy, it was a hope born more of curiosity than anything else. I was curious of what it would be like to have a boy and raise him to be just like me. (Ha, Ha.) The truth is, it's just as possible for one of my daughters to be like me, sharing similar interests. As a matter of fact, I can think of more than a few boys Maddy's age (and older) that I would put her up against in a fight. Seriously though, my wish to have a boy is only a wish to reproduce the relationship I have with my own Dad. I am very fortunate to have a Dad that has also, in 32 years, been my greatest friend. With three girls, I may not be able to develop the exact same relationship, but why can't it be the same strength of bond and friendship? It can. I have just as strong a bond to my Mom, and SHE'S a girl!
My hope is that this little verbal claymore mine we have written will have an effect on all that reads it, good or bad. For those it offends, I hope you're really stung. Not because the words are directed at anyone in particular, but if you are really affected, maybe you'll read it again and maybe you'll think twice before commenting on someone else's family. And after you've read it a few more times, you'll get past the emotional ranting and see, like every one else, that we are only voicing our unwavering pride of having two.... make that three amazing little girls. And I hope that makes you proud as well, because like the sex of your children, you can't choose your family. All who reads this is our "family", and we love you all, even if we don't sometimes like what you say. I hope the same holds true for each of you.
Ryan
1.17.2006
I had a 3-D ultrasound this evening. It was amazing! Technology is amazing! I wish I'd had this with my other pregnancies. It's so much more "real" to me now knowing what she looks like, feeling her move while watching it on the screen. She did a lot of moving and yawning (silent cheer;), putting on a good show for us. Here are some of the photos taken...the first couple are 2-D and the last ones are 3-D. Isn't she adorable? 
1.16.2006
Weekend Update
It's been a nice, relaxing weekend so far. How wonderful it get's extended one more day! Keri, Austin, and Nick brought Madelyn back on Thursday and stayed until Sat. afternoon with us. They kept Maddy for us the last few days of my bedrest. She obviously had a great time because she wanted to go back with them:(
The ladies in my neighborhood had a nice baby shower for me yesterday. Believe me, I never expected a shower for my 3rd, but they'll find any excuse to get together to eat, drink, and gossip;) It was fun and baby got lots of goodies. It sort of jumpstarted my excitement about having another tiny person in the house. I've been so busy with the girls I hadn't really let it hit me yet, I suppose. Now when I look around and see newborn diapers, pacifiers, and teeny clothes, it's making me think I need to get out of denial and get this kid ready to enter the world. Ryan keeps pushing me to go shopping with him to get everything she needs. Maybe we'll go today...
I've been having some harsh contractions (the kind that stop me in my tracks and take my breath away), but nothing consistent. I never had those this early with either previous pregnancy. Well, I never really had those at all until I was given pitocin - and I only felt them with Laney when the epidural quit working. And I'm dialated between 1 and 2 cm (since Thurs.) with a soft, thin cervix. What does that mean? It means I could drop her today, or stay this way for weeks. Who knows? I'm anxious to meet her and snuggle her and look into her face, but not yet. She's barely 5 lbs. - definitely needs to cook longer:)
Anyway, it's 7am on a "day off" (not that I ever really get one) so I guess I'll go back to bed. Here's hoping I don't have more contractions or freaky, vivid dreams that wake me. I know, it's my body's way of getting me used to being up every couple hours - the part I'm NOT looking forward to.
1.12.2006
Update
Hallelujah! I'm off bedrest! Well...sort of. Now I'm on what's called "modified bedrest" which basically means I can do anything that doesn't cause me to grunt. Okay, at this point, everything I do evokes a grunt;) But I know what he means... no picking up kids, no vacuuming, no XBox Dance, Dance Revolution... got it. Oh - and complete pelvic rest still. Sorry Ryan:( I'm just so excited I can get out of this house - and give it a good cleaning. My cervix hasn't dialated but is still changing. It is softer and thinner. Stay, baby, stay - at least another week! You don't have a carseat yet;) Thanks for all the prayers. Keep 'em coming!
1.09.2006
1.06.2006
Bedrest=Suckfest
I'm just no good at sitting/laying around. I don't like being termed "fragile". I can feel myself ballooning and possible getting atrophy. Seriously. It's just NOT me. I've got shit to do, people!!! Don't get me wrong, Ryan's doing an excellent job I must say. But he's not so much a multi-tasker, if you know what I mean. I incur more stress sitting around thinking of the multiple things that could be getting done while he does one task at a time. Uggg. I've always wanted the chance to be waited on hand and foot and the chance for Ryan to see what I do in a week is no joke hard work and exhausting. But now I just want to do it MYSELF! I know, I can hear ya... "Shut the heck up! Be grateful. Stop complaining. Do what you have to do to keep this baby from coming out." I am. Really. I'm trying my best.
Sunday is the "Our New Baby" class at the hospital. It's a class (that I teach on occasion) that is informative to parents about how to prepare older siblings and handle sibling challenges after childbirth. The kids will get to go to their own little class to learn how to be great big sisters. It will be fun for them. The best part is... I get to go in a wheelchair! Yippy.
1.03.2006
Happy New Year, and....
Happy hospital stay for lucky me! Yup, every one of my pregnancies have been completely different. Let's add some new vocabulary words to my pregnancy journals with this third one.... pre-term labor, placental abruption, low blood count, irritable uterus, pubic symphysis separation, and bedrest. Oh Yeah! I just spent New Year's Day 2006 in the hospital for 24 hours. After our excellent trip to the beach, we returned on Saturday to spend New Year's Eve and a couple days with my bro, sis, and their families at our house. We had an awesome time ringing in the new year (maybe too awesome:-0). New Year's Day morning I was standing in the kitchen and seriously thought I peed my pants or my water broke...I ran to the bathroom and discovered it was bright red blood. Yikes! And lots of it. Ryan and I left the girls with family (thank God they were there) and headed to the hospital. After lots of tests and lots more blood, they determined it was a minor placental abruption. The ultrasound showed a small empty pocket between my uterus and placenta that they believed was filled with blood and expelled itself. It was currently empty of debris so, if I take it really easy, they feel it will repair itself in a couple weeks...or it will happen again and I'll just have the baby early. I was also having irregular contractions (which they termed "irritable uterus") and pressure, so he did a vaginal exam. My cervix has softened significantly just since Thursday. They kept me for observation overnight and gave me 2 steroid shots 18 hours apart to mature her lungs faster, just in case. So, we're keeping our fingers crossed that placenta stays in place and we make it to at least 35 weeks before she pops out. Right now she has a great chance of survival but could have possible respiratory distress (which was the need for steroids) and won't know how to eat, breathe, and swallow together and would need a feeding tube. Bedrest sucks (I feel your pain, Trish!), but Ryan has been given the week off, so I don't have much to do but lie around and give orders. Sounds easier and more fun than it really is, though, if you know my personality. We've decided I probably shouldn't have competed with the kids on XBOX Dance, Dance Revolution on New Year's Eve - HA! It sure was fun, though:)
Oh - and prior to going to the beach, I discovered my pelvis is wacked - out of alignment and is completely separating in my tailbone region - called Pubic Symphysis Separation. Talk about excruciating, can't even take another step, pain. Since I've been on bedrest, it hasn't been hurting, so I guess that's a blessing. Gotta look at the brightside;) I'll post some pics tomorrow of New Year's and the beach. Gotta go get in bed...fun, fun.
Winter Beach Bums
It's 4am and I can't sleep so I'll post the new pics now. These are all from the beach b/c our camera battery died, do I don't have and New Year's Eve ones...oops.
Going for a walk on the lagoon beach (the side Anne and Frank's house is on) with D-Daddy
"Doe-ine' ah real bid beach" (after asking 500+ times) with D-Daddy. Note that they are currently fully dressed... not so much after the end of our hour-long beach play:) What was I thinking? I always seem to forget they are seal pups who don't understand the concept of staying dry around water - HA!
