On why I am tired...

...but refuse to do anything about it.

I am dying a slow death of sleep deprivation. Apparently, my kids do not appreciate sleep as much as I do.

I’ve always preferred to stay up late and then of course, sleep in. I like my sleep. I like a lot of sleep. I hate getting out of bed in the morning. And once I’ve fallen asleep, I hate being woken up during the night.

Soooo, obviously, bringing a baby into my life is a wee bit challenging. Especially since my kids have never been big sleepers. The most total hours of sleep I have ever gotten out of Sonnet is 10, but usually it’s closer to 9. I don’t know who those kids are that sleep 12-13 hours a night, but they do not live at my house.

So far, the most total sleep I’ve gotten out of Stetson is 10 hours, but he’s usually more comfortable around 9 hours too. Of course, in his case, that is not continuous. For a while, he would go down for the night and sleep 4-5 hours, wake up and eat, go back to sleep for another 2-3 hours, eat, then sleep for another hour or so before he was up for the day. I was assuming that 4-5 hour stretch would continue to lengthen until he was only waking up once during the night to eat, because you know, that seems logical and that's what Sonnet did.

But as of the last week, he has gone back to waking up every 2 hours to eat, which means during his total 9 hours of night time sleep, I am getting up 4 times with him. He’s probably just going through a growth spurt (because, you know, he’s so tiny), but I think I am going to die.

But here’s the thing. I am not really a believer in sleep training- at least not this young- so there's not a whole lot I am willing to do about it. For the most part, I believe in infant-led cycles of feeding, sleeping, and waking and I’m pretty supportive of most aspects of “attachment parenting.” It just feels most “right” to me.

I like to have my babies near me, especially at night. So I let them sleep in my room, either in their swing, their cradle, or my bed. Sonnet slept in my room for the first 4 months, and then as her night sleep periods got longer, I moved her into her own room and she did great. At about 8 months old she started crying at night, not really because she was hungry (she never wanted to eat, and at that age babies are physically capable of going all night without eating should they choose), but just because she wanted attention, so we did a couple nights of “crying it out” and after that she slept like a champ. Never more than 9 hours straight mind you, but hey, 9 hours is good for me.

But before that, I didn’t feel comfortable letting her cry it out. I don’t think it’s appropriate to do that to kids until they understand that crying gets them something and they are using it as a means to get attention. Once they understand cause and effect and figure out how to use it to their advantage, then they can be taught patience and delayed gratification. They are developmentally ready to learn that just because they yell, that does not mean they are going to get attention.

But before that stage, babies just cry because they need something- food, a clean diaper, or attention-and they have no other way to communicate. If they cry and their needs don’t get met, they just think they are being abandoned, they don’t think, “Oh my mom isn’t going to come just because I cried, she figured out my game... I’ll have to think of a better way to communicate.” They’re just too young for that kind of reasoning. They may stop crying eventually, but I think it's because they gave up, not because they "learned a lesson." So I don’t think it’s appropriate to let babies cry themselves to sleep until they are older and I don’t like the idea of only feeding or playing with them based on a set schedule or on what the clock says.

Now, I am in no way a pushover parent. I have never taken any crap from Sonnet and I expect her to be well-behaved. She has thrown maybe 2 hissy fits in her life and they got her nowhere. I just won't tolerate that. I know what she is capable of developmentally and I hold her to those standards. I can't stand when parents let their kids run wild and then say something like "Well, it’s the terrible two's, what can you do?" Sure, at two years old kids get more mobile, more demanding, more independent, more curious, and more emotional, but that does not mean they should get away with murder. You've got to stay one step ahead of them and train them to act appropriately within their abilities.

But like I said, with me, when it comes to brand new babies, that line of thinking goes out the window. I can't stand when people say they don't want their baby to interfere with their life. Hello! A baby is not an accessory you can carry only when it's convenient... they are not an appendage to your life. A baby is a huge responsibility, a huge gift. They SHOULD change your life. And for a little while at least, they should be the center of your world. One thing is for sure: you are the center of theirs.

I know a lot of people don't agree with me. I know some people swear by books like “Baby Wise” or “Healthy Sleep Habits,” but I despise them both. Those philosophies just feel wrong to me. I’m sure I would love it if my baby slept through the night at 8 weeks old, but if it’s not something he is going to naturally do, I am not willing to force him. Instead I shall just whine about sleep deprivation on this blog and wait until he gets a little older...

Babies are only babies for a short time. Taking care of them is hard work... it's exhausting and inconvenient and sometimes plain un-fun, but before you know it, they are grown up and you never get that time back. So you have to soak up every single moment with them. I am not saying you have to enjoy all the stinky diapers and the crying and the sleep deprivation. I am just saying: let babies be babies. Stop trying to make them grow up so fast. And be thankful for the good moments...

As long as he can't sit up on his own or even control his own little hands, I have no problem catering to my baby's every need. If my baby wants to be held, I am going to hold him. If he wants to eat, I am going to feed him. If he wants me to play peek-a-boo 800 times in a row because he thinks it's funny, then heaven knows I will do anything to hear that little giggle just one more time.

I think holding a sleeping baby is one of life's great experiences. I think waking up next to that tiny, milk-encrusted, trusting little face is a blessing. I think snuggling with a warm baby in footie jammies, rocking him, singing to him, and listening to his breathing slow as he sinks into dreamland is one of the privileges of motherhood. And I am not willing to give that up, no matter now tired I am.

But I am not above taking a nap while Stetson does... gotta go!

Spears Kids.

Nate comes from a family of 9 kids. 6 of the 9 siblings live here in Vegas and we all get together on a pretty regular basis. But when someone comes in from out of town, it's cause for celebration. This week, his sister (and her husband and 7 kids) are in town from Minnesota. Last night we had an adults-only dinner (there are 31 kids between all of us, so a kid-free night is amazing) and it was fun to have everyone together to just talk and hang out.

A High Chair...

...or "why I love the internet."

When we were in San Diego last week we went to a ghetto swap meet. They didn't have those amazing huge churros or stacks of shoes like the fabulous Orange County swap meet, but it was still fun to wander around. I got myself a stack of silver bracelets which I really quite love.

Anyways, when we were there I found this old, wooden high chair and I wanted it bad. But there was no room in my car, and well, the thing was really, really beat up. But when I got home, I wished I would have bought it. So I checked Craigslist and came up empty. And since I don't know how to wait, I posted on Facebook that I wanted a wooden high chair and if anyone came across one to hit me up.

About two seconds later a couple people commented that they had wooden high chairs that they loved made by Eddie Bauer. New, they cost like $150. A minute later someone else commented and said their friend had just posted an Eddie Bauer high chair for sale on their community webpage and she only wanted $20 for it! I called the lady and picked up the chair that night. It's sturdy and cute and has a removeable, dishwasher-safe tray. Much better than the ghetto one from the swap meet. 

I was originally planning on painting it black, because, well, everything in my house is black and well, I love black. But there's this island-blue spray paint color that I've always wanted to use and when I was standing in the aisle at Lowe's, I just couldn't pass it up again. So, I painted the chair blue. It matches nothing in my house, but it is super cute! :)

My Little Man has been very interested in food the last couple weeks. If you're holding him and eating something, he opens his mouth and uses his hand to try to pull your spoon or your cup to his mouth. So, we figured it was time to try something more than baby milk. We started with the boring usual: rice cereal. And he liked it! I was skiddish because Sonnet was a terrible eater from day 1, but Stetson opened and swallowed like a champ. We call him "Tank" for a reason.

Random [Negative] Thoughts.

It's late and well you know, the tigers come at night. Plus, I'm pre-menstrual. So, I probably shouldn't post this. But since we all know I have no filter, and I'm making more of an effort to be "real" in my journal keeping, check this:

I hate wearing a bra. I’m not a hippie or anything, I just don’t think they’re all that comfortable. Even when you go all out and get properly fitted and find the most comfortable (read: non-sexy) one you can find, they just still don’t do it for me. I don’t really understand the point. I mean, I do, but I kinda wish it was socially acceptable to just go sans-bra all the time.

We eat out a lot. I’m just not really into cooking (I can cook, but I don’t love it). Nate is only home every other day and Sonnet is picky picky picky, so I have a hard time buying lots of groceries and preparing lots of meals when I’m the only one around to eat them. So here’s a confession: I have no qualms about going through multiple drive-thru’s at once. I mean, if I really want a cup of chili from Wendy’s and a biscuit from KFC and a diet coke from Jack in the Box (their soda is the best, I’m not kidding), well, then I’ll put some good music on the radio, strap the kiddies in, and go to all three places. I know, it’s so shameful. But so fun. Judge me if you like.

I don't really believe in pre-school. For the most part, I think it's just an excuse for parents to get rid of their kids for a few hours each week. The "pre-schools" that are actually day cares are just ridiculous. We all know how I feel about day care. Let's not call it something pretty when really it is just a pathetic replacement for attentive parents. Tell me how you really feel. I don't really have a problem with those pre-schools that are like 2 or 3 days a week for a couple hours. They're not evil. I just don't think they're necessary. I think it's silly to assume that kids need "socialization" at such a young age. Your kid wants you! Beyond the occasional play date, trip to the park, or Sunday School class, kids do not need to be stimulated every second. They are not going to turn out weird if they don't hang out with other 4 year olds. Seriously. They're little kids. They like attention, they like to have fun, they need boundaries, they need freedom to be creative, they need time to play, they need someone to feed them. Moms and dads (and whatever siblings are in the house) can do that perfectly fine, usually with nothing more than a big cardboard box, a library card, and some new crayons. And as far as preparing them for kindergarten... I don't think preschool is necessary for that either. Mom can take them to library, spend plenty of time reading with them, do a little work book with them, and teach them colors, shapes, letters, sounds, and counting through every day activities and the kid will be just as ready for kindergarten as the kid who spent the last year or two in pre-school. Parents make the difference! Parents just have to make the effort to be involved. It's a lot easier to drop your kid off somewhere and make them someone else's responsibility for a few hours a day. But I don't think that's right. I just don't. Then again, I am super protective of my kids. I had no desire to give Sonnet up to another teacher, even for a few hours a week. These are the special times... she's only little once. Once she hits kindergarten and I have to let her go, her baby years are over and I had no desire to miss any of that time. Her dad, me, her grandparents, and the trips we've taken, the books we've read, the art projects we've done, the play group she is a part of, and all the experiences we've had together have been her "pre-school." And trust me, she is a genius. :) I know, I'm making lots of friends here...

So let me unload for a minute: I've been struggling lately. We're totally talking first-world problems here, but they’ve still got me kind of down. First of all, I’ve been struggling with my looks. I know, how shallow. Here’s the thing: I used to think I was pretty. Not Hollywood pretty, but a decent-looking average person with no hideous features and nothing to feel embarrassed about. Then I got kinda fat for a while. Even then I still felt pretty. Apparently me being fat bothered the people around me more than it bothered me. But I do remember thinking, if I could get really skinny I would probably feel really beautiful. Well, I managed to get skinny, but lately I've been feeling worse about myself than I ever have before. I don’t know if it’s because I put so much into getting skinny and now I’m super picky and hard on myself. Yeah, I think that’s part of it... like now I notice all the little things that I just ignored before when I was average or fat. And I think age has a lot to do with it. I’m not even 30 yet, but I feel really old. I have wrinkles under my eyes and I’m already losing my hair. I didn’t have much hair to begin with so this is especially disturbing. I just feel like I’ve been fighting with my body- I’m constantly fighting breakouts on my skin- it’s either too oily or too dry. I can’t figure out what to do with my hair. It comes in gray so I color it, but lately I can’t decide on a color I like and while I wait for it to grow out again, I have no idea how to style it. I really like it when it’s poofy and curly, but my hair is naturally stick-straight so no matter how many products I use or don’t use, my hair looks great for about 10 minutes after I curl it and then it starts getting flat and stringy again. And yeah, I’m skinny, but now I have no boobs and my butt is saggy. I know I should focus on the positives and be thankful that I am healthy and that everything works right and that gray hair and zits are the worst of my problems. But lately I’ve just been feeling really insecure about it all. I like clothes and jewelry and I like to get dressed up, but it makes me crazy when I spend an hour of my morning trying to get all ready and then I still think I look like crap. It's just kind of depressing. I don't want to be a supermodel, and I don't want to associate my value with my looks, but I also know that when I feel happy about the way I look physically, it's easier to feel good emotionally and spiritually. And right now, that just ain't happening.

I’m also feeling off because I don’t really have any friends. Now this is a weird subject for me. I’ve honestly never been all that concerned about having lots of friends. I’m not really a social person. My whole life I’ve had one or two good girl friends and a boyfriend (now husband) that I felt close to. I had a huge extended group of friends that I hung out with all through high school and I now have a group of women from church that I can hang out with if I want to… so it’s not like I’m alone. I have Nate and I love to be with Nate. But he's gone every other day for the whole 24 hours and sometimes I just want someone to hang out with. It’s not like I really want to go out and do a lot of things. I'm more of a homebody. I just like to watch movies or go to lunch or take a walk. And I’m not really a talker so I’m not looking for someone to spill my guts too. But I just want someone who's there if I need them, who I really identify with. That's the problem: honestly, I’m bothered because I can’t seem to find anyone I really click with. And so I think maybe something is wrong with me. There are lots of people I love and admire… lots of women I know who are really amazing and fun. But I think what I’m looking for is someone like me. I’ve never been a believer in the “opposites attract” philosophy. I like to be with people who act and think like I do. I know that might sound closed-off, but it's the truth. I believe things should be done a certain way and I'm not all that open to other ways of thinking. (Ya think?!) I have very strong views on a lot of things (obviously!) and I’ve learned that most people don’t think the same way I do. And it’s really hard for me to spend time with people and talk to people when I really don’t agree with the things they do or say. I spend the whole time biting my tongue and feeling like an outsider. I'm just different. But then I think: maybe I am just way too judgemental. No one is perfect. I am not perfect. Maybe I am too hard on people. Maybe I need to learn to focus on the good things, the things I do like about someone, and let the rest go. I'm never going to find someone I agree with 100% and maybe I need to be open to learning from other people. All this sounds mean. But I'm not mean to people. (OK, I probably piss people off with my blog posts). I can be friendly and I can sit in a social situation and smile and shoot the breeze with people. I have good manners. I'm just saying I would love to find someone who agrees with me on most major issues, who I can trust, and who is low-key and easy to be with.  And doesn't live 400 miles away. Or maybe I will just go on being a hermit.

And with that ray of sunshine, I will go put myself to bed...

Is it just me...

...or is he seriously cute?!

Father's Day.

[Or the post wherein I embarrass the men in my life]

THEY SAY THAT THE MOM IS THE CENTER OF THE HOME. I’VE GIVEN THAT SOME THOUGHT LATELY... I WOULD SAY THAT I’M THE FUNCTIONAL CENTER OF THE HOME… I’M THE ONE WHO PUTS GROCERIES IN THE FRIDGE AND TOILET PAPER NEXT TO THE TOILETS, PAYS THE BILLS, TELLS SONNET TO BRUSH HER TEETH, AND REMINDS NATE TO CALL HIS MOM ON HER BIRTHDAY. FOR THE MOST PART, I KEEP THE HOUSEHOLD RUNNING SMOOTHLY.

BUT I WOULD SAY THAT NATE IS THE HEART OF OUR HOME. HE IS THE ONE WE ALL LOVE THE MOST. HE IS THE ONE WE WANT TO SPEND OUR TIME WITH. HE IS THE ONE WHO MAKES THINGS FUN. HE MAKES US FEEL LOVED AND CARED FOR. HE IS THE ONE WHO MAKES IT ALL WORTHWHILE.

WE ALL GET EXCITED WHEN NATE COMES HOME. SONNET AND I FIGHT OVER WHO GETS TO HUG HIM FIRST. STETSON ALWAYS HAS A BIG GRIN READY FOR DAD AND EVEN THE DOG STANDS AROUND WAITING FOR ATTENTION FROM HIM.

I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT HE IS OURS. HE IS A KIND, HELPFUL, LOVING HUSBAND AND DAD. I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE WOULD DO WITHOUT HIM.

 

FOR FATHER’S DAY, WE BOUGHT HIM HIS FAVORITE DESSERT (CHOCOLATE SATIN PIE FROM MARIE CALENDAR'S) AND A BOTTLE OF MARTINELLI’S. WE ALSO BAKED HIM A PULL-APART FOR BREAKFAST. I WAS GOING TO GET HIM SOME TOOLS HE WANTED AT LOWE’S BUT I DECIDED ON A GIFT CARD INSTEAD. SONNET MADE HIM A BANNER AND PICKED OUT A CARD WITH A PICTURE OF A TENT ON IT (BECAUSE SHE LOVES WHEN DADDY TAKES HER CAMPING) AND I WROTE HIM A LETTER...

DEAR HUSBAND.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!

YOU ARE ONE OF THE VERY BEST DADS ON THE PLANET. YOU ARE KIND. YOU ARE PATIENT. YOU ARE FUN. YOU MAKE THE KIDS LAUGH. YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THEIR FEELINGS. YOU PROVIDE FOR THEIR NEEDS. YOU MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL. YOU LOVE THEM AND THEY KNOW IT.

I BELIEVE THAT DADS ARE ESSENTIAL IN KIDS LIVES. IT’S NORMAL TO HAVE A MOM WHO LOVES YOU, BUT TO HAVE A DAD WHO IS INVOLVED AND AFFECTIONATE AND PRESENT IS SUCH A HUGE BLESSING. YOU ARE A GREAT EXAMPLE TO OUR KIDS! YOU ARE TEACHING STETSON HOW TO BE A GOOD MAN AND HOW TO BE A GOOD FATHER SOMEDAY. AND YOU ARE SHOWING SONNET WHAT A GOOD MAN LOOKS LIKE SO SHE WILL GROW UP AND MARRY A GOOD MAN WHO WILL TREAT HER WELL AND BE A GOOD DAD TO HER KIDS. OUR KIDS WILL ALWAYS FEEL CONFIDENT BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEIR DADDY LOVES THEM.

NATE, I KNOW I AM VERY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU. THERE ARE SO MANY MESSED UP PEOPLE OUT THERE, SO MANY MEAN OR LAZY MEN, SO MANY HUSBANDS WHO DEMAND TOO MUCH OF THEIR WIVES OR WHO SIMPLY REFUSE TO HELP OUT AT HOME. BUT YOU ARE ALWAYS WILLING TO HELP ME. YOU SUPPORT ME AND YOU TRY TO MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR ME. I THINK YOU DO JUST AS MUCH WORK WITH THE KIDS, IF NOT MORE THAN I DO, ON THE DAYS YOU ARE HOME. I SERIOUSLY COULD NOT DO THIS WITHOUT YOU. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HOLDS US ALL TOGETHER. YOU ARE THE ONE WE ALL LOVE AND WANT TO BE WITH. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MAKES US ALL HAPPY. EVEN BLAZE LOVES YOU THE MOST.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING CARE OF US. THANK YOU FOR GOING TO WORK, EVEN WHEN WE BEG YOU TO STAY HOME. THANK YOU FOR GIVING US THE MONEY TO LIVE A FUN, HEALTHY, COMFORTABLE LIFE. YOU ARE A REAL MAN. YOU PROVIDE FOR US. YOU GO OUT INTO THE WORLD SO I CAN STAY HOME AND RAISE OUR KIDS. YOU HAVE NEVER PRESSURED ME TO GET A JOB AND YOU SUPPORT ME STAYING AT HOME WITH OUR BABIES. THAT IS SUCH A BLESSING. THEY COULDN’T HAVE A MOM AT HOME WITH THEM IF IT WASN’T FOR A DAD WHO WAS WILLING TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE. YOU TAKE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY SERIOUSLY AND WE FEEL SAFE KNOWING YOU ARE AT THE HELM.

YOU DO SO MUCH FOR ME. I KNOW YOU DON’T HAVE IT EASY. I’M ALWAYS TIRED AND SOMETIMES GROUCHY, THERE’S NEVER ANY EXTRA MONEY, THE KIDS REQUIRE CONSTANT ATTENTION, AND YOU HARDLY EVER GET ANY TIME TO YOURSELF. BUT YOU DO SUCH AN AMAZING JOB JUGGLING IT ALL. I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT YOU SEEM TO LIKE TO COME HOME TO US. I LOVE THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO SPEND YOUR TIME OUT WITH YOUR BUDDIES OR AT THE GYM OR BY YOURSELF. YOU VALUE FAMILY AND YOU  TOTALLY "WALK THE WALK." YOU SHOW US THAT YOU LOVE US BY SPENDING TIME WITH US.

YOU ARE JUST A GOOD, GOOD MAN. YOU ALWAYS  THINK OF OTHERS BEFORE YOURSELF. YOU ENJOY SERVING OTHERS. YOU ALWAYS TRY TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT. YOU DON’T LET THE WORLD GET YOU DOWN. YOU HAVE SO MUCH PATIENCE. YOU ARE FUNNY! YOU ARE HONEST. YOU ARE NICE. YOU ARE STRONG--- PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY. YOU ARE SMART AND LOGICAL. YOU CAN FIX OR BUILD ANYTHING. YOU ARE ALWAYS WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS. YOU HAVE AN ADVENTUROUS SIDE. YOU ARE SOOOOO HANDSOME. SERIOUSLY, HOT!!! YOU ARE CALM AND STEADY… YOU ARE THE TORTOISE!  :) YOU WORK HARD. YOU FULFILL YOUR CHURCH CALLINGS. YOU HAVE FAITH. YOU CLEAN UP AROUND THE HOUSE. YOU PROBABLY COOK BETTER THAN I DO. YOU FUNCTION WELL ON VERY LITTLE SLEEP. YOU MAKE THE WORLD AROUND YOU BETTER.

NATE, YOU HAVE GIVEN ME A GOOD LIFE AND I AM THANKFUL THAT YOU ARE MY HUSBAND.  AND I AM SO HAPPY THAT MY KIDS HAVE YOU AS THEIR DAD! NO ONE COULD BE BETTER. WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

-HOLLY, SONNET, AND STETSON

And then there's my own dad. He's pretty cool too, to say the least. :)

DEAR POP,

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO YOU!

YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD DAD. THAT SOUNDS SIMPLE, BUT WITH SO MANY MEN OUT THERE WHO DO NOT FULFILL THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES TO THEIR FAMILIES, IT IS INDEED A SPECIAL THING TO BE A GOOD FATHER. NOT ONLY HAVE YOU ALWAYS TAKEN CARE OF OUR PHYSICAL AND TEMPORAL NEEDS, YOU HAVE ALSO BEEN AN EMOTIONALSUPPORT AND SPIRITUAL LEADER IN MY LIFE. THANK YOU.

I HAVE SO MANY GOOD MEMORIES OF YOU. THAT IN AND OF ITSELF IS SPECIAL. MANY DADS DO NOT TAKE THE TIME TO PLAY WITH THEIR KIDS OR TALK TO THEIR KIDS… YOU ALWAYS DID. I REMEMBER CAMPING WITH YOU, RIDING HORSES WITH YOU, “WORKING” AT YOUR OFFICE WHEN I WAS LITTLE, TRAVELING AS A FAMILY, AND GOING TO THE MOVIES WITH YOU AS SOME OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS FROM CHILDHOOD. ALSO, READING THE BOOK OF MORMON WITH YOU, SPEAKING IN CHURCH WITH YOU, AND WATCHING YOU AS YOU SERVED IN VARIOUS CHURCH CALLINGS TAUGHT ME TO VALUE THE GOSPEL, TO STUDY IT, AND TO BE AN EFFECTIVE LEADER AND TEACHER IN MY OWN RIGHT. THANK YOU.

I BELIEVE THAT DADS ARE ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT TO DAUGHTERS.WHEN A GIRL HAS A GOOD DAD TO LOOK UP TO, WHO VALUES HER AND MAKES HER FEEL IMPORTANT, SHE TENDS TO VALUE HERSELF AND CHOOSE OTHER GOOD MEN TO BUILD RELATIONSHIPS WITH AS SHE GROWS OLDER. YOU ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL LIKE I COULD DO WHATEVER I WANTED TO DO AND THAT I WAS WORTHY OF WHATEVER I WANTED. THAT TAUGHT ME NOT TO SETTLE FOR A SECOND-RATE HUSBAND OR A LIFE THAT I DIDN’T REALLY WANT. I THINK I MADE GOOD CHOICES AND I KNOW I HAVE YOUR INFLUENCE TO THANK FOR THAT.

AND NOW YOU ARE A GRANDPA. MY GRANDPA WAS A BIG INFLUENCE INMY LIFE… A FUN, SUPPORTIVE PRESENCE THAT ENHANCED MY LIFE AND MADE ME FEEL LOVED. I LOVE THAT SONNET NOW HAS THAT IN YOU. I LOVE THAT YOU ARE CLOSE BY AND INVOLVED SO THAT SHE CAN HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. I KNOW SHE LOVES YOU. YOU ARE FUN. YOU CHALLENGE HER. YOU SUPPORT HER. YOU BRING AN EXTRA DIMENSION TO HER LIFE AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR THAT... SHE HAS A GOOD DAD, BUT TOHAVE A GOOD GRANDPA TOO IS JUST ICING ON THE CAKE. SHE WILL BE BLESSED BY YOUR INFLUENCE AND LOVE JUST AS I WAS.

YOU ARE A GOOD DAD. YOU MADE A DIFFERENCE.

AND I LOVE YOU.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY.

-HOLLY

Sea World.

We spent a whole day at Sea World and we had a blast! We saw Shamu, the sea lions show, the dolphin show, the Pets Rule show, and a Cirque show. We went through several exhibits, touched some slimy sea creatures, ate a yummy lunch (and several churros), and rode lots of rides. Sonnet even got to go on her first roller coaster ride. She said she was "super scared" but she "loved it so much!" Brave girl. Fun day!!!

The Beach.

I'm not really a "beach person." The humidity makes my skin greasy and zitty and my hair flat and ugly. Plus, I have an allergy to the sun which means I literally get a red rash on any exposed skin if I'm in the heat too long and I have no hope of getting tan. So as you can imagine I look and feel less than glamorous at the beach.

But I love, love, love the ocean. I think it's calming and healing and just plain good for my soul. I could sit in the sand and stare at the water all day. Add some shade, a good book, and a few snacks and my fantasy is complete. Seriously, everything is just better by the ocean. "The baby is crying and I have to walk up and down the hall with him to get him to sleep? That's OK because the ocean is right there. What? Sonnet woke me up waaaaay too early? That's OK. Let's go walk on the beach." Seriously. Love.

The water was super cold, but Sonnet was brave enough to get in a few times. She liked boogie boarding and she now says she wants to be a surfer when she grows up. (No more cowgirl, doctor, or artist. Haha.) She also loved digging holes in the sand and scooping up buckets of sand crabs. Those things seriously sick me out, but she says they're nice and she loved catching them. Strange girl.

We rode bikes on the beach and even though I am the worst bike rider ever, I never ran into any of the many pedestrians on the boardwalk. Go me! Stetson slept in a seat on the back of my bike and Sonnet ate several ice cream cones while sitting on the back of Nate's bike. Our kids live the good life I tell you. And now I am once again convinced I need a light blue beach cruiser with a wicker basket on the front and a baby seat on the back. I do have a birthday coming up...