Thoughts on Motherhood.

I believe in the power of stay-at-home moms. I believe that if there is any possible way that a mother can stay home full-time with her children, she should. The more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their spirits, the better for the family, the better for society. End of story.

Is it easy? No. Is it fun and fulfilling all the time? No. Is it hard work? Yes! Yes, yes, yes.

But work is a divine law. When Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden they were told by God that their bread must be produced by “their physical toil, by the sweat of their brow” and that they would both bring forth life through labor, sweat and tears. It would not be easy to master the earth and bring forth children, but that was their challenge and blessing, as it is ours.

So work is a blessing from God. It is a fundamental principle of salvation, both spiritual and temporal. Work is honorable.

But what of "housework?" For a stay-at-home mom and full-time homemaker, the daily work of bearing, rearing, and tending children can seem like drudgery. When you’re folding the eighth pile of laundry or cleaning the kitchen for the fourth time or staying up all night with a sick baby who does nothing but scream at you, that work feels anything but honorable. It feels like a curse, not a blessing. It is easy to feel undervalued. It is easy to feel like you are selling yourself short.

But if we can drown out the voice of the world that tells us that there are “better, more important things” that a woman should be doing with her time, and we remember that the Little Ones entrusted to our care are the greatest blessings we can ever receive--- that they will be our eternal legacy and source of everlasting joy--- then it is a little easier to understand the value of the millions of small acts of work that we do, often unnoticed and unappreciated, every day. (I'm not saying you're going to love doing the laundry. I'm saying that you can know deep down that your efforts are worthwhile).

Lin Yutang said: "Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.

If we believe that every meal we serve them, every time we bathe them, every spelling word we help them learn, and every time we hold them/instruct them/counsel them/support them, etc. we are partnering with God to train and bless His precious children, then it is a little easier to see the divine elements at play in the work of motherhood. If we view housework as the physical means to creating a beautiful spiritual environment, then our work becomes a testament of love.

Kathleen Slaugh said: “Because we are accustomed to valuing work according to its economic benefits, learning to see housework as an important means to contributing to society may require a considerable change in our thinking. It will mean learning to see beyond the economic value of work to the value of the work processes. For housework is more than clean windows. It's effects are far-reaching. It is a labor of love.”

This scripture has always been one of my favorites: “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work.” (D&C 64:33)

And then there’s this one: “By small and simple means are great things brought to pass.” (Alma 37:6)

If that doesn’t sum up motherhood, I don’t know what does.

Ezra Taft Benson said: “One apparent impact of the women’s movement has been the feelings of discontent it has created among young women who have chosen the role of wife and mother. They are often made to feel that there are more exciting and self-fulfilling roles for women than housework, diaper changing, and children calling for mother. This view loses sight of the eternal perspective that God elected women to the noble role of mother and that exaltation means eternal fatherhood and eternal motherhood.”

Jane Clayson Johnson said: "You do not lose your identity when you become a mother; you have the opportunity to more closely identify with God."

I really struggle when I hear anyone--- women especially--- downplaying the role of mothers and homemakers. I get sad when I hear anyone talk about being “just” a mother or “just” a homemaker. I love the idea of "making a home." To me, "home" is a magic word. A home can be a holy place. To be the one who creates and maintains that, well, that is a special job.

I don't like to see strong, capable, amazing women who have chosen to give their time and talents to the most important things in their life--- their spouses and children--- feeling guilty for not doing more.

Women, you do NOT have to apologize for being a stay-at-home mom. You do not have to justify your choice. There is nothing better that you could be doing. Nothing.

Oprah Winfrey said: "I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is. To create an environment that’s stimulating and nurturing, to pass on a sense of responsibility to another human being, to raise a child who understands that he or she is created from good and is capable of anything- I know for sure that few callings are more honorable."

Harold B. Lee said: “The most important work that you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.”

And David O. McKay said: “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”

Amen and amen. Nothing is more important that taking care of your own.

Matt Walsh said:  “The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences?

It’s true — being a mom isn’t a “job.” A job is something you do for part of the day and then stop doing. You get a paycheck. You have unions and benefits and break rooms. I’ve had many jobs; it’s nothing spectacular or mystical. I don’t quite understand why we’ve elevated “the workforce” to this hallowed status. Having a job is necessary for some — it is for me — but it isn’t liberating or empowering. Whatever your job is — you are expendable. You are a number. You are a calculation. You are a servant. You can be replaced, and you will be replaced eventually. Am I being harsh? No, I’m being real.

But if your mother quit her role as mother, entire lives would be turned upside down; society would suffer greatly. The ripples of that tragedy would be felt for generations. If she quit her job as a computer analyst, she’d be replaced in four days and nobody would care.

Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.”

Obviously I'm not alone in my belief: families matter. Fathers and mothers and good homes MATTER.

Being there for your children as much as possible and providing a safe, stable, clean, warm, welcoming, enlightening, spiritual environment for them to grow and learn in is THE most important work you can do.

And God has promised to help you! Jeffrey R. Holland said: "You can’t possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.

Do the best you can through these years, but whatever you do, cherish the role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones."

If you are in the thick of it right now and it’s hard to see the blessings associated with your work, labor, sweat, and tears… just know that it IS right. It is worthwhile. It is ordained of God. Your calling is a noble one, and you can do nothing better than to embrace it.

Sunday.

For some reason, Sunday mornings before church are usually chaotic. It seems no matter how hard I try to prepare the night before by packing the diaper bag, laying out outfits, preparing meals, finishing my primary lesson, and getting to bed early(ish), that I'm still scrambling just trying to get out the door. On the days that Nate is at work, it's even worse. Our ward changed to 1pm this year, which is great because it gives me lots of extra time in the mornings, but it's also hard because there is a lot of extra time in the mornings. The kids start to bicker. I get them ready too early and someone spills something on their shirt or runs their tights (or gets yogurt in their hair as was the case today). And since Stetson usually goes down for a nap between 1 and 2, he's starting to get sleepy (and therefore whiney) right as we are leaving.

 

But this morning, things went smoothly. I didn't wake up exhausted. In fact, all three of us seemed to wake up happy. We snuggled in my bed for a bit and the kids were giggling over who knows what. (The sound of my kids laughing together is the music of angels, I tell you). We had breakfast. We read books. We played. We listened to church music and sang primary songs in the karaoke machine. I showered and got dressed while the kids watched a movie. We ate lunch. As I was cleaning up, I stumbled on Sonnet and Stetson sitting side by side on the couch reading a book together. It was just so sweet. I got the kids ready and we were out the door 15 minutes early. Stetson actually enjoyed nursery and even though my primary class was craaaaazy today (I have 15 six/seven year olds. Holy crap!), we all survived and ended the day making chocolate chip cookies and taking a stroll around the neighborhood to enjoy the nice weather.

 

It was a good Sabbath.

 

 

Asleep.

We're going through some typical toddler sleep battles over here, which means Sweet Boy tends to fall asleep in weird places, at inopportune times. But, a sleeping baby is a slice of heaven no matter what, so I usually just snap a photo and snuggle up next to him.

 

Dress Up!

A couple weeks ago was Reading Week, so Sonnet got to dress up as a book character for school. She chose the book 101 Dalmations, which was great because she already had an old dog Halloween costume, so I wasn't forced to be crafty. :)

 



Then today was Western Day at school, so she got to wear her cowboy hat. I am quite disappointed in myself that my child doesn't own boots. :)

Also, check out all those missing teeth! :)

Medicine.

Stetson keeps getting ear infections. He's had 4 in the last 4 months. Before that, he had zero. I happen to think he has allergies. I don't believe there is anything wrong with his ears. He constantly has a runny nose because he's allergic to something and all that snot goes down his throat and gives him a cough and then goes into his ears and gets infected. The allergy symptoms don't really seem to bother him, but obviously the pain from the ear infections do, so once it progresses that far, we treat the ear infection with antibiotics and get the bacteria cleared out... but because he never completely dries out, the problem recurs.

 

It all started when we moved to Boulder City. My guess is that there is something in or around this house that he is sensitive to. I have yet to determine what it is. It's such a guessing game. At his age, allergy tests are not super accurate--- and I feel like they're kind of traumatic--- and seeing as how we're going to move in a few months, the problem may rectify itself anyway... so even though I don't know the exact cause, we can still treat allergies in general.

 

We went to the doctor last week and she agreed with my assumptions. Now the little guy has got some allergy medicines to take everyday and we're taking other precautions to try to limit his exposure and hopefully we can keep the allergies in check long enough that the ear infections stop. The good news is that it's only ear infections--- not something truly sad and Stetson thinks the doctor's is "super fun!" He always charms everyone in the office. Plus, he thinks his medicine is "de-wish-shous!" :)

Lake Hike.

Aunt Kaitlin and her sister Anna were here this weekend. Sonnet loves them (and she looks like she's related to them!), so we all went for a little "hike" down by the lake. My kids tuckered out pretty quickly which means sweet Kait and Anna ended up carrying my little people most of the time, but we still had fun. And then we topped it off with some ice cream and an excursion to feed the nasty carp! :)

C is for Contract.

A couple days ago we put an offer on house #5. After the last time we got an offer rejected, my friend told me that since five is our lucky number (Nate and I got married on 05/05/05 so we like that number around here) that she was just sure the next house would work out. Well, she was right! We found out yesterday that our offer got accepted and we are officially under contract.

The house is a short sale, so we’ve only passed step one, which is getting the sellers to accept our offer, but hey, it’s farther than we’ve gotten before. So I am cautiously optimistic. Now the offer has been sent to the bank and we have to wait for them to accept it.  That could take a month or two or six for all I know. Supposedly, this house is pretty far down the short sale process, so hopefully it happens sooner rather than later and hopefully we don’t encounter any major problems.

The house is right in the area we were hoping to buy in. It is not a 3 car garage which we’re kind of sad about and the neighborhood is a little small, but it is the right square footage for us, the price leaves us some breathing room, the ward is good, and we will make it great!

The house was built in 2006. It’s a tract home, very similar to the one we just moved out of, but bigger and closer to all the stuff we wanted to be closer to. It’s not old, but it’s boring and banged up so I am excited to bring it to life. We are planning to use a particular type of mortgage product that allows us to tack some money onto our loan and use it to make cosmetic changes on the property before we move in. We’ll do things like flooring and paint and countertops,and enclose the loft to make another bedroom and enclose some of the formal living room to make a playroom. So… if things work out like I hope… look for lots of before and after pictures and decorating updates all about our new abode to hit the blog… eventually.

I am very relieved to be under contract. And the thought of walking through the house with a contractor and telling them what I want done? Well, that just sounds like heaven!

I’m not sure what I’ve learned from this whole experience. We sold our house 6 months ago and we officially searched for a new house for 5 solid months. I know 5 months is not all that long in the grand scheme of things, but to me it has felt like an eternity. It will probably be several more months before we actually move into our new place. That is not what I expected. I didn’t think it would be so hard and take so much time.

Yes, I was very picky about the neighborhood and we didn’t have a huge budget, but I didn’t have unrealistic expectations either. We weren’t looking for a mansion or anything custom or highly upgraded. I don’t want an acre of property and I was willing to pay market value. We were pretty much just searching 2200+ sq ft. tract homes in a particular area of Henderson/Green Valley that were built within the last 15 years. It shouldn’t have been that hard. But there just wasn’t a lot of inventory that met our criteria and when something did come up, our offers weren’t accepted even though we offered over list price on all of them. It was very frustrating and I was literally ready to move back to the southwest.

In fact, we found a brand new house out there just a few streets over from where we lived before that we both fell in love with. The house was amazing, the neighborhood was nice, the ward was good, the price was acceptable… it was all great except that we wouldn’t be near our families and we’d be super far away from school and work again. But, I was fighting hard for it. I felt good about it and I just wanted the search to be over. For me, it was a positive outcome and I was a day away from signing the contract.

But Nate wasn’t willing to give up on Henderson yet. So I agreed to let that house go and wait for one more month to see if something came up closer to where we wanted. And then this house became available and they took our offer! So, we are willing to forgo the big garage and the fact that the floor plan is a little odd because sometimes, you just have to make the best choice you can with what you have and for us, right now, this is it.

I didn’t have some major revelation about this house. I didn’t “know” it was “the one.” I had insane warm fuzzies about the last house and that didn’t pan out, so that confused me. Several people kept telling me that when I walked in the right house I would know and that "God has a plan for me" which I took to mean that I was supposed to wait until angels sang before I made a move. But I’m more of a logical, rational type and making decisions that way has always worked well for me in the past. I wanted this whole house hunting thing to be some amazing spiritual, faith-building experience so I put a lot of pressure on myself and God and I think in that regard, my expectations were unrealistic. I kept waiting for a very emotional, visceral response...something "outside" of myself... and it just wasn’t coming.

So, I think the lesson for me has been: don't try to change what works. I mean, I thought maybe I was missing something... that I wasn't allowing enough spiritual influence in my life... that I was too rational and self-contained and that maybe God had a plan for me that I would never discover because I wasn't listening enough. But I don't think that's the case anymore. I never had a problem running my life until I tried to change things and all it did was cause trouble and make me doubt. As long as I'm trying to do what I'm supposed to do and trying to make good choices, well, I think maybe that's enough. I feel best when I do things on my own anyway.

So the other message was: use your brain, use your agency, make your own choices, live within your means, and don’t expect a burning bush or the finger of God just because you asked for it. That's the exception, not the rule. If you have a good option in front of you, and nothing is telling you not to take it, just take it. Don't confuse nervousness over a new path or uncertainty of the unknown (which are normal human emotions) with stupor or warnings. I am not having stupor. I'm nervous to make such a big choice and I'm a wee bit disappointed that some miracle didn't occur to get me in some perfect dream digs, but good is still good and I need to trust that. That’s what this house is. It’s not perfect, but things rarely are. It can be great and we are excited about it. It meets our needs and budget, it’s in the right area, we like it, the sellers didn’t say no, and we are happy to have a shot at it.

One way or the other, things are finally moving along. I’m so excited to get settled and finally have a place to call home. (Fingers crossed)!

Random Photos (from February).

I love that flippy hair!



Stetson test drove this yellow corvette at Costco. He said: "I neeeeed it!" Me too, Buddy.

Sonnet's new best buddy Macie. They have a playdate every week.

"Mama, wanna pretzel?"

Valentine's Day. Sonnet got a flower from the boy she likes!