that sucked salty balls

Dead Like Me, the movie. I attempted it once, I actually watched it all tonight. Not worth the time.
I also wish I could throw up so I'd quit burping chinese, damn soy sauce.

Milk and Bread

Apparently it's a southern thing. Snow is predicted and everyone runs to the store for milk and bread. Ok, you can put milk outside since you don't have power, but what are you gonna put on the bread?
I opt for beer and cigarettes, if I'm freezing I'm staying in bed so....

Nothing to report

I hit the used bookstore today, picked up The Collectors by Baldacci since they didn't have the last one of Child's that I wanted, haven't started it yet. I've developed a bad habit of staying up until 1 am reading lately, this might be contributing to me being late to work the last couple of days, so I'm gonna take a break tonight. I've also had chills off and on all week, no fever, but not fun. I have no desire to see a quack so I think I'll just try to rest for a couple of days. The Princess was leaving The Dive to pick up Chinese takeout so Annie went with him and brought some home for us. My tummy is full so I think I'll just chill for a bit and take my ass to bed at a decent hour.
Night kids.

Reason #1052 why I hate Doctors

Annie thought she felt Brian move Saturday so she went to the Urologist yesterday to get x-rayed again to see if he was any closer to moving out. Nope, still in the same spot, must have just rolled over on the couch or something.
Dr. said he'd go fish him out this morning since the eviction notice apparently carried no weight 2 weeks ago.
Lucy dropped her off, thanks Lucy, and I picked her fried ass up to be told Dr. couldn't find a stone, so she's instructed to follow up with her family Dr. to find out what's up.
I'll actually pass on all the expletives I'd like to use and just ask the question. If that wasn't a stone in 2 x-rays and a pet scan, what the fuck is it, and why is the urologist passing her off? I'm a bit concerned, but I'm refraining from telling Annie just how concerned, I'll just push her to get her test results and see someone else because something ain't right. This is why I don't go see the fuckers unless I must.
Later kids.

Annie's new toy

She mentioned buying a condom for the Wii fit board to keep it clean. I fixed it for her.

Damn Frasier

Niles is looking for a pet name for Daphne. Lucy suddenly realized I don't have one for her (she won't count "granny") so here I am. Her pet name for me is apparently "Bitch" since she calls me that so often, but she won't let me use ho, slut or Aunt Jinny for her. She also didn't like buttercup or lovemuffin. I'm in a quandry, any ideas?

I'm a pussy

I can't do the tightrope thing on the Wii since I'm apparently scared of virtual heights too. I'm now off to make Lucy watch Grease 2 some more so I can sing and strip for her to make her feel better. Hopefully Annie won't catch us again.

My head

I've been alternating between a brain tumor and niagra falls coming out of my nose, both hurt. Sneezes are either simple "achoos" or "OMG I need a kleenex right now".
Today was an "achoo" except it wasn't. Kinda like when you have to fart, but it turns into something else?
I'll call this a snart, you think it's a dry sneeze, but then liquid shows up, copiously.
I sneezed, expecting a little dry explosion of air. Oh hell no, snot ran up the side of my face, blinded me, plastered my eyebrow and some of my hair to me. All I had in my office was paper towels so I cleaned up as best I could and headed to the ladies room looking like I'd just given a bad blowjob.
I ran into a supervisor, she talked about whatever, and looked at me suspicously the whole time.
I finally said "Cold, sneeze, bathroom, see ya" and went on my way........... yeah, I really owned that moment.

Shit is shit

Lucy is voiceless, well mostly. I would welcome the silence if she wasn't sick so....
I wish I could tell people how I really feel, but alas, I was raised right. (Ok, I have a few exceptions to that rule, assholes are always dealt with.)
I'm apparently suffering PMS since every. fucking. thing. is pissing me off lately. But Hey, I'm still fun to be around. Yes, I'm also delusional.
I saw a great post on craiglist today that made me laugh till I peed my pants, of course they've removed it, fuckers. I knew I should have blogged it then, but I hate to do that from work. I just thank someone for pantyliners.
I sent Dad an e-mail explaining my absence, or future absence from his life because of shit here, I didn't tell him I hate his g/f so I get points for that.
I had a dream a few nights ago. Stepmom's daughter was on the phone and we all got together amidst a lot of fuckupedness. She's been dead since 1979 and I don't think I've ever dreamed about her till now. Strange shit. Apparently my head is all over the place, and about to hit a pillow because I'm a tired bitch.
Night kids.

Bad Manners?

I was hand delivered an invitation to a wedding reception, (she made it clear much earlier that I wasn't invited to the wedding) no problem. The problem was that she insisted in word and invitation that I RSVP by e-mail. I see the bitch every day. Besides being months away from the wedding, WTF? I'm only being nice because I like the poor soul who is giving his life to her.
I made up an address for Lucy and got her to do the honors because I don't want the psycho bitch to have my address. Which of us is showing bad manners?

Lucy's got to go

She's been staying here a lot lately off and on, not a problem, but she feels the need to cook everyday. I don't usually eat dinner but if she cooks I'm obligated. I'm starting to gain weight because I'm pretty much a slug these days. I don't even throw darts unless forced, I sit on my ass at The Dive and read. Anyone want a great cook?

Apparently I've burned up my braincells too

I dropped the Jeep off for a new radiator this morning, I swear everyone I saw there looked like they just walked out of Deliverance, but damn they were nice. I also got a good deal which helps.
Annie took me to get it at lunch and we went to fridays just because we could. A couple I've known for years came in and hello's were said, and I still can't remember their fucking names. I'm not the world's greatest as far as that goes anyway, but shit. I'll make myself a note to ask Annie tomorrow who they are since I couldn't fucking remember to ask her today, I suck.
Night kids.

I've burned up my tastebuds

I came home Friday afternoon to find Lucy on the couch, red-faced and gasping. I freaked out, asked her should I call 911? She said no, the chili she made was too hot, she was drinking milk to get rid of the burn. I tasted, it was good, nice flavor not blowing off the top of my head, ok, I like hot better than she does.
After the Alternate Dive and darts, we came home, I made cornbread, had 2 bowls of chili and all was good. Annie said it was hot too, I still didn't get it.
Yesterday I set the bathroom on fire because flames shot 3 feet outta my ass. Apparently it was hot.

Happy VD Ya'll

We have the 60 minute speed clean down to an art around here, Annie woke me and Lucy up with news that her parents had just left their house. An hour later, this place was clean enough for 'rents to visit. It was pretty impressive.
Annie left with the 'rents, Lucy took off to the hospital and I did some laundry and gave Mr. Jeep an oil change we were both happy about. He needed it, and I didn't bleed or bruise during the process for a change.
After that I went to The Dive to read because Lucy banned me from the house so she could cook dinner. That was awesome just so you know. Kitchen is clean again, everybody is miserable from too much food, and I think I'll start a new book.
Night kids, hope you had a good day too.

A Productive Day

I slept in this morning, Lucy was warm, shutup. I called Annie at lunch to tell her I wouldn't be in at all because I really had shit that needed to be accomplished. I now have a watch that works, with a new band and everything. The Jeep will be getting an oil change tomorrow and a new radiator Tuesday. Groceries were purchased, boots will be fixed, I actually got shit done. I'm so proud.
I also spent a couple of hours at The Dive reading so by the time I got home and to the alternate Dive, I was a wee bit inebriated. I'm now full blown drunk so..........going to bed. Night kids.

Shit happens and then some

The Grandson is not willing to let me piss off Dad on my own. I told you he's a good kid. I guess I need some drugs for that meeting, damn.
Long, long story short....Dad didn't grow up until his 30's, and he seems to have degenerated lately to 25. The Woman is wrong, so wrong in so many ways it ain't funny. Lucy and I have had much conversation lately about this, it's not because she's not Stepmom, it's because she's just.........wrong.
She's trashy, and honey I can tell you about trash. I'm scairt. Noone likes her 'cept Daddy, she must be damn good in bed because her personality sucks ass. I'm still all for killing her and being done with it, but I'm told I can't do such so...
Lucy is in my bed, and here I am ranting, I told you I was crazy.
I'm done for tonight, later kids.

Sweet Jesus on a bicycle

Things ain't right around here. Everybody is sick lately, except Dad and I'm hatching a plan to steal his Viagra, or invoke the three R's - rock, rope and river.
Lucy and I sent an e-mail to The Grandson saying I would take the blame for anything with Dad.
Lucy is not well, and I can't do anything about it.
Annie is still waiting for Brian to move out of her basement and make an appearance. (Yes, I named the stone.)
Stepdad got back on a protein diet so his knees are shit again.
Mom had an EEG today because her head is fucked up.
I'm just fucking crazy, but what's new?

In other news, I'm reading like a crazy person (ha). Odd Thomas is the newest freebie, I'll be going to the used bookstore tomorrow to find everything I've been missing. I think I'll have another beer, later kids.

I'm throwing a shower for Annie

She should be giving birth to a 5mm kidney stone sometime in the next couple of weeks (or days). She hasn't decided on a name yet, I'm pulling for Fucking Fucker.
I did ask her to consider a C-Section since those 3 or 4 am ER visits, while educational, aren't all that fun. When we finally get to something resembling a room she gets a bed and drugs and I get a chair with a concrete wall for a pillow. I think they should offer drugs to the driver too.

In other news I actually set foot in Wal Hell today because I had to pick up my Wii guns. Of course one of the fuckers is defective so I'll be visiting my own personal hell again for a replacement after I figure out how to send the shit back. Happy Tuesday ya'll. I'm gonna go shoot some shit.

Cooking with Spawn

Before Lucy took off to the livingroom for her nap, we hung out in Spawn's room and he cooked for us. He's good, we got plates, food and utensils that we had to use, no finger food, he didn't like that.
Suddenly this stench filled the air. I asked spawn "Did you make a stinky?" (yeah, me and babytalk, who woulda thought?) He said no. I'm all "Well it wasn't me, are you sure?" Spawn: "Wasn't me." Lucy checked, it wasn't. So we blamed it on her, she was eating fake asparagus at the time.
Apparently 30 lbs of boy can put out enough gas to run the cat out of the room and make 2 adults have eye watering issues. I'll have to see what Mom was feeding him and ask her to never do that again. He's cute, but not that damn cute.

I spent most of the day with this

Mom got a much needed nap and Stepdad got some stuff done. Lucy slept too, so I had pretty much 4 hours alone with Mr. Hellion. We sword fought (pronounce the w), made play doh animals, he read to me, sang to me and called me to come back anytime I left the room. This is what the world looked like to him (he's wearing my reading glasses) when he woke Lucy up the first time.

After we got back to Mom's we wrestled and he learned the excitement of horseback riding courtesy of me, Babysis will thank me later I'm sure. I won't be able to move tomorrow but I had a great time.

Last night Lucy asked me what I was wearing

I sent her a picture.



She didn't think that was teh sexay, so I told her underneath all that...........green paisley boxers and purple socks. Can't get any better than that.

I think I'll go throw that outfit back on just for her. Later kids.

My new chapeau

Dad gave it to me a couple of weeks ago when I was there. It was stepmom's. Not my thing usually, but damn, it keeps my ears toasty so I've been wearing it.
Annie laughed at me this morning, but hello, it was 18 degrees, my hair was wet, I took a ballcap to put on later, my head thanked me. Hopefully it won't be cold enough to wear it much longer dammit.

This is a boring shit happens post

Go down if you started here.

Thank you for going down, I'll be sure to tell Lucy other people do.

Mr. Wind was rude today. Besides trying to blow my wig off everytime I stuck my head outside the door, he tried to throw me and the Jeep off an overpass this afternoon. Fucker.
The Grandson called, his daughter's team won the tournament so they were undefeated for the season YAY! There was an uninvited guest at the game, but at least Dad lost the fucking 'stache, so it's good.
I've had too much family, relationship, work drama going on lately to be a good anything. I'm spread thin again and I hate it. Lucy and I are trying to take care of things on the Dad front, totally neglecting the Mom front, and Lucy.........well Lucy is a front of her own lately.
I'm just sitting in the puddle.
I read and Wii a lot, so if you didn't already, scroll down for some actual content. I got shit.

At the risk of being unpopular....

Like I ever was.

ESPN to Apologize Over Shaq Ad
ESPN removed a promotional ad featuring Shaquille O'Neal and sports commentator Mike Breen, saying that it was never the network's intent for the spot "to be offensive to anyone or any community of people."

In response to lobbying by organizations like the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and the Human Rights Campaign, as well as viewers who voiced outrage, ESPN pulled the homophobic promo. The spot shows O'Neal rejecting a "fist kiss" -- or fist bump -- from Breen. After Breen called it a "fist kiss," O'Neal moves away from Breen on the couch and says, "No fist kiss, no fist love, no fist hump. None of that. You're a weirdo, man. Stay over there. Fist kiss. Disgusting."

"Our intent is to send a positive message about the camaraderie of sports and to do so as creatively as we can," the network said in a statement. "However, we understand your perspective on this ad and would like to apologize to the members of the gay community." (Michelle Garcia, Advocate.com)

I haven't seen it, but it sounds funny. Get a fucking life people, you're turning into PETA.

I hear there was a football game today

I obviously gave a shit. Annie had it on when I came back from picking up pizzas for dinner, other than watching a little of Springsteen at halftime I never paid any attention, it just screwed up my Sunday afternoon 2 weeks in a row. Last week at The Dive I got thrown out of my spot so they could set up the screen for the projector they were bringing in for it, this week I didn't even go close to the place. I did some cleaning and ironing and finally found Cold Case a bit after 7 and now I have a CSI marathon going on. Guess I should start thinking about bed, but whatever.
Have a good night kids.

I had a great day

Lucy got here just in time for me to floor it to the town way the other side of Armpit for a basketball game. The Great Granddaughter was playing in a tournament, and since I don't want to jinx them, we'll just say her team has had a realllly great season. She scored, and they won. She's 8 so this is a big deal. We all went to lunch then went to Dad's house to hang out. Grandson was telling me at lunch he had so much to do today, and I was thinking I could go see Mom and head home when we both pulled our heads out of our asses and decided to go spend the afternoon with Dad. It was way worth it. We don't spend enough time together, he's a good kid and I love his wife so we got a chance to catch up as well as quality time with the old man. I'm voting for doing it again soon.
Lucy and I headed home and this happened.

Lucy gave me this lighter our 2nd xmess together. It'll be going to Zippo soon dammit, I love it.