A New Year and a Clean Slate

Everyone knows it. As the hour turns to midnight as we wait impatiently on the 31st of December, a world of possibility suddenly opens up to us. We can be anything we want. We can be thinner, more kind, more faithful, more organized, better with money, better mommies and daddies and daughters sons and sisters and brothers and friends. On this magic night, the world becomes an oyster and we are all hoping for a pearl.
When I was a kid my mom used to say that however you began the New Year would determine how the year would go. No matter where we were on New Year's Eve, we would call her at exactly midnight to say Happy New Year and to ensure that our family would be together for another year. With that it mind, I thought this year that rather than expect something great of the New Year, I would *give* it something great. I would purge the house. I would make it sparkle. We would enter the New Year with a Clean Slate. I wanted clean closets, beds with fresh linens, bookshelves with order, floors that gleamed.
And then came the flu. On that awful day of vomiting up everything but my organs, I jokingly said, "Well, my closets won't be clean, but my colon will!"
That's what I needed, I thought. A clean body, a clean house, a clean mind. Those would be my pearls.
Well, I got a late start on my week-long project, so I haven't quite lived up to my plan--though I do have about 8 more hours. I went online and made a pickup appointment for Salvation Army for the 3rd, and I'm going about the house tossing things in boxes and making room for me and my family to breathe.
There's no way I'll make it. But, still it feels good.
As for the rest of my New Year and its infamous Clean Slate, I can't even begun to think about what I want from it. Sure, there's the typical, "I want to be so organized that even my trash is alphabetical" kind of desire from the year, but beyond that I haven't so much as a thought. This year is pregnant with possibility for me. So much so that my chest starts to clench at the thought of the changes that could happen in my life. I can't even so much as move the packnplay from one wall in the playroom to another without almost causing a panic attack, so the idea of changing my life- well, you can imagine. So I'm trying not to think too much about that great Clean Slate out there, and find myself, instead, thinking about the last one.
Last year I asked el husbando what he wanted from the New Year and he said, "more of the same." That's precisely what we got. More of the same. This year my inlaws and my grandmother moved across the country to live within five minutes of us. Our family gatherings expanded and relationships stregnthened. Liam grew from a baby to a boy in the blink of an eye, it seems. And while our house has remained small and old, it has been filled with love.
Perhaps that's why I feel less need for all these things.

So on this eve of our annual Clean Slate, I wish you all the peals that this big old Oyster of a world has to offer you.

Goodnight 2006, you've been very good to us.

Christmas Photos

Most of the two of you who read this blog won't want to sit still long enough to watch all of these Christmas Photos, so I understand when you click away to read wittier blogs without so much mommy stuff, or at least those that have funnier mommy stuff, but I'm posting this slideshow anyway. Just in case.

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Stop the Vacation, I Want to Get Off

Carnage.
That's what I'm surrounded by. Carnage of the Holidays. Carnage of three days of all three of us being sick with the flu. Carnage of a bird my cat Phoebe decided to redecorate the house with.
Every towel and sheet and pair of jammies is piled high in the laundry room waiting for the washer to be free again. The smell of vomit is going to kill me and, though I got up most of the feathers from the poor bird, the vacuum's filter's clogged, so I had to wash them out and now they're drying.
AND I'M TIRED OF BEING LOCKED UP IN THIS HOUSE!
Ahhhh...just what I wanted from my paid vacation.
El husbando was cured well enough yesterday to drive the three hours to work, so he's gone until midday tomorrow. Liam woke up at 3am and decided that he was well and wanted to chat with me. And recite his ABCs and his 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.8 s (I think eleven sounds so much like seven that he starts in at eight right afterward).
Me? I'm feeling much restored, but left with the aftermath. So, we're going to escape for awhile. I'm going to yet another load into the washer and pack the kiddo up to go to Barnes and Nobel to spend my gift certificate.
But, before I go I just wanted to tell you how cute it was that Liam pointed to his changing table the other day and said, "mama? poopy diaper. pease pease?"
And it was. And so I did.

Kether and the Very Good and Sorta Awful Christmas

I had visions, folks. You know Sugar Plum Fairies and all that. I thought our Christmas was going to be sort of like Stepford in Neverland. Perfect, but quirky and whimsical like me.
Well it started out fabulously. On Saturday, we went to my inlaws for a gift exchange and pizza. Liam was adorable. He unwraps so carefully, and puts each piece down in a careful pile, so careful, infact, that I was worried a bit that we were raising an Adrian Monk. Never fear, he soon started to toss toys out of the toy box and all over the room just for kicks. Or to watch me clean. I couldn't figure out which.
Sunday we went to my parents house in the morning and did our gift exchange there. My parents had assembled the train table and wrapped it. I think he knew what it was, because he walked over, tapped it and said, "OPEN PRESENT"
I think in this picture you can see how interested he was.
So, we loaded up the train table, and trains and organ and clothes and other toys and went home. Later that evening we went to my Brother and Sister in laws for dinner and a gift exchange. Liam lugged heavy presents over to people to open. He was as excited about other people's gifts as he was his own. He went home happy, but soon he got into some kind of mood, and soon he was throwing the trains, so we put him to bed--whereupon the awful started. He went to sleep, yes, but sometime--oh mid-REM for me, he started an unholy screaming. Finally I just scooped him up and put him between us because I just didn't want to hear it anymore.
We woke up Christmas day and Liam was thrilled to see there were more "PRESENTS.OPEN!" He loved his hand made train that a friend of ours made. Toward the middle of the gift opening, el husbando haded me a box shaped like those that sparkly things come in. No...I thought...he wouldn't.
But, he did. The most beautiful silver filagreed heart necklace that literally sparkles and earrings to match. I was stunned.
The pile of gifts started getting smaller and smaller and soon it was just the big one. Trepidatiously, I opened it to find a 32 inch TV. Never was I more suprised. We've had two 19 inch tvs and one 13 inch since we got married and neither of us has ever had a larger one. The difference in size was amazing. But, I didn't get to enjoy it Christmas day because I came down with a nausea causing-spots seeing--migraine.
No fun. I told el husbando that I didn't want a headache for Christmas and he said, "But, you used to have them all the time, I thought you liked them...so I got the biggest one I could find."
I had to laugh at that one..
Still had it when we got to dinner at my mom's, but I ate anyway and by the time we left it was starting to go away. I haven't had one in a long time, so I didn't have any of my prescription meds, but I took a migraine cocktail that a doctor of mine recommended a long time ago, and usually it works. Several ibuprofin with chocolate and pepsi. Worked like a charm. In time for us to leave my parents' house..
*sigh*
But, everyone is coming over in two hours for a desserts and coffee evening. I'm almost ready. I've made popcorn balls, gingerbread men, chocolate spritz cookies, peanut butter fudge, and...well, I guess that's it.

I'm hoping you all are having a Very Merry Christmas (without the headache part...)

Like a Kid At Christmas

Dude, It is almost Christmas!

And Liam is getting his train table at my parents house in TWO HOURS. He's going to flip out. I can't wait. He will be so excited.
There's also a very large box in the living room for me. I'm so confused. El husbando is NOT a gift giver. He just isn't and I knew that when I married him. Every year he gets me cute things, but nothing bigger than a bread box and never anything sparkly --oh, except the glitter pens a few years ago. They rocked. Well, actually they wrote, but they wrote pretty cool-like.
I'm dying of curiousity and even though is only pinned up in my Christmas tablecloth, I HAVE NOT PEEKED.
I did try and get the almost two year old to tell me what it is, but all he'll say is that there are "numbers" under there. Helpful tot. Next year, muahahahhahaaha!

So, anyway, Merry Happy Blessed Christmas to you and yours.

A Little Something to Lighten Up Your Day

We've had quite a day to kick off our holiday weekend around here. It all started last night. We got a suprise phone call from my cousin and her husband who are at a family reunion for his side of the family in San Diego. They live way up in northern Cali, but they're from Az and I haven't seen them in years. By some strange coincidence, their nieces and nephew live here and someone needed to go pick them up and return them for the reunion in San Diego. So, they offered, thinking they could stop by and meet Liam. I was SO excited. I got up this morning and polished up the house. Then I made them a little care package. This year I got Christmas themed Chinese takeout boxes at Michaels (I highly recommend having some on hand around the house..not just the Christmas patterns, but any of them). Anyway, I filled one with some cookies from the cookie exchange and parade party, some candies and candy canes, etc. I tied a bow on saying, "Welcome to our Home!" and then I lit all the Christmas trees and garlands and went off to work to throw a Happy Promotion pizza party for a friend. My cousin was only able to stop by our house for a few hours or so, but she got to meet a crabby and sick feeling Liam, though he did ask her to pick him up and they spent some time looking at his Christmas tree. And talking about Fireworks. Boom. Boom. and all that. I have no idea why.
Her hubby went off to retrieve their nephew and nieces and when they returned to our house I said that I thougt they lived in the same neighborhood as my inlaws. Turns out they live right next door. So funny.
After Liam's nap, he seemed to be in a better mood, but in need of some cheering up, and I wasn't up to plying him with any more cookies--so we headed off to what I call "The Street With All The Lights"
It is beautiful, and impossible to really photograph with my digital, but you can at least see it was The Street With All The Lights.
Liam was impressed. Quite a few wows were heard. And some Penguin! Snowman! Santa! Tree! Blue! Green! Red!

And tomorrow, since the house is clean,I'll make gingerbread men.

C'mon Christmas. I'm ready for you this time.

Christmas is coming knocking

How is it that I still have fresh memories of trick or treating and yet Christmas is only five days away? It seems like the end of the year comes so swiftly.
I am almost ready. I have every gift wrapped and under one of the trees. Liam's stocking is beginning to bulge with small trinkets, as I realised that he is too young to know that I've filled it early--and it was as good a place as any to store things. Our calendar is starting to fill up with get-togethers, and ours is on the 26th. A desserts, cider and cocoa kind of affair. I've got a baking list of things I'd like to bake for that evening and I've just gone and cleaned out our bar cabinet and put in the new glasses we got from my Grandma for Christmas/Anniversary. Last year she gave us six wine glasses with an etched F. This year we got six more and a set of six scotch glasses with an F as well. They are beautiful, and all go well with the champagne flutes from our wedding. I'm trying to begin going through the house and find things for the goodwill. Out with the old and in with the new. I have to do that with toys as well, which is a prospect that is daunting in the least.
We have something to go to on the 23rd, two on the 24th, one on the 25th, 26th, 27th and 28th. That list does not count church services. It will be a busy week, but one filled with family and friends.
I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve. I know all the toys Liam is getting and my heart is just bursting with excitement for him. I know that he will *love* each gift so carefully chosen (and in some cases, handmade) for him. What a lucky little boy. My boy.
The last two days I've been struggling with an unknowable fear. I watched the video in memory of Kyle David Miller, whose seatbelt failed during an accident. My heart broke for the mother of that beautiful little 3 year old boy, but her site and the video evidenced the great love she had for her boy. It has made me really think about the time I spend with Liam, and has made me feel incredibly guilty. I often feel like I don't spend enough time with him. When I get home from work I cook dinner, clean, blog, read, watch tv, etc. Liam is always there. Running around and showing me things. We spend some time playing one on one, but I always feel like its not enough. I'm left wondering how much is enough? Last night I sat on the floor while he climbed up on the couch and launched himself over my head for me to catch. We did that for about a half an hour and he giggled riotously, but then he was done and moved on to more independent play. I spent a bit of time on the couch with him rubbing his head, but he never stays for that very long. My baby boy is growing up and there is more in this world than just his mommy.
It has kept me awake at night, this wondering if I do enough for him--spend enough time with just him. The fear that I'll lose him and regret how we've lived has grown unchecked for several days, but then I remembered something Rachel said recently--fear does not come from God. So, I've tried to let it go. I'll cherish every moment with him---even those where he is across the room banging on the underside of a trick or treat pumpkin like he saw in the marching band while I'm reading blogs because each of those moments is special in its own way.
So, with the Christmas celebrations on our heels I hope that you are all enjoying your own moments, whether they are slow and lazy afternoons by a fire with cocoa and carols, or hetic last minute preparations for the holidays where it seems it will never all come together. It will.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow...*

You see what happens when you reclaim your holiday spirit?

Dec 16 Tonight
Rain showers this evening changing to snow showers overnight as winds become gusty. Winds WSW at 15 to 25 mph. Chance of precip 60%.


What holiday movie did I snuggle up and watch with cocoa and cookies, you ask? Disney's Haunted Mansion. We've had it from Netflix since we intended to watch it on Halloween. We're a tad behind.

I'm going to wear my jammies inside out. Another thing I heard over at Rocks In My Dryer...

*Edited: Nope. No snow. Even with the inside out jammies. I haven't been outside yet to look at the mountains, but they probably got a lot. That's the curse of being in a rain shadow desert...the mountains soak up all the precip.*sigh*

I'm mad at Toys R Us

Remember that post awhile back about the unbelievably good deal I got at Toys R Us on a Thomas the Train table? Well, here is my letter to Toys R Us from today. *sigh* I had to know deep down that the significantly more expensive table couldn't be on sale for such a good price. My anger and disappointment has nothing to do with the table for Liam, really...He'll love the one he's getting. I just HATE when an item advertised and on display is not the one they are really selling. I had such a strong feeling that this happened that I had my parents open the box today to check and I was right. I'm sure I looked like a crazy woman taking a picture of the display and complaining, but they should REALLY change out their display. I suggested they put up a sign saying that the table on display is NOT what is for sale. I don't think they'll do that. They didn't seem to care.

Dear Toys R Us,
I have had an extraordinarily unsatisfacorty Toys R Us experience. A few weeks ago, I purchased a Thomas the Train table at your Lancaster, CA store. I was very excited about this purchase because my son had played with this particular table at A Day Out With Thomas and a train park, and I knew he would be thrilled to have it under the tree on Christmas day.
A few weeks later, we opened the box to prepare for Christmas and discovered it was a different table. We went back to Toys R Us and revisited the display where the table that I wanted and an Imaginarium table were displayed. When I conveyed my disappointment at this bait and switch tactic of Toys R Us, I was told the other table was older and no longer available.
Through some research online, and even with your own website, I have come to discover that the table on display in your store (and not for sale) was the Island of Sodor table, while the table we purchased was the All Aboard table. While the table that we ended up with is a fine table, it was NOT what I thought I was purchasing, as the display clearly leads one to believe that the table for purchase is the Island of Sodor--I have pictures of this display and the advertised price from inside the Lancaster store to demonstrate this. Further, when I inquired about the discrepancy, what I was told by the staff was false--that the Island of Sodor table is an old one that breaks easily and has been replaced by the All Aboard table.
I am unsatisfied with this purchase because I believe that if one advertises something in a display with a price, that should be the item that your customer receives. Bait and Switch practices ultimately cost you customers, as has happened in this case. While I was at the store today, I was going to purchase a playhouse, but I have decided to do that at Sears, where I believe that what I think I'm buying is what I will receive. I can no longer trust Toys R Us.



***
Enough about that. I'm determined to regain the Christmas spirit I've lost this week...I'm going to make cocoa and enjoy a holiday film.
Did ya'll check out the pics of our pretty gingerbread house? I think it looks pretty good considering it fell to pieces and we had to re-do it! I'm rather proud.

Christmas Tour of Homes

Brought to you by BooMama is the Christmas Tour of Homes. I had to do this with a Rock You slideshow to be able to get all the pictures in. Posting them to blogger was driving me mad.
Welcome to our crazy, but loving home. While you're here, we've got Christmas carols playing, but all you'll hear is probably Liam singing (yelling) "HEY! BElls! Jingle Jingle! Hey!" Sorry about that. Hope he finds the tune some time.
Just as if you walked over my threshold, I'm going to feel the need to explain my house to you. Humor me, will ya? Our house is a little pink cottage built in 1926, and if you've been here before you know that I love it, but you also know that it isn't normal and neither is my decor. Though I would have loved to be one of those people with a tasteful home, God blessed me with the quirky gene and that's all I've got. Our front door opens into our living room. I got the antique couch and had initially intended to have it recovered "some day" to compliment the red walls. Now that I've had them together for a few years, I kind of like how they don't go together, so I'm not in much of a hurry to get it recovered. Good thing, too. There's thousands more things to spend money on around here. In the warmer parts of the year, we just have white sheers and lace curtains on these windows, so that you can see the beautiful mullioned windows. But this year I'm trying to keep some heat in--since they're just single paned 80 year old windows, we need all the help we can get. Don't mind the cardboard by the tree. That's to keep cats out. And the dog on the couch, that's my Grandma's dog Maddie that we inherited this year. Our nativity is on the coffee table for now. I've arranged the figures in a circle around the Baby Jesus, as I remembered from a post by Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer last year. I might change it, though, because each one has a verse from the Bible and you can't read them this way. The tree in this room is the first of our trees. It is my favorite and its a pity the picture didn't come out better. There're other pictures in my December archives if you're curious
The view of our dining and living room from the kitchen. Last year we had a half wall ripped out between them. The Quilt on the wall was made by my great grandmother. Since I hung the quilt, I don't like the curtains anymore. Yet another thing to replace. It is so hard to get pictures of trees to look as beautiful as they do when it is dark in the house and they are all lit up.
When the slideshow arrives in the tv/playroom, you'll see that I didn't clean up. Toddler Liam is akin to a tornado and would have torn it up as I was taking pictures--and I'm lazy. You'll see the pumpkin on the couch that Liam has yet to give up. And our recently paralyzed and then healed dog Lucy and the cat Zoe.
Well, that's our Christmas tour. I'll be adding more pictures to the slideshow as the days go by, and a pic of the outside, too, I hope. Please come again soon. It was a pleasure to have you. Merry Christmas. May God bless you today and every day.

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So, yeah, NOT

Can't switch to blogger beta because my blog is too big. Blogger says they're only letting a limited number of blogs switch now and I'll have to wait. Does that mean I have to start a whole new blogger beta blog so that I can comment on those blogs of people who have switched? grr.

I'll probably post my tour of homes tomorrow instead of tonight. Or maybe I'll post tonight and add tomorrow. Anyway, if you want to enjoy lookin' at all kinds of people's Christmas decorations go here. Get yourself some coffee, tea or cocoa, though, you'll be looking for awhile.

The Cloud is LIfting

After some sleep (and some chocolate) I'm feeling better today. Just in time to post for the Tour of Homes Christmas style. I'll be posting mine tonight. I got a lot of pics last night, but not enough. I wanted to end with our gingerbread house, which we're doing tonight. We'll see how that goes.
I guess I'm going to have to upgrade my blogger since I can't comment. Sneaky blogger's way of making us do it, I suppose.

Cheers!

Irritation #7865

I should really be careful with all my posts of complaints lest I lose my six readers.
But, I warned you earlier today that I've got a cloud and that cloud is growing larger by the minute.
I feel unsupported by those people who love me.
I am weary of people I love telling me to move. I'm tired of them telling me that my house is too small, that my neighborhood is crap, that there's too much here to do, and all the other thousands of reasons that they might have. I know all of those things. And, yet, I love this house and I DO NOT WANT TO MOVE.
I feel like they're telling me to give up a marriage because its getting a bit squeezy.
I am tired of people telling me about houses for sale, or sending me leaflets with non descript, albeit beautiful and tasteful, homes.
Its true that I have said that I may move five or so years down the line if things do not finally swing upward around here. That means leaving this area entirely, because if I'm buying up I am not paying Southern California prices and buying in a neighborhood of homes that all look the same. And the whole prospect of making that choice literally makes me sick to my stomach.
I know that this house isn't what most anyone else would like. That's why I like it. Its pink and has arches, a peaked roof, a moongate and a picket fence. It looks like a house that Mary Engelbreit or Thomas Kinkaid might paint. Inside and out it needs work, a lot of work--and my style in here isn't what most anyone else would live with either. But it is home and I love it and I want to give it a chance. I want to make it beautiful--at least beautiful to me. I want to give my community a chance to build the downtown that they drawing out on paper as I type. I want my shot at that beautiful shopping district just four blocks down and the ability to walk to shops, eateries, the theater and entertainment. I want to wait.
But as people are pushing me to give up my dream, I am slowly feeling defeated. As the paper relates story of crime after crime in this valley, I feel deflated. But, today I also felt something new: mad.
Why is it that people think I should give up my dream and live a different life? Their lives. I don't expect el husbando to take a 9-5 job since he worked his whole career to be able to not do that. I accept that as a part of who he is....and its worked out well for us. And, thus far, my dream of our little house in a little hopeful community has worked well for us, too.
As I was cooking dinner I was crying as I thought of the latest flyer given to me with a bit of prodding. One of a mobile home--a nice, tasteful 5 bedroom mobile home. I told el husbando that I will not sell this one for that and I was not entertaining any more of anyone's ideas. I cried into our chicken fajitas and then I walked into the other room and ripped that add to shreds.

Irritation #3078

I can't seem to comment on people's blogs if they've switched to blogger beta. It won't recognize my blogger password. So, Sasha I've been trying to comment forever, but it won't let me. And Taylor (I don't know if you've got time to visit) CONGRATS on your beautiful baby born (on my wedding anniversary!). If anyone comments on Taylor's blog, please tell her I said congrats.

I'll be back with irritation #7856 in a bit. I'm trying to clean and take pics for the Christmas tour of homes over at BooMama's blog.

Because there's nothing left in my brain

There just isn't.
I don't know where it has all gone. Even now I'm stuck at the third sentence of this entry. All that is coming out is blah blah blah Liam blah blah blah.
Speaking of Liam, maybe that's why I'm tired today. Because I am weary and maybe that is contributing to the cloud that I'm carrying around today. This morning was Not A Good Morning. You see, el husbando's car has decided to die. Well, we're not sure if its truly dead or not, but we've already started a funeral. It might come alive again, but still at Christmas? Really? and then our computer is making noises that only a cartoon character makes when it is dying and then
Well, then this morning I had to get Liam up and downstairs and ready for breakfast.
Should be easy, no?
But you see, I didn't want to carry him down the stairs like his daddy does. Every. Morning.
And, despite the fact that since Liam was 9months old one of his favorite pasttimes has been to cart himself up and down the stairs innumerable times throughout the day, he, apparantly, won't go down the stairs in the morning. This is the second time we've had this meltdown, because mommy won't because he's nearly two and getting heavy and I'd prefer not to tumble down the stairs with him and now is as good a time as any to convey that message. You know, before he's 16.
Just like the last time, the meltdown culminated on the landing of the stairs. It was a whopper. Complete with standing up and sliding down the wall of the landing. Repeat. Wail. Muster up as much snot as possible. Repeat again. Endlessly.
I stood at the bottom of the stairs (there were only three more to go) and held my arms out to him. I offered him his breakfast as incentive. He took a few tentative steps toward doing it himself and then almost threw himself down the remaining stairs. Then, he proceded to lay on the floor screaming and rolling around as the tow truck pulled into the drive.
All before 8am.
Is it any wonder my head hurts and work is feeling like a haven right now? Even though everything on earth seems to irritate me at the moment, work seems irritate the least.

Calgon. Please.

Babies Babies Everywhere

When we were in San Diego it seemed like every woman I passed was pregnant. And now here I'm surrounded by babies again. Seeing babies just underscores the fact that even though Liam still feels like a baby to me, he's not. He's a full-fledged toddler boy.
R and S came with NewBaby today. He is just so sweet. I loved holding him and that feeling of holding a brand new soul. Last Sunday I went to BabyK's baptism. SHe's just two months and one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen.
*sigh* I can't say it doesn't make me sad, or that I've even entirely given up like I said I was. I can't help but mentally chart in my head, or catch myself praying that I'll be pregnant, and I can't help but feel devestated every time AF comes.
THere are so many feelings surrounding the pursuit of baby deuce. On the one hand, I don't want to rush it. What if it is the last baby I ever have? Don't I want to savor that pregnancy and the excitement of it? Ha. What if I don't ever get that chance?
What if I get pregnant at the "wrong" time? What if I have to make hard decisions about life and make choices? Ha. I'd choose baby deuce over anything.
What if I won't love baby deuce as much as I love Liam? Ridiculous. But, can't help but think that.
How can I add another baby when I already feel like I ignore Liam too much?
What if I don't get pregnant until past the age of "advanced maternal age"?
what if what if what if what if what if what if
I grow dizzy just thinking.

WHy can't I just be done like I said I was?

And We're Back!

Save for a Very Tired Liam in a nice steakhouse, we had a blast on our vacation. All the parks were virtually empty. Disneyland had about 5 minute waits for each ride. A good time was had by all.
Liam LOVES snakes. We'll have to teach him someday that he can't just pick them up if he sees them. He's definitely my kiddo. If there was an animal to pet, we were right there-- while the rest of our party was behind an imaginary safety line.

And, when we got home, Liam went to see Santa. Much better than last year, but still not the same experience as Mickey. Mickey he was so happy to see, and blowing kisses, and touching his face.

More later about how I cracked the gold in my wedding set.


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Vacatin'

We're off for a week of San Diego Zoo, Sea World and Disneyland. Hopefully there will be SUN.

Three weeks until Christmas. Honestly, where DOES the time go?

Christmas Pics

Trying to get pics for our cards...
I had to turn on Elmo from Christmas at the Grove to get any kind of face. Mostly they were my boy's typical serious face, but I did get these three.
I'm gonna take some at Disneyland, too. So, I don't have to decide yet.

Parade Party

This morning I was ready by 8:30 for people to come watch the parade. I invited 17, but 10 invited came (S and R and family were at home with NewBaby and my bro and sil hate parades). Two other people happened along, and so we were twelve for awhile.
It was great and the boys had a blast chasing each other around.
Merry Christmas!


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To Spoil or Not To Spoil

Too late.
Oh, Liam is going to have a good Christmas. Lucky kiddo.
He was already going to be spoiled rotten with gifts from all sides (must be nice to be the ONLY kid on both sides in a whole family). But yesterday we found the Coup de Gras. Toys R Us had the Thomas and Friends train table and playboard on sale. A Very Good Sale. My mom and dad hurried over today and got it for him. I was so excited about the prospect of this that I even dreamt of it last night. Liam has played with this table in two different places. He plays so carefully with the wooden train sets--it amazes me since he is not yet two. I thought this particular table was just plain out of our league, so when we went to Toys R Us on a whim yesterday I was floored. I'm so thankful, too. Because I shook both the Thomas table and the Imaginarium table, and I just don't think the other table is sturdy enough for years of play, despite the fact that Liam is a gentle child. I want Liam to be able to play with friends at this table for many years to come.
Speaking of many boys playing at this table--at the Day Out With Thomas, there was a tent set up with a lot of these tables, and Liam played at one very carefully. There were other boys at the table. I was trying to get Liam's attention at the table, and I called his name and the other boys--and other parents---looked up. They were ALL named Liam. I think there were either three or four boys at the table (including my Liam). It was so funny.
He's going to have a Very Thomas Christmas. I got him a Thomas costume on clearance, my mom got him a Thomas pulltoy, the train table and train set, his other parents got him some Thomas books.
The funny thing is that Liam rarely watches the show. He'll watch it every once in awhile, but he'd rather *play* with his Thomas things. I like that.

In other news...
Tomorrow after work we're going to the Christmas hospitality walk down the street. There are supposed to be lights, trees, people strolling and singing Christmas songs, cookies, pony rides, etc. Then I've got to come home, bake cookies and clean the house to get ready for the parade party. S told me today that he didn't think they'd be able to make it, even though they'd like to. DUH. I didn't expect them to once baby N made his appearance.
I finished my two classes today. Whew. They were officially over last week, but the instructors made the mistake of telling me I didn't really need to turn things in until next Monday. All of a sudden all of my willpower and discipline went out the window. But, I couldn't wait until Monday---we're leaving for a week in San Diego and a day at Disneyland next week. So, I'm very proud to say that I forced myself to do it today.
A whole week away from work. Boy do I need that.

Well, That Backfired

I have a 20 year old cat that I've had since I was a freshman in higschool. This girl has gone through everything with me. She even went away to college with me. But, she's old and things aren't as easy for her as they used to be. She has zero body fat and you can practically count all her bones. She can still jump onto the fence, but it takes a little clawing to get herself up to the top. At night we've started to have potty issues. Its too cold for her to go outside at night. Its been about 19 with 29mph winds at night, so she started going potty on a pad I laid out for her by the laundry room--those home alone dog pads. She won't use a litter box anymore and I wonder if its because its hard for her to raise her hips up high over the edges, or if she doesn't like the grains on her feet. Anyway, the home alone pad has been the only thing that really works. But, every morning I have to pick up the dirty pad and mop the floor and well, its cold in our downstairs and I'm tired in the morning and I was looking for a way to not have to do that.
So, last night I made her a comfy bed in our dog crate lined with her home alone pad and a blanket with some food, thinking I'd take her out in the morning, let her go potty and take her back inside to stand in front of the heater.
I woke up to a cat COVERED in poop.
So she's had a shower and now I'm washing linens and the crate.
I think I'll go back to our old way of doing things.
It isn't horrible. Its better than this morning was. Its a good thing I have so many years of zoo and vet experience. And, I can't help but think it won't be much longer--and that makes me sad.

I have issues

I have a problem with people pleasing issues. Though I'm often assertive at work and other areas in my life, my mind is often busy with a zillion issues and senarios trying to assertain whether or not I've made an ass out of myself, put someone else out or did something that will make other people not like me. I've given up on the "I can't do x because people will think I'm weird" thing because-- well-- that ship has long since sailed, but I never want to put someone out or *gasp* end up with people disliking me. I'm sure that they do, and in a theoretical sense I'm ok with that, but, well, let me just give you an example from today.
I was heading to the hospital giddy and excited about the baby --might be the closest I come to newborn in a long time-- but yeesh, my tummy is grumbling and I'm starting to twitch and I know that I need to eat, so I drive to McD's first.
I haven't been to this McD's in a long time as evidenced by the fact that I DROVE PAST THE ORDERING THINGYBOB! They used to have two menu boards one that you just look at for the hour or so you're in line, and one where you order. But apparently they've moved the ordering thing and taken down the extra board.
As soon as I realise my error, I start getting nervous. My heart starts to pound. My hands start to shake. I'VE MADE A MISTAKE. I start thinking in my head about how I'm going to explain to the teenage girl at the counter. What if I've made her mad? S0, I get there and she chastizes me in a teasing sort of way and I feel sheepish and fall all over myself apologizing and I pay my money and I sit in the line to go to the next window and my heart is palpating and I'm starting to sweat even though its freezing and I'm going over in my head how I'm going to explain to the next teen-aged girl why I've messed up. ...and it is actually causing me stress. And then I think, HEY! you've paid for a service. Its not like they've come to your house and heaped gifts upon you. So what if you've made a mistake? In the grand scheme of mistakes that can be made in the world, this one doesn't even merit being on the charts. Go up to the next window, explain that your order is out of order, say thank you and move on. GET. OVER.IT.
But, I couldn't.

We have a Baby!

Gonna go see him at noon! Soooooooooooooo excited.

I guess they won't be coming to my parade party, eh?

We interrupt this programming

To tell you that I'm about to become a Fraunt (what do you call those people who are closer than friends, but not really family? A friend aunt?) again.
S's wife is being induced and I'm super excited. I loves me some babies...
I get to hold a newborn in the next couple of days!

My Three Trees (and one son)

Finished three trees this weekend. Still pondering a full-size tree on the front porch. I'm wondering what the wind would do to it.
Today I spent a lot of time standing in my hallway right outside my computer room. I could see two trees. One in our playroom and one in the living room. They took my breath away. Every Christmas I feel like Clara, despite the fact that my trees are considerably smaller than the one in the Nutcracker. I stand there in awe, with slow, deep breath as I take in the lights and the shapes of the ornaments. I love trees and someday my house will be FULL of them.
For now, there is one in the living room, one in the playroom and one on the sideboard in the dining room. Oh, and a tiny one in the kitchen.
Liam helped me. He's a great helper. Especially good at taking things out of the boxes. And in again. And out again.And in again. And out again.
Not done around here, but it sure does look like Christmas. I strung old fashioned bubble lights on the garland on the mantel and it took them over an hour to start bubbling. I hope that when el husbando comes home tonight he is awestruck with the Christmas wonderland I've created while he was gone.
Maybe I earned all those clothes and jewelry I bought for myself at the mall yesterday.

From Pumpkins to Snowmen

I shopped today. Not early, though. El husbando and I slept in and cuddled. I've been getting up at 6 even on days off, so it was nice to just stay in bed. My lungs probably needed it, too.
We only went to Kohls and JoAnns, but every single thing I got was 50% off or more, so it was well worth the lines. Everyone was happy, too. Next year, I'm doing the 5am thing.

We only got Liam's tree up in our tv room. He helped to decorate it as you can see. I don't have a pic of it completed yet. Its so pretty at night with the lights. Everything else is waiting for me to put Thanksgiving away. We're aiming for four full-size trees this year. Last year my decorating was cramped because of the kitchen renno (though we still had two trees), so this year I am going ALL OUT. I'm also going to decorate some outside before the 2nd because that's the day of our parade party. I'm putting a full-size tree on the front porch.
After we were done and I was home from shopping, we took a much needed reading break. Some in more comfortable seats than others.

Giving Thanks

Liam stationed himself by the punch fountain and cheese and crackers early in the evening. He assumed his "just looking" hands behind the back position and watched carefully (can you see him there behind the chair?). Eventually he learned to go and get the nearest adult, lead them by the hand and take them to the table to ask for crackers. Eight people signed the table--two forgot, and my SIL drew a picture of a turkey. Its really funny. I wrote in what Liam is thankful for "pumpkins and trains." Its a pity that the pumpkin season has come to a close. I'm hoping he'll develop a new attachment to snowmen.
I was on my feet from 6am to 5pm. I had meant this year to start cooking early, so that I could have a more leisurely holiday, but life in recent weeks hasn't made that possible. I had also intended to have the tables up at least a day early, but that didn't happen either. I only had a few moments of stress-induced irritation. When I woke up today I had no idea what I was going to do with the tables, but they turned out really well. I cooked the Turkey, some sweet potato apple stuff, a mashed potato casserole, some sweet potato rolls and cranberry stuffing. Everyone else brought the rest of the food. After dinner we sat around and watched Liam dance and we threw a "rainbow stick" on the fire and watched beautiful blue, purple and green flames.
It is easy to say that this year I am thankful for Liam, or for my inlaws and grandmother moving here, or for Grandma being out of the hospital. But what I'm thankful for goes so much deeper than that. Yesterday I was driving home and remembering that 11 years ago I was living in San Luis Obispo and working in a nursing home as a CNA. I lived alone and three hours from my parents. Though I loved SLO, nothing could compensate for being away from my family. That Thanksgiving I had to work, but I was going to dinner at a friend's house afterward. She had to leave work early because she was having a miscarriage and I sat at her house alone with a highschool boy friend of her sister's while her family was with her at the hospital. It was a very sad holiday. A few weeks later, though, I went home for Christmas--before the actual day of Christmas because I had to work on the holiday--and when I woke up the next morning there was snow. I felt like God had made the snow just for me because he'd known how alone and sad I had been.
These days I feel like it has been snowing every day, and I am in awe that God has done this just for me. I sat in my house today and it was literally bursting at the seams with my loved ones. My inlaws and my parents and grandmother sat at the "Grown Ups" table and roared with laughter and passed the wine to one another. My brother, sister in law, husband, son and I sat at the other table and talked about trains. That conversation was initiated by Liam, of course. There was clapping, singing and laughing. My heart aches from that happiness. I am so thankful that this is what I have to offer Liam.
Usually my life is controlled by worry. Like most moms the first thing I do in the morning is sneak past Liam's crib and assure myself that he is still breathing. But my fear that I will lose him goes deeper than that. The other day I was thinking about what Liam will be like when he is eight. I don't usually do that, and in a split second, I realised I was thinking "Oh. I hope we can make it to eight. I would be so thankful for that." I think in the back of my mind I am always afraid that, like the snow that melts, my gifts from God will evaporate back into the heavens.
This is something I am going to have to work on this year. It is a matter of faith, hope and trust in God and his plan for my life. I think that it is only with prayerful consideration I will be able to wrestle this fear.
But, for now in my journey I am thankful. Every day. For God's bounty in my life and the snow that he has blessed me with--however long it will stay.

T minus 17 or so hours

Ok. Furniture moved out of living room to make room for second table. Tablecloth and centerpiece on dining room table. Punch fountain assembled. Mantel decorated. Hand sewn Give Thanks banner hung. Floors swept. Glass on fireplace cleaned (as good as they get...*sigh*). And dough for sweet potato rolls started.
Giant pile of things to be put somewhere else sitting in the middle of the room.

Bring it on Thanksgivin'!

A lot to do tomorrow, but I'm looking forward to it.
Why does my back always start killing me right now?

Have a wonderful, gratitude filled Thanksgiving. May God bless you today and every day.

Goin' to bed to wake up TURKEY EARLY!

Gone Thankin'

You all must be gone for Thanksgiving as my bloglines is eerily empty these days.
Tomorrow is my favorite of all holidays. I just love the idea of taking a moment for gratitude for no other reason than that we are thankful for the bounty in our lives. And what other holiday fits so well for me? Seriously, setting the table, cooking a meal and sitting around with family? My idea of heaven. I'm not ready for tomorrow, though. I've got to clean, bake, set up tables (maybe buy a larger folding table??) Finish sewing my Thanksgiving banner, make favors, press linens, figure out the table settings. Yup. I've done almost none of that. Usually by now the table is set and the menu is printed on pretty cards, but between all the activity, finishing my classes, and the whole bronchitis thing...I've been spent. Last night, though, I slept 10 hours and now I think I'm ready to go.
Today we're having a Thanksgiving potluck to thank our student workers for all their hard work. We've set up pretty potluck tables and made thank you cards that students or faculty can sign to thank the tutors for helping them through the semester.
When I finish enjoying the food and fellowship here, I'll go home and get cracking...taking a break only to take Grandma to dialysis. If I'm not back between now and tomorrow to do my annual Thanksgiving post, I'll do it Friday.
I had a great new idea for a Thanksgiving tradition that I can't start this year, but plan to next year. On the weekend after Thanksgiving I plan to host a potluck at my house for all of those people that we weren't able to spend the holiday with--friends, extended family, etc. I plan to call it a Brimming With Thanks potluck and challenge people to make dishes with their Thanksgiving leftovers.
Alas, this year el husbando is working that weekend. So, I'll be packing a basket of Thanksgiving leftovers for him to eat alone in a hotel room. Since we're having the parade party without him, I hadn't the heart to throw another party that he couldn't come to.

But, Friday....oh! Friday come the Christmas trees...

I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. A different kind of crossroads.

Day five of antibiotics and still sick. sigh.

And now to continue the saga of Kether and the House Wants. Saturday, we left the house to walk to the train station. If I might interrupt myself immediately in this story, I want to relate The Cutest Thing Liam Has Ever Done. My inlaws and el husbando and The Boy were outside on the porch, ready to begin walking, but I was inside still. Doing what, I have no idea. But, I was not with the pack. The screendoor was closed, but not latched. All of a sudden Liam burst through the screen door, ran to me, grabbed my hand, and began to pull me to the rest of the group on the porch. I suppose he was tired of waiting for me, or, if I want to be particularly flattered, he didn't want to leave me behind.
Anyhoo..We were walking the three or so blocks to the train station, having a lovely chat with my inlaws. Liam walked most of the way, holding onto a hand from each parent. The weather was crisp, but not cold, and our path was dotted with newly fallen leaves. I sighed, content and happy. This is the life I want to live, I thought. Liam got tired and we put him in the stroller that my father in law was pushing. And then it happened.
The ghetto smacked us right between the eyes. At the corner of our street and the street where our vet clinic is was a group of young "adults"--I use that term loosely. They were wearing various articles of blue attire and cursing loudly. I mean really atrociously bad language. Kinda like Michael Richards..They were talking about a certain other group that likes to wear a different color clothing than they do and I literally thought I was going to have a heart attack. As we stood there on the corner, I was sure that we were going to be unwitting victims of a drive by shooting gone wrong..and I'd dragged my inlaws and my toddler son into this! This group of people moved into the center of the street, and, though I said excuse me, did not move out of our way as we passed. I was left scared and angry.
We got to the train station, and they had the snow. The city council members and city employees were there with santa hats on.They passed out candy and by all intents and purposes it seemed like a typical family centered event in a safe,friendly, family centered community.
(As a total aside to my story, my awful feelings left the minute that train pulled into the station as I was so struck with child-like awe by the beauty of the train).
I was relating this story to a co-worker today and she said, as she always does. Why don't you move?
I struggled for my answer. Because most people don't understand my answer, and I'm beginning to doubt it myself.
I don't move because I love my house and want to finish the renovation. Sure, its small, and old and a bit wonky, but that's why I love it. And where else can I live on the Christmas parade route? Walk to the theater and the library? We are on the precipice of change in our downtown. If the plans that the community and the consulting group come to fruition, we will have a vibrant downtown community and shopping district. That will surely change the face of the housing around the area. It will become desirable real estate. We will live in a walking community within blocks of shopping, the libarary, train station, museums, post office and other things to do.
I don't move because we are almost paid off. A new mortgage, a significantly higher mortgage--I'm talking exponentially higher mortgage, would mean that we have to have two working parents to make it work. We'd also probably have to give up a lot of the extras we are used to--annual passes to Disney, going to events like A Day Out With Thomas, cruises, etc. We are in the processing of pursuing a career change for me that would give us MORE time together because I would be home more. Fewer hours a week, and off for several months out of the year. A new home would make that a moot point. I mean, yes, I'd be home with Liam, but el husbando would be gone to work. Our goal is more time for the entire family to be together. For me, a larger home just isn't worth the trade-off. In addition there is the whole el husbando work factor. He had in his life plan to be "semi retired" by 35. He did so at 33, and working a 9-5 job does not appeal to him in the slightest. I don't feel it would be fair for me to negate what he has worked his entire life toward just because I want a bigger house.
I don't move because I feel like then I am giving up--that we as a society are giving up-- and shrugging our shoulders and allowing undesirable elements to have control. If Ghandi said to "be the change I want to see in the world" this is it. I want to see this be a desirable place to live and a vibrant community. I want people to see value in these old, smaller homes. I want them to believe in the beauty of living somewhere where you can walk to all sorts of activities. If I move, I give up on that dream for me, and for others. Our city core will become more and more rundown, and there will be a ring of affluence on the outskirts. The space I vacate will just be turned over to people who don't care. In the last few years there has been such hope here. Several houses are receiving overhauls. The consulting group came in and made plans for our vision.
Still, my friends don't get it. I know that they cringe at the thought of living here. And to be frank, I'm starting to, too. To be fair, that experience on Saturday has been the only concrete experience in recent history to necessitate any real fear. But, I'm scared for our whole community to be honest. Our crime per capita is growing rapidly. Our section 8 housing violations are increasing (most because they are allowing parolees to live in their homes, and/or have drug or criminal offenses happening in the homes), our gang problem seems to have no ceiling and it seems, quite often, that the city is in over its head.
The bottom line is that if we move it probably won't be here. Why trade no mortgage for a $300-500,000 home when there is the potential of the same problems in the new neighborhood. Why invest in a community where my son might still not be safe? And, that, my friends is what it comes down to. Will my son be safe? I realise I cannot raise him in a bubble, but I'd like to mitigate as many circumstances as I can that will contribute to his relative safety. So, we've set a three year goal. If in three years the city hasn't made any forward progress in our city, and our area specifically, we will begin to look for a home in a new area. This devestates me. I really love the fact that Liam is growing up just five minutes from both sets of grandparents, a great grandmother and his aunt and uncle. Will this mean they'll all have to move? I can't even start to think about it, because my chest starts to tighten. I am working on a "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" philosophy in my life.
But, its starting to seem that my life is built of bridge after bridge looming in my future.

A Day Out With Thomas

The trip for A Day Out with Thomas was fantastic! The train museum was beyond belief. There were so many old trains; I was simply in heaven. So was Liam. Although he *did* scream and cry when there was one sharp train whistle. There are family with Thomas pics, but I haven't scanned those yet.
The gift shop was full of things you can buy anywhere, but I did get a t-shirt that says "I spent a Day Out With Thomas" and on the back it says "And Thomas spend the day out with ME"
and then I got a coal car for a wooden train set that is a day out with thomas 2006 keepsake. Those two things you can't get elsewhere.
SO glad we had the early train. Later in the day it was getting crazy. We left by noon.


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The Metrolink Toy Express

I've never seen this before despite the fact that the train station is three blocks up the street. I'm SO glad we went. I just thought they'd slap a wreath and some lights on the front of the train and Santa would get off...


Create Your Own

Xray says....

Bad bronchitis.

I have been very sick for 20 days. In fact, when we were in Scottsdale, I considered going to the ER while I was there. I knew it wasn't a cold. Not just because I had been sick for over two weeks, but because it was only in my chest and I felt like I couldn't breathe air deeply into my lungs. When I breathed it was raspy and hurt a lot. But, because we were only there two days, I didn't want to spend all of one in an ER, so I didn't.
I meant to go Tuesday, but Grandma got out of the hospital (yay!) and I had to go over there to help her do some things that she wasn't strong enough to do and the men of our family couldn't do.
Wednesday I broke down and went and the doctor all but told me that it was just a cold and nothing a bit of cough medicine couldn't take care of. Then he did the xray and told me it turned out he was wrong. So, I'm on antibiotics, which is a big deal since I'm allergic to two different families of antibiotics...I rarely take them. And I'm on two inhalers. I can already breathe a little better.
So, my house isn't clean. I have been doing sitting down types of things because I have little strength and I haven't taken sick leave because we're winding down the semester and I've got a lot to do. So, at home I've been coloring with Liam, sewing a thanksgiving banner, and writing out invitations to our Parade Party.
Every year the Christmas parade goes right past our house. So, last year I started having a parade watching party where we also do a Christmas cookie exchange. The invitations this year say, "You bring some cookies and a mug, we'll provide the cocoa and the parade." Its a good parade, too. One of the year's band competitions is held after it, so there are bands from all over. Lots of them with bagpipes for some reason. I love me some bagpipes.
Anyway, to do the invitations, I used some Christmas themed blank note cards that I got last year at Michales for 8 for $1 and and used an invitation stamp to stamp the inside like an invite. That thing is really going to pay for itself quickly. I'm glad I invested in it.
I've also been planning Thanksgiving Dinner and doing a bit of classwork. My two classes finish next week. Thank God! I have a 105.3% in one class and I've no idea what I'm getting in the other. He hasn't returned ANYTHING. It is driving me nuts.
Saturday our metrolink train is coming into the station all decorated for Christmas with Santa. It is three blocks up from us, so we'll be going. Liam, as you might be able to tell from pictures, is obsessed with trains. Sunday, we're going to A DAY OUT WITH THOMAS to ride the life-size Thomas the train. I've been looking forward to this all year.
I've also done some desk-chair Christmas shopping and worked out almost all of the photobook that I'm going to give the grandparents for Christmas from Shutterfly. I chose Shutterfly because I really like the hardback options they like...and I've got a free shipping coupon, and I think I'll still get the multiple order discount.
oh! We had a major milestone around here. We were all in the computer room, and we had shut the door. Liam walked over, reached up for the doorknob and turned it and opened the door. I was floored. What will we do now?
And when I'm in the bath, he knocks on the door and says, "Mama? Door. Open. Now. OK?"
OK finishes all of his sentences. I must say that a lot.

So, that's where I've been. I'm still reading all of you. I just use bloglines these days, so it means I don't comment much. That's the evil part of bloglines...I can read to my heart's content...but you'll never know it.

We're Back!

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Twister anyone?

We're goin' on a minibreak to sunshine-y Scottsdale.
I'll leave you with this adorable pic. Isn't he scrumptious?

Glad that's over!

Thank goodness the election is over. If I saw one more ad, or had one more message on my answering maching I was going to blow a gasket.
The one that particularly got me was Cruz Bustamante. I don't know who his campaign manager was, but who decided that the "I used to be fat....Now I'm not, so you should vote for me" platform was a good one? The first time we heard it, el husbando and I looked at each other and said, "wha?" Ok, I'll be fair. There was the part in there where he talks about how he promised his family he would lose weight and he did, so that demonstrates that he lives up to his commitments, therefore, we should vote for him. But, uhm. Wha? Frankly I don't think he gave a damn about the election. I think he lost weight and wanted the world to know.

Its here. The crossroads.

Today I was sitting bleary-eyed in my office and I made a major life decision. I am no longer trying to conceive. And in a way a weight has been lifted off my very weary shoulders. I feel like I've been standing at this crossroads for a long time, putting my foot in and taking it out, afraid of either decision. But the hokey pokey must end. I am tired.
I know that my journey has not been nearly as long as many of yours, but I have reached as much as I can take. I am tired of trying to control my life. Tired of worrying about whether or not the timing of conception will fit into the life I am attempting to perfectly order. I am tired of worrying that if I get pregnant at X time, it might interfere with the new path I'm trying to pursue in my career. I am tired of worrying about where we might need to move eight years down the line. I'm tired of going over different floor plans in my head, trying to decide how we could possibly fit children of different sexes into the wonky floor plan we have. I am tired of counting days, and waiting hopefully and trying to reign in the twins of fear and hope. I am tired of worrying that there is something wrong with me. I am tired of worrying about bearing children past the line of "advanced maternal age." I am tired of worrying about whether or not my TSH levels will kill an embryo clinging to my body. I am tired of worrying that Liam might be The Golden Child in our family with nary a child-relative in sight. I am tired of worrying about whether or not my family is complete.
And I am tired of trying to control something in the hands of fate--and God.
I can make better decisions about how I spend my money. I can sit on the floor and play with Liam. I can make a schedule for when to clean my house. I can register in classes and write papers. I can apply for jobs, and I can manage my schedule around my life's demands.
But I cannot make an egg meet a sperm and burrow into the lining of my uterus. I am tired of being Sisyphus. I am pushing this rock up a hill no longer. I'm taking my rock and going home.

This is no longer in my hands.

Yesterday my mom and I popped into Big Lots on a whim and I found new dining chairs. Our chairs have long been a saga. The chairs that I bought with our table--from an antique store--were beautiful, but wobbly and the spidle-y backs hurt after awhile. I was afraid they were going to break, so they've been shoved in a closet and we've been using less comfortable pressed back oak chairs that I've been meaning to get rid of.
We found yellow linen damask parsons chairs for $59/ea. When we got them home, we noticed they were from Restoration Hardware. I can only imagine how much they were there.
I love them and they go really well with my great grandmother's quilt in our dining room.

The chairs shoved into the closet have already found a new home. I posted them on freecycle and said that if someone was able to repair them, they could have them. A really nice woman came this morning and got them. She said they were, "So cute!" I agree...so I hope that she loves them and gets a lot of use out of them. I've posted the oak chairs and their round table on cragislist for really cheap--$35. If no one buys them, I might just freecycle them as well. It will free up some much needed storage space around here!

Famous for being Famous

Liam and I were in the paper today! A picture of us Trick or Treating at the Trunk or Treat at my inlaws church. Figures its a crap picture of me! Its small, but I'm going to try and scan it later.

They did spell our names right, though!

A Mother's Words of Wisdom

You know you're the mother of a toddler when you've found yourself saying:

You know you're not allowed to color the dog.

Magic Eraser Danger

A few weeks ago Liam had a really bad rash on his face. We couldn't find the cause. It went away within a day, so we didn't end up going to the Dr. about it, but I felt so badly for him as it was very itchy.
I don't think this is the same thing--because Liam was itchy rather than burning, but I so felt for this mother and her child. It seemed like important information to pass along in case any of you use the Magic Eraser as I do. I never worry about it being somewhere where Liam can grab hold of it. Now I will.

A Gypsy, A Math Test, and a Chicken walk into a bar

I am still recovering from yesterday. There is nothing that I like better than the ridiculousity (the act of being so ridiculous that it isn't mere ridiculousness) of Halloween. It cracks me up to see the Grim Reaper walking around with Elmo. or A gypsy, a chicken and a Math test. It is like the world turns into the opening to bad jokes...
"This Gypsy, a chicken, and a Math test walk into a bar..."
Really. My mom was a math test. She was afraid that I would think that it was stupid. But, it cracked me up. Bent over, in half, laughing. She had a really funny world problem, and some funky find the angle questions, and she entered the "Scariest costume" contest because "A math test was the scariest thing I could think of."
Someone witty at work passed by and said, "At least its a short test."
Which had me laughing even harder. You see, my mom and I are both 4'11.
Halloween has long been one of my favorite holidays. It is such a relief to be able to shed the clothes of the serious world for just a few hours, and play. But, most of all, play WITH ONE ANOTHER.
Yesterday, in my "spare" time, I was reading several blogs on the "Christian" standpoint on Halloween. I use quotes because there isn't just one stand, but there seems to be the idea that there is one unified thought about it. I won't get into the arguments here, because it is plain to see where I stand on the matter. I am Christian and I love Halloween. I don't view every little '"spookable" (as Tigger would call them) as some physical portal to allow Satan and his friends to romp through my living room. I don't feel that by dressing as a Gypsy and taking my kid from car to car that I am somehow worshiping Satan. I think its a fun, imaginative day. Period. But, I am aware that it is yet another thing that divides the Christian house. I hadn't thought about it too much until I started to read the posts, and after I started reading all of the various arguments pro and con, my head started to hurt, because really I didn't want to think at all. I just wanted to play. But in case it is a topic you have some interest in, I did read a blog that had some links to some good articles about the topic, and I thought I'd pass them along. I found them on this blog.
All this to say that what several of the authors said was just what I like about Halloween. That, ultimately, it is one of the few days that we reach out to one another. One of the few days that instead of just saying, "thanks for my change" to the girl leaning out the window of McDonald's we say, "Hey! Great Chuckie Mask! Its fantastic. Where'd you get it?" and actually talk to the head attached to the hand holding the money. We see our neighbors, experience different churches or community places and encourage imaginative play with children.
It was the first time in as long as I can remember that I actually sat in our cafeteria at work among the students. I went to the costume contest, and the costumes were a great equalizer. Everyone is equal under the eyes of The Costume Judges. There are no faculty, staff, students, administrators, etc. We're just a Gypsy, A Math Test, and A Woman Riding a Chicken

Oh, yes. And the Grim Reaper. Who, it turns out, is very pleasant and has excellent manners.

Happy Halloween!

Create Your Own!

Fall Festival Fun

Tonight our church had our Fall Festival in the pumpkin patch. Liam wore his costume and people loved it so much that they were heard to say, "Whose child is that? That is the best costume ever!" I had no idea that a rooster would be so popular. Especially a $15 rooster from W*lmart.
There were games that you had to buy tickets to play, but all of the vendors were so nice and let Liam try without tickets. He did the spider ring toss and the bean bag toss after a bit of prompting from us. I think we've been a little *too* successful in the "just looking" department. Now he won't even touch things that we want him to touch. He really liked the hay filled play area. And the pictures are worth a million--I tell ya!
Tuesday we're doing Trunk or Treat at my inlaws church. We'll get him used to this whole thing and then Halloween will be over. I'm thinking of letting him keep out one of the trick or treat pumpkins, though. He's so in love with pumpkins that it seems almost cruel and unusal punishment to wrench them all from him.

Pictures later. Blogger won't upload them...

Thanksgiving

I went too see my grandmother today, as I do every day, and she was in better spirits, able to talk and recognizable. I heart the nurses in ICU. They have been doing a fantastic job, and are treating her with love, care, and kindness. I left there with a lighter heart, and hope! Yesterday my dad was telling me on the phone that he thought this was the end, and I heard the waiver in his voice and my heart broke for him. He is still struggling with the death of his dear friend, Pastor Jim, and the weight of the illness of his mother is tearing him apart.
But the doctor called him last night and said that he is expecting her to make a full recovery.
Praise God!
So today I started to think about Thanksgiving.
I love, love, love, LOVE Thanksgiving. This year I'm hoping to have ten people. I know I'll have at least seven. Not sure if Grandma will be out of the hospital, or if my brother and sister in law will be coming. I started an idea list today about the table and the menu and I began making invitations to send. Last year we started the Thanksgiving tablecloth tradition. Every year the people who come to dinner will write what they are thankful for on it. Last year since Liam couldn't talk, we traced his hand and wrote the date in the middle. This year, I'm pretty sure his answer will be PUNKIN! (or punkinpunkinpunkinpunkinpunkinpunkin...) . It is my hope that we keep this tradition going for a long time and that every year when we sit down to the table we are surrouned by the years and years of blessings we have had.
I started gathering pretty leaves and pinecones this week and tonight or tomorrow night I'm going to start waxing them. I'm going to make pinecone firestarters and maybe pinecone placecards.

I was a little nervous that I wouldn't get to do Thanksgiving. I thought that my MIL, newly moved here, would want to do it. But today she told me that she thought it would be important for us to begin our own traditions as a family and that they would do whatever we wanted to do. I was relieved because I didn't want to be selfish or unchairtable, but I really, really wanted to do Thanksgiving.

Works For Me Wednesday

In my quest to control every aspect of my life, I found this downloadable shareware budgeting software. I spent two hours last night putting my last month in it and then setting up the budget for next month. Also, because it lets you do several different budgets, I set up a Christmas budget and was able to plan out how much and when I would be spending for Christmas.
It was nice, and scary and disappointing, to see the wasted money I have....
The software is easy to use, and FREE! with nice charts and graphs and projections...

Work's for Me!

A Prayer if You Spare

My grandmother is not doing well. It has really sucked the wind out of my sails. She was the young one (she's only a year older than my Father in Law for crying out loud) and she's always been spunky and fiesty. Until she moved out here.
Now, I'm trying not to think there's a connection. I mean, I suppose she could have gotten sick back home, but I feel really badly that she's moved here and had four or five hospital visits since March. Three of them in the last few months.
Today was the first day when I wondered if she'd ever come home.
She looks horrible. She is gasping for breath, even though she's on oxygen and she's barely recognizable.

A prayer...if you can spare...

A Very Messy Morning.

I thought I was going to rival TKW this morning with the oven trouble. There have been two drip marks inside the glass on my oven for quite some time. Someone told me all I had to do was undo the screws inside the door and pop the glass off to clean it....
I didn't take pictures, because I thought my husband was going to kill me at any moment. I was half way to getting the screws out when he came in. One was kind of stripped, so it was hard for me to do. I asked him to do it, and when he got the screws undone, the glass panel fell on his foot, the two side bars fell off and the handle came off in his hand.
While he was giving me the evil eye, I noticed one of the screws was gone....
We looked everywhere, and the only possible other place it could have gone was through the hole in the bottom of the oven that leads to the heating implements. So, we too off the panel to the bottom of the inside of the oven...
Yeah, it could be somewhere else. It wasn't there. Finally I moved the whole oven out from the wall and found it under there.
Ick its dirty back there.
We finally got it back together, only I don't think the door is right, but I'm not saying anything about that today.
And those stupid marks didn't come off. They're not drips, they're some sort of heat damage...

So, if you come over, please ignore the marks on the oven. Its probably never going to get thoroughly cleaned again.

After we got the oven back together, we carved a Jackety Lantern (as Tigger would call it). Liam loves pumkins, so he had to collect others to watch. When we got the top off, he said "OPEN! PUNKIN!" and then he kept saying "Hi Punkin! wow!"
It was messy, but a lot of fun.

I'm going to stay out of the kitchen for awhile...

Snapfish Coupons

If you know me, you know that I take far more pictures than anyone ever has business to be taking...and my scrapbooking to do pile is getting bigger and bigger, but I keep taking those shots.
But, I'm getting cheap about getting pics developed now, too. I buy prepaid prints at snapfish, so they end up at $0.12 each, and now I've gotten to googling snapfish coupons to find good ones. I found a few:

Order by Oct 24 and get 50% off holiday cards. Use coupon EARLY2006

Receive 30 free 4x6 credits by November 1 CCAB3006

And this one, which I used yesterday for free shipping because I had credits:

Snapfish has 20 Free Prints for new customers + Free Shipping on up to
25 4X6 Prints coupon code: OCT25AFF06 (exp 11/1).

Then, because really I have nothing else to do, I found some Photoworks coupons. I ordered their 12.95 photobook a few months back to try it out for Christmas ideas and I loved it.

Free shipping through December 31  C609-38-5164-21
20% off C608-38-5124-41
and 50 4x6 digital prints free C594-38-5104-11 

(I'm going to try that last one after Halloween when I've got bunches of pics...)

I'm going to order 5 photobooks from them for Christmas, so I'll have to figure out which will be cheaper, to go with free shipping or the 20% off.

Boo!

I've been making up these today. My mom found cute little treat bags that say, "Boo!" on them. Perfect for this. Now I'm trying to figure out how to do it at my inlaws house without them noticing!

Penguin

I didn't delete any comments. It must have gone into the wild blue ether...

What'dya say?

That's More Better

I'm feeling better today. Not fixed, but better.

I found the coolest thing yesterday by visiting this blog. It is a link to an African webcam at a watering hole. If you've been around here any length of time, you know that in another lifetime I worked at the LA Zoo and my big dream in life--for almost 20 years--was to be a wildlife biologist and work in zoos and in the field. As many dreams do, that dream fell away as I discovered other dreams and another road. But the vestiges of that dream remain in the outlines of my life, so this webcam was a fantastic find! Yesterday we watched it for quite some time. We could hear the birds and the thunder, and occasionally see the birds fly by, but nothing too exciting happened, so I left to go watch Gilmore Girls. Suddenly el husbando started to yell, and I came in to see a herd of zebra, about 20 of them. I was so excited and giddy that I was bouncing up and down in my seat and my heart was beating a million times a minute and for a split second I actually felt like I was there, in Africa, hiding in the bush watching the zebra. I had to stop myself from screaming "Crikey! Aren't they beautiful!"
Liam saw them and started to bounce like his mommy. He yelled "BEBA! BEBA!" because my boy likes a zebra. He even got to pet one at a petting zoo once. I'm definitely raising another animal guy here. Move over Jeff Corwin...

I was feeling better last night even before the webcam. We went to our church's pumpkin patch,and picked some pumpkins. Liam loves pumpkins and I thought he'd be in wonderland, but it took him so long to warm up to being in a new place that he was only giddy with excitement for the last few minutes. I'm going to take him again later this week. He was more concerned at first with walking us around and asking us to "OPEN!" every door he saw.
I tried to get him to wear our new, traditional pumpkin getting hat, but I think that was asking a bit much...
(other picture to follow. Blogger keeps SAYING that it loaded, but it didn't....)