understanding integrity

in·teg·ri·tas n mutu, sifat, atau keadaan yg menunjukkan kesatuan yg utuh sehingga memiliki potensi dan kemampuan yg memancarkan kewibawaan; kejujuran; (KBBI, 2008)

Tidak menerima hadiah atau uang dari klien bukan lah aturan yang baru dalam dunia per-konsultan-an. Tapi tadi siang saya dapat pengalaman baru. Saya diberi uang rapat oleh klien kantor saya. Kalian bisa tebak sendiri, klien saya ini institusi pemerintah dan memang punya aturan yg melegitimasi pemberian uang rapat bahkan kepada konsultan. Ketika disodorkan amplop uang rapat, konsultan senior saya blg, "Wah Bapak, seharusnya konsultan tidak menerima ini loh" dan saat saya tanya lg, konsultan senior saya berkata seperti itu hanya utk menjaga citra konsultan saja. Beliau sudah tahu bahwa menerima uang rapat memang diperbolehkan dan sudah ada aturannya.

Cerita di atas memang ga ada hubungannya sama suap-menyuap dan integritas. Tapi saya jadi teringat proyek saya dengan klien kantor yang lain. Proyek yg lain ini rawan suap-menyuap banget antara calon rekan kerja klien dan klien, makanya pekerjaannya ditangani oleh kantor saya sebagai pihak ketiga. Akibatnya, kami-kami ini yg jadi orang-orang pertama yg digoda dengan 'hadiah-tanpa-maksud-tapi-bohong'. Atas nama integritas dan menjaga citra baik institusi yg memayungi kantor kami, kami menolak uang - tanpa maupun dengan maksud tertentu - dari calon rekan kerja klien.

Alhamdulillah sampai saat ini, kami tidak pernah menerima sepeser pun uang suapan. At least, saya dan teman-teman. Saya belum pernah melihat dan merasakan alasan untuk menerima uang pelicin, sampai sekarang.

Sebelumnya, saya pikir, "Kenapa sih orang mau aja disogok? Ko bisa ya orang-orang segitu rakusnya?". Yah, akhirnya saya ngerti juga kenapa ada aja orang yg berhasil disogok. Mereka mungkin sedang butuh sekali uang, seperti saya saat ini. Ya memang ada saja orang-orang yg pada dasarnya maruk, tapi saya yakin ada juga kumpulan yg jadi terjebak karena kondisi.

Saat situasi finansial saya baik-baik saja, rasanya lebih gampang utk mengerti dan menjalankan nilai-nilai integritas. Kenapa? Karena saya ga butuh-butuh amat juga sama sogokan yg mereka tawarkan. Sekarang, jujur saja, sudah tanpa malu lagi saya akui saya butuh uang. Andaikata dalam waktu dekat ini saya disogok, saya perlu berpikir dua kali untuk menolak. Tapi apa sulitnya kondisi finansial menjadi suatu alasan valid utk menerima sogokan? Tentu saja tidak. Karena tak pernah ada alasan valid untuk itu.

Saya jadi tersadar, mungkin selama ini saya terlalu remeh memandang integritas. Sampai baru-baru ini, hidup saya cukup indah - dalam artian, integritas tidak pernah harus dipilih. Sekarang saya mengerti bahwa menjalankannya tidak lah semudah itu jika integritas berhadapan dengan realita hidup. Mungkin di situ lah letak integritas yang sebetulnya berada, saat dia berhadapan dengan realita, karena memilih dan memperjuangkan integritas akan butuh pengorbanan. Dan pengorbanan itu lah yang akan membuat integritas berharga.

"One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised" - Chinua Achebe

"Compromise is usually a sign of weakness, or an admission of defeat. Strong men don't compromise, it is said, and principles should never be compromised." - Andrew Carnegie

little wins

I was working from home that day because there was a lot of stuffs to do (work and academic related). Actually at the beginning of the day, I felt anxious because the work deadline was the day after and my progress was nowhere near 50%. So after breakfast, I started to work. And also sent an e-mail to my final project advisor about my recommendation letter. I thought I had to wait for another day to get them but - "eng ing eng!" - he told me they were finished!

Later that day I went to my undergrad department. I went straight to my advisor's office and had my recommendation letters printed in his office. Hahaha.. And I thought I had to run around and print them anywhere except his office. Then I went to the administration office, where a dear staff of SBM-ITB helped me legalize photocopies of my diploma and get some of the documents signed, enveloped and sealed. He also helped me fold the letters. :p Me and the administration staffs chatted a bit and I told them about my plan of taking Grad school in South Korea. It was like the old time and I felt really welcomed. They also wished me the best of luck with my application.

I also met a good friend of Mom. And of course we talked, a lot, because we haven't seen each other in a ... year, I guess? Anyway, we also talked about my plan and he told me stories about UK too (since I'm planning to go there, beside Korea). And when we both went our ways, he wished me the same thing the admin staffs did.

I don't know why, but those wishes gave me strong emotions. I know they won't include me in their daily prayers, wishing my admission in any one of the universities, and that's okay. It's just that hearing those words made me feel blessed - that I still have friends who are willing to help me achieve a big goal. (okay, that sounds a bit desperate) And not only that. I did not hear a single word about them wanting me to be a lecturer.

Sidebar: To understand the gravity of it, I first must explain this: I do not want to be a lecturer. Yet. But please don't push me or try to get it into my head that I should try a lecturer-path scholarship or a lecturer-trainee program. Just. Don't. Or I'll turn into the Queen of Anarchy. Seriously.

Sidebar's sidebar (??): Not that I have hard feeling for lecturers. Both my parents are, and I love them to very core of my existence (with no doubt). It's just that I feel very uncomfortable to be told to do something that I'm convinced I can't excel at. I could go on explaining. But for fear of hurting lecturer's and soon-to-be lecturer's feelings, let's just cut it short. Only let me make it clear for you. It's not about lecturer as in job or lecturer as in person , it's about me. So whatever I say here doesn't have anything to do with you lecturers, it has everything to do with me. Alrite?

Okay, so. Although I had an impending deadline and my account balance is making me dreadful, these little wins made my day. You see, by telling this to you, you know that I have nothing new to offer. But at least I'm (and hopefully you too) reminded in that wonderful day, that we should look for little wins during the hard situations. As shallow or short-minded it may seem, it helps our sanity survives nevertheless. And also take note, that sometimes a simple helpful action or heartfelt wish can make someone's day brighter. I just hope everyone working for Wasior's, Mentawai's and Merapi's cause thinks the same way too.

-dedicated to the victims of WMM: we know there's nothing in this world can replace your loss, especially those who lost loved ones. hang tough and know that our thoughts are with you-

show me the meaning of money

Nope, certainly not the meaning of being lonely.

This month marks the very first time of my financial struggle. As my readers/friends would know, my office is quite unreliable in giving their employees their deserved salaries. Just exactly when I just paid out a huge amount of cash to buy tickets to USA to accompany my sister back home. I gotta tell you, I can't even pay my telephone bills. Nor can I go out and meet with my junior high school friends because I don't have any leisure money to spare.

Yea, of course, I still got Dad. And I can borrow some from him to pay my bills. But honestly, call me having a big ego, but I just don't have the gut to do it. At least right now, when I'm writing this post.

And also, this personal financial crisis happens in the same time of my applying to graduate schools. If you have ever applied to a school before, you'll know the process requires money. Be it for admission fee, photocopies, or even getting your documents translated.

That much said, I'm beginning to understand how precious money is. I mean, I *know* how precious money is, it's just that I understand more of it now. And it's not that I-can't-buy-anything-without-money kind of way, but more of a let-us-waste-no-money-if-it's-not-that-necessary-especially-if-we-earn-it kind of way.

I started holding back on things I would normally buy, like buying my own office toilet paper, or coffee, or magazine. Those things are beginning to be exquisite things, things that would make my day if someone buys them for me. And I'm also trying to stop my dad's habit of wanting to eat out. :p That's partly because I don't want him feeling more burdened by me. :)

And today that money-is-precious! sentiment gets stronger. My dad told me that someone has been abusing his credit cards. His bills are full of transactions he has never made and the total transactions sum up to approximately 20million IDR. That's just insane, right?! Dad was almost willing to give up and pay for those bills, but not me!

I mean, come on! Someone tried to rip a retired lecturer off and wanted to get away? No way. Nu-uh. If I know who that leech is, I'll probably go there and gives her/him a good beating they regret the day they were born. That's how mad I am. Thankfully, the bank call center was ever so helpful so we sorted it out and hopefully the bank would cancel the bills.

I wasn't this mad when someone fooled Dad into giving a bigger sum of money. Maybe because at that time I wasn't in desperate need of money. But I did regret why Dad easily trust someone and without asking my opinion. :( But, anyway, this post is not about that.

So ... aside feeling poor, I am pretty grateful because my basic needs are still fulfilled and I learn to appreciate things I've taken for granted before. I understand that there are still many people out there who weren't as luck as I am right now. And I do believe some of them can still have fun and get some laugh. Well, I might as well do that too, don't I?

Only that, truth be told, I would rather my office give me my deserved salary and other deserved compensations.

Remember Ramadhan

Tiga puluh hari sudah kita menahan segala nafsu dan sifat buruk manusia. Satu bulan yang penuh dengan ibadah demi mendekatkan diri pada Sang Pencipta. Ditutup dengan dua hari perayaan yang penuh ampunan dan keikhlasan.

Tepat menjelang 1 Syawal tahun ini, saya tiba-tiba teringat hari perayaan lain yg jauh sangkut pautnya dgn Hari Lebaran; yaitu Valentine's Day. Ets, jangan mencibir dulu sama Valentine's Day. Memang itu perayaan yg bersumber dari agama Nasrani, tapi pada konsepnya hari itu adalah hari peringatan terhadap kasih sayang di mana orang berlomba2 menunjukkan cintanya (halah). Nah, kita2 yg sudah besar dan bukan ababil lagi tentunya mengerti bahwa kasih sayang seharusnya dipraktekkan sepanjang tahun dan sepanjang masa, ya kan?

Namun kita tahu bahwa manusia tidak lah selalu mengasihi dan menyayangi. Sebagaimana halnya dgn tidak selalu menahan diri, tidak selalu ingat Tuhan, dan tidak selalu rela memaafkan. Saya percaya oleh karena itu lah Allah SWT menciptakan bulan Ramadhan dan 1 Syawal. Agar umatnya, setidaknya setahun sekali, ingat bahwa mereka harus menahan diri dan saling memaafkan.

Sekarang bagaimana jika pemahaman terhadap Valentine's Day diterapkan juga pada arti bulan Ramadhan dan 1-2 Syawal? Kita tidak perlu menunggu lg bulan Ramadhan untuk berlomba2 mendekatkan diri padaNya. Kita tidak harus menunggu 1-2 Syawal untuk bisa memaafkan orang lain seutuhnya. Menahan diri, rajin beribadah dan memaafkan org lain bukankah sebaiknya dilakukan sepanjang tahun dan sepanjang hayat?

Sekarang bayangkan jika kita terus membawa semangat Ramadhan dan 1 Syawal sepanjang hidup kita. Saya percaya, Insya Allah kita semua akan menjadi org yg lebih baik setiap harinya dan mungkin saja dunia menjadi sedikit lebih damai. :)

Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri 1431 H! Mohon maaf lahir dan batin. Minal aidin wal faizin dan semoga semangat Ramadhan-Syawal selalu ada dlm hidup kita. Amin ya rabbal alamin.

unfair

If you tell us that we suck at our tasks, why can't we tell you the same thing?

If you tell us that we are responsible for the company's loss, why can't we say that you are more responsible for it?

When you demand an explanation for poor performances, why can't we demand the same thing from you?

If you wish us to report back to you, why don't you do the same thing?

Honestly, this relationship is not working both ways. And it's not like we are going to quit our jobs. Actually, we might, but that depends on your ability to build a dialog and not just a monologue called chain of commands.

Even God provides explanations and assurance when we get lost and doubt God's credibility. So why can't you and why are you acting like you're more superior to fellow human beings? The only difference between us is that you hold more responsibilities and get more dough than we do. That doesn't justify your ego and pride.

*postingan ini tidak ditulis berdasarkan satu instansi tertentu, tetapi berdasarkan pengalaman pribadi dan sesama rekan anak buah*

ocehan siang bolong

I went to Bogor this weekend to attend a wedding of my distant niece - along with my dad, uncles, aunt and cousin. My favorite uncle, who had his fair share of travelling, told us about different public policies in France, Singapore, and Australia during our drive to the wedding. It got me into wondering whether our beloved country, Indonesia, isn't actually a very poor country. Sure, our economy fared better than most Asian countries during the 2008 (or was it 2009?) economic meltdown. But I'm not talking specifically about economic results, I'd rather wondering about this country's priorities and how to manage them in the long-term.

First, let me tell you about France policy concerning children's education. France government impose their people to send their kids to school. Parents who don't have enough money will be supported by the government, by paying their children's tuition and providing the required school supplies (books, stationaries, etc.). Those who don't obey this regulation will be executed by law.

Now let's compare that policy to our policies in children's education. You, my friend, might be strongly familiar with the 'Wajib Belajar 9 Tahun' program. Yes, it's similar with the previous policy I've told you about. But in practice, it's not an imposing regulation. It's just the government's suggestion. If you can't provide your children with tuition fee, you still can send your kids to government-subsidized school or grab a scholarship (as if the bureaucracy in getting one doesn't stress you out enough). The supplies? Well, sorry sir, the government already paid the tuition fee and they're sure you're resourceful and crafty enough for providing the supplies. Or maybe just rely on other people's kindness to give you the supplies you need.

I mean, really, dear government officials, that is a well thought out plan.

And it doesn't stop right there. I bet you also know about how other countries are willing to support its people who are below the poverty line (is there a formal term for "di bawah garis kemiskinan?") These countries will provide food, housing and clothes (even social security and health care) to those in need. Although it's not always well-conducted, at least their governments put what they promise into practice.

Why? Because they have the necessary funding to support their poor.

Now hold it right there. I know some of you will start thinking that it's all because of corruption or political interest.

Even if our government stop being a bunch of corrupt pigs or abandon their political game for the sake of our nation, I still doubt Indonesia have adequate funding to provide basic needs for its poor. First, our financial planning is not exactly designed for long-term planning (and that the majority of our population is still very keen on short-term investments and instant results). Second, Indonesia can't even provide itself its basic needs to grow - in term of infrastructure, investments, and human resource (and by which I mean education). We got a looooongg way to go before all the poor can have decent lives.

But that's just my opinion. I lack knowledge about how the real stuffs work in our government, so if anyone can add their thoughts and experiences, I'd be more than happy to oblige. And I hope during my lifetime, I can finally see every poor in Indonesia get his and her well-deserved fundings.

what lack of good sleep will do to your blog post

It was past 12 AM already and I still couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and finally after 2 hours, I had my slumber. It was unusual for me to experience an insomnia episode, but I might have a clue as to why it happened. I was afraid.

Not the kind I'm-scared-of-the-dark afraid. My being afraid stemmed from my current ability to solve GMAT questions. Do you want to know my average grade? Most sections fall in par, and some below par. I seriously don't think I will ever get the grade which most business schools require with my brain right now. I need a good upgrade.

Or just ditch those majors with GMAT requirements altogether. I'd just do my TOEFL test and send the result to any course who'll happily accept me. Easy, right? But that wouldn't be different from what I did after graduating high-school. I was too lazy to work on my (hm.. how do you translate SPMB/UMPTN?) undergrad national acceptance test. Hence I took an easy alternative to get into my dream-come-true college.

I have nothing to lose right now, but I feel the contrary. This is probably my anxiety and insecurity self writing this post, and my bright and optimistic self is somewhere lurking inside my head. You can see by how messy this post is. It's not a good material but I still intend to post it just so this blog isn't going to be spammed by anyone who has nothing better to do.

yippety yap

It's Sunday and I'm glued to my living room. Yesterday, I was stuck at the office w-o-r-k-i-n-g not because I wanted to, because me and my friend had to fulfill the ideal capacity beyond our actual capacity (it's a long story). Most people are probably out of their houses, enjoying the outdoors, doing some shopping, having gastronomic festivals, like most people do every other weekend.

It's not that I'm not enjoying doing nothing in my own living room. It's just that I find myself pretty peculiar. Well, me and my Dad, for that matter.

My dad and I are both loners, but we're not anti-social. We like to meet people but we are both lazy to get out of this house. Unless my boyfriend is in town, I prefer to not go anywhere during weekends. It was different back then. When I was a college student, I'd rather go out of the house and hanging out with friends, rather than staying home, doing nothing.

And by that, I think my current weekend life is kinda sad and positively boring, but surprisingly I don't really much care (despite the fact that I just wrote about it in 3 paragraphs).

On the contrary, going out and enjoying the outdoors during the weekdays do tempt me. That's because most people are constrained in their offices, no tourists, and hence no patience-testing traffic and no supercrazy egomaniac drivers. And those conditions are the perfect requirements for having a great day out. :)

But if I get out of the office everyday, how will I feed myself, right? Unless I get a job that demands me to travel :p Or maybe find myself a very rich boyfriend who would provide me my basic and not-so-basic needs (but no, thanks, I already have a very adorable one whom I wouldn't trade for anything).

So, sometimes I do take a day out from the office. Not during the peak season of work, no. It's always nice to be out there, especially when the weather is shiny and breezy. Then after my day out, I'd feel a bit happier and ready to tackle the job.

quick update

My fave photo of me so far, taken by Restu, at Phra Nomh (Tomb Raider's temple), Angkor Archaeological Park. Yes, I've been to Angkor temples. :)

shoes to girls are like..

We were walking up the road to his house after the rain, and we were met by a shallow puddle.

Me: "Hati-hati Ri. Nanti sepatu baru kamu basah."

Him: "Ha? Lah emang supaya kaki kita yang ga basah kan Yu?"

Well, he's right. Unfortunately, most of us women might probably think the other way. We try to keep our pwettie wittle shoes out of the rain, out of the dust and out of anything that would probably spoil the beauty of our shoes - when in fact, shoes are truly made to keep our feet clean by having the rain and dust stuck to them. I am (still) one of those women but I couldn't agree more with him.

The other day, I was chit-chatting with Dad before we go to sleep. He was arguing about the Traditional Market vs. Hypermarket issue that was written in one national newspaper the day before. He said, it's irrational if we go against Hypermarkets because naturally people prefer to go and buy fresh ingredients from the cleanest place possible. Therefore, if we want to preserve these Traditional Markets, we (and by 'we', I mean the government) should provide these traditional 'marketers' a few cleaner places to sell their goods - not by prohibiting (new) Hypermarkets from doing business in this country.

And those, are two of the many reasons why I go crazy over engineers. :)

take me home, country road

Hello y'all!

I've just got back from Lampung, the province that's a strait-apart from our beloved Java. It takes only 35 minutes of flight and by the time the plane has finished its take-off, it's preparing for its landing sooner than you can say 'Goodbye Java'. Meanwhile, it took aprox. 2 hours flight to Balikpapan. I hate to say that my experiences in East Borneo were better than the ones in Lampung, but it is the truth.

And as you can see, I've changed the layout. Credits go to Btemplate.com, thank you for providing such easy and delightful Blogger templates :) Anyhoo, because I'm still exhausted from the trip and because I haven't got hold of the picture from the trip, let me finish early. Toodle-oo.

and that's all i've gotta say about that

I'm drawing a blank here.

So I'll just write anything that comes right to my mind, yeah?

There's been a... 'ceramah' (how do you translate that?) going in my office on Monday in every two weeks. The preacher (am i right? is that the term?) told us, in our first session, that there'll be no relations in judgement day and in the afterlife. The reason is that so those who'll go to heaven won't worry about their family and friends over at hell. Yikes.

I was kinda disappointed with that. I used to believe that if I'll go to heaven, I'll meet my mother (and beloved ones) there, and then this preacher told me it ain't gonna happen. Well, if I'm not meeting my mother, I feel pretty much sure that afterlife will suck. But as we don't really know, I guess I'm better off believing my mother will be there with me in the afterlife. Who knows that-divine-thing-up-there will grant me my wish. :)