I laughed

7:15 am, on my way to work. I pulled up to the stoplight next to a van containing a very skinheaded looking guy. "You're The One That I Want" by Travolta and Newton-John was blaring. I laughed my ass off and gave him a thumbs up. I heard a bit of "I Will Survive" at the next light before he sped away.

Some E-mail shit

Everyone I know sent me this last week, ya'll might as well enjoy it too.

What time is it? It's Hammer Time.
What's your full name? Tonight, it's Rainbow Daniella Wolf, tomorrow it just might be Tracy Trollop
What are you most afraid of? Nightmares and Spiders
What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a Theater? Been so long I don't remember.
Place of birth? Armpit, Al
Favorite food? Steak and potato
What's your natural hair color? Dark brown? Red, Black, Gray, blonde? They're all in there.
Ever been to Alaska? Nope, but want to.
Ever been toilet paper rolling? Of course, I'm a redneck Honey.
Love someone so much it made you cry? Don't they all?
Been in a car accident? Have you seen me drive? Hell yeah.
Croutons or bacon bits? Neither
Favorite day of the week? Whatever day I can sleep in.
Favorite restaurant? Depends on the day.
Favorite Flowers? Tulips, they always look so happy.
Favorite sport to watch? I only play a Dyke online, I don't really watch sports. Tennis if I must choose.
Favorite drink? Miller Lite.
Favorite ice cream? Not an ice cream fan, but chocolate.
Disney or Warner Brothers? WB
Ever been on a ship? Yes, to gamble my life away.
How many times did you fail your driver's test? 0, I'm from Armpit, it was 2 questions. 1.You use this to signal a turn ( )hand, ( )stick on steering wheel. 2. You use this to signal the person who didn't signal a turn 1.( ) Middle Finger, 2. ( ) Shotgun. (All answers are correct, they just don't tell you that.)
Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? Someone wanting to sell me something to increase my penis size. Hello? I paid good money for my penis, it's size it just fine thank you.
What do you do when you are bored? Write stupid shit in my blog of course.
Bedtime? Depends on the day.
Favorite TV show(s)? CSI (original) Medium, The Closer, Cold Case, Dexter
Last person you went to dinner with? Me, tonight...we had a great time, I'm hoping for a little something something later.
What are you doing right now besides sitting at the computer? Drinking beer and being stupid.
What are your favorite colors? Green and Black
How many tattoos do you have? Nada.
How many pets do you have? Sharing Annie's 3 dogs at the moment, but Handsome Devil loves me best.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? If I wasn't the chicken or the egg wtf do I care?
What do you want to do before you die? Live a long time.
Have you ever been to Hawaii? Nope, why ya'll picking on Alaska and Hawaii? They can't help it they were late to the party.
Have you been to countries outside the U.S.? Unfortunately, no. (See, a serious answer.)
How many people are you sending this e-mail to? None, I'm blogging the hell out of it.
Time this survey ended? Bedtime

Just because

I'm going to ramble, just because I can, because there's way too much shit in my head.
Food
I skipped lunch today and went to The Dive with the intention of getting a very large, very messy chili cheese dog with the works. I remembered all the food that was sitting here. Dammit.
Lucy got happy at the Chinese place Saturday night. On top of the usual order she got some extra cat with sauce, and cabbage wrapped in pie crust. I have no idea what she was thinking, but I've eaten that shit 2 nights in a row to try to get rid of it. I was raised to not waste food. If I can feed it to the dogs I feel better, but that's not good for them either so.....
Darts
I beat up on Caunck Engineer while I was hanging at The Dive because he was pretty much the only other person there. (I have to quit calling him Cheating Asshole now because he hasn't done that to me in a long time.) An apology of sorts, whatever.
Weather
Dudes and Handsome Devil are saying I might REALLY get blown off the map tonight. I trust Handsome more than the guys, so I only ironed 1 shirt, just in case I don't need one tomorrow. I think I'll go have another beer and oil the bicycle chain just in case I need it later.
Night kids.

It was Monday

I actually got up early (I know, don't faint) since I needed to be at work early. Everything went to hell from there, but it's ok. I'm still employed for the moment.
I got a bit grouchy with the owner because he's a dumbass, but at least there was someone there to back me up, and she hates me so there wasn't a real issue. Other than the fact that he's a dumbass. I can't believe this man is a multimillionaire, he's too stupid to walk around sometimes. Anyway, shaking that off........
I had bunches of beer at The Dive, Annie showed up for a couple and a few games, mainly just to hear me bitch I think.
Lucy called, she talked to my mother since I haven't been real great on that front either. (Yes, I've been avoiding talking to her.) She's doing better, Ritalin didn't work, now she's on birth control pills even though she had all that yanked out at least 20 years ago, it seems to make her feel better.
The Spawn is still mutilating my name just because he's a little shit, I laughed the first time he called me Aunt SSSSSS, when he'd been almost saying my name, so apparently I'm officially that now. I have to go see him this weekend, I think he'll help my mood tremendously.
I had some leftover Chinese food and a huge steak taco made from last night's dinner so I'll probably go to sleep soon. Ya'll have a good night.

Drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk

The ladies all showed up at The Dive to throw darts. That was about 3, I think we got home about 8:30. I grilled steaks, they were good, I'm still drunk.
Lucy is babysitting, I'll be heading to bed soon.
I've been given orders to take my ass to sleep, yeah ok.
We just discussed the fucked up dreams we had last night, she's as crazy as I am.
Later.

The CD

Lucy and I met up with The Princess and Ms. Fox this evening, The Princess was beyond shitty when he got there, thankfully he had a driver.
Among many inappropriate things, like seeing The Dirty Old Man's penis, he told Ms. Fox about the CD Lucy recorded for me.
I had to find said CD when I got home to see what Xmess she gave it to me. I'm going to play it for her when I go to bed.
In 2001, which would be our first Xmess together, I got a CD of Lucy singing "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman." It's all professional with her picture on the cover and everything.
Ms. Fox almost teared up at "how beautiful that was." She hasn't heard Lucy sing......but that's beside the point.
I just played it in the livingroom since Lucy was being nosey and wanted to see what I was saying here. The Handsome Devil did a U shape to look at the player like "What the Fuck?" he's a great critic. I've got to go hide the CD now before she trashes it.
Later kids.

Playing Doctor

Lucy just watched an interactive video about knee replacement. It's pretty cool, you get to pick the tools and do the surgery. She finally understands why she hurts so much, I said ouch quite a few times. Damn. Gotta go hold her for a bit, later kids.

It's happened twice

The phone on my desk rings, I answer. "Are you in your office?"
The second time I almost said "No, I'm riding around in the parking lot", but I didn't. Annie was the culprit both times. I worry about her.

Earlier thoughts

Hey! Sanitation! Yeah, you
It seems there is a scheduling conflict between you and my bladder. There are a limited amount of places I can pee since the "cootie crumb crisis", and you always seem to be cleaning them when my bladder is saying it's time for me to go. Maybe we can rotate your schedule? RIGHT?
Yeah, I think they'll not be there at 9:30 anymore.

Sunshine

I've been in a foul mood lately. I've been a good girl and not gone off on anyone, but I haven't been especially pleasant to be around.
I almost cancelled meeting the girls after work today, I'm glad I didn't.
Hooter's had to put up with me, Annie, The Widow Ms. Fan and Workout Buddy for dinner, we had fun, whatever. With the exception of workout buddy, we went to The Dive to throw darts.
The Girls played with Mr. B while I drank, and he got pissed off about losing, and I played music, and laughed my ass off.
We started over with me and The Widow against Annie and Ms. Fan. We played a bunch of games, but the comments and curses were better than the games. Ms. Fan used language I've never heard from her before, she should be ashamed.
I love the jukebox, you can find anything on there, and almost everything was greeted with "I love this song."
I had fun, and I told them so.
Ms. Fan said she wished she'd met us all (x number of years ago), I politely informed her I would have been 2. We laughed some more.
I'm glad I've found these people, looks like we all needed each other at this time in our lives, and it clicks. I kinda like it.

What a waste

Heath Ledger

I rarely cuss my computer screen over something I read on it, usually I have a better reason.
I said HOLY SHIT when I saw that he was dead. Totally unexpected. He totally got my vote for great actor when I saw Brokeback Mountain, now I'll have to go check out his other stuff. RIP Heath.

Movie Reviews

We had a Girl's night, day, whatever yesterday at Ms. Fan's house. Stoked up a fire and saw a couple of flicks.
The Prestige.....I missed a bit at the beginning because I was doing drink-related shit, but got sucked in. Twists and turns, love those in a movie.
I think I have a bit of a crush on Hugh Jackman now too. Damn. Christian Bale was pretty awesome too, worth a rent if you haven't seen it.
The Order..apparently Ms. Sweet likes religiously themed movies. Heath Ledger was good, I just kept wanting to make Brokeback Mountain references to Lucy, but refrained. Apparently everyone had bad hair and skin in that one, but it was a good story.
Some of us had to work today. Annie dragged me to Friday's where we met up with The Widow and Annie's workout buddy.
We moved on to throw some darts. The Widow and Annie beat the hell outta me and workout buddy. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.

Dammit

Suzanne Pleshette died.
I loved, loved, loved her.

Something in the air

Annie stayed up all night, thwarting my attempts to rectify my unfortunate situation. Bitch.
She then had the nerve to bang on my bedroom door at the ungodly hour of 11am saying (I shit you not) "Get up bitches, I want to go to the toy store." I got dressed and went to work because she and Lucy and toy store scared the hell outta me. They called me 3 times while they were there. Bitches.
I met them at friday's when they were done, discreet bags in the car, so they said, and had a few beers to rinse my mind of what just happened.
I got home first, Annie brought in her booty (and the toys she bought) to show me right off the bat, I hope they'll all be happy together.
Lucy keeps leaving little hearts on my computer that say suggestive shit, I think they'll not be allowed out together again.
I need to go take the softball bat away from Lucy because Annie looks like she might be up all night again. Lucy didn't make out with the shower massage this morning apparently.
Later kids.

I've figured out the the problem

I cut Lucy off because of her knees. Other than a couple of exceptions when I was shitfaced, it's been 4 months 3 days 16 hours and 12 minutes. (but I'm not counting)This means I haven't gotten any in 4 months 3 days 16 hours and 16 minutes (but who's counting?)
When I looked down today and almost got excited over my own cleavage, I realized there was a problem. I said "Damn, what is up with you?" (Ok, I actually said "Shit Girl, you need to wear this bra more often.")
I'll see if I can rectify the situation tonight. My boobs are upset with me, it seems like incest.

I'm slacking

I should have told ya'll Lucy bought me flowers, roses in fact. They're blooming quite nicely. I don't deserve her. She'll be here tomorrow to get me back in line. She's already talked to Mom for me, Mom is good, and put up with my depressed ass for awhile. I don't know if the holidays just caught up with me, or if it's the weather, but I'm pretty much gone. I just don't give a shit. All I want to do is sleep, or drink, and I'm doing vast amounts of both. Tomorrow may be another forgettable Friday. Tune in later to find out.

I Got My Ass Kicked

The Widow beat the hell outta me at darts. I called for reinforcements, Annie showed up.
She got her ass kicked too. I'm glad someone else felt the pain.

Not the post I meant to write

I was at The Dive with The Princess (what else is new) when a woman showed up and was denied service. She came back and said hi to me, talked to The Princess for a minute and left. She called him not long after leaving, they chatted, he told her how to fix the "refused service" part, all good. She called 3 more times before we left and he didn't answer, 2 of those times were asking for my number. I told him I'd kill him if he gave it to her.
Once upon a time, in a place far, far away, and long ago and all that shit... I was single, and miserable, and very recently out of the closet for real dammit. I asked this woman out, in public, in friday's on my 36th birthday. She said maybe, and the dance began. I had a crush. She seemed intelligent, fun, and all that.......turns out she's a fucking nutjob. I met The Princess through her, so it isn't all bad, but anyway.
We saw each other off and on, the first couple of years with Lucy I was still trying to find me, and yes, I told her so, I was dating both of them. That's when I found out this woman is a fucking nutjob.
I feel a bit sorry for her, so does The Princess, but it's really just not worth the effort, she brings shit on herself and doesn't seem to learn from her mistakes.
I'm off to sleep since that seems to be all I want to do lately. Night kids.

What a Tuesday

I went to The Dive after work, because that's my usual rut lately. I threw some darts with Big Guy, he beat the hell outta me, nothing new. Some new people he works with showed up, shit was said, barstool missed me so I was good, more shit was said, pushing was involved, then guys from the bar threw them out.
I'm pretty sure that was less painful than what happened after.

I got stuck between Asshole's girlfriend, who I actually kinda like, and The Canuck Engineer (aka, The Cheating Asshole) while they were talking about relationships.
I got a shot of tequila when I heard "Wanna throw?" It was actually "Cuervo?"
I'm not the brightest bulb in the drawer these days, I'm tired dammit.

I sat there and nodded while they talked to each other about a whole world of shit.

I'm home, Annie should be here, she's not. Dammit.

The best thing about the newspaper

is definitely the Police Blotter.

A burglar, whom police suspected had been drinking and using drugs, stole seven pairs of underwear from a 65-year-old woman living in the 3000 block of Holiday Drive. (I wonder what makes them think he was drinking and doing drugs?)

Someone driving a 1990 white Pontiac Bonneville forced open the door of a Pulaski Pike home and stole a TV, a PlayStation 3, a DVD player, 201 DVDs, an XBox and two bottles of Seagram's 7 and Canadian Mist whiskey. Police recovered all the items, except for the whiskey. (Well Duh, they drank it all before stealing the underwear.)

A Brief update

Friday I degenerated into complete drunken oblivion, I hear I fell into the bathtub, and Lucy has a hickey, prominently placed of course. I seem to have gotten a serious drunk on "WOOHOO", or not.
Saturday, packed up, went to Ms. Fan's house where I bartended because I could not throw a dart to save my life. Food, fun, drinks, all good. I passed out before anyone, but oh well. Spent today there, she has a comfy house and likes the company.
I'm now home, and must sleep to get my ass to work tomorrow so I don't get fired and shit. Later kids.

Yep, it's a Friday

Lucy showed up, we went to The Dive for Ms. Dart Bitch's Birthday. It degenerated into a whole bunch of shit.
We took BK home and he lost his cookies on the way. No, really, he bought cookies at the store. Lucy and I were talking about sex when he got back in the car, and he dropped his cookies. We dropped him off and came home, me riding backseat, and sat in the driveway for a bit, listening to 80's music, Lucy is so much more 60's.
We're having a sleepover tomorrow night at Ms. Fan's House, Lucy is working on the cake stuff to make it all special.
We'll be rocking out to Amy Winehouse, Michael Kim, and Golden Earring, we will rock.
Rock me gently, rock me slowly...........
Night kids.

I took a ME Day

Ok, I woke up with the alarm, hit snooze, woke up again at 9 said "Fuck" and decided I didn't really want to go to work today. 3 Days of Mondays (and a late night with Mr. Perfect) caught up with me. I took a day off.
The weatherdudes were saying we were going to get blown off the map today and The Handsome Devil doesn't like storms, so fuck it, I stayed home and vegged out. It was nice. I got a bit of stuff done, like laundry and dishes, chilled the fuck out, and got over my hangover.
Mom called (for the second time since I didn't answer the first) to tell me her CT Scan is tomorrow and make me feel bad for taking a day off because I should spend those days with her, but that's another story.
I went out this evening to meet The Princess, he and I threw the most awful darts in the history of the world against The Widow and Ms. Dart Bitch, but oh well. We had Chinese delivered to The Dive and I brought that home to Annie since she worked today and worked out tonight, she's so dedicated.
I'm gonna watch some tv and take my ass to bed since I have to work tomorrow to see what kind of mess they got into when I wasn't there. Ya'll have a good night.

I Saw a Guy

He's beautiful, funny, intelligent, and was once a bartender at Friday's.
He and I threw darts badly, then he dragged me to the bar for shots and conversation.
He told me what he thought of me, and I was amazed someone ever thought those things.
He thinks I'm strong because I was in a mostly straight place, just being me.
I never thought about it, I AM just me.
He thinks it's a big deal that I'm just me.
According to him, we all lump together or something, and I'm special because I don't.
I don't feel special, I'm still just me. Like me or not, I don't care.

Mom's a kid again?

Mom hasn't been feeling well. In fact she's been in worse shape than before she found out about the cancer, or while she was doing the treatment.
She saw Dr. Oncologist today who is setting up her scans to make sure she's cancer free and all and Dr. said she shouldn't be feeling this bad, her energy should be back, yadda, yadda, yadda. She gave her a scrip for Ritalin, supposedly it will boost her energy levels. I didn't know it did that to old people, maybe I need some.
In other news, Lucy called while I was doing this, I think I set a new record. I was called "Bitch" 6 times in 20 minutes. I'm on a roll.
Night kids.

Cheap Entertainment

Annie and I met a bunch of people at The Dive for gumbo and football tonight. I have no idea who was playing, but the gumbo was excellent.
The Princess and I played grab ass, show ass, lots of drunken ass amidst games with Ms. Fan, The Widow, Annie, and Annie's workout buddy, who totally kicked ass as my partner.
I believe the last ass of the evening was me showing mine, literally, so we had fun. I got home with my belt undone, I assume that was from mooning The Princess, bitch.
I'm now taking my ass to bed, ya'll have fun.

Text messages

Lucy: R U home?
Me: No, I'm in bed with a cheap whore
Lucy: Ok, couldn't you find a classy one?
Me: Could only afford The Princess
I got a call soon after.

My very own soap opera

Yeah, like this blog isn't one anyway.
Ms. fan has the hots for The Dirty Old Man, so does Ms. Sweet if you get down to it. The Widow is gonna try to diffuse the situation because really, it's getting out of hand. The Dirty Old Man lives by his own rules. He flirts, but doesn't mean it, and says outrageous shit that we live with because it's him.
The Ladies don't know him well enough to know these things. He's attractive, single, and suggestive, so they think it's something when he says things to them. It's not.
I've known him for 20 something years, before and after his marriage, divorce, jobs, no jobs, raising his kids, he's a great guy really. He just has no desire to be in a relationship. The Ladies are just looking for "a man." I feel sorry for all of them.

Margaritas and eggs?

The Princess kidnapped Annie early this morning to go to breakfast at a mexican restaurant. I slept through the kidnapping and Lucy and I managed to sleep most of the morning away. Annie sent me a text about 1:30, 2 bars later apparently, she needed to be rescued. We picked her up, got some real (slow) food at Friday's, saw a few friends and came home. Lucy and I went back out around 6 to meet The Princess for some darts, he was a wee bit trashed by then. Ms. Dart Bitch and New Guy made a foursome for a couple of games, then Princess left so I beat Ms. Dart Bitch 2 games which made me happy. She's good so it makes me feel good to beat her, especially when I'm not really throwing well. Lucy and I then picked up some Krystals and came home to feed Annie again. Lucy was watching "Surf's Up" on her computer, I got into it too, it wasn't bad. I still don't know what penguins were doing in a jungle, but anyways. Spawn will probably get that movie.
Real exciting times, think I'll go to bed soon. Night kids.

Almost forgot. I put on the jeans and shirt Mom got me for xmess and Lucy decided "Dang, you cute enough to take out in public." That's why I got dinner at Friday's.

I compromised

I only stayed up half the night.
I'm on a mission to kill Lucy at the moment, if anyone wants to join me you're more than welcome.
When I said her heart was ok, I meant it was working. She has an issue with fluid buildup that she's blaming on her knees right now. It's not all her knees. She's not taking the meds to help with that.
I had a mini meltdown earlier because she and Mom are fucking killing me. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that they're both sick, and Lucy is just oblivious to everything.
I'm gonna go have a shot and take my ass to bed.

Wants and Needs

I Need to go to bed.
I Want to go get some more beer and stay up all night.
At the moment, it's anyone's guess which I'll choose.
Nevermind, I found more beer.

Doggie dissing

Apparently the girls next door really hate Betty. I don't know why. I went out to smoke and they barked, stood up on the fence, I petted them, all was well. The Handsome Devil was out scratching his ass like he always does when he gets outside and it was quiet. Betty came over to say hi to the girls and they went fucking nuts, barking and snarling at her through the fence. Bitches. I told Betty they were just jealous she has a better home and The Handsome Devil as a housemate. Bitches I say, I won't pet them again.

Movie and champagne

We left The Dive relatively early, ok I have no idea when we left. Lucy drove us to Ms. Fan's house in the short bus where we ate, drank and watched Hairspray. It wasn't bad, the girls loved it, I just kept comparing it to the movie, which isn't fair, so we'll say it was 4 of 5.
I poured champagne at midnight so I know we were in fairly early, and helped Lucy into the mammoth bed with the steps sometime later. Ms. Fan wasn't thinking when she did sleeping arrangements, but it worked out too.
A group effort was made to cook breakfast, it was all quite tasty, and we hung out watching movies and football most of the day. Good times.
I made cornbread and cheated on the beans and greens and opened cans, it was still edible so we're good.
Now, it's back to business as usual, in the fucking freezing cold. It's not supposed to be this cold in Alabama ya'll. Damn.
Anyway, hope everyone had a good holiday. Later.

Cleavage and more

A bar buddy

Yours truly

The beer is usually a clue it's me.

The Princess

Lucy, relatively cleavageless, I don't know what got into her.

A great time was had by all and at least most of us didn't feel like shit on toast yesterday so it was all good. We hung out most of the day at Ms. Fan's house, drinking mimosa's, eating and shooting the shit. Too bad I had to come back to hell today.