Happy Halloween

I wish I had found this place earlier. I SO would have had this on my porch.

http://www.extremepumpkins.com

I'm probably in trouble

I keep getting Google hits on this blog for ginormous...uh body parts that I attributed to Lucy some time ago. She just might kill me. So if your cheap entertainment falls off the face of the earth, Lucy killed me with another body part attached to a baseball bat.

Ya'll asked for it

Lucy enjoyed dressing me up entirely too much. She doesn't dress down too well either though.


As an added bonus, here's Annie.

DST

...can bite my ass. Time is time, just leave it alone. I've been in a funk all day because my schedule is messed up. Of course it probably doesn't help that I have the hangover from hell from the Halloween party last night. Jello shooters are not my friend.
Maybe I'll post pics tomorrow if blogger will allow, and if I think they're still postable after looking at them in the daylight. I'm not sure about me as a hooker, it was kinda scary. My Winnie the Pooh boxers kept creeping up my ass under that skirt.

I'm no longer allowed to cook...

even though it was toast, and early in the morning.

Waiting

Yep, just sitting here waiting for Lucy to call so I can go to bed. I worked late and met Annie and The Princess, thinking we would be throwing darts, but no, they were too busy playing the crack machines to save a dartboard for me. You know the one-armed-bandits that are popping up everywhere because someone figured out how to skirt the law and make them legal? Those things. So I lost a couple of bucks and we went somewhere else for a drink and bullshit. The Princess and I had a bit of a falling out a couple of weeks ago, so we're kinda trying to fix the friendship without actually going into what pissed me off that he knows pissed me off and we really don't want to talk about it. I know, it's stupid. It's just easier if I don't go off on him because he gets his feelings hurt so easily. And I can be a raging bitch when I'm pissed so.......just letting it go for now.
Yay, Lucy called, now I can go to sleep knowing how her day went. It was more boring that mine so all is well with the world. Sleep tight kids.

False Alarm pt 2

Apparently I missed all the fun. My friend who is leaving soon said she told her dept to take their purses and calmly exit the building. They looked at her like "Duh?" She reiterated, then they got to the office and my boss (our fearless leader) is screaming "Get out, go, go now."
This is the same woman who asked someone how to dial 911 on a cell phone. Yes, she's blonde. No, she's not stupid, but today she apparently set a precedent for stupidity. Geeeze, I need a new job.
During all the waiting around in the parking lot, I tried to enter the building to pee, it was about to become an emergency, boss told me to take my ass to McDonald's.
Yes, I jumped in the Jeep and went down the street to pee.
Hope I don't have anymore of these days.

False alarm

Annie told me this morning there would be a short power outage at work around 10, just so I'd be prepared when all the battery backups in my office went nuts. (Yeah right, like I'm gonna remember she told me when all hell breaks loose.)
Of course, it didn't happen, and about 10:50 I decided I needed to go Krogering. I'm strolling through the store with my Sour Gummy Lifesavers on my way to check out when Annie calls my cell to find out where the hell I am since the power is now out all over the building, not just the expected area. I'm almost back when cell rings again. This time it's frantic Annie, sparks are shooting out of something in the area where the guys were working. (The part of the plant with all the chemicals.) I pull into the parking lot just in time to see the mass exodus from the building, so of course I have to run to my office to get my camera, just in case.
Hope there were no fires anywhere else since we got 3 trucks for nothing.

Me?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 4 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Stolen from Syd, who got it from Sharon, yadda yadda yadda. I'm drunk bitches, I don't have time to link and whatever. Have a good night, and thank you for not having my name.

Scared a dog

I put the boombox in the utility room when I went out to grill earlier. Betty and Veronica were out there on their respective beds. Betty looked at it, put her ears all up, looked at it again, and ran out into the yard. I was listening to Etta James, so Etta and I are both disgusted with her behavior. Veronica on the other hand, was tapping a paw. Well, she is black, she understands. Betty is just too vanilla for the blues I guess.


I'm also without adult supervison this weekend so anything short of actual pictures of me setting things on fire is not admissable evidence. I swear I wasn't near that place.

Anonymity

As you can probably tell, I'm trying for a bit of anonymity here. I really don't want my family reading my blog. I can hear my mother now..."RAINBOW DANIELLA WOLF!What is all this profanity? You know I raised you better than that." Yes, Mom, you did. But this is me now. I'm sorry.
Recurring characters will be
Lucy - girlfriend
Annie - Roommate
The Widow - good friend
The Princess - Big Gay Boyfriend.
We also have a supporting cast of The Handsome Devil, as seen in "Couch" and Betty and Veronica as yet unposted. Thank you for visiting. Goodnight.

Couch

So last week Annie went to her parents house for dinner, leaving me alone in the house for the first time in forever. I got a beer and the remote and was about to get all comfy on the couch....but The Handsome Devil beat me to it. What a life.

Boring

Lucy abandoned work for the evening and we're watching re-runs of Sex and The City. I'm lulling her into a false sense of security before Dexter comes on. She loves horror movies, but Dexter creeps her out, I don't get it. On the other hand, I can't watch her movies but I love this series. Guess I'll get a cheap feel in here and there before she has to go home and leave me to freeze to death in this freak of a fucking weather event. (Now she's accusing me of using her... would I do such a thing?)

Annie gets her gun

Roomie is now officially named Annie. She declared war on squirrels today, with a pellet pistol.
Unfortunately Annie is blind as a bat and couldn't shoot even if she could see. Squirrels were sitting on the limb raising little placards with scores like -1, 0,-3, and LOSER. A few years ago she actually hit one, I figure he was running to make her feel better and just ran into the bullet, poor guy.

Age ain't nothing but a number....unless it's mine

Yesterday was Lucy's birthday. She's not celebrating. She's now 10 yrs older than when I met her 5 yrs ago. For some reason she felt the need to lie to me about her age. I give a shit how old or young you are if you're fun. She makes me feel 100 sometimes, but other times we're both about 15.
I know I've been on the old train lately, but mostly I really don't give a damn. I've lived longer than I ever thought I would when I was 16, haven't we all? But I digress... and I'm drunk, imagine that.
She didn't know I had a crush on Judi Dench, who is now 72, and my gray hair was still blonde, and I prefer movies from her era than mine, or actually before both of us were born. I'd rather watch "The Philadelphia Story" than "Love Story" anyday. I like the 3 stooges, the Marx Brothers, and Cary Grant. "Grease" is a guilty pleasure, I love that movie.
I'm sure I'll be back to bitching about my lot in life tomorrow, but today, Lucy rules.

The Bank

I went to the bank today. No biggie, happens every week or so. Drive thru, little camera lets them see me, I see them for a few seconds. Young guy shows up "I'll have this right out Mr. Wolf." I'm just thinking geeeze, and I'm not even wearing a ballcap, that's usually when I get called Mister. A few minutes (hours) later, same guy is back on the little screen, "I'm so sorry MISS Wolf, you have a nice day Ma'am." I was more offended at being called "Ma'am" than I was at "Mister." Damn kids anyway.

I'm pissed....

I missed a meal. My favorite bartender was cooking dinner last night. He does comfort food, chicken and dressing, potatoes, casseroles, awesome, fattening, filling..........yum.
I got sick and couldn't go.
There must be a bug going around. Yesterday I felt like I'd had about 15 bacon martinis, (See Syd for that.) Today I woke up in a pool of sweat and almost healed. Roomie did bring me some potato soup from his house so I'm better.
At least I wasn't there to lose money at poker.

Dinner & other shit

Lucy and roomie and I had dinner with The Widow tonight at Bonefish Grill. If you have one in your area, go there now and have the Bang Bang Shrimp. That shit was awesome.

Now Lucy is asking me who I want to have a threesome with since our potential third is out because she's become a man whore. Hmmmmm.
This started because someone I used to know from my before Lucy days got drunk with us and asked about a threesome because she really liked Lucy's ginormous boobs. (They're world famous ya know.) Roomie was insulted she wasn't invited. Poor thing.

So now we're taking applications for a third party, if you're interested please e-mail me and Lucy and I will discuss your potential for thirdality, ( yes I made that word up.)If you're Susan Sarandon, or Queen Latifah, you're automatically approved.
(If you're Judi Dench, it's just me baby, Lucy doesn't have to know.)

Just waiting

I'm waiting for Lucy to call so I can go to bed. Guess I'll tell the story about how we met since I'm here.
I had a personal ad on somewhere, I'd spent a year dating flakes when she came along.We started out as just friends, she wanted someone to hang out with, I wanted someone to get me out of my rut. We talked online quite a bit before meeting, she thought I didn't like her when we finally did meet in person because I was quiet.....she's not. Online I'm very chatty, I type better than I talk any day.
Finally, after a few months of chat and hanging out, we went to a movie. She kept pressing her ginormous boobs against me every chance she got, and I'm wondering if this is for real or if she has balance issues..... I mean really, she kept kinda falling into me, or turning around and there they were. I didn't know what to think.
After consulting a couple of friends, a tarot reader and Mother Teresa I decided she might be actually into me. I was already thinking I liked her ginormous boobs, (I mean her), a whole lot and maybe I wanted to get to know her better so I sent an e-mail pretty much saying "I love your ginormous boobs and would you like to have sex with me?" (I'm such a romantic.) About the same time I got mail from her saying her ginormous boobs really liked me etc, etc, etc.
I just said "Check your e-mail". We had both sent pretty much the same thing to each other. It was cool. So 5 years later, here we are.
And she has enriched my life no end.

One of those days...

Late to work, couldn't find keys when I was ready to leave, actually got there finally and realized I was an idiot about something I should have had done by now. Got that all fixed, yay, go to lunch, got someone else's burrito, kept dropping nachos in the floor, gave up, went to throw that away, dumped shit all over floor. Gonna finish off my milk, little ring from the jug fell in my cup, threw that away too. Finally, got another task done, bragged to roomie that I was a productive member of society today....... and everything went to shit. Printer I fixed earlier wouldn't work, other computer needed help, finally resolved at time to leave for the day. Going to dinner with The Widow at Hooter's of all places. Leave work, almost to cigarette place, starts raining like hell. Gonna pay for smokes with debit card cuz I'm short on cash, machine not working. Buy one pack and come home to let dog out. He doesn't want to go, it's raining. Threw him out anyway.Wade river thru parking lot to pay storage fee for the month, get to Hooter's, and.......waitress is flat chested. Geeeze.
Kidding, she was very nice, I wasn't hungry so mooched off appetizers from the other 2 and roomie and I threw a couple of games of darts afterward. Not a bad night at least.
Yep, I'm bored, I'm sure I'll be back in a minute or two.

I forgot where I was going

Ya'll should be proud of me, I'm doing this drunk from a laptop. Woohoo.
I had a topic and story, but it got left on the doorstep with my last cigarette and freaks going up and down the street between the crackhouses. (ok, not really crackhouses, maybe, it's just not a great neighborhood).
I remembered, aren't you happy? I saw an old friend tonight. She was a bartender way back in the day, I boycotted for 3 months when she got fired. I gained 30 lbs in those 3 months because of her. BITCH. She's great, I'm ok, things are good. She's still young and cute, and I gave up 3 months of drinking for her why???? OCD, oh yeah, I forget I have a touch of that. And control issues, and a tendency to stay too long at a party when I should be sleeping.
Have a good night, it's past my bedtime.

According to American Greetings....

Today is visit your cousin in prison day.
Wish I'd known that earlier.

Warning, sad shit

Today is my sister's 38th birthday. Well, would have been. She died in a car accident at 20.
She was just like Mom. Quiet but not like me. She never met a stranger. I'm the stranger your parents warned you about. M was the middle child, I'm the oldest and B is the youngest, she just turned 32. 3 different girls you'd never meet. I was shy, bookish and a bit dark (ok, still am) M was quiet, but not shy, friendly after the initial meeting, friend for life after that if you weren't a total flake. B is and always has been the spoiled brat with the big mouth. She's the true social butterfly.
B had a baby boy 4 months ago, my first nephew. Hopefully he'll keep me and the rest of the family from going thru our usual holiday depression. I hate Christmas, I don't think that'll change, but maybe it won't be so bad.

Sorry, I'll try to get off the gloom train soon.

Dexter

I just watched a rerun of the new show on Showtime called Dexter. Michael C. Hall, blood spatter expert, serial killer on the side. I liked it. Now I'll have to be home on Sunday night for it. I'm not usually home for tv, or watch much, but I do try to catch CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Without A Trace, Cold Case, The Closer, and Medium. Re-runs work on all plus Crossing Jordan and Dead Zone. Working nights all I got to see was CSI and a couple of others. I guess you see a pattern here, no wonder I like a show about a serial killer.
Yes, I'm the goth kid but goth wasn't even thought of back then so I was just a band nerd. Heh, pretty much the same thing.

Saturday night at home

Hell has frozen over. Lucy and I stayed home. How boring is that? It was soooooo nice. Roomie made comments at breakfast about our sex life that I won't go into because she's mistaken, then she left for like 3 hours tonight. You know what we did? Watched tv, Lucy played yahtzee on her cell phone while I played games and read comics online.
We never get to just relax, she only gets here on weekends because of her job and we're usually running to visit one or both of my parents, sister, etc. Then we have The Princess.......Roomie went out tonight and kept him from pouting too much because he expects us to be there. Every. Freaking. Night. Love him, but Damn.
And just for the record "Domino" ain't all that. Keira Knightley looks really hot, but that's about all.