Trying to count my blessings

Wow!  This has been a very trying couple of months.  Really a trying year to be honest.

During the last school year Dominick started saying he was sick and staying home. After a few times I started questioning why.  It turned out he was bored in school.  Repeating all he had already learned.  I worked with the principal trying to get him tested but it turned out that he is kind of genius level cognitively. I was floored.  We tried to get his teacher to challenge him but she refused. We also talked about moving him up a grade.  I really struggled with that.  The idea that he would be in High School before he was ready socially worried me.  I thought about homeschooling him but quickly dismissed the idea.  We changed his teacher and she tried to keep him busy but it just wasn't enough.  In the mean time Holland was starting to fake sick too.  Come to find out she was being bullied at school and she finally reached all she could handle.  She refused to go to school and demanded to be home schooled.  So we pulled her out and decided to home school  the next year for both. I thought that would be the end of it.  She struggled all summer.  It just seems like she is being attacked from all directions.  She stopped playing with her best friend Katherine and made a new friend in Katie.  She also loves to play with Hannah.  Still the summer proved to be difficult.  I noticed her ability to handle stress seemed to weaken.  She seemed irritable.  Easy to anger and struggled to calm down.  Then as the year started she started having panic attacks.  At first they were short lived but they got worse quickly.  After 2 weeks she was having long 6 hour attacks.  We took her to the doctor and had her seeing a counselor.  She was put on medication to calm her and I thought that would be it.  It wasn't.  All of a sudden she started having more and more of the attacks, she started hearing voices and seeing hallucinations.  We had to find a psychiatrist and fast.  I started calling and no matter what number I called I was told no this isn't the right office. None of the phone numbers led to the Dr. I tried one last number and that led to Michelle Benson.  She was a blessing.  She wasn't taking any new patients but agreed to take us.  She tried a medication that she said would sedate Holland until the other meds were out of her system.  It didn't work and she was getting worse. 6 hour panic attacks 3 times a day.  Finally she said for us to admit her into the Psychiatric Unit at The University of Utah.  I fell apart.  We did what she told us.

The hospital was hard.  Probably the most difficult thing we have ever had to do.  We were told that she would be in a unit with kids with anger problems.  Kids who had tried to hurt themselves or someone else. I almost didn't put her in there.  They did tell me though that if Dr. Benson said she needs to be in there, she carries a lot of weight.  They respect her and know her well.  They didn't question her decision and told us to trust that.  So we did.  We took our 11 year old daughter up to the unit and left her there.  I couldn't stay with her.  I could only visit for 1 hour twice a day.  I cried when we left her.  I cried every time she did. It was so hard to leave her there everyday.  I never realized how much someone contributes to a family until they aren't there anymore. I missed her terribly.

While she was there she said she was really scared and she had a prompting to pray.  She had already said her prayers, but she did it anyway.  She said she felt a calming spirit come over her.  Then she saw my Grandpa Love and my Grandma Weedn. She said that they told her that she needed to be there.  That it is all going to be OK.  That she would get the help she needed.  I am so grateful to know that my Grandpa and Grandma are looking after my little girl.  I prayed that she would have angels surrounding her and that she would see them.  She said she almost didn't recognize my Grandpa because he looked so young and that she asked who he was and his response was "you don't recognize me?"  I could almost hear him saying that.  I am so grateful my Father in Heaven saw the need for them to comfort her.  She also said she discovered something.  That God's angels have a white glow around them and that Satan's angels don't .  She said she knows this because she also had one of Satan's angels visiting too.  I don't like hearing that but I have felt that Satan wants her to give up on life.  She has a special role here.  He doesn't want her to complete her mission.

She stayed there for a week.  She was released and put into a day program to continue to help her control her anxiety.  I am amazed at the growth I have seen in her.  She is a completely different kid.  She is really trying to do everything right.  She was just released from everything a week ago.  I am not happy about her discharge because it was forced by our insurance.  They said she is doing fine and didn't need the treatment anymore.  So here we are.  She is so much better.  I am hoping with the help of a new counselor that we will continue to improve.  I labeled this post counting my blessings because I am just really grateful for the Lord's hand in all of this.  He led us to the right doctor.  He made it possible for her to have a bed same day in the hospital.  Others have had to wait days.  She got out earlier than expected and she was able to get into the day program quickly.  That isn't easy either.  The timing on everything has just worked out.  Such a blessing.  I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for all He has done.  I am so grateful for the comforter.  This is a good day.  I feel like things are moving forward.  I love my life.