oh my

I just heard Lucy say "cocksucker" for the first time. She was talking about a Diet Coke that spewed all over her. I believe her actual words were......nevermind, all bad, bad words. I spit beer I was laughing so hard. She's usually so reserved with those words, apparently I've been a bad influence.

TMI

So I have my period. (I was gonna say I'm on the rag, but the other sounded a bit nicer didn't it?) Anyway, I know you all have "period panties" too, so you'll understand my consternation. These drawers were purchased when I was about 50 lbs heavier, so they just don't quite fit right anymore. That means right now my ass is having them for lunch and I'm not a happy camper. On top of that, we're doing inventory and I'm blind from staring at spreadsheets for the past 2 days. Yep, it sucks to be me.

The Aftermath

Hello again world,
Here I am........ again...almost as drunk as when I started this shit. The family behaved themselves quite nicely today. My grandmother looked beautiful (other than 100 lbs lighter than her heyday) I always aspired to grow up to be a short round woman.
I forgot one of my cousins is a preacher, he did the service, and overall it was good. He reminded me of something I'd forgotten about being at Mamaw's house. I did thank him later for that.
It seems Methodists like to save your soul while you're at a funeral, Baptists don't give a damn, you're all going to hell but them. That part was entertaining for me ( yes, I know I'm going to hell, but I'll just be a coal shoveller, leave me alone).
I got many compliments on roomie's clothes, apparently I clean up pretty well.
This kills Lucy's idea of putting me in hooker clothes for Halloween, apparently I CAN look girly if I have to and get away with it.HA HA HA
Ok, as long as you know I'm drunk.......

Doom and Gloom

So, I wasn't ready to talk about this last night. During the awesome Marcia Ball show, my Dad called to tell me my grandmother had passed away. I knew it was coming, he told me Friday she was fading........but still. I rationalize it by saying hell, she was 91, she had Alzhiemer's, she didn't know me the last few times she saw me.......but still.
So what I'll bitch about is I have to dress up and go to the funeral tomorrow. I don't do dressing up very well. This should be interesting. I'm borrowing clothes from the roomie that look nothing like what I'd actually wear anywhere, but have to look good for the dysfunctional family who doesn't give a damn, Dad included.
I'll be glad when it's over, Mamaw's house hasn't smelled like breakfast in a long, long time, and that's what I remember from my childhood. It always smelled so good.
Enough of this, may have redneck fight stories later, hopefully not.

My girlfriend kicks ass

So YAY, got to hear music all afternoon and evening, no weather events to fuck things up. I ate way too much, drank almost enough, life is good. Got to see Marcia Ball (www.marciaball.com) boogie blues, she's great. Lucy went and bought me a ballcap, stood up front and taped most of the show on her cellphone, AND got the cap autographed for me. I'm wearing it now, I'm such a geek. Hope everyone else had a decent day, I'll be back tomorrow with doom and gloom.
Peace.

ETA: Lucy said I can't wear my cap to bed, dammit. Unfortunately she's caught me trying to wear my new shoes to bed one too many times.

Jam night

So I went to hear music, had some good food, was parked next to a beer tent, I was all happy waiting for Joan Jett. About 7:00, the weather started getting ugly. That wasn't a problem, had ponchos, don't mind getting wet.......Roomie and g/f were off getting free shit from the park when they called me and said we needed to leave. I'm like, ok, why? "They're talking about locking people in. " Yeah, ok. We leave and get home, hour later, hellacious thunderstorms, they've shutdown the stages, put everyone inside..... Glad I didn't stay, all those punk kids would have pissed me off no end, especially since I'm thinking they wouldn't have served beer in the prison camp. And they CANCELLED the rest of the night. No Joan for me, and I was too stupid to hang out downtown where everyone probably ended up since they couldn't play. D'OH

Lucy and I were out smoking earlier. She agreed, we were stupid, tomorrow night we'll be downtown afterwards, just in case we get to see all the scheduled acts, and in case they hang in town rather than running to the next gig. I'll get drunk either way, so it's a win, win for me.

Yep, I'm a loser

There is a music festival going on this weekend. It started tonight, and I have tickets, but I was too lazy to actually go. I do have an excuse, I don't like the bands playing, I was tired, yeah right, I threw darts instead of going. I will show up tomorrow tho, Joan Jett, The Wailers, couple of other people I can get into.....And Sunday, Marcia Ball.....love that woman.
People watching is always good too, but it was too late in the day, and looking like rain, and yeah, I'm still a loser, should have gone.
Anyway, tomorrow will be better and I will have shitloads of stories to tell just from being around all these people, it'll be cool.

Dogs

So we have dogs. Big dogs. Dogs with dirty ears. Why do they think I'm a giant napkin? I have slobber on one leg where one took a drink and ear shit on the other where roomie cleaned his ears and he came to me for some lovin'. They're great and I love em and all, but DAMN.
And I know I should be grateful they're big loveable pups, but still, DAMN.
Roomie called me the other day at work, I needed to come home. The pitbull a couple of houses over attacked the neighbor. After I got in my car and headed home it hit me that "Why in the hell am I rushing home? I don't know the dog or the neighbor." Such drama in my life, I should go back to night shift, at least then I amused myself.

Toys 2

Ok, this is the entire toy mentioned in the other post. Looks lethal either way to me.

My big, gay boyfriend (aka The Princess) is easily amused, so my girlfriend (Lucy from now on) likes to bring him happy meal toys, anything she thinks he might like. The last big hit was glowing gummy worms.

She threw something to me last week and asked me to blow it up. Being the compliant bitch I am I did, then saw exactly what you see in the photo below.

Me: "Uh, Hon, what is this and why does it have a penis?"

Lucy: "It's a happy meal mario something, it doesn't have a penis."

Me: "Hello, look at it."

Lucy: Hysterical laughter....

Me: "There is no way in HELL we are giving this to The P."

It's still here with me, but I'll probably give it to him this weekend just because it's too funny not to share.

Toys

This is part of a Happy Meal toy. I, for one, wasn't happy.

rambling

For some reason, out on the porch smoking, home early on a Friday night, looking at the crackhouse across the street.........it occurred to me. I used to like to draw, big sketchpad, charcoal......I haven't done that in years.
I'm afraid if I sat out there with a pad tho, I'd be targeted as a police sketch artist lol.

Maybe I should go with the guitar that I haven't played in I'm not sure how long. I'm having some kind of crisis, I haven't figured out which one yet tho. Maybe it's just boredom, yeah, that'll work.

I wanted to be a teacher when I was young, I don't know why other than I loved to read more than anything and I thought teaching other kids to read would be really cool. Then I got older, teachers don't make near enough money to live on.
What did you want to be when you were a kid? Anything fun? Did you get there? Just random questions.

Bad Habits

So smoking has come up, since you can plainly see my smoking accomodations in my profile pic. Yes, alas, I'm a smoker. I'm also quite the lush and potty mouth. "What hope is there for such a vile, inconsiderate person?" you ask. Not much sister.
I'm also a recovering Southern Baptist.....I figure they hate me more than I dislike them so I'm winning that one.
My doctor (and mother, and a host of other people) say I'm killing myself with my bad habits. My response is "Death is inevitable, I'm just in the express lane". Never fails to piss them off.

The reason for all this bile? I'm not sure. I guess I'm tired of all the really bad things happening in the world that noone really pays attention to anymore. But let me light a cigarette in a restaurant............whoooeeee, watch the cops come outta the woodwork.

Night shift

So it's the last week of my almost 5 month stint working nights. I'll miss parts of it, like staying up half the night since I am a night person by nature, but I won't miss the job. I'm just a glorified babysitter at the moment, watching the machines do their thing.....Boring.
So starting next week I'll be much less pleasant, I don't do mornings very well. Also I get to go back to the daily stress of being the only IT in the place, which isn't that much different from the last few months since my semi-replacement wasn't worth a shit. (Sorry roomie, but face it, you couldn't do shit without calling me and I had to come in anyway to help you fix whatever so...) But at least I'll be back on a regular schedule instead of whenever I wanted to come in, or had to come in.
The other thing is my buddy told me today she's quitting, so besides missing her, I'll have to worry about my own lunch, somebody will have to take over the office football pools, and I won't have anyone to smoke with. Shit.

Band

So, my mother called the other night. This is not an odd occurrance, but she called for a specific reason (other than to bitch at me). She purchased the weekly paper from Armpit, AL that said there would be a reunion of band members from 19-- to 19-- and did I want to attend. Yes, I was a band geek, shuttup. Trombone, the only girl, yeah, I know.
I thought about it for a second. That brought back so many memories of my geekiness that I couldn't quite process it all. I was such a shy kid it wasn't funny. Band was my life, MY LIFE. I was such a loser. I don't mean to demean other people who were in band, but, I was so obsessed with playing well, marching well, it was sad.
I had a couple of friends in high school, I read, I didn't need to talk to anyone, I didn't need friends, but music.............I couldn't live without that. I still can't.
I pretty much told Mom, oh hell no, but I may just go to see what happened to the cool people. Kinda like high school reunions, which I've never been to, I didn't like those people either, but the band kids, yeah, I can kinda relate.

Hello Kids

Hi all, (1 of you)
Sorry I've been busy. Girlfriend only shows up on weekends so I've been catching up on drinking and hanging out with her. I also got a bonus, she was here today so we went to see my new nephew who is so totally like me. He likes boobs and burping, he's awesome. I will be teaching him as many bad habits as my sister will tolerate ,and probably a few I'll have to explain...........Anyway.
I seem to be able to do this drunk not too badly, even tho it affects my grammar. Sober, I suck.
So the scary thing of the day. Girlfriend wanted to sleep on the way home from road trip, I knew this, I also knew there was a DQ on the way.........I made the comment that she was fighting sleep till she got her icecream, we decided we've been together too long.

Ok, now we're having a conversation about vibrators and car batteries, things are back to normal :)~

On a more serious note....

I have hiccups, you can all suffer bitches

YAY, I've managed to fuck this up beyond all belief, I RULE!!!!!

I'll be back tomorrow with a more kid friendly, or at least reader friendly version, that is all.


Explanation: I managed to screw up my template so badly it was completely unrecognizable, as you can see, I was quite excited about this development.

Something of substance

Ok, I left work early to have drinks with friends. Hopefully you'll notice there is a constant here, beer, work, beer, good time. Anyway. A long drawn out tale for your partaking.

Roomie and I have friends, imagine that, and she tried to get a flag from the Senate for the retirement of one or our friends in April. (And his wife knew this was going on, it's about to be relevent.) You can see our government at work here. Of course it didn't show up in time for the retirement party, or his death in July, it showed up today. So, she meets his widow for drinks to give her the "I got this for his retirement" gift which is now an "Oh shit, I need a drink gift" so I needed to leave work early not only because I wanted to and could, but because I didn't want her to be there all alone.

Backstory to all this, just to delay everything and kinda bring you up to speed is........we've known this couple for a few years, great people, he's kinda reserved, she's very sociable. Since his retirement he became much more outgoing, you know how that goes. We had a cookout at their house the weekend before he died. Since then, we, and her other friends have beeen trying to keep her busy at least a bit. Tonight was the first time since the memorial that I've seen her cry, and I don't mean that in a bad way, I know she cries, but OMG, I almost cried, I loved the guy, but I have a reputation as being a hardass, I can't cry in a bar unless I'm shitfaced. It's ok if you're drunk and can pretend you don't remember.

Ok, on to the rest of the story, we got over all that, had some good times........I got home and roomie mentioned that she didn't know widow was a grandma. I knew she was so we talked about her son (dad was stepdad). Roomie said, "You know, he used to work for us" meaning the company we work for.......And. It. Clicked. When I saw his last name in the obituary, I knew I knew the name, but hey, it's 20 years ago, couldn't be. Surely he would recognize us, we haven't changed THAT much. He was the 18 yr old hottie back then, and my 21 or so trying to be straight or at least act straight ass was in love with him, and I wasn't the only one. Since roomie and I were lovers back then, I reminded her of a time we ran into him out and about and she got pissed, THEN she remembered him. Don't know if he just doesn't want Mom to know, or if he doesn't remember those days, I'm voting on the latter.

It's a very small world.

I'm an Idiot

Ok, here I am. All wanting to share with you all, but....by the time I get home from work, have a couple of beers, and want to write, I'm blank. And pissed off that I can't figure out how to do anything here other than post, which might have something to do with the beers. Maybe I'll try this again later when I'm in a better {hic} frame of mind.

A Drunken Start

Hello World
Here I am, finally, amazing you with my wit, once I have a nap I mean.
I've been reading blogs for months now, feeling the pain and happiness of the people I don't know, so I decided I might want to try this out. If I can make you as a reader feel anything, then I'm better at this shit than I ever thought I'd be. Hopefully I can entertain you, (as I hope someone stops by to read this shit). If not, then at least I'll post a few links to people who WILL entertain you.